ATTENTION: There's an important note at the end.
Minichapter 2: The LoGGs and the Man With the Moon Laser
Jon was having a peaceful night's rest, when he noticed that his bed sheets were on fire. He awoke with a start, screamed, and quickly put out the fire by smothering it.
"Oh, sorry, my fault," said Toad as he walked by the charred bed and picked up a small object. "I put out my cigarette on your bed sheets, which probably wasn't a good idea."
"Toad, what the ---- are you doing in my room!"
"Strange, you don't usually swear at me."
"Well you don't usually set my sheets on fire. So again, what are you doing in my room?"
"Well, I finally decided to tell you what the difference is between your old GBA and your new DS."
"Well, that's nice and all, but couldn't you wait until morning?"
"Well I could have, but would you have really wanted me?"
"Well, yeah."
"Anyway, the touch-screen." Toad stopped speaking.
"…"
"…"
"… Well, what about the touch-screen?"
"That's the only difference. Well, that and the other screen."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"Are you kidding me?"
"Nope. Anyway, feel free to go back to sleep," Toad responded as he walked to the door and opened it. When he left, Jon fell back asleep, only to be awaken a few minutes later by a loud "KICKFIRSTMAN! (FIRSTMAN!) (FIRSTMAN!) (Firstman!)"
Jon rose up to see the mushroom man at the other said of the room with the TV remote. The television itself was on, at max volume, with the opening credits of "First Strike Warrior Kickfirstman!" playing in the background. "Toad, what the hell!"
"I couldn't sleep," responded the fungus.
"Don't you have your own room?"
"Yeah, I do. What's your point."
"… With your own TV?"
"Yes, what are you getting at?"
"… Oh, whatever, you're hopeless. Can't you at least turn it down?"
"No can do, Jon. No can do… ah, crap, this episode's just a rerun."
"Good, so can you l—"
"Next show!" the mushroom declared as he changed the channel. "It's The Ultra-Team! You have to watch it!"
"Okay, fine, whatever. I can't seem to fall back asleep anyway."
" Okay, let me explain. This guy is named Army. He has the ability to remotely control military weapons with his mind, but he hates killing. However, he knows it must be done, and sheds a tear every time he fires."
"He sheds a tear every time he fires?"
"Yup, watch."
Jon watched the show, which at that point featured Army firing a machine gun on a huge mecha into a group of zombies. He was shedding a tear for every bullet fired, and was bawling as a result.
Jon paused, and then commented, "This... looks like it would get old. Fast."
"Trust me, it never get old seeing a big tough guy like that shed a tear. In fact… I think I'm going to cry right now! Or not. Anyway, this next guy is awesome! He is Bullet Bob, a robot that has two modes: an android, and a huge Bullet Bill Bob-Omb Fusion! He can crash right into enemies and blow up without harming himself. Though of course, he can do this in android form too!"
On the show, Army fired Bullet Bob out of a cannon in his weapon form (while shedding a single tear), but while he was in the air, Bob turned into his humanoid form and went into elbow-drop position as he fell into an army of zombies with a huge explosion.
"Next up is Seppukumaru! He performs seppuku on other people!"
"But... isn't seppuku suicide? How can you do that to other people?"
"He's just that awesome! Especially now that he has activated Super Saiyan Gear Curse Seal Level 5 Bankai! Anyway, there's a bunch of other guys, but they don't appear in this episode."
"Seems... interesting. Anyway, I'm thinking of going to the Earthbound world soon. Do you know any good places to go to?" Jon asked.
"Nope, no idea. It's permalocked."
"Permalocked?"
"Jeez, don't tell me you don't know that either! The entire brain surgery ordeal and the following conversation with me were supposed to be the end of the exposition. The readers are getting bored. Though of course, that's assuming that we had consistent readers in the first place. After all, have you seen how many hits this story's been getting? It's not pretty. And the failure of the previous chapter probably doesn't help things."
"You're on crack again, aren't you?"
"Bah, I don't need crack to act this way! Anyway, some regions, like the Earthbound world or the Final Fantasy worlds for example, or RPG worlds in general, are far more powerful than the others, with their planet destroying spells and all. For this reason, other than for special events, Master Hand permanently locks these regions. Some non-RPG worlds are locked too, like the Mega Man X world."
"What? Why Mega Man X?"
"You saw how powerful the normal Mega Man is. Now imagine that times ten, and apply that to every combat reploid."
"Oh… alright, I understand."
