CHAPTER 6: SAVE US, ASUKA!
"Let's go swimming... To the sun..." Kaworu sang in while sitting in his jade-green bathtub. His beautiful locks of hair hung down his ears, the back of his hair slightly wet from leaning back against the tub walls. "So relaxing..." He sighed, watching the steam rise from the tub. "You really should join me in here!" The walls of the bathroom were a pleasant change of the traditional Japanese apartment complex, having actual light green paint that went down three quarters down to the floor, up to tiny jade colored tiles that covered the bathroom floor. A small potted bonsai tree sat on top of the pale green bathroom sink, along with a bar of soap and a full box tissues.
"That's okay Kaworu, I'm all set right now!" a voice from Kaworu's bedroom called back.
"Oh, come on now! I'll be good!" Kaworu mock promised. "I mean after that whole ordeal with the candle and..."
"Kaworu!" the voice chided Kaworu and thumps were heard as he walked into the bathroom.
"Hello, Tristan!" Kaworu looked up at him with his head leaning upside down. "You're certainly looking fresh this morning!"
"I sure am!" Tristan grinned and stretched his muscles carefully. "You'd think that Rei would like you more given your taste in clothes."
"Oh no, she got those all from Shinji's father around two years or so ago. You can tell so easily by their style, as she's so out of date fashion wise," Kaworu smiled with a hint of teeth and rolled over in the bathtub, his smooth white skin glistening from the water. "You really should stay a while, I mean you wouldn't want to be bit in the fanny by irony!"
"Bit in the ass?"
"No, the fanny," Kaworu reassured Tristan. "Well, if you're not coming in, could you grab me a towel there, I'll be all set!"
"Here you go," Tristan handed Kaworu the soft, white towel. "I really worry about Asuka sometimes, because she can be a bit depressive..." his voice trailed off while Kaworu dried himself with the towel.
"Ah yes, I do too, she hasn't done too well as a pilot," Kaworu remarked, his deep red eyes looking over Tristan's clothed body.
"Well, I've got to be going, I will probably see you again soon!"
"Give me a call! I'm always around for you!" Kaworu gave Tristan a sly wink while Tristan merely chortled it off.
---
"Asuka Langley Delecour," Asuka typed out on her computer in her room, leaning her head against her bare right arm which was resting on the smooth, jet-black surface of her desk.
"Why hasn't he returned yet?" She thought silently, looking around her room. It was one of the larger bedrooms in the house, having a full size bed with blue sheets, white comforter in the southwest corner. A small model of Unit 02 stood beside the monitor of her computer, standing in a menacing pose. The gray walls gave the incoming sunlight a soft effect, as it cast on them from the open windows. The south most window gave a view overlooking the forest while the east window looked over to the house next to their residence. To Asuka's knowledge, no one lived in it.
"Doesn't anyone listen to me?" She yelled through the empty house. Shinji and Misato were gone for a meeting with Gendo, which they gave very few hints as to what it was about. "Doesn't anyone care?" She followed up in a softer voice, as she pulled open one of the drawers in the desk and removed a retractable cutting knife. A bird chirped outside, and Asuka ran over to the window, slamming it shut. She collapsed on her bed, emotionally strewn about what she was really supposed to be doing with her life. Her blue eyes began to water as she thought more and more about her combat skills deteriorating, how she was second rate compared to Rei in her choice of clothing, the way that Tristan didn't give her the time she desired, and how no one connected to her.
Tears streaming down her face, she sat up on the edge of the bed, her soft gray sleep-wear loosely hanging around her body. She took the knife and extended it two notches, and exposed the bottom side of her left wrist, putting the exposed blade a few centimeters above the vein, ready to cut all the way down her arm. She looked up at the mirror across the room, tears streaming down her face, her dark red-brown hair matted against her face, and dropped the knife on the floor.
"No, there must be some other way. I cannot be weak again," She told herself. The seven years of therapy in the United States had alienated her from her peers. She felt emotionally stunted, unable to comprehend on the level of an average twenty-one year old level. Her life was in shambles, her father all but disowning her during her therapy, her combat skills nil, and she wasn't even good at driving.
"Is anyone here?" she heard the unmistakable voice of Tristan Delecour call out. "Asuka?"
"I'm here!" She weakly mustered, tossing the blade under her bed quickly.
"Geeze, you look like you've gone through hell and back," Tristan said, dropping beside her.
"I just don't want you to leave me," Asuka began weeping, wrapping her arms around Tristan's waist. "I need you here, because with out you, I'm just so alone..."
"Asuka, you know you're the best girl I know," Tristan whispered into Asuka's ear, stroking her back. "I mean, I let you drive my car!"
The twenty one year old girl laid back on her bed, looking up at Tristan while she put her hands over her head, showing her resignation of her fate to Tristan. Tristan's eyes were looking into her own eyes, blinking every so often, and she wondered where he exactly came from. Why was he here? Was he truly so great? Asuka recalled to her youth when she was a headstrong braggart who would do nothing but demand the best. Tristan changed all of that, as he was the best that there was, despite his relative lack of piloting skills. Was it his Jeet Kune Do skills? She wondered to herself. Or was it his connection with his mother in the EVA? He had told her earlier, but it just seemed unfeasible to happen.
"I know," she murmured, "I just feel like I'm a dead weight with you around. You're so much of a hero." Asuka sighed a breath out, and stared at the mirror.
"You're not really a red head, are you? More of a.. brownish red than say a true red, aren't you?"
"Yes?" Asuka shrugged it off and focused on her own mounting pressures that were making every moment of her waking life a living hell. "What made you such a strong individual?"
"Well, I'm not that good. I do have some weak points," Tristan watched Asuka's chest rise up and down with each one of Asuka's breaths while Asuka's hair moved slightly in her head.
"Such as?"
"Well, I do have a weakness for girls like you,"
"Hey!" Asuka tried to hold back a bit of a smile as she poked Tristan in the ribs. "I want to know how you became so great as a pilot? I trained every day on that machine and I'm nowhere near as sync ready."
"You just ruined your chances right there,"
"How?"
"Eva's aren't machines. They're as much of a human as you and I," Tristan explained, hoping that Asuka would catch on this time. After he had hacked deep into Asuka's personal files at NERV two weeks ago, with his super computer, GOGAHN, he had found out all about her mother and the psychological trauma that both women had gone through.
"They are machines!"
"Oh for God's sake, Asuka, if anyone should know they're more than machines, it should be you. Didn't you see Shinji's EVA 01 go completely insane more than a few times?"
"Well, yes, but Unit 01 still has many test type flaws when compared to our production units which are-" Asuka began to babble as her poor performing EVA was compared to Shinji's.
"Shh. You are missing the point, as all EVA's are controlled by humans. And not just the human in the entry plug," Tristan interrupted her meaningless prattling calmly. "Don't you feel it? Feel the presence of your mother?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. My mother is dead. She killed herself a long time ago," Asuka turned her back to Tristan, biting her tongue to prevent herself from crying. Tristan put a hand on her shoulder for her reassurance.
