Disclaimer: All Suikoden elements belong to Konami.

Rebirth

Chapter 11: Denial

by ArchFaith

A True Rune.

She endlessly turned the words over in her mind, repeating them in her brain as she gently ran her fingers over the dark markings on the infant's palm, ruby eyes glistening in confusion as she tried to deny the existence of the strange symbols on the newborn's hand.

"It…it cannot be," she said, looking up into the swordsman's eyes after a period of pure silence. "Why would you say such absurd things? Surely it is not a True Rune."

"But what else could it be?" he asked, his voice grave as he looked down into the baby's sleepy eyes. "I noticed it when Joker first gave her to me…that there were some weird shapes on her hand. I don't know if Joker or Mio saw it, but I swore them not to tell anyone about us…after they packed up and left, I examined her again myself. Everything about her is normal except her hand…"

The vampire shook her head. "But it cannot be a True Rune," she continued on in a low voice. "Certainly you know the rules of a Rune Bearer, Nash…after the previous Rune Bearer dies or detaches his or her Rune, the Rune selects its next Bearer…True Runes, or any runes for that matter, are not simply engraved onto infants' hands at birth!" The more she spoke, the more she felt her lungs contract in anxiety, the more she felt blood rising to her skin as she looked at the tiny, helpless creature she had brought into the world. "There can be no exceptions to this rule, boy."

"Then what is it?" he asked, a nervous look upon his face. "How did it get onto her hand? Did it form when she was inside you? No one except Joker and Mio touched her before they gave her to me…"

Troubled, the vampire released the child's hand, peering down into the now sleeping face of the innocent child. It was certainly not a True Rune…but then…what was it? A tattoo of some sort…but from where? Nash had been watching the entire delivery…he would definitely have noticed if something strange was going on. She had been born normally…no one had tampered with her…

"Perhaps this marking is an indication of this quite extraordinary birth," she said absently, desperate to form some kind of explanation for the so-called True Rune that graced her new daughter's hand. "It must mean something…but…" Her voice wavered as she looked up at her companion, who was still frowning.

They sat in silence for a while as Nash gently patted the tiny bundle, who had drifted off into a light slumber. As if their world could not have changed more in the last few weeks; news of Sierra's pregnancy, their mutual adjustment to living together once again, the delivery of a seemingly normal baby girl—but of course, no, fate would not leave them alone now that it had toyed and tugged with their lives. Of course there was an explanation for the child's existence—but what connection did it have to this strange set of markings? Was…could it be a True Rune, indeed?

The vampire was still raking over the question when the child again opened her azure eyes, staring momentarily up at the silver-haired girl before letting out a small, vulnerable-sounding whimper.

"Shhhhh," was Nash's immediate response. Sierra cocked her head as she watched the swordsman positively melt as he gave the girl a small hug. "Don't cry, now. Are you scared? Well, don't be…your mother and I are going to be right here." Temporarily forgetting about the matter of the strange markings, he looked up to the vampire and gave her a warm smile. "Right, Sierra?"

…going to be right here.

It was as if a landslide had been triggered inside her brain; as if, in that one little phrase, her fate had been sealed. But no…the boy was clearly misled; she still had not informed him of her final decision, and she had a feeling that if she did not do so right away, she could never be able to. One more look at his warm, understanding face and she would never be able to pry herself away from him again.

She had to tell him. She had to tell them.

"Nash," she whispered, immediately averting her eyes to her lap, where her fingers had folded into a deceptively calm clasp, "I must tell you something…something I should have told you a long time ago."

His gentle face quickly flashed into seriousness. "…what?" he asked, keeping his voice quiet as the baby stopped her whimpering, blinking her large eyes up at her father as he absently frowned down at her.

The vampire sighed. I cannot play this charade any longer, she thought grimly. But can I really continue on with this decision? Of course it has been my plan ever since I discovered my pregnancy…but…oh, I must do it! I cannot bear this any longer…I cannot deceive him any longer…

"If indeed these markings on her hand are a True Rune," she said slowly, choosing her words cautiously, "…then you shall have to find out yourself why she was born with it."

"Well, that's exactly what—" he paused as the gravity of the sentence suddenly hit him with full force.

…you shall have to find out yourself…

"What do you mean...by myself…?" he asked, his voice dangerous and low, the familiar room suddenly becoming dark and cramped as the vampire shifted uneasily on the bed, her pale hands slowly moving the bedclothes aside as she stood, with some effort, stretching her lithe body as the large white shirt obscured her slender frame.

"I feel much better now," she continued in a conversational tone, a thin faint smile upon her face. "I have been in this bed for what seems like ages…a long walk is what I need."

She gracefully bent to open the small drawer standing next to the bed as the swordsman looked on, a slightly disturbed reasoning rapidly developing in his mind. "Sierra…what did you mean when you said I had to find out by myself?"

"Simply that I shall leave it up to you to discover the purpose and origin of these symbols," she continued, locating her familiar old blue skirt and purple shawl inside the small drawer.

