I do not own Legend of Dragoon. I also don't own Kyle Malcallum or Kelvis Draken or my friends. They own themselves. I own Kiako Ornitier.

ʓʓʐ This means a new paragraph or section.

Please enjoy and thanks for reading!

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The group made their way from the castle back to town in to Slambert square. When they walked past the doors the house was filled with a homey smell and the fireplace crackled. Kiako looked up at the ceiling and commenced jumping up and down with her hands stretched out into the air.

"What are you doing?" Dart asked staring.

"I'm...trying... to see... if I... can touch... the...ceiling!" she grunted jumping up again and took a few breaths, "He has a pretty high ceiling!" Kyle looked up seeing the ceiling be almost 30 feet up.

"She's got a point."

"Mom! I'm home!" Lavitz called.

Everyone looked at each other, "Mom...?"

An Elderly woman came from out of a room, her face light up with joy at the sight of Lavitz.

"Oh you're home! I'm so happy to see you! I was so worried!"

"Don't worry mom, things may have been a bit rough, but we still beat the Sandora soldiers!" Lavitz said proudly.

"What about Hellena?" Dart said.

"I don't wanna worry my mom... So don't say anything!" Lavitz whispered to us then turned to his mother shrugging innocently, "I have no idea what he's talking about." Lavitz's mom seemed happy with the answer and spotted Shana.

"Ooh! You brought a bride home! Oh my big baby!" she said happily and pulling on Lavitz's cheek.

"Mom!" Lavitz was red from embarrasment and seeing a 20 or 30 something year old Knight blush made it even funnier.

"Heh heh, good luck Shana." Dart chuckled.

"Shana is Dart's sweet heart!" Lavitz quickly said.

"I...I'm Dart's girl friend. Yes. He's my boyfriend." Shana said after a moment. Kiako was the only one with the reaction of an...

"EH!"

"HUH? WHEN?" Dart said taking a step back in shock. Kyle did yet another eye roll.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Lavitz's mom said and spotted Kyle, "Are you his bride then?"

"What? NO! Just because I have long hair, doesn't mean I'm a chick!" Kyle exclaimed clutching his shoulder length hair.

"Hey! Don't you yell at my mother!"

"Mama's boy."

"Scum."

"Well, you're gay with Albert." Kyle countered back.

"I am not! Mom, tell him I'm straight!" Lavitz cried pointing accusingly at Kyle.

"Well if you're not his bride, and you're not..." Lavitz's mom pointed to Kiako, "Then she must be!"

"Mruah?" Kiako took a step back and stumbled over the rug, "Bride? But, I'm only 14 years old..."

"Oh she's a different species, and so young too!" Lavitz's mom said examining Kiako, "Well, you certainly have strange taste in women my little asparagus." Everyone cocked their eyebrows at Lavitz.

"Asparagus?"

"What? I like the color green."

"What's your name?"

"Kiako..."

"Well, my Lavitz may be stubborn and odd at some times, but he's very loyal and sweet natured." Lavitz's mother said, "Please take care of him."

Kiako looked stunned for a moment then smiled, "I will."

"Mom, she's not my bride..."

"Of course! Not yet! Not until she passes..." Lavitz mother suddenly turned from the cute little lady into a devil that matched the devil himself. "THE THREE TRIALS!" Thunder cracked in the background while everyone stood there gawking at her, shocked at the sudden violence.

The only sound was Kiako's feebly whimpering. Lavitz groaned slapping his forehead. As he knew from the past, once his mother had an idea in her head there was no helping it.

"Ok! You must cook, clean, and shop!" Lavitz's mother ordered.

"She's... Harsh for an old woman." Kel said, "I feel bad for Kiako."

"Yeah, me too." Shana agreed. Lavitz's was too embarrassed to come out and instead hid under the coffee table in shame.

ʓʓʓ

ROUND 1! SHOP TIL YA DROP!

"First, you must go shop for ingredients that will make a edible and tasteful lunch for Lavitz and his friends." Lavitz's mother instructed. Kiako was too scared to answer and just nodded. "Good! The budget will be 600 gold."