"Certainly you don't think pilots were chosen by random? Shinji's mother was a member of the EVA test bed. Your mother was a member of the EVA project. My mother was in Unit 04 when the crater occurred. We're piloting our mothers."
"Liar!"
"Au contraire, mon ami, they are indeed, our mothers. Perhaps not in physical form, but mentally, yes. I think you need to make amends with your mother," Tristan said, turning Asuka around to face him.
"What ever you say, Tristan," Asuka rolled her eyes at Tristan before getting a new shirt tossed at him.
---
"This is completely and totally stupid," Asuka whined while sitting in the entry plug. "I'm supposed to make amends with my mother by sitting in a giant mechanized war machine. You may be some sort of techno Jesus, Tristan, but..."
"Asuka, shut up and concentrate," Misato barked.
"Allooooo! Mommy? Are you heeeeeeeree? Floating around in a giant robot for giant monster-of-the-week fighting? Don't be shy!" she called out sarcastically. The entry plug video just showed the plain white walls of the testing bays. All other statistics were clean. Unit 02 remained motionless as the testing was conducted.
"No change reported," Ritsuko reported from behind the control panel. "It's been an hour so far and no changes."
"Pull her out," Tristan sighed. "It's obvious that she needs to drop the act." Tristan sat back in one of the rolling chairs,
"Obviously," Misato sighed and shook her head. "Nice idea, considering that's been one of the key plot points that holds this whole place together."
Ritsuko narrowed one of her eyes at Misato, wondering just what she was talking about. "Uh, Misato?"
"Yes?"
"What was that about?"
"Nothing, nothing." Misato turned and walked down the silvery hallways to her car. She was sick of the lack of effort that Asuka was giving, tired of the lack of love, tired of NERV. She needed a cigarette and a beer.
---
Asuka sighed and flung the plugsuit against the interior of the silver locker. Nothing was working out the way it was supposed to be. She pulled on her shirt and sighed, looking at herself in the mirror hanging from the door of the locker. Her eyes were distraught and blood shot from lack of sleep, as well as stress. As she put on her pants, her mind wandered. She felt she needed a little time alone.
"I've got to get myself somewhere..." She thought, knowing that she still had no skills compared to Tristan, Shinji, or even Rei.
---
"We're home..." Tristan announced as he pulled in the driveway in the Mazda RX-7. "How about we go out and get something to eat?"
"I'm not feeling like eating, right now," Asuka, replied turning her head away from Tristan.
"Catch a film?"
"No,"
"Get some new clothes?"
"No,"
"Listen to my brand new mah-sive trance track?"
"No,"
"Go dori dori?"
"No,"
"Eat some pie?"
"No,"
"Fuck?"
"No, I'm going to go out for a while, I need some time to meditate on my skills," Asuka whimpered out, having passed up such incredible chances to be with Tristan just to improve her piloting skills.
"Okay, just don't end up in a bathtub, naked and looking like a concentration camp victim! I'll call up Rei and we'll do something together,"
"Fine." Asuka grit her teeth and pulled the harness off her body, exiting the car. "I'll call if there's any problem."
"You do that!"
---
Asuka sat down in the middle of the well groomed park, her metallic green bicycle locked to a nearby chain-link fence that was covered with foliage. A few young children chased each other in the distance, but Asuka didn't mind. She had things to concentrate on, and needed a chance to relax. As she laid back, feeling the blades of grass bending from her weight on her spine, she sighed and looked upwards to the sky. The clouds moved slowly across the sky, an occasional plane flying over head as she simply relaxed.
This was not to last long as her worn silver cell phone began to ring, but her mind was already focused elsewhere, and she briefly saw that it was merely Tristan's phone. Sighing, she pushed the end button and went back to staring at the sky.
Minutes turned to hours as she sat, idly doodling on a small pad that she had kept in her pocket, or simply writing out her feelings about a certain cloud formation that hovered overhead. After about two hours of peace and quiet, the civilian siren went off to get to the shelters. There was a possible attack about to occur..
"Fuck," Asuka swore as she ran to her bicycle, pulling the lock apart. She leapt on the seat and rode as fast as she could to the house where she could get a ride to NERV.
---
"ALLO?" Asuka yelled as she ran inside, not bothering to take off her shoes. "Anyone here?"
No one responded to her calls as she ran through the house.
"Must all be at NERV already! But Tristan's car is still in the driveway! And so is Misato's! Something must be amiss!" She comprehended as she grabbed a set of keys for Tristan's now single TRust turboed RX-7. Tristan said that he was tired of the hairy transitions between the twin Hitachi as he was pushing more boost on them than normal. The single turbo, while increasing the spool-up time minimally, made a smooth arch through the entire power band, rather than the jump when one turbo was fully spooled, and the other was just starting to.
"I better get to NERV fast! Faster than, uh, Jesus on roller-skates!" She ran to Tristan's car, hopping over the roll-cage into the black Sparco seat. The rotary snapped to life as she turned the key.
---
"Where is Tristan, Rei, Shinji, and Misato?" Ritsuko wondered as she picked at her nails nervously, looking at the latest angel. Frankly to her, it looked like a sock puppet merged with an EVA. And those wings. Creepy, was the word that came to mind to Ritsuko. It was merrily munching down on some of the white battle buildings, oblivious to anything else.
"Call them again Maya," Ritsuko told the young technician. "We need to know where they are! Try Asuka. Try Rei. Try Shinji. Any of them!"
"Yes ma'am!"
"Time for another tall, frosty bottle of Sapporo Coffee-based beverage!" Ritsuko said with a smile.
---
"Got to make it back to NERV!" Asuka sang in full verse while dodging traffic, which instantly cleared for Tristan Delecour's pure white with pearl blue clear-coat sleek drift machine. "Got to smash an angel, la la la. I've got to make this turn, la la la."
As the entry gates opened in anticipation for the RX-7, Asuka smiled and dropped the gear down to fourth, hit 7k RPM, the Greddy turbo conversion smoothly adjusting the powerband, rather than the jolts from the stock Hitachi units. She stopped the car in the middle of the entry way, leaving it still running, her silver backpack containing her plugsuit, and head sync units.
"I'm here, I'm here, I'm here!" she yelled through the hallways as she kicked off her shoes, running towards the entry plug area. After tossing on her plugsuit in a corner, she continued down the hall to find Ritsuko waiting for her by the plugs.
"Where's everyone else?"
"I don't know! Tristan should be here! Shinji should be here! Rei should be here!" Asuka wheezed out as she tried to catch her breath.
"Well, then it's a solo mission. Get in Unit 02 and fight for us! The number of angels is at eight, and we don't know if any more are coming."
"Oh no! Tristan would know what to do! But I will have to do it alone! And I am just a useless woman and I can't do anything right and I feel like crying." Asuka whimpered as she sat in the entry plug, watching the diagnostic screens cycle through. Thoughts of what Tristan had told her to do flowed through her mind as LCL filled the plug.
"Preparing for launch." a disinterested voice read off as Asuka felt her world slowly fall.
---
"Oh no!" Kaworu fretted. "What ever shall we do!"
