PG for one bad word.
A/N: A very weird idea that I couldn't resist, so I took the risk and posted it. Is Don your favorite character? Someone you like to hurt and comfort? Many Don Whumpers exist, and I couldn't include them all. Oh, I know some Don whumpers are equal players and like to hurt Charlie as well. Numbers Fan Rush Board started it! Really, I didn't….
This is humor and blame my warp sense of humor as I just couldn't get it out of mind. Maybe now I can get back to Broken Pieces, I hate it when an idea won't leave you alone. Blaming 3rdgal and Ritt for the inspiring this little idea. I mean, I can't blame myself, now can I?
Don't own the characters, just playing with them for a bit, and then I'll return them slightly used.
Many have asked where to find the stories I used in this piece. They were stored at a place called FanRush board, but the board is no longer alive.
Look on my favorite authors list or favorite stories to see if any of them are still in print. Check out these authors Rittenden, 3rdgal, Jul3s, Celadon, Purehalo, Synbou. Sorry but many of us no longer write number fics. I'm still trying to finish mine before I close the chapter.
Most of the author's names were included to help you find them. Look up Numb3rs Awards to see if you can find them on Live Journal, but some only posted on the fan rush boards.
The Official Don Whumper Club
"Don, remember what I told you. This is an important interview. Normally, I'd give it to someone else, but for some strange reason…she insisted on you," ordered Assistant Director Merrick.
Don grumbled showing his dissatisfaction.
"What, I can't hear you?" as the director established his disappointment with his agent's reactions.
"Fine! What time should I expect her?" He asked feeling that dancing with Aunt Irene would give him more pleasure.
"Soon, be ready!" Then he turned on his heel and left.
Don figured he might as well do his paper work. At least it would be a productive use of his time while he waited for the reporter. Stacks of paper work just waited to be filled out. Shame he couldn't coerced his Dad and Charlie to help with these, but that would be against procedure.
"Excuse me, are you Special Agent Eppes?" asked a voice interrupting his thoughts.
Looking up, he noticed a young woman. Average. Not too bad-looking when she smiled.
"Yes, you must be the reporter, I've been waiting for the last hour." He smiled somewhat, still showing his irritation with this assignment.
"Look, I know you are a busy man. So I won't waste your time. It won't take long, I promise. We'll start with some simple straightforward questions. How does that sound?"
"Fine"
"Okay, have you ever heard of the Official Don Whumper Club?" With a gleam in her eye, as though she would love to pounce on the agent without any hesitation.
"No, I can't say that I have." Confusion showed on his face. What in the world have I gotten myself involved in?
"Let me know if you remember any of these situations,"
1. Being taken hostage, shot and then poison? Someone named StatsGrandma
2. Having full-fledged seizures and convulsions? Someone named Jules?
3. HPS? Someone named Isabelle?
4.. An Abduction Someone named Purehalo?
5. Ruptured appendix, pretty nasty laceration in one leg, a moderate named Celadon?
6. Shot and paralyzed, a forced vacation? Someone namedRittenden?
7. Sore throat, flu and stabbed? Someone named Tinkoo?
8. Knife Stab, Broken fingers? Someone named Cierra ?
9. Drinking and unconscious? Someone named 7kstar?
"No, no and NO! Okay, who put you up to this, this isn't funny!" Yelled Don.
"Who are the President and Vice President of the Official Don Whumper Club?"
His eyes flashed with raged. "Lady, I don't care who the hell you think you are, but I've had enough! This interview is over!" He stomped to the elevator, pushed the button and left.
"Poor Don, don't you know this is worse than the twilight zone?" Taking out her cell phone and dialing a number. "Hey 3rdgal, he's on his way. I've put you down for a gunshot to the leg, and stomping on the wound. Anything else, you want me to mark down?…Okay, I understand…yes, it is sometimes better that way. Yes, surprise is nice, too. By the way…make sure when you're done with him you give him the proper treatment. I mean if he remembered any of this…well, you see the problem…don't you?"
Glancing at her watch and continued. "Yes, that's why I had to interview him. Had to make sure to erase his memory, and you know you have to get him angry to do that. Yes, it was a sacrifice, but someone had to do it. Well, as soon as you're done, he's mine! I think I have him next. Not sure, we need a secretary, someone who keeps up with dates. You know how I am about numbers! Shook her head, and left but just before she walked out the door, she pivoted and asked.
"Are you a Don Whumper?"