Only You

Nic the Nefarious

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters are the property of J.K. Rowling. No money is being made off this work.

Part the Third

The last time he had seen Draco had been two weeks ago. They had found another horcrux and it was up to Harry to destroy it. This one was hidden in the wilderness of China, which Harry could now firmly say was not a place you wanted to spend your vacation time.

He had brought it back to the school and destroyed it eight days ago and had been spending his time since then recovering from several horrible injuries. The worst being the burns he had suffered from the dragons that had appeared as soon as he got anywhere near the damn thing, although the broken leg was a definite second.

The entire thing was a blur to him now as he had been running on pure adrenaline most of the time. It was a blur of pain and fire and a need to succeed and bring him one step closer to destroying the Dark Lord.

Harry hated fighting, it wasn't something he had ever enjoyed doing. Sure he liked dueling on a competitive level, but the idea of war had never appealed to him because of how pointless it seemed and because he hated seeing other people die. Even though he didn't like it, fighting was a part of him and he knew he would continue to do it in some way until he died. It was a strange thing for him to realize, but it was becoming clearer and clearer now that there was only two horcruxs left. Nagini and one other. Then all he would have to do would be hit Voldemort with the killing curse.

Another thing that he had realized when he was in private chambers in the school recovering from his injuries was that he missed Draco. It wasn't on a higher level, it was mainly just that he missed their talks. He missed having someone around to throw petty insults and sarcasm at and who would do the same thing to him. So many people were afraid of telling him to sod off, it was ridiculous.

He had only been having these little meetings with Draco for about a month but already he felt they had a certain understanding for each other. They knew how to get each other riled up but they both knew when to stop asking questions too. He would often give Draco just enough information to get him questioning but not say anything more. Mostly because he would muse out loud. Draco wouldn't often talk about himself but when conversation stilled he would offer up information either about himself or the other Slytherins.

It was the end of November now and Harry could see a thin layer of snow over the grounds from his window. He would be rejoining classes the following day. He hadn't been able to attend for the past eight days and he knew questioning stares would be given. The situation had already been explained to Ron and Hermione who in turn told Ginny.

The three of them had been by a couple times in the past few days after he was actually coherent and Ginny had spent a lot of time talking with him to keep him busy and his mind off the war. Of course she did get a bit annoying after a while, so he shut her up by kissing her. She was actually very smart but there was only so much he could handle of her talks.

Then of course Dumbledore had been by to meet with him and see how he was doing. The horcrux, which was originally a necklace that once belonged to Rowena Ravenclaw was now being kept in Dumbledore's office. He also told Harry that no new attacks had been made but Harry knew this wouldn't last for long.

Every time after Harry destroyed one of the horcruxs Voldemort went on a killing spree. For every bit of Voldemort's soul they destroyed, hundreds of muggles and wizards lost their lives. It always made Harry sick to his stomach thinking about it. This war would completely decimate the wizarding world if it went on for much longer. He hoped that they would be able to locate the second to last horcrux quickly, and hopefully prevent a manslaughter.

.x.

"Where the fuck were you!" Draco yelled at him. His cheeks were pink with anger and he hadn't even bothered to sit down.

They were back at the lake, with a portable fire in a jar between them to wade off the cold, and it was a bit past eight o'clock at night on Monday. True to prediction Draco Malfoy was pissed at him. Harry looked up at the angry blond and sighed heavily.

"Calm down Draco and I'll tell you," he replied wearily. He still wasn't feeling his best. After all destroying people's souls takes a lot of magic to pull off.

Draco took a deep breath and glowered at Harry, who ignored him pointedly. Finally Draco sat down next to him and waited for Harry to continue. Instead Harry merely pulled out his cigarettes and busied himself with lighting one. After taking a few drags and feeling himself relax marginally he turned to Draco and sighed again.

"I suppose the easiest answer for me was that I was in China for six days and recovering from my injuries here at Hogwarts for eight days after that," he said and although his voice was still tired it was more relaxed now.

"May I ask why you were in China?" Draco said derisively.

Harry sighed and took another drag on his cigarette before even thinking about replying. Maybe he should have waited a few more days before going back to class. His magic was still almost completely drained and he would get lightheaded at the oddest of times. Finally looked back at Draco and said, "Well that is top secret, completely classified information. If I told you, I would have to kill you."

"Cut the dramatics, Harry!" Draco ground out as frustration slipped back into his voice. Whenever Harry replied in a vague, unhelpful manner it seemed to get Draco riled up, which is why Harry made a point of doing it so much around him.

"I'm not being dramatic. I really would have to kill you, or obilivate the hell out of you. Whichever you prefer," he replied in a serious tone. After catching the look Draco was giving him he added, "I can tell you that we are now only three steps away from killing Voldemort once and for all."