Tristan's limp body laid still in the cell across from Kaworu, Rei, Shinji, and Misato, barely visible under the dirty lamps that gave an eerie yellow glow.
"I can't believe he fought so bravely to protect us!" Shinji sighed as he sat against the metal prison wall. "So selfless to throw himself to the evil clutches of Oakenfold for the sake of your life Rei!"
Rei merely blushed and kept calling for Tristan to wake up from the forty tranquilizer darts that hit him. He had dodged the first thirty, but when they took Rei hostage, he begged for her life to be spared, and then was shot by the darts which then shot him and made him fall into a tranquilized state which was from the darts that were shot from the dart guns made by the dart gun manufacturing plant who specialized in dart guns and tranquilizers.
"It's like he did everything he could for us, but now he's surrounded by an energy shield that we're powerless against!" Misato cried as she looked at the floor of the cell, trying to find a way out. "Grrr! I hate Oakenfold!"
True to her words, Oakenfold songs were pumped through the speakers, the pop-like melodies sifting through the air like cherry blossoms in the wind.
"He must be trying to torture us!" Kaworu gasped, his fingers tangled together.
"He must be trying to torture us!" Rei mimicked Kaworu in a lispy-tone. "Is that all you do around here? Fret? Whine? Cry? Did we really need another one of those besides Shinji? I can't take this life anymore. I'm just going to hold my breath until I turn blue."
Misato raised an eyebrow at Rei's tirade, interested as Rei gulped down air and made her hands into fists.
---
"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap," Asuka howled as she held up the hands of Unit 02 in defense of the 8 White EVA's that turned and faced her. "Crap, crap, crap, crap, and more crap."
"Asuka, go to it, or you're fired, That is all," Gendo ordered.
"But... I suck!" Asuka cried out in frustration to the unresponsive headquarters of NERV.
"Asuka... Asuka... This is your Mommy and I wanted to say that you don't suck. Well, at least piloting EVA's." a voice called out from the depths of the LCL.
"NANI GO BAKA DESU NE? TOTEMO CHISAI JISHO KAIMASHITA KA? AH SO DESU NE? NAKA NAKA SUGOI NIHON O IKIMASEN DESHITA!!" Asuka babbled randomly.
"Won't you become one with me?" the voice asked. "Of body and soul?"
"Er, um, but, I'm not into that with family members?"
"... Won't you become one with me?" it asked again, reassuringly.
"Oh. Okay. I guess if it will get rid of those new pesky Angels."
---
"You know this is very cruel, Ritsuko," Gendo said, giving a strange glance to Fuyutsuki, who had been behaving rather odd lately.
"It's the only way now!" Ritsuko replied, sipping down the brown fluid. "She just sucks too much!"
"Indeed," Ikari agreed, humming Tristan's new hit fluffy McTrance Glowstick remix of KUNG FU FIGHTING, which Tristan aptly renamed "JEET KUNE DO FIGHTING, with TONFAS". "His moves were fast as liiiightniiing."
---
"Yay! I am one with the EVA! I am number one!" Asuka cheered as she sliced through the multitude of EVA's with the greatest of ease. With her new found sync-ratio, she found that she could merely bounce around and slice them all up with no problem. They all died and Asuka was happy again.
"OH NO!" Asuka cried out, "I must save Tristan, Shinji, and Rei, and Kaworu, and Misato! Where are they at?" Asuka thought out loud.
Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, it hit her.
"They're all at SEELE headquarters! They must be! That must mean I must rescue them and I get to be the hero!"
"Oh no you're not Asuka!" Gendo barked over the intercom.
"I'm dropping the hammer!" Asuka said, blocking all communications to her EVA. Grabbing the new portable backpack power unit for Unit 02's slender frame, she picked up a progressive hand grenade, a progressive shotgun, a progressive AWP sniper rifle, some progressive throwing knives, a progressive katana, and a progressive bazooka. Then she ran to Seele's headquarters.
---
"Damn! Shit! Hell!" Tristan said as he held his aching head in his hands. "If they didn't have 300 guys on me at once, I would of beat them all!"
"Tristan!" Rei said with tears in her eyes, running into the laser beam bars that held her back from the super-star DJ, drifter, rally car driver, EVA Pilot, and so many other countless things that made him oh so perfect. She bounced off the laser beams and was flung against Shinji.
"Don't you worry about me, Rei!" Tristan shouted, thinking of what he could do. "Hmmm... what to do...."
A guard walked through the hallway with a pistol, looking at the captors. "Oooh, looks like we've got some sexy results from our path. I think I'll have to 'cash in' on the bounty!" The guard said, eyeing Misato's torn jacket. "Oh, wowwie!" The guard jumped when he saw the super drifter. "It's Tristan Delecour! He's my favorite DJ ever! Can I have your autograph? And one for my son, he's a huge fan and would love to have something by you!"
"Sure. Come over here and I'll make one for you," Tristan replied, heading out to the solid bars.
The guard walked over and stood next to the bars, awaiting the autograph, but Tristan had other plans. Tristan grabbed the man by the shirt, and put him in a choke hold.
"Oh no! Please don't kill me! I've got a family and.." the guard was cut short after Tristan snapped his neck.
"You gotta do what you gotta do." Tristan mused as he grabbed the key card to his cell. He slid it through the cold metal slide and opened the cell's door, walking out proudly. He went over to the locker that contained all his items and pulled out a cellphone from the pile of items.
"Better call the base," Tristan said as he walked out the door.
"But what about us?" Rei begged to have her quest for knowledge answered. "What ever will we do?"
"You can wait here and keep yourself ready!"
"You sure are full of good ideas, Tristan. If I had the choice, I'd put you in my job as commander!" Misato said.
"I know I am,"
---
"Gonna save Tristan and everyone else... Dooo dooo doo doo dee doo doo. Gonna save Tristan with this gun in my hand. Doo doo doo bee doo be doo doo," Asuka sang quietly to herself.
The fine red EVA galloped through the plains, running over some spare buildings that remained abandoned from the angel attacks.
"Hey, there's SEELE headquarters!" Asuka shouted over the communications system. "I should save Tristan and stuff! He'll be so happy then!"
---
"LOOK OUT, TRISTAN!" Shinji yelled as Tristan dodged a bullet shot from a 45 mm silencer. The guards were surrounding him, but Tristan was too fast and was taking them out while humming a new HARDCORE DEEP FUNKY DRUM AND BASS song that he wrote while sitting in his cell.
"Wow, he's so good!" Rei said, almost fainting because Tristan was in such danger.
Tristan, however, had a better idea than those throwaway guards. He stole one of the guns off the dead guards and shot them all. "Now you guys can get out and stuff," Tristan smiled, after opening the bars to the cell. "Everyone should get a gun, the bigger, the better,"
"Oh, I don't know if my delicate wrists can handle high powered weaponry like your sculpted greek god body can!"
"You're right, Rei, they can't, but you should still get a gun. How about that auto-shotgun," Tristan said as he threw the heavy Russian build weapon over. "Just get your own ammo from the dead bodies!"