"600? Isn't that a little... Short?" Lavitz asked.

"Nonsense! A good wife must be a good shopper as well, and that means not spending every penny on something that shouldn't have cost so much!" his mother lectured and shoved Kiako outside with a basket and a bag of gold, "Good luck dear!"

Kiako almost fell on her face from the shove and straightened out her clothes.

'Jeez, what a fussy women. Gotta give her credit for caring so much for Lavitz though.' she thought with a slight frown. She shrugged it off. Might as well make a good impression while she was at it.

Lavitz watched though the bay window as Kiako trotted off into the market looking like Mary Sunshine. He turned to his mother.

"Mom, sometimes I wish you wouldn't do that..." Lavitz said sitting down with a sigh beside Kyle on the couch.

"Well it never hurts to be careful." his mother said watching as the catgirl disappeared from sight, "So, tell me, what do you see in that girl?"

"Mom, she's not..." Lavitz stopped when his mother gave him one of her most frightening smiles he'd ever seen in his whole life, "She's very..."

"Meek." Kyle said.

"Polite." Shana said sipping some coffee from a small tea cup.

"Loyal." Kel added.

"Hyper active." Dart chipped in.

"Bold."

"Scardy cat."

"Optimistic."

"Pessimistic."

"CLUMSY." they all said in unison.

"Oh, is that what you all see in her?"

Everyone shrugged and looked at Lavitz, who had retreated under the coffee table once again in the fetal position.

Kiako looked over a stand filled with eggs and an assortment of other strange food. She had gotten vegetables, flour and a jar of some sort of already made chicken broth. Kiako was starting to really appreciate the wonders of the super market. Like Superstore and Costco, where shopping wasn't so hard. At least the chicken broth was already made.

There was some clucking and she turned her head seeing a small group of chickens pecking at the seeds on the ground. She smiled at them and choose a dozen eggs. When she turned back at them all the chickens now had their brows furrowed at her into a hard stare.

"Eh... Sir, your chicken's are glaring at me..." Kiako said uneasily. The man peered over the counter.

"Huh, odd, they never did that before."

A bunch of cries that matched a Death chorus from Mayfil roared up and Kiako turned on her heel taking off down the street back to Lavitz's house with a mob of chickens at her heels clucking furiously at her.

"WHY ME!" Kiako cried trying to protect the basket of her groceries and the small bag of left over gold from the winged demons of the barn.

Kyle's head lifted from the throw cushion of the couch as he slowly woke up from his nap.

"Kyle, what's wrong?" Dart asked.

"I could swear I heard a blood curdling scream." Kyle yawned.

"I didn't hear anything."

There was a shreik and a long string of swears and curses of Chinese, Japanese, Spanish and English.

"Now that, I heard." Lavitz said and opened the front door to check what the commotion was. A giant orange furball knocked into him and backed into the door slamming it shut. Everyone stared at the feather covered Kiako that was huffing by the door trying to catch her breath.

"Oh! You're back! You even brought groceries! What a good girl." Lavitz's mother said cheerily while taking the basket from Kiako's shaking hands," Oh, you even brought a fresh chicken!"

"Chicken?" Kiako looked down between her feet seeing a white chicken clucking and pecking at the unconcious Lavitz's head, "Why won't you leave me alone!"

"BA-KAW!"

ʓʓʓ

ROUND 2! THE COOK OFF!

"Ok dear, this is the kitchen!" Lavitz's mother said leading everyone inside, "You must cook a meal with the ingredients you bought in under an hour at the most!"

"Um, Mother, don't you think that's a little short ti-" Lavitz's didn't have time to finish as his mother took a frying pan and knocked him out with it. Dart, Shana, Kyle and Kel all backed into the corner of the kitchen as a small ghost hovered above Lavitz's body wailing about how much pain it was in.

"Oh dear Lavitz! Are you ok? You must've hit your head on the counter!" she cried, "Kel, Dart, be a bunch of dears and help carry him to the couch, Kyle you may need to help too."

