Bitterly Unrequited
Chapter 2 - Torment
Spoilers and warnings: This story has a few HBP spoilers, and tons of OotP spoilers. Just to let you know. This story is very angsty and quite dark, and it does contain suicide attempts, self-abuse, and eventually murder. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters, etc. No profit is made, and so on...
A/N: This chapter is really a retelling of the chapter in Order of the Phoenix called "Snape's Worst Memory," a memory Harry views in the Pensieve. A lot of the dialogue is straight from the book - however, I really think it's important to the story to see Snape's thought process through the scene. So, here we are...
The next day brought the extreme comfort of preoccupation. The Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. exam was taking place, and it left no room for thoughts of Lily Evans. The test in itself was ridiculously easy - he wrote approximately twice as much as his classmates on all of the questions, sure of all his answers. When the test was over, he took his question sheets and went outside, sitting by a cluster of large bushes and rereading them, forcing himself to focus on the questions rather than think of the rejection and humiliation of yesterday.
He found his attention wavering soon, however. He glanced over beneath a neighboring tree, where Potter's gang had settled. Lupin was, as always, reading something or other; Black was sitting there, attempting to look beautifully scornful and coming off as idiotic; Pettigrew was staring in awe of Potter, who was arrogantly releasing and catching a Snitch - that git was always showing off with that damn ball. This was the idiot that Lily was secretly enamored with...he didn't deserve her...
What do I care who she chooses to bestow her doting obsession on? he thought angrily. It's none of my affairs what she does...
He tried putting her out of his mind, but it was to no avail. He irritably stowed his papers in his school bag and began to walk off, but soon he noticed Sirius and Potter coming after him. He pretended he didn't see them, deciding ignoring them was the best policy, and continued walking until the two behind him chose to finally speak.
"All right, Snivellus?" said James contemptuously, using the derisive name he seemed to find amusing.
He had been ready - he threw off the bag from his shoulder and grabbed his wand, but James had already disarmed him before he could properly get his wand out. He was defenseless - Sirius quickly took advantage of the fact, jinxing him and bringing him to the ground when he reached to recover his wand.
He had become a public spectacle by now - it seemed half the school's students were crowding around, most jeering at him, laughing and applauding Potter and Black. They continued to taunt him, getting the crowd's approval with every good jeer, teasing and degrading him with all their energy. "His nose was touching the parchment; there'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word..."
He was still bound by the hex they had cast, glaring up at his tormentors...this heartless wretch was the one that Lily glanced at so inconspicuously, who she smiled at the thought of...
"You wait..." he breathed up at them, absolute loathing etched in his face. "You...wait..."
They jeered at this last comment, making more comments on his naturally oily skin. "Damn you, you bloody bastards, you wait, I swear you'll fucking pay for this...Impedimenta...Tarantallegra...Expelliarmus...Serpentsortia...Accio wand, damn it all..."
His curses were all to no avail, though, as his wand was feet away. Black made some sort of comment Snape didn't find worthy of his attention. At once, he felt himself gagging and choking on the bubbles of soap that had appeared in his mouth, attempting to spit them out, only to find them renewed every time he succeeded...until he heard a voice, that angelic voice he had so longed to hear...
"Leave him alone!" Lily was rushing to him, pushing the heartless bystanders out of her path. She was glaring at Potter, absolutely disgusted with his behavior. "What's he done to you?" she demanded sharply.
James laughed a cool, harsh laugh. "Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."
She was staring at him, the boy that she usually couldn't help but adore, and felt nothing but revulsion. How could he torture Severus like this...not after Snape's conclusion the previous day...it was merely unbearable, seeing the boy sprawled out on the ground, trembling despite his pride, spitting out soap bubbles..."Leave him alone," she repeated, her voice deadly sharp.
James, ever the flirt, replied, "I will if you go out with me, Evans..."
She stared at him, her emotions swirling around inside her. Could it be only yesterday that she would have done anything for this opportunity? Only yesterday she would have jumped at this chance...but she expressed her utter contempt, truly scornful.
Snape had regained movement, and was silently standing up, his wand pointed at James, his arm shaking with fury and triumph. He concentrated on his perfect spell, one he had only used on himself up to this point, and watching with pure satisfaction as blood from his enemy's gashed face stained his robes...
Potter was bound to retaliate, of course. Severus found himself hanging upside down in midair, held up by his ankle, his robes falling down, revealing his pale, thin legs and greying underwear for the world to see.
The laughter and approval of the crowd meant nothing - he was used to their taunts. It was the utter disgust and anger and repulsion that these two arrogant bastards had the audacity to use his own spell again him, that these ever-so-noble Gryffindors were not at all above stealing spells and using them against their maker. But most of all, it was Lily's subconscious amusement that flashed across her face for a moment that made his blood boil. It was enough that she was so in love with his chief tormentor, but now Lily, the only person to ever defend him in situations like this, was laughing with the rest...
Lily and James resumed arguing below him, and in a moment he fell to the ground in a rumpled pile. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus..."
Snape stood up, trembling with fury, and met Lily's eyes with cold intensity. "I don't need help," he stated, his voice cruel and soft, "from filthy little Mudbloods like her."
His eyes grew wide as he saw her expression, knowing he had crossed the line, that their friendship would be eternally scarred. He began to speak but stopped himself, knowing he couldn't apologize here, not in front of all these people. And despite himself, he felt something akin to triumph as he watched her. It hurt her deeply, and this vengeance, though so wrong, was sweeter than he had imagined. No matter that he had recently been publicly humiliated, embarrassed, taunted - at the look on Lily Evans' face, he felt his lips curl into a sneer.
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