After everyone got a gun, Tristan started shooting grenades from the pulse rifle towards the fast approaching guards, their body parts flying everywhere, coating Shinji with intestines of unfortunate guards, blood matting his hair. Shinji decided that it was probably a good time to move out of the way from the path of the guards.
"Through here!" Misato yelled over the explosions and screams of pain. "This is the emergency exit!"
Everyone ran through the way Misato was pointing to and entered a long silver and white corridor that had flourecent lighting beside the walls. The floors had a complex diamond plating that had a slight bit of rust on the edges, suggesting that it had been exposed to sea water at some point.
Tristan noticed this and sniffed the air. "I smell salt water!"
"As do I," Kaworu agreed, leaning against the plate aluminum walls. "I think this will head out to the ocean!"
"Wow, Tristan, I didn't know you were so smart about that kind of thing!" Shinji ran down to the end of the corridor. "It does!"
"NOT WHEN I'M AROUND!" a voice from an unknown source boomed through.
"Who are you!?" Tristan demanded, pointing the high powered rifle/grenade around the room, only to watch it get kicked out of his hands in the dry air.
"I THINK YOU CAN FIGURE THAT OUT!" A image shimmered and Oakenfold stood in front of the group. "HA HA HA HA HA" Oakenfold laughed, then attacked Tristan.
"Oh no! He wants to fight!" Misato fretted, trying to take a straight aim at Oakenfold. "But he's too close, and I might shoot Tristan! I don't know what to do!"
Tristan dodged the first kick that Oakenfold shot out, and swept his feet to the left, and hit Oakenfold square on the temple.
"Ha ha ha, you cannot defeat me that way!" Oakenfold shouted, and caught Tristan's punch with his hand, attempting to crush it.
"Oww!" Tristan grimaced as the pain shot through his hand and up his arm. "His strength seems unreal! Someone shoot him!"
"But I can't shoot straight!" Rei whined as she looked through the scope.
"Take the shot!"
BOOM! Rei's rifle shot straight through Oakenfold's head and the fist lost grip. Misato, Rei, Kaworu, Shinji, and Tristan crowded around the corpse.
"Wait a second... this isn't Oakenfold, this is just a CLONE!" Tristan watched the green goo drool out of the bullet hole.
"Yes, that is right, DELECOUR!" Oakenfold's voice boomed. "I'll make sure to defeat you in a better way! A ha ha ha ha!"
"Let's get out of here!" Shinji suggested, exiting the building.
---
"Hmm.. If I was Tristan, what would I do?" Asuka said while picking off the defense drones at SEELE's headquarters. "I'd defeat Oakenfold in hand to hand combat, and run outside for a super robot."
Suddenly, a giant robot appeared from underground. It had long arms and was brown/beige with big black things sticking out of its back. "... It's Jet Alone!" Asuka gasped as the realization hit her like a five gallon-head in a ten-gallon hat. "I'll have to DESTROY him!" Asuka readied her progressive chainsaw and charged.
Jet Alone sighed and crumbled as the hot blades from the Briggs And/Or Stratton built chainsaw. In an explosion that rocked the house like Kid and Play in House Party II, Asuka made a perfect three point landing on the blackened earth where no doubt there was a huge explosion of Jet Alone.
"It's a good thing I'm almost a tenth as good as Tristan!" Asuka said proudly.
---
Tristan ran out of the massive SEELE complex and saw UNIT 02 and knew it was Asuka there to pick him up. "Everyone go into the hands!" Tristan said after Asuka cupped the EVA's hands to carry the five back to base.
Once they got to base again, Tristan ran over to his silver, black, and red EVA and got in to finish off SEELE alone.
"He's so brave!"
---
Tristan sat at the modern controls of the EVA, but something was not right at all.
"We've got a green pattern! It means there's a so called 'TRANCE DJ' pilot out there, Tristan! Be careful!" Ritsuko communicated to Tristan has he held up a pair of progressive tonfas up.
"I know what I'm doing," Tristan said cooly.
Down the horizon, there was a huge black and orange figure with giant boxes on the shoulders running to Unit 04.
"You're not going to get away from me now, Delecour!" The robot's pilot called out. As it came closer, Tristan could make out more details from it. In comparison to his own EVA, it was very bulky, much more robotic, with large wires covered all over his , and the giant boxes on its shoulders were actually speakers, with giant subwoofer ports.
Tristan knew exactly who he was dealing with when the shoulders combined and a giant megaspeaker came out. "It.. can't... be!"
"YES, TRISTAN! IT IS ME, CHRISTOPHE CHANTZIS, OF IAN VAN DAHL FAME!!! HA HA HA HA HA! YOU ALL WILL PERISH UNDER MY GRIP!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU KILLED TRANCE!" Tristan screamed, as he ran toward the mechanized beast with tonfas ready. But Christophe was ready, and laid out a "massive" female vocal remix of "Castles in the Sky" causing Tristan's EVA to fly backwards through the air.
---
"No! It can't be!" Rei cried as Tristan's EVA flew backwards and landed into a building, struggling to get up. "I need to go out there too!"
"No, Rei, you'll just get crushed by the music," Kaworu replied smugly while drinking a cup of coffee. "I certainly don't think that anyone but Tristan alone could take care of this menace."
"I'm going!" Asuka shouted, "I need to show the world that I am alive!"
"Refuse launch!" Gendo demanded, but Unit 02 was already powered up and climbing up the launch tubes. Ivan Van Dahl's "Castles in the Sky was deafening through the hallways.
"She's taking her own life in her hands now," Fuyutsuki thought.
---
Tristan tried to struggle to his feet as the EVA was struck down by the massive sound waves produced from the robotic form opposite of himself.
"Shit! This thing is super strong! If I don't figure out how to destroy him." Tristan tried to think ol a way to defeat the vile mechanical beast, bracing himself on the ground against any further attacks.
"Tristan! I am here to help!" Asuka cried out as she let loose a giant AT Field blast that hit Ivan right in the chest.
"You bitch!" Christophe screamed while he reloaded another CD and pressed the fire button in her direction. "You scratched my paint job signed by Oakenfold himself!"
Asuka's beam suddenly cut out as the speakers released a fluffy elemental vocal glowstick remix of his own "Will I?", which had waves so powerful that they were visible to the naked eye. Christophe turned Asuka and turned the power knob to eleven. The resulting soundwaves could have been considered beautiful to the eye, but the completely cheesy and boring in an aural sense, making it a perfect weapon for Christophe to use against the EVA series.
"MASTER WILL BE SO PROUD OF ME!" Christophe screamed as the vocals continued on, crushing Asuka's EVA to a mountainside. "Now to go in for the kill!"
"Not so fast, cheese Trance man!" Tristan yelled as he laid down a huge pipe on the speakers. "I bring you, PIPES!"
"No! You cannot defeat me!"
But Tristan had already done so and sawed through the cockpit of the robot, cleaving Christophe in half.
---
"Yay! Tristan saved the day! Again!" Everyone cheered in NERV's headquarters and opened large bottles of champagne, spraying them all over each other victoriously.
"Save some of that for me!" Tristan joked as he carried the unpowered Unit 02 back to base.
"Oh you know we will!" Gendo said.