What a coward you are, Sierra! the inner voice whispered harshly in her ear. You must tell him directly. You skirt around the issue and expect him to understand…when it would be impossible for him to understand…

He narrowed his eyes as she turned to him. "I am going to get dressed," she said nonchalantly as she began to unbutton the long shirt. "I feel a sudden need to be wearing my old clothes."

She was up to something; this much he could ascertain. But it was strange; normally, the vampire would state her purpose—she would not beat around the bush, leading him in circles until he figured out her aim. But what scheme could she have possibly invented this time? So soon after the child had been born…

"Weren't…weren't you going to tell me something, old girl?" he asked slowly as she slipped her flowing white blouse over her head.

Damn…she could not elude his questions now. Well, her fault for alerting him to her decision in the first place; now, she had to find her way out of the quagmire of guilt. "Yes, in a few minutes," she answered, her voice slightly nervous as she reached for the pleated skirt which was still folded inside the drawer. "But it is a beautiful night, do you not think?"

She was covering something up; the disgustingly sloppy way she tried to invert their conversation almost sickened him as the endless possibilities of the secret now made their way into his mind.

His face grim now, he leaned forward, pulling the child protectively towards his chest. "What exactly are you trying to tell me, Sierra?"

By now she had managed to slip on all of her old garments; the blouse and skirt, cape and shawl, stockings and shoes. As she placed her headband securely on her silvery hair, she sighed as she turned away from him, her eyes focusing towards the window where the bluish light of the full moon shone brightly through the thin curtains.

Coward. The word echoed in her mind. Coward. She could not tell him; she could not hurt him again…but she had to. If she did not, she would one day come to regret it.

For she was Sierra Mikain, the great and powerful vampire mistress, succumbing to nothing, prisoner to no one. Pride—her only true treasure now, the one thing she pushed everything aside for as she struggled to hold it to herself. Greedy, selfish pride. She could not let simple, unimportant things get in the way now; the one thing she cared most about was herself and her well-being; love was not a necessity. Pleasure…perhaps. But not love.

Or so she told herself.

She turned to him.

"I am leaving, Nash."

In an instant he had risen from the chair, his eyes wide as he swiftly walked towards her, a look of pure rage on his face. "What?" he demanded, his azure eyes flashing her own reflection back at her as he came to stand in front of her, his arms still clutching the tiny bundle. "What!"

There was no way she would be able to keep her calm unless she put on an air; so, it was the only thing left to do. Feigning indifference, she calmly narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips in an almost child-like manner. "Nash," she said, her voice serious as she raised her eyes to his. "I suppose I should have told you earlier, but…I decided a long time ago that it would be best for me to leave once the pregnancy had ended."

It can't be true, his confused, troubled mind whispered as he observed her bored eyes, her jaded expression. After all he had given her…after all he had done for her…and their bond, what of that? This attachment he had felt for her all this time—did it mean nothing to her?

Sighing, struggling to keep calm, he managed to lower his voice as he spoke to her. "You can't be serious," he began, knowing full well that his companion was not up to playing jokes. "You…just can't be…"

She shook her head; it took all her willpower to keep the rigid expression on her face as his suddenly agonized eyes met hers. "I am sorry, boy…it was my plan all along, you see. Once the child—or whatever I thought it might come out to be—was released from my body, it would only be natural for me to depart…you were correct in saying I only came to you because I was ill. And now that the problem has been solved, I thank you for your efforts."

I came to you because I loved you, Nash, a wispy, tired voice murmured within her soul. But I am too selfish to tell you that myself.

"You're kidding," the boy continued on in a crazed tone, his anger slowly heating into fury as he heard the words trickle eloquently out of her mouth. "Sierra…"

Suddenly impatient to be freed, she quickly brushed past him, swiftly walking out the doorway and into the dimly lit living room. Taking a last look around at the now familiar setting, her hand was on the doorknob when the swordsman appeared at the entrance to the bedroom, his stunned face growing cold as he cradled the infant in his arms.

"Sierra!" he called, his tone unforgiving as he walked forwards, freeing his left hand to grab her wrist as she turned in surprise. "How can you…how can you…"

He could not even speak; finally, in a final fit of rage, he managed to get the words out. "How can you do this again?" he asked, his eyes wild as he squeezed her wrist harder, surprising the vampire in how tight his mortal grip could be. "Don't think you can just walk out on me after all that's happened between us…everything we've gone through…does it mean nothing to you!"

With a surge of strength she wrenched her hand out of his grip, her eyes steely and cold as she placed a hand defiantly on her hip. "You have no right to speak to me that way, boy," she murmured. "I told you long ago…the affair has been over for a long time now. The only reason I returned was so I could rid myself of this illness…and now that it has been removed from me, I can go as I please."

She could hardly think as the words tumbled out of her mouth; only when she had uttered the unforgivable phrases did she grasp the full meaning of her speech, and the very thought sickened her soul as she realized what it was that she was about to do. Nonetheless; she had never given in to any stupid little inklings before…she was only doing what was best for her…and best for him as well. And the child…surely the little girl could not grow and prosper with a vampire as a mother…

"Are you serious?" he asked again, his voice now so loud that the baby opened her eyes, looking up at her father as he angrily continued. "I…I don't believe this…" In desperation he looked down at the infant, patting her gently as he went on. "Answer me, Sierra! All of this—all I've done for you, everything I've shared with you…our daughter…does it mean nothing to you? Does she mean nothing to you?"

