Chapter Thirty-Nine

Understandings

Christine ignored the knock she heard at her door. She wanted to be left alone, with her thoughts of Erik and her prayers of his safe return. However, the person on the other side of the door was rather persistent and the knocking continued. Sighing she irritably shouted assent to come in. She sat up in surprise when Nadir slipped into the room. He was the last person she had thought would come and see her. Why had her brother not already come to comfort her?

"Madam Desslar?" he murmured hesitantly, not wanting to disturb her but wanting to make sure she was alright. Christine pushed the curls away from her face and tried to wipe some of the tears from her eyes.

"Please come in, Nadir," Christine said softly. He smiled and sat down in the chair by the window when she gave him permission.

"I thought since both your brother and Raoul went with Erik you might want someone to talk to," Nadir said. Christine had stiffened after his first few words.

"Erik let Anthony and Raoul go with him?" she whispered, suddenly feeling very hurt. He let them go but he made her sit here and worry about him, thinking that the worse could happen to him?

"I thought you knew that, Madam. I hope I have not upset you?" Nadir said. Christine shook her head. She was not angry. Perhaps with two other men there Erik might have a better chance of completing what it was he was there to do. Then he could come home to her.

"No, I am fine...thank you for coming to talk..." she murmured. Nadir nodded. He could tell by the way that the young woman's eyes were so swollen and red that she had been crying most likely since Erik had left. He did not like seeing her so distressed, especially when she looked so much like his beloved Emma...

"He will be fine, Christine, Erik is a strong man. He will not let anything happen to him," Nadir said, trying to take some pressure off of her shoulders. Christine sighed and said nothing. That did not make her feel any better. He would come back to her. She could not allow herself to think any differently. If she did then she would lose her fragile grasp on reality. Her eyes slowly went to gaze at Nadir, who was staring out of the window thoughtfully. There was so much this man did not know about her mother or Anthony. Could she have done what her mother had done if she were in her situation? Could she give up the love of one man because she had no choice and then fall in love with another? Perhaps not to long ago she would not have known the answer to that question but that had been before she had fallen in love with Erik. She knew that she would fight with everything she had to stay with Erik because she believed in their love enough to know it was well worth fighting for. Her mother had not been that strong, and the man in front of her had had to pay the price because of it. Christine felt a sob rise in her throat at the thought of her mother and all of the things she had gone through, things Christine had never knew about.

"Nadir...have you ever felt like everything you knew...everything you believed...was a lie?" Christine whispered. The man's eyes found hers and he did not answer immediately. She could almost feel what it was he was thinking about and in a way she knew her mother was a constant presence in his mind.

"Yes...but surely someone your age could not know of such a thing?" Nadir asked.

"Growing up I thought I knew everything there was to know about my mother, everything a daughter should know about her mother," Christine said softly. Nadir stiffened only slightly, realizing where this conversation was going. He did not know if he could stand any sort of conversation that had to do with Emma, especially by the daughter who looked so much like her.

"I was so wrong...she had a life I never knew about, would never had known about if I had not married Erik. How could someone hide all of those terrible moments in their life and go on as if nothing had ever happened?" Christine asked. Nadir sighed. This young girl had far too much insight for his peace of mind. Did she know everything about the past?

"Sometimes, Madam, it is easier to move on then to dwell on the past," Nadir murmured. Although he was no one to say such a thing. He had never been able to move on after Emma left him. Perhaps it was because he was in disbelief that she had turned her back on everything they had shared. But he had believed with all of his heart that they were meant to be with each other. He still felt that way even after Emma's death.

"I realize that. I do not blame my mother for needing to hide such things from my brother and me. She loved both of us, and our father."

Nadir's eyes closed painfully for a moment.

"But she always would love you."

The Persian found his eyes snapping to meet the young woman's sad gaze. Had he heard her correctly?

"I beg your pardon?" he said very softly. Christine slowly got off of the bed and made her way to the wardrobe that both she and Erik kept their clothes in. Stored in the very corner of this wardrobe was her mother's diary and the note she had written to Erik. Very slowly she gave it to Nadir and when he opened it his eyes filled with tears. Christine had to look away, to give him some semblance of privacy. She felt that now was as good a time as any to tell Nadir everything Emma should have told him long ago. When he had read the letter and several pages of the diary he finally managed to raise his gaze to look at her. Christine smiled tenderly and took his hand.

"Anthony?" he whispered. Christine nodded. The man broke down completely and Christine had no choice but to take him into her arms and hold him while he let go of years of pain. He had a son...a son that he and Emma had created. A son he knew nothing about and was already a grown man.

"Does he know?" Nadir whispered.

"No...not yet," Christine answered. She slowly began to tell him about the circumstances that forced her mother and him to part.

xXx

"Erik...thank you."

Erik's surprised gaze found Anthony. They were in the carriage that was taking them to the Delauney manor and Erik would have never believed that Anthony would be thanking him for anything he had ever done. But if he had any doubt in the sincerity of the young mans words they were quickly erased by the look in the young mans eyes.

"I will admit that rescuing your damsel in distress is only the partial reason I am going tonight, Monsieur. I am not as gallant as you make me out to be," Erik said. Anthony said nothing for a moment, glancing at Raoul.

"Then what other reason is there?" Anthony asked. Erik knew that both young men really did not know what was going on and Erik did not wish to elaborate.

"I have a family to protect."

"Well, whatever your motives I thank you for allowing us to come," he said. Erik shrugged.

"I knew that you would follow me even if I refused and so I really had little choice in the matter," Erik informed him. Anthony said nothing, knowing that the man did not take thank yous very easily. Why he had no idea. Anthony said no more on the subject, instead choosing to stare out of the window, praying to God that Sienna would be alright.

xXx

Christine smiled one last time at Nadir before he closed the door to his chambers. He had not wished to talk anymore on the subject of Emma or Anthony and so Christine had allowed him to take the diary and finish reading it. She could not think about that now. She needed to worry about how she was going to be able to catch up to Erik and the other men. She prayed they had not reached the manor yet. She could not allow her husband to do this alone.