UNICORNS AND DONNIE DARKO
About: Missie has a dream one night, and this is her recalling it to Marik andAlister the next day! Enjoy!
Okay, so we were driving in my car…well, I was driving and you two were just riding along, you know?…because Alie had hurt his knee and we were taking him to the hospital. And I know how to get to the hospital because we live in a small town, but I guess I must've taken a wrong turn because we ended up on this dusty dirt road like you see in Kentucky.
Alie was all flustered and was like, "I busted my knee and you took a wrong turn!" And Marik started laughing so Alie hit him. And then I started laughing, but I'm a chick so Alie just settled for throwing a napkin at me. It didn't hurt.
All of a sudden, though, we see this unicorn crossing the street ahead of us. So I stopped the car and cried, "Holy shit, a unicorn!"
"It's probably just a horse with a horn super-glued to its head," Marik reasoned as him and I excited the car. But we went and examined the horse and it turned out that the horn was real. So Marik yelled for Alie to hobble over to us because the unicorn was real! And then the unicorn was like, "Of course, I'm real," and we were like, "…OH MY GOD!" 'cause it was a talking unicorn. And it started talking to us and said that it's name was Bartholomew and that we seemed like nice people.
Somehow, it managed to convince the three of us to climb onto its back and it started flying us around while "A Whole New World" from Aladdin played in the background. And the unicorn zipped us all over the world, so it was like around the world in 3:26 minutes, or however long that song is. Then, we landed back in front of my car and were like "Awesome, dude!" But then, Bartholomew got shot and we screamed 'cause some idiot killed the unicorn! And these three dudes came out of the trees wearing rabbit costumes like in Donnie Darko but with three Franks. They were like, "Sorry, stray bullet," so we shot them in the eye like in the movie 'cause we were still pissed off about the unicorn.
Suddenly, a voice booms above that says, "Well Done!" and we're made the owners of a brothel and we all have pointy ears and extremely long hair like Legolas, except Alie and I have the wrong hair colour. We hang the dead Franks from a tree and leave them there and become billionaires from our brothel. All of a sudden, these policemen show up and are like, "Why are dead men in rabbit suits hanging from that tree?" and we explain that they killed Bartholomew the unicorn! So the police feel that it's due justice and head outside and hit the dead Franks with sticks like piñatas. And then the Franks' eyeballs fell out and the cops ate them and said that they tasted like Skittles.
We found that kind of strange.
Then the cops all started having mad sex with one another in the brothel, but it was hot because the cops were all toned and young and hadn't been eating too many donuts. Then, everyone got drunk and started singing "Morning Train" like in Eurotrip.
Then, I woke up with a smile on my face.
The end.