---
END CHAPTER 6
"Let's go swimming... To the sun..." Kaworu sang in while sitting in his jade-green bathtub. His beautiful locks of hair hung down his ears, the back of his hair slightly wet from leaning back against the tub walls. "So relaxing..." He sighed, watching the steam rise from the tub. "You really should join me in here!" The walls of the bathroom were a pleasant change of the traditional Japanese apartment complex, having actual light green paint that went down three quarters down to the floor, up to tiny jade colored tiles that covered the bathroom floor. A small potted bonsai tree sat on top of the pale green bathroom sink, along with a bar of soap and a full box tissues.
"That's okay Kaworu, I'm all set right now!" a voice from Kaworu's bedroom called back.
"Oh, come on now! I'll be good!" Kaworu mock promised. "I mean after that whole ordeal with the candle and..."
"Kaworu!" the voice chided Kaworu and thumps were heard as he walked into the bathroom.
"Hello, Tristan!" Kaworu looked up at him with his head leaning upside down. "You're certainly looking fresh this morning!"
"I sure am!" Tristan grinned and stretched his muscles carefully. "You'd think that Rei would like you more given your taste in clothes."
"Oh no, she got those all from Shinji's father around two years or so ago. You can tell so easily by their style, as she's so out of date fashion wise," Kaworu smiled with a hint of teeth and rolled over in the bathtub, his smooth white skin glistening from the water. "You really should stay a while, I mean you wouldn't want to be bit in the fanny by irony!"
"Bit in the ass?"
"No, the fanny," Kaworu reassured Tristan. "Well, if you're not coming in, could you grab me a towel there, I'll be all set!"
"Here you go," Tristan handed Kaworu the soft, white towel. "I really worry about Asuka sometimes, because she can be a bit depressive..." his voice trailed off while Kaworu dried himself with the towel.
"Ah yes, I do too, she hasn't done too well as a pilot," Kaworu remarked, his deep red eyes looking over Tristan's clothed body.
"Well, I've got to be going, I will probably see you again soon!"
"Give me a call! I'm always around for you!" Kaworu gave Tristan a sly wink while Tristan merely chortled it off.
---
"Asuka Langley Delecour," Asuka typed out on her computer in her room, leaning her head against her bare right arm which was resting on the smooth, jet-black surface of her desk.
"Why hasn't he returned yet?" She thought silently, looking around her room. It was one of the larger bedrooms in the house, having a full size bed with blue sheets, white comforter in the southwest corner. A small model of Unit 02 stood beside the monitor of her computer, standing in a menacing pose. The gray walls gave the incoming sunlight a soft effect, as it cast on them from the open windows. The south most window gave a view overlooking the forest while the east window looked over to the house next to their residence. To Asuka's knowledge, no one lived in it.
"Doesn't anyone listen to me?" She yelled through the empty house. Shinji and Misato were gone for a meeting with Gendo, which they gave very few hints as to what it was about. "Doesn't anyone care?" She followed up in a softer voice, as she pulled open one of the drawers in the desk and removed a retractable cutting knife. A bird chirped outside, and Asuka ran over to the window, slamming it shut. She collapsed on her bed, emotionally strewn about what she was really supposed to be doing with her life. Her blue eyes began to water as she thought more and more about her combat skills deteriorating, how she was second rate compared to Rei in her choice of clothing, the way that Tristan didn't give her the time she desired, and how no one connected to her.
Tears streaming down her face, she sat up on the edge of the bed, her soft gray sleep-wear loosely hanging around her body. She took the knife and extended it two notches, and exposed the bottom side of her left wrist, putting the exposed blade a few centimeters above the vein, ready to cut all the way down her arm. She looked up at the mirror across the room, tears streaming down her face, her dark red-brown hair matted against her face, and dropped the knife on the floor.
"No, there must be some other way. I cannot be weak again," She told herself. The seven years of therapy in the United States had alienated her from her peers. She felt emotionally stunted, unable to comprehend on the level of an average twenty-one year old level. Her life was in shambles, her father all but disowning her during her therapy, her combat skills nil, and she wasn't even good at driving.
"Is anyone here?" she heard the unmistakable voice of Tristan Delecour call out. "Asuka?"
"I'm here!" She weakly mustered, tossing the blade under her bed quickly.
"Geeze, you look like you've gone through hell and back," Tristan said, dropping beside her.
"I just don't want you to leave me," Asuka began weeping, wrapping her arms around Tristan's waist. "I need you here, because with out you, I'm just so alone..."
"Asuka, you know you're the best girl I know," Tristan whispered into Asuka's ear, stroking her back. "I mean, I let you drive my car!"
The twenty one year old girl laid back on her bed, looking up at Tristan while she put her hands over her head, showing her resignation of her fate to Tristan. Tristan's eyes were looking into her own eyes, blinking every so often, and she wondered where he exactly came from. Why was he here? Was he truly so great? Asuka recalled to her youth when she was a headstrong braggart who would do nothing but demand the best. Tristan changed all of that, as he was the best that there was, despite his relative lack of piloting skills. Was it his Jeet Kune Do skills? She wondered to herself. Or was it his connection with his mother in the EVA? He had told her earlier, but it just seemed unfeasible to happen.
"I know," she murmured, "I just feel like I'm a dead weight with you around. You're so much of a hero." Asuka sighed a breath out, and stared at the mirror.
"You're not really a red head, are you? More of a.. brownish red than say a true red, aren't you?"
"Yes?" Asuka shrugged it off and focused on her own mounting pressures that were making every moment of her waking life a living hell. "What made you such a strong individual?"
"Well, I'm not that good. I do have some weak points," Tristan watched Asuka's chest rise up and down with each one of Asuka's breaths while Asuka's hair moved slightly in her head.
"Such as?"
"Well, I do have a weakness for girls like you,"
"Hey!" Asuka tried to hold back a bit of a smile as she poked Tristan in the ribs. "I want to know how you became so great as a pilot? I trained every day on that machine and I'm nowhere near as sync ready."
"You just ruined your chances right there,"
"How?"
"Eva's aren't machines. They're as much of a human as you and I," Tristan explained, hoping that Asuka would catch on this time. After he had hacked deep into Asuka's personal files at NERV two weeks ago, with his super computer, GOGAHN, he had found out all about her mother and the psychological trauma that both women had gone through.
"They are machines!"
"Oh for God's sake, Asuka, if anyone should know they're more than machines, it should be you. Didn't you see Shinji's EVA 01 go completely insane more than a few times?"
"Well, yes, but Unit 01 still has many test type flaws when compared to our production units which are-" Asuka began to babble as her poor performing EVA was compared to Shinji's.
"Shh. You are missing the point, as all EVA's are controlled by humans. And not just the human in the entry plug," Tristan interrupted her meaningless prattling calmly. "Don't you feel it? Feel the presence of your mother?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. My mother is dead. She killed herself a long time ago," Asuka turned her back to Tristan, biting her tongue to prevent herself from crying. Tristan put a hand on her shoulder for her reassurance.
