Chapter Forty-Eight

His Mind Made Up

"I refuse to believe that Delauney has won!"

Nadir sighed and shut the book he was reading. Erik was sitting up in the small bed, his chest bare except for the white bandage covering his wound. He had been ranting all morning and Nadir had a headache. But Erik was determined to find some way to get to Christine. He refused to be away from her. Nadir could not worry about any of that, he had to worry about getting Erik back to his full health, which he was doing, slowly, because Erik would not be quiet for a moment and afforded Nadir no sleep at all.

"Christine will be fine, Erik, until you come up with a solution," Nadir said, trying to give Erik some reassurance. Erik said nothing. He was sure Christine was going to be fine, but he was not. She was pregnant with his baby and he knew she needed him to be there. She had been so frightened about raising the baby on her own and he had assured her that that would not happen. But he needed to be with her. His heart felt like someone was ripping it out of his chest each night he feel asleep without her. He needed to hold her once more, feel her lips on his, telling him everything was going to be alright despite what he looked like. She was the only one that did not flinch when he yelled or ranted, she simple yelled back, something he loved so much about her. He wanted to be there with her as the weeks slowly went by and her stomach began to swell, he knew she would glow in motherhood. She did not deserve all of this heartache and misery, this had not been her past, she had nothing to do with it and yet she was the one paying the biggest price.

"Nadir?"

Nadir looked up and met Desslar's gray green stare. He had become used to the sight of Erik's deformity and no longer flinched when he saw it. He could see that Erik was trying to say something and he looked like he was having quite a lot of trouble. Taking a deep breath he finally managed to speak.

"Thank you."

Nadir smiled.

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"Raoul? Can I talk to you?"

Raoul looked up to see Christine standing in the doorway. He smiled at her and hugged her close, deciding to ignore the slight frown of her face. He sat them both down and Christine said nothing for a long time. She looked down at her hands, as if she were trying to decide how she should say what she needed to say. Raoul felt an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, as if he knew what she was going to say and he desperately did not want to hear it. For the past few days they had spent quite a lot of time together, walking in the gardens, talking over tea, and it had been a very happy time for Raoul. This was the woman that deep down he loved more than anything in the world, and she was willingly spending time with him.

"Raoul, what do you feel for me?" she whispered quite suddenly. To Raoul that was a loaded question. How was he supposed to answer her and not offend her in some way? If he were to tell her that he was in love with her what would she do?

"Christine, I-"

"Please answer, Raoul," she interrupted. She did not want to judge his actions without knowing for sure his intentions. He was a good man, and she loved him like a brother, and she would not see him hurt, even by herself. Raoul could not form words to say what he needed to say and Christine remained quiet, allowing him some time to think. She was in no rush. Really she had all the time in the world.

"Christine, you know I have cared for you for as long as I have known you," Raoul began. Christine waited, having known what it was he was going to say to her. He hesitated a moment longer before continuing.

"I think I am in love with you," he whispered. Christine closed her eyes and looked away from him, realizing that hurting him was now going to be inevitable.

"Raoul-"

"I know you might not feel the same way," he said sadly. Christine leaned forward and took Raoul's hands in her own. He had to look away from her tender touch.

"Raoul...perhaps in another time, and another place, I could have loved you," she whispered, needing him to believe that love was possible for him. He could not look in her in the eye and that hurt her deeply.

"But I found my soul mate...Erik and I were meant to be together," Christine continued.

"He is gone, Christine," Raoul said, needing to believe that there was hope for him and her. Christine felt tears filling her eyes by his words, not cruel, but still managing to hurt her deeply. This man did not need to remind her of the fact that Erik was gone. There was not a moment that went by in a whole day that she did not think about him, not a single moment she did not feel like crying because he was gone forever. All she had to do was touch her stomach and she was once more flooded with images of the man she loved. No, she did not need Raoul to remind her. She stood up, her face having become angry, and Raoul immediately realized his mistake.

"Christine, wait-"

"Raoul, I was trying to have a conversation with you as two adults do occasionally. I do not need to you to remind me of the fact that my husband is dead," she said, desperately keeping the tears at bay. She turned to leave but Raoul grabbed her hands, halting her. There was a look of total remorse on his face but it did not quench Christine's anger.

"Christine, I am sorry, I was out of line. Please sit down," he pleaded gently. For a moment Christine did not move, thinking about whether or not she should continue to be in the same room with this man. Finally she nodded and sat down. Raoul sighed in relief and sat himself down as well.