"My doctor advised me against heavy lifting." Kyle said until Lavitz's mom picked up the frying pan again, "Going!"

Lavitz's mom turned to consult with Kiako and saw the poor girl's eyes were dilated with fear as she was trembling. Even the chicken that followed then in was scared!

"I'll... Start cooking..."

Kiako put the chicken broth into a pot to boil and poured some flour into the counter then broke 3 raw eggs into the moutain as the eggs made a small bowl out of the flour. Then she poured some water into the moutain of flour and checked to see if anyone was in the kitchen. When she saw no one, she sighed in relief.

"Alright, this'll be easy." she said outloud pulling up her sleeves and placing her hands over the flour. A blue aura glowed around her hands and she concentrated her chakra/life energy in. It turned into a small ball and she rotated her arms into a swirling motion. The chakra started to mix the ingredients together making a kind of dough. Now, to knead the dough. She started to wrap the dough into a clean cloth and heard a cluck. The chicken was glaring at her.

"What're you looking at?" she snapped. The chicken jumped up headbutting Kiako and knocking her over. She jumped to her feet as the chicken charged at her again and held the dough up in front of her as a sheild. Over and over the chicken tried to body slam Kiako then finally, gave up and sat itself back down into a basket.

Well, at least the dough was kneaded. She then, chinese style as she had learnt from her grandfather, tossed the dough into the air to make strands of dough. She did everything she remembered. Checked the broth, made a new pot of boiling water and chopped some vegetables to put in with the broth without cutting herself in the process.

She wiped her forehead and sighed. Now the hard part. She turned to the chicken, who was still glaring at her. She paced in front of it for a few moments and suddenly turning around at the chicken shouting in the chickens face.

The chicken just glared.

Everyone in the living room jumped at the sudden screaming.

"What on earth was that?" Lavitz said sitting up with an ice pack on his head that Kel had provided.

"GRAW! ROAR!"

Kyle sighed, "I'll go see if she's dead yet..." he said and went into the kitchen to see Kiako sticking a pair of headphones hooked up to her MP3 on the chicken, "What the-? Kiako what the hell are you doing to the chicken!"

"I'm trying to scare it to death!" Kiako said surfing though her songs for the most frightening song, "AH HA! Sephiroth's One Winged Angel!"

The chicken, once again was unphased.

Kiako puffed her cheeks in annoyance and switched her song to Otherworld from Ramstein then cranked the volume to full blast. Her MP3, had the sound power of a mini speaker.

The chicken this time was phased, and was flying around the kitchen still hooked up to the headphones and flapping about like a kite on a string screeching.

"Come on, if you wanna kill something with music then you gotta use something heavier!" Kyle said taking out his discman and hooked the chicken up to that. He inserted an In Flames CD. This time the chicken was jumping up and down and rolling around on the floor twitching and screeching and occasionally, trying to escape but either ran into the wall or was close to strangling itself on the headphone cords.

That's when Kel decided to come in.

"S'cuse me." he took out Kyle's CD and inserted a different one. The chicken just stopped and dropped down dead, on the floor.

"You killed it!" Kiako cried, appaled at the force of music, "What'd you make it listen to!"

Kel was calmly taking his CD out and crushing it to pieces, "Country music."

Kyle almost threw up, "Arg, not even an evil, bad ass chicken deserves to listen to that..." Kyle couldn't bear to listen to country music. It was just so...

Uncool...

After Kyle had, uh, cleaned the chicken (Kiako was in too much shock and was too scared to do it.) Kiako (Who had miraculiously recovered from shock...) stir fried the chicken and boiled the dough strands.

"Finished! And I have 5 minutes to spare!" she said setting the last of the 7 bowls onto the table panting, "I have made, CHICKEN CHINESE NOODLE SOUP!"

Everyone stared at it with their brows furrowed.

"Well, I don't SEE any blood in it." Kyle said, "And Kiako still has all ten fingers."

"Well, I've had Kiako's cooking before and it's actually really good." Kel said as Kiako set the table.