"Certainly you don't think pilots were chosen by random? Shinji's mother was a member of the EVA test bed. Your mother was a member of the EVA project. My mother was in Unit 04 when the crater occurred. We're piloting our mothers."
"Liar!"
"Au contraire, mon ami, they are indeed, our mothers. Perhaps not in physical form, but mentally, yes. I think you need to make amends with your mother," Tristan said, turning Asuka around to face him.
"What ever you say, Tristan," Asuka rolled her eyes at Tristan before getting a new shirt tossed at him.
---
"This is completely and totally stupid," Asuka whined while sitting in the entry plug. "I'm supposed to make amends with my mother by sitting in a giant mechanized war machine. You may be some sort of techno Jesus, Tristan, but..."
"Asuka, shut up and concentrate," Misato barked.
"Allooooo! Mommy? Are you heeeeeeeree? Floating around in a giant robot for giant monster-of-the-week fighting? Don't be shy!" she called out sarcastically. The entry plug video just showed the plain white walls of the testing bays. All other statistics were clean. Unit 02 remained motionless as the testing was conducted.
"No change reported," Ritsuko reported from behind the control panel. "It's been an hour so far and no changes."
"Pull her out," Tristan sighed. "It's obvious that she needs to drop the act." Tristan sat back in one of the rolling chairs,
"Obviously," Misato sighed and shook her head. "Nice idea, considering that's been one of the key plot points that holds this whole place together."
Ritsuko narrowed one of her eyes at Misato, wondering just what she was talking about. "Uh, Misato?"
"Yes?"
"What was that about?"
"Nothing, nothing." Misato turned and walked down the silvery hallways to her car. She was sick of the lack of effort that Asuka was giving, tired of the lack of love, tired of NERV. She needed a cigarette and a beer.
---
Asuka sighed and flung the plugsuit against the interior of the silver locker. Nothing was working out the way it was supposed to be. She pulled on her shirt and sighed, looking at herself in the mirror hanging from the door of the locker. Her eyes were distraught and blood shot from lack of sleep, as well as stress. As she put on her pants, her mind wandered. She felt she needed a little time alone.
"I've got to get myself somewhere..." She thought, knowing that she still had no skills compared to Tristan, Shinji, or even Rei.
---
"We're home..." Tristan announced as he pulled in the driveway in the Mazda RX-7. "How about we go out and get something to eat?"
"I'm not feeling like eating, right now," Asuka, replied turning her head away from Tristan.
"Catch a film?"
"No,"
"Get some new clothes?"
"No,"
"Listen to my brand new mah-sive trance track?"
"No,"
"Go dori dori?"
"No,"
"Eat some pie?"
"No,"
"Fuck?"
"No, I'm going to go out for a while, I need some time to meditate on my skills," Asuka whimpered out, having passed up such incredible chances to be with Tristan just to improve her piloting skills.
"Okay, just don't end up in a bathtub, naked and looking like a concentration camp victim! I'll call up Rei and we'll do something together,"
"Fine." Asuka grit her teeth and pulled the harness off her body, exiting the car. "I'll call if there's any problem."
"You do that!"
---
Asuka sat down in the middle of the well groomed park, her metallic green bicycle locked to a nearby chain-link fence that was covered with foliage. A few young children chased each other in the distance, but Asuka didn't mind. She had things to concentrate on, and needed a chance to relax. As she laid back, feeling the blades of grass bending from her weight on her spine, she sighed and looked upwards to the sky. The clouds moved slowly across the sky, an occasional plane flying over head as she simply relaxed.
This was not to last long as her worn silver cell phone began to ring, but her mind was already focused elsewhere, and she briefly saw that it was merely Tristan's phone. Sighing, she pushed the end button and went back to staring at the sky.
Minutes turned to hours as she sat, idly doodling on a small pad that she had kept in her pocket, or simply writing out her feelings about a certain cloud formation that hovered overhead. After about two hours of peace and quiet, the civilian siren went off to get to the shelters. There was a possible attack about to occur..
"Fuck," Asuka swore as she ran to her bicycle, pulling the lock apart. She leapt on the seat and rode as fast as she could to the house where she could get a ride to NERV.
---
"ALLO?" Asuka yelled as she ran inside, not bothering to take off her shoes. "Anyone here?"
No one responded to her calls as she ran through the house.
"Must all be at NERV already! But Tristan's car is still in the driveway! And so is Misato's! Something must be amiss!" She comprehended as she grabbed a set of keys for Tristan's now single TRust turboed RX-7. Tristan said that he was tired of the hairy transitions between the twin Hitachi as he was pushing more boost on them than normal. The single turbo, while increasing the spool-up time minimally, made a smooth arch through the entire power band, rather than the jump when one turbo was fully spooled, and the other was just starting to.
"I better get to NERV fast! Faster than, uh, Jesus on roller-skates!" She ran to Tristan's car, hopping over the roll-cage into the black Sparco seat. The rotary snapped to life as she turned the key.
---
"Where is Tristan, Rei, Shinji, and Misato?" Ritsuko wondered as she picked at her nails nervously, looking at the latest angel. Frankly to her, it looked like a sock puppet merged with an EVA. And those wings. Creepy, was the word that came to mind to Ritsuko. It was merrily munching down on some of the white battle buildings, oblivious to anything else.
"Call them again Maya," Ritsuko told the young technician. "We need to know where they are! Try Asuka. Try Rei. Try Shinji. Any of them!"
"Yes ma'am!"
"Time for another tall, frosty bottle of Sapporo Coffee-based beverage!" Ritsuko said with a smile.
---
"Got to make it back to NERV!" Asuka sang in full verse while dodging traffic, which instantly cleared for Tristan Delecour's pure white with pearl blue clear-coat sleek drift machine. "Got to smash an angel, la la la. I've got to make this turn, la la la."
As the entry gates opened in anticipation for the RX-7, Asuka smiled and dropped the gear down to fourth, hit 7k RPM, the Greddy turbo conversion smoothly adjusting the powerband, rather than the jolts from the stock Hitachi units. She stopped the car in the middle of the entry way, leaving it still running, her silver backpack containing her plugsuit, and head sync units.
"I'm here, I'm here, I'm here!" she yelled through the hallways as she kicked off her shoes, running towards the entry plug area. After tossing on her plugsuit in a corner, she continued down the hall to find Ritsuko waiting for her by the plugs.
"Where's everyone else?"
"I don't know! Tristan should be here! Shinji should be here! Rei should be here!" Asuka wheezed out as she tried to catch her breath.
"Well, then it's a solo mission. Get in Unit 02 and fight for us! The number of angels is at eight, and we don't know if any more are coming."
"Oh no! Tristan would know what to do! But I will have to do it alone! And I am just a useless woman and I can't do anything right and I feel like crying." Asuka whimpered as she sat in the entry plug, watching the diagnostic screens cycle through. Thoughts of what Tristan had told her to do flowed through her mind as LCL filled the plug.
"Preparing for launch." a disinterested voice read off as Asuka felt her world slowly fall.
---
"Oh no!" Kaworu fretted. "What ever shall we do!"
Tristan's limp body laid still in the cell across from Kaworu, Rei, Shinji, and Misato, barely visible under the dirty lamps that gave an eerie yellow glow.
