To all you folks who reviewed: you are Loooosers. All of you. Don't you know that is dangerous to feed the Ego of the AliWag? My parents actually put a sign up on my door when I was eight that said: "Beware the AliWag's Ego! It makes her do stupid things! Do not feed!" right after I-... Uh, yeah, you know what, never mind. Let's move along, shall we?

Oh yeah! Barbra Neal? (Crosses arms, glares and taps a toe) You do realize that now I kinda hafta say the obligatory "I'm not a kid!" now don'cha? (Seethes) Gawd! Uhg! Agh! You have any idea how childish that made me sound? Of course you did! You head me say it! Prob'ly did it on purpose din'cha! Sadistic freak! Just wallow in my humiliation why don'cha! Watch what you writing from now on, damnit! I do have a reputation to maintain! Sheesh! Don't make me sue you!

And FlammableGirl: you are extra stupid. Because I said so. Why would you read something which you thought was gonna let you down? You confuse me. I don't like to be confused. You should shut up or I might mot be able to write anymore for my brain's befuddlement. Then the world would end.

Haldir had his bow drawn half a moment after he dropped soundlessly down behind her and began in tones which booked no interruption.

Meetings and Muscle:

"You are trespassing on-,"

"Oh my damn!" Was her first reaction, coupled with a swift twirl around to face him.

"Who the hell are you!" Was her second after taking in his geeky tights, what looked like a poorly crafted imitation bow and arrow set, ridiculously long platinum-blond hair, and the weird ear job. This one was obviously of the Geek variety. Not too hard to spot if you knew the season for them, actually. They did tend to be more hermit like, preferring to participate in small groups of their own kind in a strange activity known as "Dungeons and Dragons," where false titles and abilities were assumed and they sat around in a circle. This was carried on for months in periods, before it was begun all over again in a seemingly never ending, pointless, and mind-numbingly boring ritual of masochistic monotony. Annually, they flocked together, made much ado about food and violent sport, wore ceremonial garb, and purchased useless trinkets at "shoppes." This is often enough a time of mating rituals where, once again, false titles, but the titles are those of hierarchy this time, are used. Although Geeks are not dangerous, they do frequently fantasize about violence, which seems to be the primary purpose of the "D&D," but some theorize that it may have some purpose in attracting a mate, that the prowess in the ritual perhaps displays superiority over potential rivals for a mate, but some argue that so useless a skill couldn't have any baring on the virility of a male and that such pansy-ish inactivity may perhaps hint at a lacking in cert-. (channel changes)

A muscle in his jaw twitched and his eyes narrowed.

"I am Haldir, Marchwarden of the Galadhrim of Lorien. You are going to be taken forth to our Lady-"

"Wow, gee, thanks Renaissance Festival Dood! You have no idea how creepy it is out here! I'm so glad somebody finally- !"

And an arrow whizzed a quarter of an inch from her ear. After a moment of silence Haldir assumed she had finally gotten the message that -he- was the one who would be doing the talking, and so-

"Do you have any idea how dangerous that just was?" She scolded, "You could have skewered me! What, are you crazy or something? Are you retarded? Don't play around with stuff like that! Just who the hell d'you think you are! Why, I oughta-!"

"This has already been explained to you, human! Now be silent!" He snarled. He could hear his brothers snickering up in the trees above him and he made a mental note to give them orders for something strenuous and disgusting and perhaps mildly demeaning once they returned to the city. He fully realized that he needed to calm down, though. Having a shouting match with his new charge wasn't going to do him any good and it certainly wasn't going to do anything for his image. No slip of a human girl was going to embarrass him before his brothers! He was going to take charge! (Que Haldir's theme-song and spot light)

"As you seem to have no possessions we will be leaving now. Is that clear? If you give us any more trouble you will be subdued. Do not attempt to escape."

"That sounded rather cool, if he did say so himself," the power-mad jerk face thought smugly. Inner Haldir gave a thumbs up and a big smile in congratulations. "Now, surely, she will cooperate, since she must realize that she has no hope of going counter to me," he thought.

Which was obviously why she was running away. (Theme-song ends sharply)

Actually, she had been in track so she could actually run, but um, yeah, they were like um, actual elves so in about ten seconds she had been lassoed and was flat on her face and in another two seconds she has fully bound, blinded, and in biiiig trouble. In short order she had been hoisted up several feet and was moving in the same direction she had been running. Never before had possessing a poor intuition been so humiliating or potentially life threatening.

"Nuts," she thought furiously. "I really should start carrying some mace or a gun or adopt a great dane or something...!"

"A bit late now," that little sarcastic part of her brain mocked, laughing at her pointless train of thought.

"Lemme gooooo! I'm sorry I was on your land," she moaned pitifully.

Seeing as this had no effect she decided to use a different approach.

"The cops are so gonna get you! My mom was expecting me home like, an hour ago! They'll have the dogs out and everything! It'll be an easy trail as I didn't even so much as cross water!"

"I have grown weary of this farce, girl! Be silent; you have no hope of escaping," he stated with the authoritative finality of someone who is used to being right.

"Why does it matter that I was on your land? I was just walking. I didn't deface the property or anything! This is ridiculous!"

She was nearly hysterical, and although the thought that going to pieces at this time wasn't going to help her- she didn't care; she was being kid-napped. This was one of those terrible, really horrific, scar you for life, that'll-never-happen-to-me-because-I'm-so-careful things, so she had a right to be almost wetting herself. And the kicker was that although she always known that she should avoid crazies, Renaissance festival attendees had never been on her scary-folks list even though she knew them to be psychos. She was simply friends with too many of them to find them even the least bit intimidating. Damn! The burn of betrayal!

She wiggled and she whined and she cussed in other languages, but nothing seemed to affect them. Eventually they started talking amongst themselves in some funky language she'd never heard before. Maybe it was like, Lithuanian or something. Damn them! Discussing how to cook her and who'd get her liver, right in front of her! She'd sooo be suing for emotional damages. If she lived.

"RELEASE ME, YOU-," She bellowed, but she never got to finish that thought as she was suddenly rendered unconscious.

" Well, she is really very pathetic. Not only has she alerted every creature in the forest to her presence with her songs, she does not even appear to posses a weapon or armor. It is truly a mystery how she ended up so far from other humans without anything. She doesn't even have provisions! "

Haldir glared down at the odd girl an nodded his agreement with Rumil's words. Now that he had leisure to look at her, she was rather pretty and elf-like for a human. Her long dark hair was the color of the northern pines' bark, her skin was as pale and smooth as any elf's though her face and shoulders had a fine smattering of small, light freckles, her frame was taller and more slight than that of most human females though her face was round and filled, her high cheek bones and slim, straight nose gave her an aristocratic appearance, though her tongue would have him believing her to be no more than a barbarian, and when her mouth was not spewing non-sense her lips were beautifully lush and dark and smooth and-

Suddenly there was another girl before them, though this one appeared to be less than half the age of the one they were carrying.

The elves stared at one another for a long andconfused moment and then the child promptly burst into tears and dropped to the floor.

This wasnot going well...