"Thank you Kel, for the support." she said with a smile. Everyone picked up their utensils and stared at Lavitz to make the first move. He stared at the noodles and took a deep breath like when he was preparing to go into battle. He then picked up his pointy weapon and in a civil way stabbed his food. Slowly bringing it up to his mouth everyone at the table stared intently at him like hyena's waiting for their prey to die so they could feast on it.

Of course, if Lavitz did die of food poisoning they would probably alert the King and bury Lavitz in his own backyard instead of consuming him for nutritional comsumption. There was also the possibility that he could just get extremely ill and take over a week to recover.

Or, he could be totally fine and enjoy the food, who knew.

When Lavitz had chewed and swallowed he tilted his head to the side curiously.

"This is...simply..."

"Simply?"

"T-T.."

"Terrible? Terrifying? Totally unedible!" Kel shouted jumping to all words he could think of starting with T.

"TERRIFIC! Man I've never tasted anything like this! I didn't know Hoax had cuisine had changed!" Lavitz grinned happily and shoved his bowl towards his mother, "Try it mom! It's simply delectable!"

"What with you and the word simply you simple minded person?" Dart hissed quietly. Seeing that Lavitz wasn't dead, YET, the others also tried their noodles and had almost the same reaction.

"May this is good! You've cooked quite a nice meal. You must teach me how to make this." Lavitz mother said.

"Me too!" Shana smiled.

"Ok then, ON TO THE LAST TRIAL!" Lavitz's mother shouted.

ʓʓʓ

FINAL ROUND! WASH, DUST, WIPE! IT BETTER BE CLEAN!

"Whoa whoa whoa! Hold on a second there!" Kiako cried holding her arms out, "Can't I take a small break?"

"Why?"

"Leisure and relaxation is also important for a wife. She has to know when to work and when to spend time with the family." Kiako said, "If she always is worried about the house and such, she'll be too exhasted to watch the children, or care for her husband. She'll be more of a house maid then a wife."

"Oh? I guess you're right. You can have a short break, but not too long."

Kiako sighed and gave her thanks heading to the door.

"So, you do plan on having grandchildren with Lavitz?" Lavitz's mother asked hopefully. Kiako almost crashed into the doorframe.

"Um, we'll have to wait a few more years for that..." Kiako grinning sheepishly and left. Lavitz mother smiled. YES! That cat like grin! She shall finally have a grand child! Or... Children... heh heh heh.

Lavitz could sense his mother's thoughts and slowly sank from his chair under the table once again.

Kiako stretched and gave a sigh. All this work, she was getting a bit tired from it. She did do the same things at home but at least there wasn't a time limit. A small boy shoved into her and into a barn beside Lavtiz's house while a band of older boys followed waving sticks around.

"Come on! You gotta share!" the boys chased the other boy into the nearby barn. Kiako gave her head a shake and quickly followed. She saw the boy cornered by the others.

"I'll take that!" a boy said snatching a small sack from the younger one, who started to cry and jump for it. When he grabbed the bag and the other boy yanked on it ripped open spilling some kind of beans. The younger boy started to cry.

"See what you did? Now we can't eat it!" one of the older boys yelled, "What's with you? You don't need it! Quit cryin' like some baby! I said to quit cryin'!" he raised his fist and it was quickly stopped in mid air.

"Hey kid, you think you have a right to steal from someone younger then you?" Kiako said in a deep voice, the voice she only used when she was utterly serious, "What gives you boys the right to pick on this one?"

"Why do you care? He's my younger brother anyway, I can do what I want you freak!" with a flick of her wrist Kiako dropped him on the ground making him fall back.

"Why you...!" two of the boys raised their sticks and brought them down on Kiako's shoulders. She stood rigidly in front of the smaller boy not moving at all as the two boys slapped at her until the sticks broke in half.

"Hey you! Big bro!" Kiako called, apparently not minding the small stings, "Do you know why the big brothers are born first? So they can protect the younger brothers and sisters that come after."

"Gr...What do you know!" Kiako grabbed the boy by the collar of his shirt and lifted him off the ground above her head.