"I can't believe he fought so bravely to protect us!" Shinji sighed as he sat against the metal prison wall. "So selfless to throw himself to the evil clutches of Oakenfold for the sake of your life Rei!"
Rei merely blushed and kept calling for Tristan to wake up from the forty tranquilizer darts that hit him. He had dodged the first thirty, but when they took Rei hostage, he begged for her life to be spared, and then was shot by the darts which then shot him and made him fall into a tranquilized state which was from the darts that were shot from the dart guns made by the dart gun manufacturing plant who specialized in dart guns and tranquilizers.
"It's like he did everything he could for us, but now he's surrounded by an energy shield that we're powerless against!" Misato cried as she looked at the floor of the cell, trying to find a way out. "Grrr! I hate Oakenfold!"
True to her words, Oakenfold songs were pumped through the speakers, the pop-like melodies sifting through the air like cherry blossoms in the wind.
"He must be trying to torture us!" Kaworu gasped, his fingers tangled together.
"He must be trying to torture us!" Rei mimicked Kaworu in a lispy-tone. "Is that all you do around here? Fret? Whine? Cry? Did we really need another one of those besides Shinji? I can't take this life anymore. I'm just going to hold my breath until I turn blue."
Misato raised an eyebrow at Rei's tirade, interested as Rei gulped down air and made her hands into fists.
---
"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap," Asuka howled as she held up the hands of Unit 02 in defense of the 8 White EVA's that turned and faced her. "Crap, crap, crap, crap, and more crap."
"Asuka, go to it, or you're fired, That is all," Gendo ordered.
"But... I suck!" Asuka cried out in frustration to the unresponsive headquarters of NERV.
"Asuka... Asuka... This is your Mommy and I wanted to say that you don't suck. Well, at least piloting EVA's." a voice called out from the depths of the LCL.
"NANI GO BAKA DESU NE? TOTEMO CHISAI JISHO KAIMASHITA KA? AH SO DESU NE? NAKA NAKA SUGOI NIHON O IKIMASEN DESHITA!!" Asuka babbled randomly.
"Won't you become one with me?" the voice asked. "Of body and soul?"
"Er, um, but, I'm not into that with family members?"
"... Won't you become one with me?" it asked again, reassuringly.
"Oh. Okay. I guess if it will get rid of those new pesky Angels."
---
"You know this is very cruel, Ritsuko," Gendo said, giving a strange glance to Fuyutsuki, who had been behaving rather odd lately.
"It's the only way now!" Ritsuko replied, sipping down the brown fluid. "She just sucks too much!"
"Indeed," Ikari agreed, humming Tristan's new hit fluffy McTrance Glowstick remix of KUNG FU FIGHTING, which Tristan aptly renamed "JEET KUNE DO FIGHTING, with TONFAS". "His moves were fast as liiiightniiing."
---
"Yay! I am one with the EVA! I am number one!" Asuka cheered as she sliced through the multitude of EVA's with the greatest of ease. With her new found sync-ratio, she found that she could merely bounce around and slice them all up with no problem. They all died and Asuka was happy again.
"OH NO!" Asuka cried out, "I must save Tristan, Shinji, and Rei, and Kaworu, and Misato! Where are they at?" Asuka thought out loud.
Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, it hit her.
"They're all at SEELE headquarters! They must be! That must mean I must rescue them and I get to be the hero!"
"Oh no you're not Asuka!" Gendo barked over the intercom.
"I'm dropping the hammer!" Asuka said, blocking all communications to her EVA. Grabbing the new portable backpack power unit for Unit 02's slender frame, she picked up a progressive hand grenade, a progressive shotgun, a progressive AWP sniper rifle, some progressive throwing knives, a progressive katana, and a progressive bazooka. Then she ran to Seele's headquarters.
---
"Damn! Shit! Hell!" Tristan said as he held his aching head in his hands. "If they didn't have 300 guys on me at once, I would of beat them all!"
"Tristan!" Rei said with tears in her eyes, running into the laser beam bars that held her back from the super-star DJ, drifter, rally car driver, EVA Pilot, and so many other countless things that made him oh so perfect. She bounced off the laser beams and was flung against Shinji.
"Don't you worry about me, Rei!" Tristan shouted, thinking of what he could do. "Hmmm... what to do...."
A guard walked through the hallway with a pistol, looking at the captors. "Oooh, looks like we've got some sexy results from our path. I think I'll have to 'cash in' on the bounty!" The guard said, eyeing Misato's torn jacket. "Oh, wowwie!" The guard jumped when he saw the super drifter. "It's Tristan Delecour! He's my favorite DJ ever! Can I have your autograph? And one for my son, he's a huge fan and would love to have something by you!"
"Sure. Come over here and I'll make one for you," Tristan replied, heading out to the solid bars.
The guard walked over and stood next to the bars, awaiting the autograph, but Tristan had other plans. Tristan grabbed the man by the shirt, and put him in a choke hold.
"Oh no! Please don't kill me! I've got a family and.." the guard was cut short after Tristan snapped his neck.
"You gotta do what you gotta do." Tristan mused as he grabbed the key card to his cell. He slid it through the cold metal slide and opened the cell's door, walking out proudly. He went over to the locker that contained all his items and pulled out a cellphone from the pile of items.
"Better call the base," Tristan said as he walked out the door.
"But what about us?" Rei begged to have her quest for knowledge answered. "What ever will we do?"
"You can wait here and keep yourself ready!"
"You sure are full of good ideas, Tristan. If I had the choice, I'd put you in my job as commander!" Misato said.
"I know I am,"
---
"Gonna save Tristan and everyone else... Dooo dooo doo doo dee doo doo. Gonna save Tristan with this gun in my hand. Doo doo doo bee doo be doo doo," Asuka sang quietly to herself.
The fine red EVA galloped through the plains, running over some spare buildings that remained abandoned from the angel attacks.
"Hey, there's SEELE headquarters!" Asuka shouted over the communications system. "I should save Tristan and stuff! He'll be so happy then!"
---
"LOOK OUT, TRISTAN!" Shinji yelled as Tristan dodged a bullet shot from a 45 mm silencer. The guards were surrounding him, but Tristan was too fast and was taking them out while humming a new HARDCORE DEEP FUNKY DRUM AND BASS song that he wrote while sitting in his cell.
"Wow, he's so good!" Rei said, almost fainting because Tristan was in such danger.
Tristan, however, had a better idea than those throwaway guards. He stole one of the guns off the dead guards and shot them all. "Now you guys can get out and stuff," Tristan smiled, after opening the bars to the cell. "Everyone should get a gun, the bigger, the better,"
"Oh, I don't know if my delicate wrists can handle high powered weaponry like your sculpted greek god body can!"
"You're right, Rei, they can't, but you should still get a gun. How about that auto-shotgun," Tristan said as he threw the heavy Russian build weapon over. "Just get your own ammo from the dead bodies!"
After everyone got a gun, Tristan started shooting grenades from the pulse rifle towards the fast approaching guards, their body parts flying everywhere, coating Shinji with intestines of unfortunate guards, blood matting his hair. Shinji decided that it was probably a good time to move out of the way from the path of the guards.