A few minutes later, the screen fizzed and eventually turned to static. Toad started hitting the TV, until a figure appeared on it, though still covered in static. A figure dressed in red and gray.
"Oh, are you kidding me!" Jon exclaimed.
"HEY! DUDE!" yelled the figure on the screen, with an odd echoing effect. "DUDE! CAN YOU HEAR ME!"
"Yeah, I can hear you," Jon replied. "Dammit, I thought I'd never have to see them again after that entire Christmas thing."
"I CAN'T! HEAR YOU! TURN TO THE WINDOW!"
"What? Red, don't tell him that! He can't cognize where we are!" said another voice.
"SHUT UP GREEN! THERE'S NO! OTHER WAY FOR ME TO HEAR HIM!"
"You mean besides turning up the microphone?"
"SHUT UP GREEN! I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!" There was a pause. "OKAY, JUST TALK TO THE SCREEN, DUDE!"
"Oh for the love of… Yes, I can hear you," Jon responded as he shook his head. He thought the Axem Rangers were kind of cool in Super Mario RPG, but in reality, they were just… really lame.
"OKAY! NOW CO--! I MEAN! CAN YOU PLEASE COME TO VIRTUATOWN IN FRONT OF THIS ONE BIG BUILDING! THOUGH NOT AS BIG AS MY MUSCLES!"
"But you're right outside," Jon said as he pointed out the window.
"UH! NO WE'RE NOT!"
"Dude, I'm looking at you right now. You're in this stupid-looking white truck just outside the security systems with Black in the front seat."
"HEY! DON'T DISS THE ACCENT TRUCK!"
"Axem Truck, Red," corrected Green.
"ANYWAY! MEE! I MEAN COULD YOU PLEASE MEET US AT VIRTUATOWN AT 6 PM! NOW GIVE US A 'YO YO YO SHIIII'!"
"… No."
"OH COME ON! BLACK! JOIN IN TOO! YO YO YO SHIIII!"
Axem Black indeed joined in. "Yo yo yo shiiii!"
"COME ON! YO YO YO SHIIII!"
Jon was getting annoyed. "Okay, fine. Yo yo yo shi."
"NO! YOU GOTTA--! I MEAN PLEASE DO IT LOUDER! YO YO YO SHIIII!"
"Oh for the love of… Yo yo yo shiiii."
"YEAH! AWESOME! CATCH YOU LATER!"
The TV returned to normal and Ultra-Team continued like usual.
Toad decided to speak up. "What's all this then? You know a team of dangerous wanted criminals? Or even are friendly with?"
"Toad, what are you talking about?" asked Jon. "You were right there during the entire Ally Medal situation. Remember, the medals made them our allies, or so they claim, and they warped away before we could arrest them."
"Since when was I there?"
"Remember, you appeared out of nowhere to explain that I shouldn't steal when time is frozen? I assumed you stuck around afterwards."
"Well you presumed wrong."
"Either way, you were there when I explained it to King Game and Watch."
"o rly?"
"ya rly."
"no wai!"
"ya wai."
"I don't believe it!"
"Habeeb it."
"TWINKIE HOUSE!" Toad yelled as he jumped up and punched Jon, distorting his face in a true 'Twinkie House' fashion… though strangely enough it didn't hurt that much at all and Jon recovered immediately afterwards.
"You're hopeless. Anyway, Red was acting oddly polite during that message. I suspect it's so that he doesn't activate the Ally Medal's hypnotizing effect, which implies that the rangers are going to use it when I get there. Thus, I should just ignore him."
At that point, Red's image reappeared on the screen. "WELL! GREEN JUST TOLD ME TO USE THE ALLY MEDALS HERE AND NOW! YOU ARE TO LISTEN TO EVERYTHING I HAVE TO SAY AND YOU WILL SYMPATHIZE WITH OUR! PLIGHT!"
"Well crap," Jon said as he got an irresistible urge to listen to what they had to say.
"Well, first, let me explain how the badges work," Green said as he appeared. "These badges are ancient artifacts used by the late Segata Sanshiro. They aren't very stalwart, so you can't order people to kill themselves or anything. I'd just like to note that you, Jon, are the only person to have kept the Ally Medal after it was given to you—everyone else anon threw his away."
"You don't have to rub it in."
"SHUT UP GREEN! JON HERE IS MY HOMIE G-DAWG! AIN'T THAT RIGHT BLACK!"
"PIMP-Yeah!" exclaimed the not-so-black Black from off-screen.
"ANYWAY! THERE'S THIS GUY, AND THEY'RE ALL LIKE 'WE'LL KICK YOUR ASS' AND!"