"If I see you hurting anyone like this boy again, I won't be so gentle and let you guys hit me. I'll hit back twice as hard!" Kiako growled, her yellow eyes glowing brighter with the ferocity of a lion, "GOT IT?" she put him down on the floor lightly and watched them leave.

"That the only warning we're getting?" a boy sneered. Kiako dropped onto all fours and gave a lion like roar at them sending them all bolting out. She stood up again massaging her neck and faced the small boy.

"So, are you hurt at all?" she asked with a smile. The boy sniffled and shook his head. Kiako sat down beside him and dug through her pockets pulling out a small bag of what looked like crystalized sugar. She got it from her grandmother for the Castle field trip and hadn't eatten any. She was kinda saving it for her friends and for herself since she hadn't had it since she was 4 and could hardly remember how it tasted like. She picked out a giant chunk and handed it to the boy, who wiped his eyes and took it from her looking at it.

"Come on, don't cry anymore." Kiako said with a happy grin, "It's something I call Rock candy. Trust me, it tastes really good." she pulled a small chunk herself and gave it a lick showing the boy how to eat it. The boy did the same and after a moment of facination, continued to lick it.

"It's...sweet..."

"Yeah, but it isn't too sweet to make you sick!" Kiako said and stood up patting the boy on the head, "Well, I gotta get back to work now, so stay safe and if they bother you again, just go the the Slambert house. It think it's Sir Lavitz's house ok? Lavitz's mom will take care of you for a while. If I'm not there then go straight home and tell your mom what your big brother's been doing."

"O...Ok..." the boy said timidly.

"Great! See ya then!" Kiako smile and gave a quick wave before running out and back into Lavitz's house.

"Kiako what happened? Your forehead's bleeding!" Kyle said rushing to his little sister. Kiako gave a sheepish grin.

"I... Ran into a lamp post." she lied.

"Yo Lavitz! Where's youre band aides and stuff? Kiako got beat up!" Kyle called.

"I said lamp post..." Kiako muttered, "Besides, I gotta start cleaning the house if I wanna get out of here alive."

"That won't be neccasary." Lavitz's mom came from outside into the house, "I saw what you did outside."

"Uh-oh... Am I in trouble now?" Kiako asked, her cat ears sinking downwards.

"Actually, I'm quite impressed. You put others before yourself, even if you didn't know that child." Lavitz's mom said, "Of course, cooking, cleaning and other things are important, but so is protecting things that are dear to you. You do not need to prove anything to me anymore."

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Not only was this fiasco over, they could finally get on their way to Hoax.

"Well, first we should probably treat your cuts." Lavitz said.

"I'm fine, I'll heal fast." Kiako said waving him off. Lavitz's mom was hovering over the two.

"So, are you going to start making grandchildren now?" she asked, "Your bed is still made."

"AHH! BAD IMAGES!" Kyle and Dart both shouted gripping their heads. Kel and Shana both had giant anime sweatdrops and Kiako and Lavitz were sighing in unison. Will it never end...?

ʓʓʓ

"Well mom, we're going now." Lavitz said.

"Ok, just all of you be careful ok? I expect you BOTH to be back to give me grandchildren."

"Yes yes... We'll be back." Shana said.

"Oh right, one more thing mom." Lavitz hugged his mother and gave her a kiss on the cheek, "You give me good luck mom."

Lavitz's mom smiled, "Well, seems you have grown up."

"Aww! That's so cute!" Kiako smiled, "That was really sweet Lavitz-san!"

"Cute and sweet? Yeah right, that just shows he an even BIGGER mama's boy." Kyle said.

"There is nothing wrong with hugging and kissing your mother!" Kiako argued, "I hug and kiss my mommy all the time!"

"Mommy?" Everyone cocked their eyebrows at her.

"Er... ah... SHUT UP!"

Authors notes: ANNNND I'm stopping it here. I do seem to have bad luck with big birds, like when I was little I was chased into a lake by a giant flock of geese. XD Well, summer school's been driving me ragged, but at least there's something to do. I'll update soon, thanks for reading!