Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman.
Olaf sauntered into the banquet hall throwing his jacket at the man with the hook-hand. He felt good about this evening. Tonight, the Baudelaire fortune would be his.

And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed

He scanned the room looking for the three orphans. They should be here. There they were, standing with their hands in their pockets, looking straight at the ground. "Haha!" he laughed aloud. This was going well. The Baudelaires were on their own territory. Feeling safe with their new guardian, although they could not help but feel a bit uncomfortable. Intuition it must be, because the place was loaded with Olaf's minions.


I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
He walked towards them. All people that stood in the way were pushed to the floor without a second thought of their feelings. No one paid any notice to Olaf, though. He seemed indestructible.

Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and

Tonight, there would be hell. He would have their fortune, oh yes, and he would have their lives.


When you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes, whoa-oh
He stopped paces away from the children to talk to a woman. She was wearing black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes. Apparently, it must be "in". "Esme" he hugged her, "how are you?" While in his embrace Esme whispered:

"Everything goes according to plan"


I'm the new cancer, never looked better
And you can't stand it
"Good, Good." Olaf laughed once more. People approached him left and right, talking to him. He felt great that these people felt that they needed to be graced by his presence. He heard comments from many a person on his looks, "Great!" "Just fantastic!" "That accident did nothing to your complection!" They did not realize just who he really was.

I know because you say so under your breath
You're reading lips, "When did he get our confidence?"
The Baudelaires noticed the commotion. Who was this stranger that was receiving all this attention? No! This couldn't be, not Olaf. Their safe haven was ruined. This banquet was for the good VFD, not the evil. It was all over, they had infiltrated. And chances are, they were after the orphans. The huddled together to find a solution to there predicament.

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Never looked better
And you can't stand it
Olaf looked their way and smiled. He knew their thoughts.


Next is a trip to the ladies room in vain
Olaf, in his dress and all, walked to the ladies room and into a stall. His disguise would call everything in his power to play, but of course, he did it with ease.

I bet you just can't keep up with these fashionistas

"Oh yes," he said to himself, "I can do this. I can keep up with these fashionistic Baudelaires."


Tonight, tonight, you are, you are the whispering campaign
To them, your name is "Cheap", and you look like sh--
He felt comfortable with his new look and felt that he was playing the part wonderfully. Little did he know, luck was changing. The role he chose to play was not a good one. The good VFD were on to him.

Talk to the mirror, choke back tears

He glanced in the mirror and broke into tears. He…looked…great!


And keep telling yourself that, "I'm a diva."

He screamed aloud, hands raised into the air, "I AM a diva!" He loped to his table. Griping his skirts in his hands, he plopped himself into a seat next to Esme. He chatted with her for a bit. The Baudelaires watched him, cunning in their own eyes. They shouldn't have done it, but they had instructions to do so.

Oh, and the smokes in that cigarette box at your table
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better and you can't stand it
Olaf, cigarette in hand, flounced about in his seat, being loud and boisterous. People were getting greatly annoyed, but seeing only VFD's greatest philanthropist, they could do nothing. Fake smiles were seen on everyone and he was sure everything was going right. The Baudelaires thought otherwise.


And I know, and I know
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up

People began to lose interest in Olaf and walked to mingle with each other.


I've never been so surreptitious
So of course I'll be distracted when I'm spiking the punch

Olaf, feeling quite put out, walked to the punch bowl. The Baudelaires eyes glistened. Finally, it would be over! The poured himself a glass and took a sip. He choked. The sedatives kicked in. Olaf was unconscious before he hit the ground. It finally seemed that things would go the way the Baudelairs wanted it too.