'Red, you better let me handle this," Green stated as he knocked Red out of the way. "Anyway, we are currently being attacked by a team of superheroes known as the League of Good Guys, and we need your succor in defeating them."
"League of Good Guys? Oh, yeah, right, I've heard of them. Didn't they deal with a treat from a man on the moon a few months ago?"
"They still are."
"Wait… they're STILL dealing with that man on the moon? Isn't he just a normal guy with a laser?"
"Indeed he is."
"Well couldn't you just use your megazord and smash them or whatever?"
"HEY! SHUT UP!" Red exclaimed.
"Well, I, unfortunately, sympathize with your plight and I will help you."
"GREAT! MEET US AT VIRTUATOWN LIKE I ASKED EARLIER! JUST LOOK FOR THE GUY WITH BIG MUSCLES! THAT WOULD BE ME!" The television returned to normal.
-I
-I
Later that day, in front of a Hall of Justice style building…
"Well, I'm here," said Jon as he walked up to the Axem Rangers.
"Great, let me explain who the members are. They are all inside and are anticipating us," Green started.
He was interrupted however, by Yellow. "Boy, I hope we finish this in time for dinner! I'm really hungry!"
"Huh… it looks like Yellow's back to his game personality," Jon commented.
"Game personality? You mean when we first faced Mario? Well, Yellow changes his personality every day. It was only a coincidence that he comported the same when he first met you and last Christmas."
"That's… weird. Also, I notice that Blue isn't around anymore."
"He died from blood loss, specifically from slitting his wrists."
"… I see…"
"Anyway," Green continued, "I'll talk about our opponents. The League of Good Guys is made up of Darth Spider-Man, The Mexican, Re Puhr, the Cuddly Cute Communist, Johnstantine the Answer, Dr. Drive, and last and certainly least, Comic Relief Guy. Until a while ago, there was Dr. Fro instead of Dr. Drive, but we already killed him. He was the creator of those robot Red and Black we faced during Christmas, if you remember."
"… Are you sure you need my help with these guys?"
"Like… uh…." Pink started.
"WHAT PINK IS TRYING TO! SAY IS! HELL YEAH! NOW LET'S GO!" Red finished as he ran into the building. He was soon followed by the other rangers, and finally by Jon.
As they ran down the hallway, they encountered two people—a red teddy bear and a man with a rather large stethoscope.
"Those are our aboriginal foes," explained Green. "The Cuddly Cute Communist, and Dr. Drive."
The teddy bear started speaking. "Hahaha! Silly capitalists! You should know that… yawn… you know what, I'm not feeling really enthusiastic today. Drive, you handle this."
The other person spoke. "Dammit, C, I'm a doctor, not a warrior." After that, he walked away. Jon walked up to the teddy bear and kicked it over.
They continued running down the hallway and encountered another person.
"There's our next obstacle—Comic Relief Guy!"
The CRG spoke. "Hey guys! I just flew in, and BOY are my arms tired!"
There was no response.
Then, there was a farting sound. "Oops! I farted again!"
There was no response.
"Hey, don't you guys—holy crap, is that an axe! And a gun! And an axe, and a gun, and an axe and a gun and an axe and a gun andanaxeandagunandan WOOHOOHOOHOEY!" he yelled as he ran away.
"WELL! THAT'S THREE DOWN! GREAT JOB EVERYONE!" yelled Red.
They continued running down the hallway and encountered another person, one in a trench coat with no face.
"There's our main obstacle," explained Green. "That's Johnstanteen the Answer—the conspiracy freak of the group, and he also knows magic."
The Answer spoke. "That's Johnstantine, not Johnstanteen. Hmm… you're that Game Master, aren't you? People say you come from the Real World and are capable of freezing time. How ridiculous! I refuse to believe you exist!" The Answer then walked away.
"WOAH! HE WAS REALLY COOL!" exclaimed Red.
"Dayum! N-----homie's one hella badass!" said Black in a pathetically faked slang.
They continued running down the hallway and encountered another person.
"What? Is that the Dell Dude!" commented Jon. The person looked just like him.
"No, that's The Mexican. He's very dangerous, so we have to be chary," Green revealed.
"What! He doesn't look Mexican at all!"
"Dude, I am gonna el kicko you ass!" said The Mexican in a stereotypical surfer voice. "I'm gonna get a bunch of amigos and perras over and we're gonna el roasto your los buttos!"
"SEE! HE'S MEXICAN! HE'S SPEAKING SPANISH RIGHT NOW!" pointed out Red.