"Three steps? That's it? You would think this Dark Lord killing business might be a bit harder," Draco mused aloud which caused Harry to turn and give him a deadly glare.

"Try getting chased through the Chinese wilderness by dragons before saying that," he snapped in anger. He did not spend eight days recovering from severe burns and a broken leg to have Draco downplaying the whole thing.

"Dragons?" Draco asked.

Harry nodded. "Dragons."

"How do you survive all this stuff, Potter?" he asked in bewilderment.

"Luck and being underestimated," Harry replied before adding, "And I thought you were calling me Harry, Malfoy."

"Old habits die hard," he answered with a shrug. "I've been calling you that for seven years."

"It's as good an excuse as any," Harry said with a shrug and Draco gave him a glare.

They spent an awful lot of time glaring at each other when they were talking, Harry found himself noting. He readily admitted that there was something about Draco's eyes when they were chilled with anger that he found fascinating. Almost as much as he loved seeing Ginny's when they were sparkling with laughter.

He refused to dwell on that thought though and it was his subconscious that took the role in playing up Draco's anger so he could see him lose his typical Malfoy cool and act all flustered and annoyed with him.

"Anything happen while I was gone?" Harry asked. He sincerely wanted some news that wasn't Ron and Hermione's, as they always seemed to fear making him unhappy or upset and so all he got out of them was who was leading in house points and rubbish like that, or Dumbledore's insanity and vagueness.

"Ravenclaw is ahead in house points," Draco said in an airy voice complete with smirk.

Harry found himself once again glaring at the blond before replying, "You know what I mean Draco. I want real news."

Draco sighed and stared up at the sky for a minute or so in which time Harry put out his cigarette and stretched out on the grass as he often did. "Not much. Rumors swirled for about a week after you disappeared. The Slytherins acted worried and excited at the same time. They all thought you had been abducted by the Dark Lord, or something like that." At this Draco rolled his eyes and Harry chuckled.

"After about a week and a half everyone just gave up on you and figured they didn't really care in the first place," Draco finished with a shrug.

"Typical," Harry muttered under his breath.

"I knew you were coming back," he said in conviction and Harry gave him a questioning stare.

Draco fidgeted under his gaze and turned away before he said, "It was just a feeling. Besides I'm one of few that actually knows you spend most of your time popping in and out of existence around the school."

"I guess that counts for something then," he replied carelessly. "When I first got back Ginny was sobbing all over me like I was already dead." He shook his head sadly.

"Oh yeah, you and Weaslette," Draco said as though he was remembering something horrible and traumatic.

"What's wrong with Ginny? Aren't you the one that said we would have the perfect marriage?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow.

Draco sighed and fidgeted again. "Is it really such a problem that I don't want to hear about you and Weasley?"

"No need to flip out over something this stupid. Though I still don't see what you have against Ginny," he said, frowning slightly.

"I don't have anything against her!" Draco snapped although Harry noted that he said this much more quickly than was necessary. "Anyway, I'll see you sometime later."

"Yeah. Friday possibly, Saturday definitely. I don't have lessons with Snape this week so don't look for me there," Harry told him. Then he settled into the slightly snow covered grass and stared up at the star filled sky.

"Right," Draco said under his breath, "Leave the fire?"

"Yeah, I'm staying out a bit longer," Harry replied easily, not turning away from the stars above. He could hear Draco's shoes crunching on the snow as he made his way back up to the castle.

.x.

The attack they had been fearing since the destruction of the horcrux came two weeks later. It was a beautiful winter day, the second Wednesday in December, and somehow the beauty of the day made it seem worse in Harry's eyes. He found out before anyone else did. Which was how it always happened now that he was Dumbledore's little protégée.

There was always one question that he never wanted to ask but always had to. Did he know anyone that was killed in the attack? No matter where the attack was there was always the chance that someone he knew personally died, because the Order responded to attacks all over the country.

Dumbledore had given him a sad, weary look. Harry feared that look like no other. It was the look that told him that he was about to hear something he didn't want to know. Fleur's little sister Gabrielle had been killed. Her and Fleur's parents were on vacation in the South of France where the attack at occurred.

He remembered Gabrielle from Fleur and Bill's wedding. She had been a bride's maid along with Ginny and one of Fleur's friends from school. She had been wearing light gold robes and had asked in a shy voice if she could dance with him. He had been her hero ever since he had saved her in his fourth year.

As soon as he left the Headmaster's office he knew that he had snapped. Nothing mattered to him anymore, least of all the fact that over six hundred people had just lost their lives and it was all his fault. He wandered the halls in a daze that couldn't be broken, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Potter!" Draco's alarmed voice came from somewhere towards his left. Harry shook his head to clear away the fog that continued to cloud his vision..

"Hello Malfoy," he greeted. His tone was warm and slightly hysterical, "Beautiful fucking day! Isn't it?"

