Disclaimer: Okay we all know that I'm not JK and I have no idea what's going to happen in the next book and that I only have 5 dollars instead of 5 gazillion...and that even though it would be very kool if I had thought of the plot and characters of the series we all know that I am not nearly as brilliant as she is...sigh...
A/N: Okay listen up people...This is a WARNING! If you do not like self mutilators and get screamy and fidgetty over things of the sort then I suggest you press the back button. This fic deals with serious stuff and it does not suggest that the way out of personal problems is the way that is practiced here. I just thought I should make it clear. I don't want any flames saying that it shouldn't be in my story because there are others that do have this occuring in their plot. So please if you don't like it and have a problem with these typesituations then simply don't read it.
...You have been warned...
To everyone else...Enjoy!
I Won't Let You Win
"Tom…" A fait whisper came from a scarlet four-poster canopy bed right next to the window that over looked a dark and still quidditch pitch.
Beyond the closed curtains a small red head was tossing and turning, with her sheets nearly falling from the edge of her bed. Cold wet beads were forming on her forehead while her body trembled from the daft that was sent from the large frosted window. Her auburn hair lay tousled and spread out on her white pillowcase from all her movement.
As she rolled over on her stomach, tears started to run from her shuteyes onto her pillow where they disappeared and left a damp circle in return. Sniffles could be heard as she went through the same nightmare she did for 4 years, in an empty dorm room. Then a sudden gust of frigged December wind rattled the window as if it would shatter into a million pieces, but it stood strong.
The bitter wind sent a new wave of shivers though out her frozen body. The trembling increased as her sniffles grew louder and her tears fell more frequently.
"No…stop…please…" escaped her pink lips as she rolled over on her back, causing the sheets to fall completely from her bed to the floor and her tears rolled down her rose tinted cheeks leaving a salty track behind them.
And then for the first time that night her body lay paralyzed. If it wasn't for her quick ragged breath escaping her barely parted lips, someone would have thought she was dead. Maybe she was better off that way.
Just then another cold gust of wind came over her body and ended her temporary paralysis making her shudder.
"I…I thought you loved…me…" another plea came.
Her words fell out of her mouth as she started to sound like she was becoming weak. Her jagged breathing became more rapid and raspy, coughing as her breath got caught in her throat. This sudden distress caused her to wake with a sudden start.
Ginny Weasely hurriedly searched her night table for her wand to get rid of the eerie darkness that was surrounding her.
"Lumos," she said, hushed.
With that the tip of her wand lit dimly but still it was better than being in the complete darkness and being alone.
Rubbing her somewhat sunken eyes from such a restless sleep, she felt the rivers of dried tears going all the way down her cheeks.
She got up from her bed to pick up her sheets knowing they would be there like they always where. Walking by the vanity mirror she noticed how pale she was and how flushed she had become. She would have discarded those facts but she also noticed how her eyes had huge bags under them. That was something she wasn't used to. It could have been because this specific nightmare wasn't exactly like the others, mind you it was the same, but just…different.
Everything seemed so real, which made the haunting visions ten times as worse than her normal ones. This scared the shit out of Ginny.
Ginny walked over to her trunk and tried to open it but couldn't because her fingers wouldn't stop trembling from fright. Her fingers were stumbling with the locks but she managed to open it with great effort. Then she started to rummage through her trunk searching for some sweatpants and a sweater to replaced her thin cloth nightgown.
Finding what she was looking for she numbly pulled on her grey sweatpants, which used to be Ron's until he grew out of them. Then she pulled off her nightgown and substituted it with a black sweater, which used to be Charlie's.
Even with her replacements Ginny was still trembling uncontrollably. All she wanted was for them to stop. For 4 years of her life, these nightmares have haunted her. Making her scared to go to sleep every night. Making her terrified of the dark, frightening every bone in her body when in small dark places. Freezing the blood in her very veins with just the mention of his name, even if they weren't referring to Tom Riddle at all.
All the nights she stayed up, afraid to sleep, she stayed up thinking about the night that started it all.
Ginny walked over and made her bed then sat in the middle of it cross legged, sinking into her neatly placed sheets. She watched the moonlight spill onto the wooden floor and trailing long enough until it went onto the mat beside her bed. The eerie glow that was coming from the now cloud covered moon was making Ginny fidgety and nervous.
It was amazing how Tom still had a hold on Ginny after all these years. In her nightmares she could hear his voice in her head just like her first year. She could feel his cold hands on her skin as she lay there in a puddle of cold water. She could feel her strength and living getting drained out of her, as everything turned black. She could taste his cruel lips when he savagely kissed her for the last time.
Fresh hot tears fell down her face as she reminisced all those confusing thoughts going through her mind.
He hurt her so much. Her first love had used her, torn her apart and laughed about it. She felt like she was a worn out toy that was just tossed in a closet behind boxes because she had no use left in her.
Her broken heart and soul ached with sheering pain, as a harsh breeze fell on her body reminding her more of the chamber.