"It really is amazing how similar Spanish and English are," lamented Yellow.
"Are you guys idiots! That's not Spanish! That's not even Spanglish!"
The Mexican started speaking again. "Hey dude! You better el shut upo before I busto un of tu zits!"
Jon cracked his knuckles. "Well, I suppose I better take a cue from another time-stopper." He ran up to The Mexican and started punching very quickly, a feat he is capable of due to enhanced physical attributes from being in Videoland. "MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!" The Mexican was unconscious with the first hit, unknown to everyone else, and fell over once the attack ended. It wasn't enough to hurt even a below-average fighter that badly, but it could beat up a weak human pretty well. "Now if only I had knives and a steamroller…"
They continued running down the hallway and encountered another person.
"What! Him again!" Jon exclaimed. It was Comic Relief Guy.
"Oh no! It's you guys again! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" CRG didn't move.
"… Look, can you—"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"… Are you done y—"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"WOAH! THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN!" Red shouted. He joined in the screaming, until Comic Relief Guy ran away again. "AWW!"
They continued running down the hallway.
"Look, are we actually going to fight anyone?" asked Jon.
"It looks like you'll get your chance, dawg!" Black said as he pointed ahead. There stood Comic Relief Guy with a sword.
"I won't run away… I WOOOOOOOOOOOON'T!" he screeched as he charged toward Jon with the blade above his head. Jon shot him and that was the end of it.
"Okay, I have another complaint to make—aren't you guys going to do anything?" Jon said to the Axem Rangers.
"WHEN THE TIME COMES!" Red explained.
The continued down the hallway, until they met a dark menacing figure.
"Duel of the Fates, from Star Wars"There was a man in a black Spider-Man costume with a raggedy cape. He pulled out a lightsaber-like object, except there was a sphere at the time. A red light-blade came out of one end, and one out of the opposing end.
Jon was annoyed. "Oh come on, now that's just chees—"
A third blade came out of another part of the sphere.
"Wha!"
A fourth blade came out of another section, a fifth, a sixth, and so on. However, after a while…
Darth Spider-Man felt something. "Huh! My spider-sense! But why's it coming out of my li—" The final light-blade came of the last section, going straight through his skull. He then fell over dead.
End "Duel of the Fates""AWESOME! THERE'S ONLY ONE MEMBER LEFT!"
They continued running down the hallway, until they came across a room with several television screens—one of which was focused on the moon. In the middle of the room was a giant version of the pokémon, tangela, which is basically a group of purple tentacles surrounding eyes with shoe-like feet at the bottom.
"Huh? I guess I'm up. I'm Re Puhr, and I guess I'm the last member," he said as he walked towards the group with his tentacles waving.
"Ah! You're not going to… like… uh…. uh… something me with those tentacles, are you?" Pink asked.
Re Puhr stopped in his tracks. "No… I'm not that kind of person… I'M NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! The prejudice against tentacle monsters is what got me outcasted from the other pokémon kings. Every pokémon has a king, typically not only the largest and strongest one, but also the smartest. I became tangela king, and all was going well… until that one day. One day, long ago, I came across a woman who had her purse stolen. I defeated the thieves and was bringing the purse back to her, when she screamed, thinking I was just like all the horny tentacle monsters you see on TV. I was arrested and stripped of my title. I was homeless for a long time, and no one would give me a job—afterall, how many tangelas do you see effectively communicating with people. Eventually, I found a home here… they were the ones who… sniff… took… me… in…" With that, Re Puhr ran away crying.
"ALRIGHT! MISSION COMPLETE!" Red concluded.
"What? That's it? That's what you needed me for!" Jon asked.
"YUP! NOW YOU'RE FREE TO GO!"
Suddenly, one of the screens turned on, showing a man on the moon with a destructive laser. "Hey, it's me, the Man on the Moon With the Laser! So did you burn those discs for m—hey, who are you guys! You're different heroes, aren't you! If you don't listen to my demands, I'll destroy a building with this laser here!"
"Moon?" Jon asked. "How can there be a moon here when—oh yeah, that's right, Toad told me this earlier. The moon holds all the newer, yet basic game worlds, like Cellphoneland, and the others."
"Hey! Don't ignore me!" yelled the Man With the Moon Laser.
"Well, I still feel sympathetic to this cause, so I'll leave you guys alone," Jon said as he walked out.
As he walked back to the castle, he encountered Link. "Game Master, I haven't seen you in a while!"
