Gather round children, and we shall learn of how and why Mr susan came to be in the mirror world. I know its not very well written, but what the smeg, i did do most of it in the wee small hours. One-shot, please review!

Disclaimer: evrything Boosh-related is owned by Noel and Julian, yadda yadda yadda...

Alexander Scribbins was a very vain man. He spent hours preparing himself in the morning, and wouldn't let anyone see him until he looked at his absolute best. He was also well known for checking his reflection in all reflective surfaces – mirrors, glass, the heads of screws… One time, when absolutely desperate, he checked his eyeliner in a sequin using a magnifying glass.

But for him, this was still not enough.

'I wish I could admire myself all the time, from every possible angle' he proclaimed.

'Don't be daft' said Dave, who was a mate of Alexander's, and although he was vain too, his vanity was nothing compared to Alexander's. In fact, it was similar in comparison to normal Ribena compared to sugar free – no contest. 'No one could be happy when surrounded by their reflection all the time, not even you!'

But Alexander was undeterred, still clinging to his fantasy, and one day encountered a wish-granting penguin, who agreed to grant him one wish after loosing a bet to see who could fit the most gherkins in their ears. For the penguin, not having external ears, this was almost impossible, but the penguin was pissed out of his flippers so he forgot this fact and had to grant Alexander his wish.

'Very well' he said in a rather slurred voice. 'I shall send youfor all eternity to the mirror world.' And with a clap of the penguins flippers, Alexander was gone in a shower of glitter and feathers.

Upon arrival, he was a little disappointed with the 'mirror world', it being a small room where you couldn't even line dance with a tapeworm, but when he discovered the mirror in which you could see your hair from every angle he was happy.

But over time, when surrounded constantly by his own face, Alexander began to find fault with himself. He also began to go a little mad, which would explain why he decided to combat what he saw as his physical faults by sticking little pieces of fabric to his face and other parts of himself. The fabric was stolen from one of the visitors to the mirror world who was journeying to the Land of Drapes and Upholstery. He also re-named himself Mr Susan, after a girlfriend who had broken up with him after getting annoyed with his self-obsession and vanity.

One day Mr Susan (as he was now called) was paid a visit by the wish-granting penguin, who explained that Mr Susan's time as the mirror world's guardian was growing short, as signified by the fact that his balls had turned to mirror balls. This was a sign that his replacement would soon be arriving, and Mr Susan must trick and confuse them into choosing the wrong mirror to their intended destination, and so replace Mr Susan as guardian. What the penguin neglected to tell him however, was that instead of returning home, Mr Susan would become a mirror, a permanent fixture in the mirror world. This was the reason his balls had turned to mirror balls – eventually he would become an entire mirror-man, and then just a plain old mirror.

So Mr Susan, not knowing this, resolved to trick the next person to enter the mirror world into choosing the wrong mirror, so he could go home, as he thought would happen. And the next person to enter the mirror world was… Vince Noir. Unfortunately Mr Susan was unable to distract Vince with his song-and-dance routine, and decided to try a different tactic.

The next visitor to the Mirror World was a woman who wanted to go to the postcard world, where all the bad postcards are made (she wanted to kill everyone there for crimes against humanity). Mr Susan tried to shove her sideways into the wrong mirror, but she stumbled and fell onto the floor. After punching him in the mouth, she left through the correct mirror. Maybe adifferent approach was needed….

The next arrival into the mirror world was an elderly watchmaker, on his way to Kitchebie, a world inhabited only by watchstraps living in egg boxes. Mr Susan tried to confuse him by declaring his undying love, in the hope that the watchmaker, named Horace, would be so desperate to escape that he would pick a mirror at random, just to get away. This did in fact happen, but sadly he chose the right mirror, and Mr Susan was still stuck.

Finally, one day, when everything but Mr Susan's face had become mirrored, another visitor came. Mr Susan jumped out at him when he came through a mirror, and he was so alarmed that he fell back into another mirror. As this was not the one he had intended to go through, the mirror stayed solid and fell with him to the floor where it shattered.

'Ha!' exclaimed Mr Susan triumphantly. 'You chose the wrong mirror, and now you will replace me as the guardian of the mirror world!'

The man, Arnold, tried to explain that he didn't so much choose as fell, but it was too late. Mr Susan stepped back, and became a full-length, furry-bordered mirror, mounted onto the wall where he hung forever more, like the last apron in a school workshop, tattered and a bit smelly.

Arnold stayed slumped on the floor, amongst the shard of mirror and Mr Susan's mirror spray.

'Bugger'

Fin