"I won't let you take me," she said in a whisper dedicated to Tom.
"I won't let you win. Not this time," she said in a trembling voice.
She tried to sum up all the grace she could but failing miserably and stumbled out of her bed, getting caught on an imaginary hook causing her to tumble onto the unusually cold floor. She couldn't pick herself up, there was no strength left in her already tattered body.
Ginny felt so helpless. She was letting him control her being, body, and mind but she wouldn't let him win. She promised herself that.
Her body quivered so much that her legs wouldn't let her walk at all, so she crawled her way over to her trunk. She rummaged around until she reached the bottom and retrieved her sweet salvation.
Her pitch black rag had unseen stains tainted all over it. Kind of like her unspoken torment defiling the cleanliness of the cloth. Opening it slowly she heard a clattering sounds of something metal hitting the floor and glimmering in the moonlight. Glancing down she slowly reached out her small quivering hand and picked up her favorite object over her Hogwarts years.
Twirling it between the fingers of her left hand, she aimlessly wiped away her tears with her right hand, breathing in a shaky sigh. This was her way of dealing, another secret to her mystery life. No one was or will be there to help her, so she had to help herself.
Fresh new tears spilt down her face, knowing that they weren't going to go away easily; she left them free to fall wherever they pleased.
Closing her eyes briefly, trying to gain control over herself, she started to see scenes of the chamber flashing through her mind as if she was watching a slide show. Ginny bit her bottom lip hard causing crimson blood to seep into her mouth. She opened her eyes widely just to stop the mind-flash show.
"You took my innocence away…" she whispered with pure hatred in her voice.
"You made me much older than I should be. You exposed me to a world of darkness, which I didn't need to be aware of at such a young age, and you left me there."
No matter how much she wanted them to, her tears just wouldn't stop. Her rugged breath caught in her throat for the second time that night. The pain just wouldn't go away. It wasn't going to stop or cease. She got used to that a long time ago.
"Hello Ginevera," a voice said in her head.
"NO! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME THE BLOODY HELL ALONE!" She screamed, tears falling to the floor like water from a tap.
He was controlling her. In her head. Controlling her emotions, her mind, everything.
She took firm grip of her scissors and made a swift cut, digging the blade, deep into the plain flesh of her arm. She couldn't bare it. She couldn't stand taking such pain without causing any to herself.
The feeling of the blade ripping into her skin was enough to make anyone faint with disbelief but not for Ginny. Instead of stopping with the instant bleeding that was running slowly down her arm and onto the floor, she just merely brushed it off and made another jagged slice right below the other.
Through out all of this Ginny's tears never stopped or let up for even a second. Her mind and memories were haunting her and it seemed like there was absolutely nothing else or no one to help her. She had to do this herself.
She could only imagine the face of Ron, Hermione, Harry and her family looking at her with utmost disgust. They would cast her out; even more than they did now and then they would look at her as a disgrace to the wizarding kind.
Finally dropping her scissors with her third and final cut she sat there looking at her crimson blood flowing freely mixing with her salty tears. She stared at them for what seemed like hours and never moved an inch.
As if someone had snapped their fingers, Ginny suddenly came out of her trance realizing that her arm has become numb just like her whole body.
She slowly moved her left hand towards her rag to clean up the little puddle her blood made on the floor and then she slowly and carefully daubed her cuts with a dry spot on her towel.
Gradually getting up Ginny made her way over to the bathroom and rang out her rag in the sink. Little droplets momentarily stained the white porcelain sink until she turned the cold water on to wash away the evidence. Giving her rag a quick rinse in the sink, she then made her way back into the room, picked up her wand off the bed and simply dried the rag, and put it back into her trunk along with her scissors with two simple flicks of her wrist.
Ginny got back into her bed making sure to keep her wand lit and by her side. Taking one look at her cuts she promised herself to remember them. She took in ever feature they preserved while laying on her arm. From her red irritated skin, which would put any shade of Ron's anger to shame, to the little bit of blood that was trying to peek out. Ginny new that even though she promised herself that she wouldn't let Tom win, she already had, a long time ago. Ever since the summer before her second year. Ever since she started. Her body was a whole reminder dedicated to him. Dedicated to someone who never cared, to someone who never gave a damn and never would.
That's what hurt her the most. She spent so much time thinking about him, feeling him, dreaming of him and he would never return the favor. No one would want her now. Not with her body tattered and bruised. Not with her impurity and shattered innocence. Not with anything that she had to offer, which was nothing. She did this all for him. She cried, lied, defended and now bled just for him. For his sick being and cruel words whispered every time she dreamt. She was helpless and nothing but a shadow any more.
And with all this playing in her mind Ginny realized it for the first time. For the six years she had been fighting the thought of Tom Marvolo Riddle, she had given him the key to letting him win ever since she first opened his diary.
There we have it. Just a one shot. I hope everyone liked it.Tell me what you think...:)