Disclaimer: I don't own the song Better Than Me it belongs to the band Hinder, which kicks ass hardcore! I won the storyline, I got this idea it just popped in my head the second i heard this song!
Better Than Me
Tommy clenched the paper in his fist, her face crumpling with it. Her face becoming another shrouded memory in his head. Something he couldn't quite forget. It'd be so long since he'd seen her. She'd seen the hurt in his face when she'd placed the kiss on his forhead. She'd seen his heart break, she'd felt it follow her as she walked away from him, her tears falling down her face. Putting his head down between his knees as he sat Tommy sighed. She'd been his. She was so beautiful, she still was. But he'd lost her. He'd lied one too many times, he'd taken her patience and love for granted. Her final words were so painful he hated to recollect them. "I can't be lied to anymore Tommy, I can't be another girl in bed and I can't be someone else anywhere else. I'm me, that's not enough for you. I need something better than that."
-I think you can do much better than me, After all thel ies that I made you believe. Guilt kicks in and I start to see the edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be.-
Shaking his head with the tears that were beginning to form he lifted his head, his eyes fixating on the framed photos of the two. The inseperable friends, the couple. Jude Harrison and Tom Quincy, together forever. Tommy chuckled a bit before realizing he was crying, that the laughter was his shoulders shaking from his racking sobs that he had realized had begun. He missed her. She'd been his one his only, he loved her, he needed her. Staring about him he noticed the clothing scattered, the broken vodka bottles, the empty cigarette boxes. The signs of a broken man. The place at the edge of the bed where she'd lay out their pajamas before they'd get ready for bed or the way she was so innocent and so knowledgable drove him insane that those little things weren't their anymore. He never woke up to the smell of strawberry kiwi bottle blonde hair in his face anymore or her giggling smile as they raced to the shower or breakfast. She was gone...and he knew it was good for her...
-I told myself I won't miss you but I remembered what if feels like beside you, I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes.-
He knew why she left, he knew that all those parties and girls weren't real for him, he knew that Jude was sitting at home waiting for him to pay an ounce of attention to her. They'd waited so long to be together but by the time they could be he'd gotten so caught up in trying to force her away he continued to do it. He continued to lie and cheat and say things to her that because she love dhim believed. Tommy felt hot tears falling faster down his cheeks landing on bare thighs. She was gone and she deserved whoever she ended up choosing. She deserved her number one spot for her two albums, she deserved everything in the entire world that would make her happy. Because it was all better than him, ever ounce of it.
-And I think you should know this you deserve much better than me.-
It'd been difficult walking into G-Major the day after she left, she disappeared and went on a surprise tour with Mason, anything to get away from the pain and memories and tears he knew he'd caused. Why couldn't he see what he was doing when he was doing it?
Tommy sat down and pulled a cardboard box from under his bed, the lid and handles were worn from being opened and closed so many times. Pulling out each item slowly and carefully he sucked in air slowly, all the pain and memories rushing back again as theydid each time he saw the box or opened it.
-While looking through your old box of notes I found those pictures I took that you were looking for.-
Tommy stared into the box seeing the tons of notes bundled together by a rubberband, Attatched to them was a note asking for a few pictures of the two, they were from a photo booth at the mall, the mall being a place he'd never forget. That was the first time he'd kissed Jude in public for all to see, for the press to see. They'd had a field day with it, it just made Jude fall deeper in love with him, not knowing that in the end it would be her alone and Tommy alone in two different worlds. Tommy had kept half the pictures providing Jude with a small memory for herself, he wanted her to move on to something so much better than the liar he'd become.
-If there's one memory I don't want to lose that time at the mall you and me in the dressing room.-
Rubbing his eyes, pushing tears back Tommy shoved things side to side in the box, studying each item carefully and slowly. He didn't want to miss one memory. He wanted to remember everything and yet he wanted so badly to let it go.He wanted to let her go and not miss her, not feel a heartache and guillt and pain everytime he thought of her or heard her voice on the radio or saw her picture. But he couldn't ever really escape it, it was always there. Haunting him, making sure he knew what he did so that he could feel even a stitch of what he'd done to Jude. He did.
-I told myself I won't miss you, but I remembered what it feels like beside you. I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes. And I think you should know this you deserve so much better than me.-
Tommy shoved the lid back on the box, the memories and pain becoming too overwhelming. Shoving the box back under the bed he walked himself quickly to the bathroom and locked the door, splashing his face with cold water. Back to earth he was hoping, but he knew he was on a whole other planet at that point. He wasn't all there. Jude was his cloud nine, his one and only. He'd never love again he knew that for certain. He just didn't want to admit it just yet. With a sigh he unlocked the door and went to his room. Staring at the bed they'd shared he leaned against the door frame. Their bed.
Rubbing his forhead he stripped on his shirt and left himself in boxers, lying down in the bed he shut his eyes, hugging her pillow close. Maybe she'd left some of her scent, anything to say she'd been there besides his empty memories. Anything to say that she still cared even a little bit. Tommy had to wonder how he could've been so blind to not see that she was always there. Why couldn't he realize that the girls at the parties were nothing compared to the girl at home waiting, believing all the lies he fed her? Why'd he have to tell her they were done and over with when he knew they weren't? Why'd he go sleep on the couch and convince her he didn't care and let her get so deep that in the end she said what she said?
-The bed I'm lying is getting colder, wish I never would've said it's over. And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older, cause we never really had our closure.-
She had said those things during their last fight. The last time he saw her. In the middle of the street outside their apartment. He'd watched her walk away getting into her mustang and driving away. They'd never said goodbye or we'll talk later. They'd just abruptly ended it. Yet another chance for the press to have a hayday. Tommy sniffled and sucked in, anothr lost memory.
-This can't be the end, I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes and I think you should know this, you deserve so much better than me.-
With faultering breath and choked sobs Tommy shut his eyes tight, let the pillow go and curled into a ball. His tears subsided and his heartrate returned to normal. But in his head Jude continued to stand, never leaving him. Her smile and then her heartbroken face as she walked away, tears falling down her face and her blowing in the wind. It killed him. Just another normal night for Tom Quincy. Because he's a shell except for Jude. Tom Quincy loves Jude Harrison...Tom Quincy wants to die. He clenches his fists and falls into a fitful sleep.
Just another normal night for Tom Quincy, broken man.
-I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes and I think you should know this, you deserve so much better than me.-