"Remember when I kissed you?" she whispered. Raoul nodded. How could he forget that moment when the woman he loved granted him the gift of her kiss? Even with the fact that Erik had nearly beaten him senseless it was still a moment he treasured. They had had this discussion about Raoul's feelings before, but at the time Christine had not been in love with Erik. Now not only was she in love with him, he had died and she was pregnant with his baby. Things had definitely changed.

"Of course."

"Erik-he-he had this passion about him...he made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world."

"You are the most beautiful," Raoul said. She smiled and shook her head. She needed to make a point, she wanted him to understand that she was not meant for him. There was someone out there for him.

"Raoul, what I am trying to say is that when I kissed you...I did not feel that. Erik is the only man I could ever love. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, believe me when I say that, but I can never be with another man, ever," she said. Raoul knew that this had to be what getting your heart broken must feel like. He felt as if she had reached into his chest and torn his heart right out and then stomped on it for good measure. He felt like such a complete fool. That kiss had meant more to him then it had ever meant to her. He really was pathetic.

"Well, since we have that cleared up," he said standing. Christine could see the hurt expression on his face and she quickly stood, blocking his exit from the room. He had a pained look on his face, cursing the fact that she was so close and yet so far away.

"Please, Christine, this is hard enough," he whispered.

"Tell me you understand," she pleaded. This man she considered a brother and she did not want him to turn his back on her because of conflicting emotions.

"I understand," he whispered walking from the room. Christine sighed and put her head in her hands, wishing Erik was there to comfort her.

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Christine was rather tired of talking to everyone. She felt like she had had discussions with everyone, some more difficult than others. All she wanted was a few days to herself; where she could just be alone. But that was not going to happen any time soon. Her father was sitting across from her and he had yet to speak a word, and he had been there for ten minutes. She had not talked to him in quite a long time and she had missed him.

"Anthony knows about Nadir?" Gustave finally said. Christine sighed.

"Perhaps you should ask him?" Christine replied. That discussion was between her brother and her father. Gustave seemed upset with her answer.

"Do you think he-"

"Papa, I really do not want to talk about this," she interrupted, not wanting to be rude but needing to be alone. Besides, she knew all to well what he wanted to talk to her about.

"What do you want to talk about then?" he demanded.

"What did you come here to talk about?" she said, answering a question with another question. Gustave sighed, his daughter was a smart woman and he could get nothing past her. Before he could answer she began to answer her own question.

"You came here to tell me that you want me to go back with you to Paris," she said. Gustave could only nod. Christine immediately shook her head. She wished this would not turn into an argument but knew it was inevitable.

"I cannot do that, Papa," she whispered.

"Yes, you can, you are pregnant," he said, as if that explained everything. Christine frowned.

"What does that have to do with anything?" she demanded.

"I want you close so I can make sure you are alright," he said. Christine sighed in exasperation.

"I can take care of myself and my baby, Papa, I am a grown woman."

"I know that, but where else would you go?" he asked. He made it sound like she was pregnant out of wedlock and no one would take her into their home.

"I am going home," she answered. Gustave sighed in relief.

"Thank you, that is what I wanted."

Christine shook her head.

"Not your home, my home. The one that I shared with Erik," she said. Gustave looked angry for a moment but Christine continued talking.

"I need to go home. That is another piece of Erik, that house, and I want to raise our baby in his home and I want to fall asleep in the bed I shared with him."

Gustave could see that his daughter was close to tears and he pulled her into his embrace. He understood now how much she loved Erik and he could only imagine how she must be feeling at that moment.

"Then would you permit me to stay with you until the baby is born?"

Christine had never been happier to hear him say anything in her life. It would mean a lot to her if her father were to stay with her, because although she wanted to be alone for a few days she did not want to be alone for the nine months of her pregnancy. She began to cry and nodded through her tears.

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Erik stared out of the small window in the bordello house, watching the rain hit against the window. He had always loved the rain, he just never knew why. He was well enough now to get out of bed but he had yet to leave the small room. The smell of cheap perfume was still in the air and occasionally he could hear a man and a woman in the next room doing what this place was built for. It was not really nice to listen to. He and Nadir had not spoken much to each other because they both found the silence comfortable, and both were too caught up in their own thoughts.

For the past few days Erik's thoughts had been all about what to do to get to Michael. The man definitely deserved a visit to the devil, and he would burn in hell for separating Erik from Christine. His first obstacle of course was finding out where Michael was hiding. Then he had found a way to get to Michael and make him slowly pay for what he had done. He knew he could do it; he was rather good at keeping to the shadows.

He was going to slowly drive Michael Delauney insane.