"What the hell is wrong with you Potter?" Draco asked in the same alarmed voice, though now it was tinged with worry.

"Six hundred and fifty seven people died today," Harry stated with a warm, pleasant smile, and that same hysterical note tinging his voice.

Draco's eyes widened in shock and fear. "What are you going on about Potter?"

"Five hundred and ninety three muggle, forty four magical. One of which was Gabrielle Delacor," Harry paused in his insane musing to fix Draco with a lazy smile, "sister to Fleur Delacor who is the wife of Bill Weasley. Small world isn't it?"

"Are you drunk Potter?" Draco yelled in disbelieve and fear. Harry merely continued to smile that lazy smile at him.

"No," he said with a shake of his head, "but I wish I was."

Draco seemed to be stunned into silence, but Harry didn't mind in the least. He wasn't even entirely sure who he was talking to. It might have been Hermione, or Dumbledore, or even Fate herself, but it didn't matter one bit. All he knew was that he needed to say all this.

He walked over and linked arms with Draco, who was too stunned by the way Harry was acting to do anything to stop him, and set off down the hall.

"Have you ever wanted to just wake and find out that your entire life has been a dream?" he asked. "Sometimes I wish that I had never found out I was a wizard. Or that the entire wizarding world is just a hallucination and I've been in a coma for seven years. Tomorrow I'll wake up and the Dursleys will be raging at me for medical expenses."

Draco was leading them now and Harry didn't know where he was being taken, but found that he didn't care much about that either. He let his head drop again and his bangs fell to cover his face. His throat was burning from unshed tears.

"How many has it been?" he asked himself quietly, letting his eyes fall closed. "How many deaths have I caused? How many families have I torn apart?"

The next thing he knew there was a stinging pain on the left side of his face and everything around him became much clearer. He was in the room of requirement with Draco standing in front of him. The blond's hand was raised and Harry realized that he must have slapped him, Draco also looked furious with him.

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" he yelled and bristled at the harsh voice in his ears. "Stop being such a goddamn martyr!"

Harry's mouth fell open and his brain was having immense difficulties coming up with a reply, or even processing what Draco said.

"As much as it might kill you to hear this Potter, the world doesn't revolve around you!" he continued to yell and Harry continued to stare.

Draco's eyes flashed in anger. "Did ever occur to your tiny, self-sacrificing brain that maybe the Dark Lord might have had something to do with this!"

"It was still my fault! If I had never been born none of this would be happening!" Harry yelled back and felt the tears he had been repressing for so long threatening to leak down his cheeks. His throat was sore from repressing sobs.

"If you had never been born Voldemort would never have been stopped the first time!" Harry was once again stunned into silence when he heard Draco freely say the Dark Lord's name. Draco took a deep breath and continued in a somewhat calmer voice, "Your birth prevented the world from falling into Voldemort's hands sixteen years ago."

"But my birth has caused the death of thousands of innocent people," he said in what bordered on a strangled sob.

Draco sighed, "Death is a constant of life, Harry, you can't change it and you can't prevent it. It becomes even more common during war."

"Is it so much to ask to live in a time of peace?" Harry asked, more to himself than to Draco.

"It is while humans still rule the world," Draco said with a hint of a smirk. "Vile creatures the lot of them. The only species that kills for no apparent reason."

Harry felt a smile tugging the corners of his lips. He took a deep breath to calm his thoughts. "I want out of this Draco. I want it so bad I can taste it."

Draco sunk down into one of the soft, comfortable chairs the room had provided and Harry followed his example. "No one wants to be part of war," Draco stated.

"I'm losing the last shreds of my sanity Draco. If I keep doing this I'm going to go insane," he said in a choked voice. He didn't want to break down in front of Draco, or at least, any more than he already had.

Draco looked almost sympathetic for a moment before his standard uncaring mask was back on his face. "Everyone will still love you even if you are insane, if that's what you're worried about. You're Harry Potter after all." He said this as if it solved everything.

Harry gave a hollow laugh and buried his face his the sleeves of his robe to wipe the unshed tears from his eyes. "I don't care about what everyone else thinks of me," he said in a tired voice that seemed to have lost all emotion after his breakdown.

"That's such bullshit and you know it Potter," Draco told him with an amused snort. "You care more about what everyone thinks of you than anyone I've met. If you really didn't care you wouldn't be slinking around the school hiding from everyone."

"You're the same way Malfoy, and I can't tell anyone what I'm doing since I'm Harry Potter as you so kindly stated," Harry replied with a hint of his old emotion and self showing through.

"Thanks for proving my point," Draco said with a superior look on his face.

Harry glared at him. "You ungrateful, inbred little—"

"I am not inbred!" Draco exclaimed indignantly.