Suddenly, a laser beam fired down from the moon towards Link. It reflected off his Mirror Shield and bounced back towards the attacker, blowing up the machine. The Man With the Moon Laser died in the explosion.
"Huh? What was that?" asked Link.
"What are you talking about?" asked Jon.
"… Oh, nothing."
Believe it or not, this was going to be a full chapter for the longest time. Don't you feel lucky?
-I
-I
Well, I've reached a conclusion. I'm not going to continue this story.
Or this version of the story at least. I'm planning on starting over from the beginning. This isn't going to be a simple rewrite like before, this will involve completely new stories and situations. The reason behind this is that I made things way too complicated for my own good--the entire connection between Videoland and the Real World, the timeframe in which the series takes place, the constantly changing game worlds, etc. Not only that, but I'm constantly changing what Jon is capable of, and I'm sure all of you can tell that I was originally planning for a consistant N-Team but scrapped that idea at the last minute.
Some major changes:
-Jon's abilities will be Wii based instead of Gamecube+E-reader based. He will also have the DS from the start.
-Less "silly" plots. It will still be mostly lighthearted and will have comedic situations, but there won't be any plots like Ch. 3 with its random mech battles. Expect stuff more along the lines of Ch. 4.
-A much less complicated world.
-None of the "levels" in this version of the story will be in the new story
There will most likely be plenty more, but these are the ones I have decided on as of now.
Since you won't feel like you missed out, here's a summary of what would have happened in Ch. 7:
-Jon, Mega Man, Pit, and Julius Belmont (from the "Dawn of..." Castlevania games) get captured by Space Pirates and are held on a flying prison. This team is a homage to the original N-Team.
-Jon escapes and manages to rescue Pit. The others escape on their own. In order to release everyone else, get out, and destroy the ship, they have to deal with a bunch of guards. The guards included Space Pirates, badniks, "Super Magikoopas", Zoda from StarTropics, Kid Icarus bosses, and the Dark Queen from the Battletoads game. This list was subject to change.
-As it turns out, the Star Rod is being held on the ship. After looking at the code the Pirates used to conclude that they needed to steal it in the first place, Jon points out that the code is actually referring to the Star Rod from Paper Marion. Dumbfounded, the Pirates abandon the Kirby Star Rod, which Jon takes with him.
-They beat everyone, rescue everyone, and destroy the prison.
Here's what I had written before I made this decision.
Jon was walked down the hallway by two of the Space Pirates. While restrained, there was no way for him to fight back, so for now all he could do was comply. As they continued on, the Game Master eventually tripped an fall, resulting in the accompanying pirates kicking him while speaking their native language—from his translator headphones, he interpreted it as "Get up, b," among other things. With his hands behind his back and the kicks, it took a bit of time, but he managed to get back up and they continued on, though he was a bit sore.
At that point, he thought up a plan—it was a long shot, but he wasn't any worse off if it failed. A few minutes later, Jon fell over again, this time intentionally. The guards once again started kicking him, though this time they were poking him with their guns in addition. As luck would have it, one of the Space Pirates kicked exactly what he wanted them to kick. There was a light ticking sound, and after a few seconds, everything froze in place.
Jon got up and started running towards the place they were taking him—it was a series of cramped force-field cages, each one filled with captive Centurians—Pit's race—but he couldn't find any of his teammates. Jon concluded that they must be in another section, but he realized that before he could do anything to save them, he would have to get out of the cuffs, and he couldn't stay with time frozen forever. After looking around for a bit, he came across a bathroom without any security cameras in it. There were some pirates in it, but he concluded that he would be safe enough if he hid in a stall and locked it—even if someone tried to get in, he could pause again.
By pressing the START button against the lever, time unfroze, and then he proceeded to lock the stall with his nose. He pulled the toilet's lid down and sat on it when he realized something. "Wait, the Space Pirates use energy fields and stuff for the cages, and I haven't seen what my cuffs look like, so maybe these handcuffs use a force field as well. And to do something like that, it would have to be computerized! Maybe I can jack into it with my GBA—err, DS!"
Unfortunately, that proved to be easier said than done. First, he had to rub his leg against the toilet lid to get the system out of his pocket, which thankfully fell onto the lid with little noise. Then he had to open it up with his mouth. And finally, he had to press the START button on the DS with his glasses. Once he did, however, he saw the jack-in sequence from the Mega Man Battle Network anime and found himself in a new area, sans handcuffs.
Like he suspected, the handcuffs were computerized and had their own network.
Anyway, if there are any other changes you would like me to make, please say them now.
... Anyone?