Chapter Zwei
I don't wanna be adored,
don't want to be first in line,
Or make myself heard.
I'd like to bring a little light,
to shine a light on your life,
to make you feel loved...
I pulled my overcoat a little tighter around my thin waist. My stomach, as always, growled for food, but there was none to give it.Though the night was dark, the weather was too viciously chilly for sleep. So I walked. I stopped at the bridge that Marius had walked me to two days ago. I recalled bringing him to Cosette only the night before, and seeing the love in their eyes; hearing them speak like they had known each other forever. Staring into the rain-swollen river, my eyes began to water. The reflections of streetlights became misty and I imagined his reflection at my side. I hugged my own shoulders against the bitter wind, but pretended they were his arms around me. A fallen teardrop interrupted my half-imagined reflection. I turned from the bridge and continued the walk. The pavement looked strangely metallic in the moonlight, and the trees sparkled with stars. I wondered how an ordinary night like this could become a magical one, and wished I had another to confide in, someone to share my pain. But there was no one but Marius. So I sang to the empty streets, my own melancholy lullaby:
"And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friend
without a face to say hello to
But now the night is near
And I can make-believe he's here
Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me
In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers
I love him
But every day I'm lonely
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known
I love him
I love him
I love him...
But only on my own... "
Suddenly I heard footsteps behind me. I turned on my heel to find none other but Cosette, staring at me as if paralyzed. Her look of shock morphed into a sad one as I caught her eye.
"she sings," She announced to no one.
"I'm sorry you're not the only one in Paris with a soprano voice," I snapped. Years on the streets had left me cold, bitter. I wasn't about to play polite with the girl who took Marius from me.
"I can only assume that was about Marius," Cosette whispered.She acts like she's the hurt one here. "He has assured me..." she faked a wan smile with her next words, "...that you were naught more than friends. I'm sorry." She left just as quietly as she came.Perfect little Cosette. Always the victim. That should've been my life! She deserves the harsh reality of the streets, not I. I remained motionless, gaping in disbelief. The worst had happened. She knew. But will she tell Marius? No...she wouldn't make such a wave. Much more likely she'd make up a nasty lie... for the rest of the night I paced back and forth across the bridge, debating with myself. By the time daylight turned the streets to gold, I knew what must be done. I hurried back home, mind racing with thoughts of Marius.