"Denial isn't justa river in Egypt," he replied carelessly.

"You'd know that wouldn't you," Draco shot back in scathing tones. Harry continued to glare at him out of bloodshot eyes.

"Well there's one thing that will always stay the same," Harry remarked.

Draco raised an eyebrow. "And that is?"

"We'll never be able to go fifteen minutes without arguing with each other," he stated.

"As it should be."

Harry laughed.

.x.

Only a few days later it was time for his friends to depart for the holidays and Harry was no longer dwelling on the attack that had happened and the breakdown he had in the room of requirement with Draco that followed it. He was currently waiting at the foot of the girl's stairs in the common room for Ginny and Hermione to come down.

Harry was the only one of his friends staying for the holidays and no matter how many times he said that he would be fine he knew that they were still worried about him. It was almost as if they thought he would kill himself without them there to entertain them. He snorted softly in amusement at the mere thought of something that ridiculous (though probably close to the truth) and continued to wait.

He and Draco hadn't seen each other again and wouldn't until the end of the holidays. There was even the slim chance that Draco wouldn't be returning to Hogwarts and that his father would force the Mark upon him. Though Harry would never admit it, he was scared for Draco's life. He wanted for him to see the end of the war and not have to live life with the mark of Voldemort's slavery marring him.

What he still couldn't figure out was why exactly he cared so much about Draco. So he knew that the Slytherin stirred something up within him and he had once known that to be hate, but now the hate was gone and that same feeling remained. It scared him sometimes how powerful it was, especially since it was one of the strongest emotions he felt and the fact that it was towards Draco!

He shook the thought out of his mind as Ginny came down the stairs with her trunk levitating behind her. When they met at the landing she gave him a hug and a kiss which he returned. Even though he and Ginny had been dating for three and a half months (them having got together at the beginning of the year) he still didn't feel any real passion in their relationship. He had once thought that feelings would develop over time but not anymore.

It was just as Draco had told him before in their discussions over their respective dating agendas, he and Ginny were the perfect pureblood couple. Well suited politically and financially speaking and although he felt no real love for her he still didn't want her to die. Harry knew that he could have a perfectly decent marriage with Ginny but it wouldn't be exciting. A relationship with her would never make him wonder or keep him on his toes. He would never have to really think.

So what did he want then? He had no idea of who he really liked. His thoughts immediately turned back to Draco and the passion the two of them seemed to share and that odd feeling he got whenever they talked to each other and he nearly bit his tongue. He didn't want to think of such things. They would never happen and even if they did they would be impossible to act upon.

"Harry? Are you alright?" Ginny's voice broke through the mist that had seemed to gather in front of his eyes as he thought.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking," he said with a wave of his hand. "I'll miss you over the holidays Gin."

It was a lie but it appeared to have worked on her. "You can visit anytime and mum is expecting you for Christmas dinner," she told him with an excited smile.

"Oh perfect. Now I'll have to be 'the boyfriend', won't I?" he asked with a joking grin and Ginny smiled.

"Of course, but don't worry, mum loves you already," she said.

"It's your brothers I'm worried about," Harry muttered under his breath. Ginny laughed before leaning up to kiss him.

"You'll be fine." She continued to smile at him and Harry turned to gaze at the stairs.

"When's Hermione coming down?" he asked. Usually Hermione was always on time for everything.

Ginny suddenly started to giggle. "She's stressing out about what to wear to impress my oh so lovely brother."

"And I'm guessing she doesn't realize that she could wear a plastic bag and he would still be madly in love with her?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Aparently not," Ginny said. "Amazing how she knows all the schoolwork by heart but in the way of love she is totally clueless."

"Amazing," Harry agreed with a grin. "Let's head down, shall we? The lovebirds will probably be a while."

They started down to the entrance hall with Ginny's levitating bags following them. The two of them chatted about small things. Or rather, Ginny chatted and Harry listened while putting in the occasional statement. About halfway there they ran into none other than Draco Malfoy himself. Harry gave a mental sigh. Great, time for play-acting.

"Malfoy," he said with as much venom as he could muster.

Draco sneered at him. "You and your future wife, Potter? Planning on finally joining the esteemed Weasley family?" he asked sarcastically.

"Shove off Malfoy. I don't have time to deal with Death Eater pricks," he replied scathingly. He pushed past Malfoy, purposely brushing shoulders with him and he felt something slip into his pocket.

"What a jerk!" Ginny exclaimed as soon as they were out of earshot.

Harry merely smiled at her and wound an arm about her waist. "What do you mean? He didn't even insult me."

Ginny blushed scarlet but let her head fall down onto Harry shoulder. He slipped a hand into his pocket and felt a folded up slip of paper.

.x.

H,

My plans have changed and I'll need you to come and get me before Christmas if you want me to make it back on time.

In haste,

D