Chapter 4 : Sex as a Weapon
Daniel gently rolled Sarah over onto her side and as she fell asleep. Gently pulling his arm out beneath her he rolled over to the opposite side of the bed. He lay there for a moment, trying to catch his breath. This always happened with Sarah. She took his breath away. Not because of the love he felt for her. He cared about her, but not in that way. She was very good at sex. He loved kissing her. They kissed almost the whole time as they fucked and it took Daniel's breath away.
At last regaining a normal breath rate, Daniel gently climbed out of bed and grabbed his boxers that had been thrown callously to the floor in the haste to get naked. They had gotten in another fight. Sarah accused Daniel of not loving her like she deserved to be loved. Daniel knew she was right. But Daniel didn't say that. Instead he grabbed her and kissed her hard. Not seconds later they were tearing at each others clothes. It was unfair. Daniel knew that. Instead of discussing the task at hand, Daniel used sex to show Sarah what she wanted to hear. Daniel may be a linguist, but when it came to matters of the heart, he was a loss at words.
Daniel pulled on his boxers and made his way over to the small kitchen, tripping over one of his red sneakers in the middle of the floor on his way through the small on-campus apartment. Here he was twenty five years old and about to end his career. He sat down at the kitchen table looked at the plane ticket that would take him to New York. He had an apartment picked out and would begin his grant at the Museum of New York in two weeks. His theories would take him away from Dr. Jordan, distancing himself from his mentor to save the man's reputation as a scholar. Daniel knew his theories were right, it was proving it to academia that would be the issue.
It was the reason he and Sarah got in the fight. She felt the he was willing to throw everything they had together out the window just so he could stir up the academic community. Daniel used sex to silence her. He cared very much about Sarah Gardner, but not enough to keep him from pursing his dreams. For the past six months he shared a relationship with her. Whenever he was confused or lost, he turned to sex. When they got in a fight, they resolved it with sex. Sex with Sarah was dependable. It was routine. It happened the same way every time. Even before Sarah, sex with women on campus was simple. Even when he came to terms with his bisexuality and began having relationship with men at college, sex was still simple. It never became complicated. Relationships were complicated. It made Daniel question his worth when he couldn't resolve something with another human being. So he turned to sex. Sex let him focus solely on the pleasure of the task. He didn't sleep around but the select partners he did have, including Sarah, made nothing else matter in those moments where sex overtook everything.
Daniel knew as he looked at the plane ticket that for the next week and a half left in Chicago Sarah and he would fight, make up with sex, and do it all over again numerous times. It was something he counted on. It was a something he could use to fight his own insecurities about his capability of holding a relationship. It was a temporary weapon that he used to forget everything that troubled him during the day. And when he got to New York he wouldn't have to forget. His life would never be the same once he delivered his theories and he would have something else to focus on.