The vampire managed to keep her eyes away from the curious child, sure she would break down if she did not. "Do not talk to me of love!" she exclaimed, crossing her arms over her hips. "And I never said I would stay once the child was born, Nash. Think about it. I never said a word."

Knowing it was true, he tried to go on. "So you're leaving, then? You'll leave me…you'll leave us?"

Scowling, the vampire swiftly turned, her pale hand twisting the knob as the door gently swung open. Turning to face away from the swordsman, she said, in a dangerous, subdued tone, "You cannot force me to stay; I will do as I please. I am a selfish woman, boy…you knew this. And you know it still. I live for myself, and only for myself. Whatever feelings you thought I had for you…lies, all of it. I only stayed with you because of the pleasure you gave me." She eyed him over her shoulder, her face lofty and indifferent. "And now that this little brat is finished feeding off of me, I am going. You can keep her with you or do a you please with her; scum begets scum, I suppose."

What…what was she saying? This made no sense, no sense at all…was it really for the better? Would she be better off alone? Would Nash? Would the baby…?

With that, she stepped out of the house, her lithe feet barely touching the ground as she almost floated out into the center of the torch-lit plaza, her speed lightning fast as the swordsman appeared in the doorway, the blinding tears visible in his azure eyes as he screamed into the darkness.

"Damn you, Sierra! You selfish bitch!" he screamed, the pale figure barely visible as it sped away into the darkness. "Sierra! Sierra!"

She turned momentarily, her pained eyes squinting back towards him as a single bloody tear suddenly slid down her pale cheek. Determined not to let him see her cry, she swiftly turned away. Wiping the tear from her face, she took a deep breath and began to run.

In an instant she was gone.

Sierra…Sierra…

But of course it was no use. He could scream, shout, carry on, and make a ruckus as much as he pleased; but once the vampire disappeared into the night…she would not be seen again unless she wished to be found.

In desperation he sank to his knees, his muscular frame nearly collapsing under the horrible weight that he had been dropped onto his shoulders. Hugging the tiny infant to his chest, he bowed his head in sudden grief; his eyes had opened wide, his face crossed in blank sadness.

He thought everything would be fine. Once Sierra saw the baby, all would be well; and no matter where the child came from, they would be able to figure it out as time wore on. The important thing was that he would finally have her; so many things had kept them apart over the months, the years—but there had been no obstacles. The swordsman and the vampire, once again. And now…and now…

You'll suffer, old girl. Believe me…I know you too well. And I'll suffer too. But you know that, don't you? But she…I won't allow your greed to affect her as well. You've lost, Sierra.

He closed his eyes in immediate determination as he gently rose, his breathing quickly returning to its normal state as he opened his eyes to look down at the curious little girl, who was staring up at him with a confused expression on her face.

"It's alright, little one…don't be scared. I'm here…I'll always be here." He managed to give her a thin smile as he turned to go back into the house. "You need a name, kid. I've been thinking, actually…what do you think of…Sylvia?"

Broken, shattered shards of his heart quickly struggled to mend the mangled frame of his soul as he gently closed the door to the house.

To be continued….

Notes: Oh man…I took so long to write this my story got bumped to the second page! This story is soooo long…it's broken a lot of fanfiction records I previously had standing…it has the most words, the most chapters, and the most reviews out of all my fanfics. But hold there, folks, it's still not done! Sierra's so evil…this is what I had in mind all along. That she would give birth to the baby and then heartlessly leave…I briefly toyed with the idea of just having her stay, but where's the fun in that?

So now, Sierra has left Nash twice. What a bitch, ne? Anyways, there will probably be either one or two chapters (or one chapter and then two short chapters) after this…the story is coming into its ending stages. The thing I hate most in the world is when a story just goes on and on after it should have stopped a long time ago…so the ending will be coming soon. But please review this chapter! It really makes me happy to read everyone's comments and constructive criticism; I want to be encouraged AND work on things that need improvement.

(hehe long notes this time) One more thing…my boyfriend and I are cosplayers, and we've decided to do Nash and Sierra for our next cosplay! I've begun working on the Sierra outfit...it'll look great!

Kuroi Neko-kun: Oooh, chocolate bunnies? There's only one thing better than that…I want a Crab Rice Bowl!

thundersenshi: Nash's eyes are supposed to be green? Hmm…they always looked blue to me. Why then, I'd have to change the title of my other fic, "Ruby and Azure" to "Ruby and Emerald"…sounds like Pokémon…hehe!

Virtue: Yup…Sierra's a mommy alright! Not a very good one though…

Krile: Yup, Nash's eyes…couldn't have Sierra's eyes, that would be bad. Babies can't have red eyes, now :)

Next chapter: Sierra thinks she has done the right thing...but of course she knows she hasn't. Times passes by slowly as she ponders her fateful decision…and thinks about Nash and the child almost every waking moment. Stay tuned!