"Through here!" Misato yelled over the explosions and screams of pain. "This is the emergency exit!"
Everyone ran through the way Misato was pointing to and entered a long silver and white corridor that had flourecent lighting beside the walls. The floors had a complex diamond plating that had a slight bit of rust on the edges, suggesting that it had been exposed to sea water at some point.
Tristan noticed this and sniffed the air. "I smell salt water!"
"As do I," Kaworu agreed, leaning against the plate aluminum walls. "I think this will head out to the ocean!"
"Wow, Tristan, I didn't know you were so smart about that kind of thing!" Shinji ran down to the end of the corridor. "It does!"
"NOT WHEN I'M AROUND!" a voice from an unknown source boomed through.
"Who are you!?" Tristan demanded, pointing the high powered rifle/grenade around the room, only to watch it get kicked out of his hands in the dry air.
"I THINK YOU CAN FIGURE THAT OUT!" A image shimmered and Oakenfold stood in front of the group. "HA HA HA HA HA" Oakenfold laughed, then attacked Tristan.
"Oh no! He wants to fight!" Misato fretted, trying to take a straight aim at Oakenfold. "But he's too close, and I might shoot Tristan! I don't know what to do!"
Tristan dodged the first kick that Oakenfold shot out, and swept his feet to the left, and hit Oakenfold square on the temple.
"Ha ha ha, you cannot defeat me that way!" Oakenfold shouted, and caught Tristan's punch with his hand, attempting to crush it.
"Oww!" Tristan grimaced as the pain shot through his hand and up his arm. "His strength seems unreal! Someone shoot him!"
"But I can't shoot straight!" Rei whined as she looked through the scope.
"Take the shot!"
BOOM! Rei's rifle shot straight through Oakenfold's head and the fist lost grip. Misato, Rei, Kaworu, Shinji, and Tristan crowded around the corpse.
"Wait a second... this isn't Oakenfold, this is just a CLONE!" Tristan watched the green goo drool out of the bullet hole.
"Yes, that is right, DELECOUR!" Oakenfold's voice boomed. "I'll make sure to defeat you in a better way! A ha ha ha ha!"
"Let's get out of here!" Shinji suggested, exiting the building.
---
"Hmm.. If I was Tristan, what would I do?" Asuka said while picking off the defense drones at SEELE's headquarters. "I'd defeat Oakenfold in hand to hand combat, and run outside for a super robot."
Suddenly, a giant robot appeared from underground. It had long arms and was brown/beige with big black things sticking out of its back. "... It's Jet Alone!" Asuka gasped as the realization hit her like a five gallon-head in a ten-gallon hat. "I'll have to DESTROY him!" Asuka readied her progressive chainsaw and charged.
Jet Alone sighed and crumbled as the hot blades from the Briggs And/Or Stratton built chainsaw. In an explosion that rocked the house like Kid and Play in House Party II, Asuka made a perfect three point landing on the blackened earth where no doubt there was a huge explosion of Jet Alone.
"It's a good thing I'm almost a tenth as good as Tristan!" Asuka said proudly.
---
Tristan ran out of the massive SEELE complex and saw UNIT 02 and knew it was Asuka there to pick him up. "Everyone go into the hands!" Tristan said after Asuka cupped the EVA's hands to carry the five back to base.
Once they got to base again, Tristan ran over to his silver, black, and red EVA and got in to finish off SEELE alone.
"He's so brave!"
---
Tristan sat at the modern controls of the EVA, but something was not right at all.
"We've got a green pattern! It means there's a so called 'TRANCE DJ' pilot out there, Tristan! Be careful!" Ritsuko communicated to Tristan has he held up a pair of progressive tonfas up.
"I know what I'm doing," Tristan said cooly.
Down the horizon, there was a huge black and orange figure with giant boxes on the shoulders running to Unit 04.
"You're not going to get away from me now, Delecour!" The robot's pilot called out. As it came closer, Tristan could make out more details from it. In comparison to his own EVA, it was very bulky, much more robotic, with large wires covered all over his , and the giant boxes on its shoulders were actually speakers, with giant subwoofer ports.
Tristan knew exactly who he was dealing with when the shoulders combined and a giant megaspeaker came out. "It.. can't... be!"
"YES, TRISTAN! IT IS ME, CHRISTOPHE CHANTZIS, OF IAN VAN DAHL FAME!!! HA HA HA HA HA! YOU ALL WILL PERISH UNDER MY GRIP!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU KILLED TRANCE!" Tristan screamed, as he ran toward the mechanized beast with tonfas ready. But Christophe was ready, and laid out a "massive" female vocal remix of "Castles in the Sky" causing Tristan's EVA to fly backwards through the air.
---
"No! It can't be!" Rei cried as Tristan's EVA flew backwards and landed into a building, struggling to get up. "I need to go out there too!"
"No, Rei, you'll just get crushed by the music," Kaworu replied smugly while drinking a cup of coffee. "I certainly don't think that anyone but Tristan alone could take care of this menace."
"I'm going!" Asuka shouted, "I need to show the world that I am alive!"
"Refuse launch!" Gendo demanded, but Unit 02 was already powered up and climbing up the launch tubes. Ivan Van Dahl's "Castles in the Sky was deafening through the hallways.
"She's taking her own life in her hands now," Fuyutsuki thought.
---
Tristan tried to struggle to his feet as the EVA was struck down by the massive sound waves produced from the robotic form opposite of himself.
"Shit! This thing is super strong! If I don't figure out how to destroy him." Tristan tried to think ol a way to defeat the vile mechanical beast, bracing himself on the ground against any further attacks.
"Tristan! I am here to help!" Asuka cried out as she let loose a giant AT Field blast that hit Ivan right in the chest.
"You bitch!" Christophe screamed while he reloaded another CD and pressed the fire button in her direction. "You scratched my paint job signed by Oakenfold himself!"
Asuka's beam suddenly cut out as the speakers released a fluffy elemental vocal glowstick remix of his own "Will I?", which had waves so powerful that they were visible to the naked eye. Christophe turned Asuka and turned the power knob to eleven. The resulting soundwaves could have been considered beautiful to the eye, but the completely cheesy and boring in an aural sense, making it a perfect weapon for Christophe to use against the EVA series.
"MASTER WILL BE SO PROUD OF ME!" Christophe screamed as the vocals continued on, crushing Asuka's EVA to a mountainside. "Now to go in for the kill!"
"Not so fast, cheese Trance man!" Tristan yelled as he laid down a huge pipe on the speakers. "I bring you, PIPES!"
"No! You cannot defeat me!"
But Tristan had already done so and sawed through the cockpit of the robot, cleaving Christophe in half.
---
"Yay! Tristan saved the day! Again!" Everyone cheered in NERV's headquarters and opened large bottles of champagne, spraying them all over each other victoriously.
"Save some of that for me!" Tristan joked as he carried the unpowered Unit 02 back to base.
"Oh you know we will!" Gendo said.
---
END CHAPTER 6