Just some thoughts on romance... just a party, or is it?

When he stood up and extended his right hand, she took it without hesitation. Wanting to celebrate this time as much as the rest of her crew. Wanting to feel Chakotay next to her, wanting to see the love in his eyes.

The music had slowed down long ago, leaving only couples on the area Neelix had cleared for dancing. Lights were down as well, with everybody enjoying the warm and romantic atmosphere.

Commander Chakotay led his Captain to the middle of the dance floor and opened his arms. He was surprised that she moved right in, placing her left hand on his shoulder and her right hand in his left. It just felt good to hold on to her, after being through hell and back in the last days, always fearing he wouldn't see her alive again. But in the end he'd been on time, and now she was fully recovered. In fact, she seemed to glow in the soft light, hair and skin shimmering in shades of gold, eyes sparkling with profound joy and something else he'd never seen before. At least not as openly displayed. It certainly wasn't her Captain's look, no, this was purely Kathryn.

A pleasured smile tugged Kathryn's lips, feeling blissfully aware of Chakotay's appraising gaze. It had been so long since she had felt like a woman. The last two years had not left much time to relax or get away from command. And even if she and Chakotay had worked as closely together as never before, there hadn't been much off-duty time for either one of them. Well, this journey had taken its toll on both of them, but it had also served to bring them still closer together. Yes, Kathryn thought, they were as close as two people could get, except for physical intimacy. They had fought day by day together, lost and won together, saved each others' lives and the ones of their crew. They'd cheated the devil more than once, clinging on to each other for hope and inspiration when things turned desperate. They had shared their last food and even a bed several times in difficult situations. They had talked and laughed, argued and cried, spent working hours and leisure time, had flirted and touched, had displayed and hidden their feelings.

And Kathryn knew that the crew regarded them as a couple in a certain sense, many considering them mother and father of this large family.

Chakotay's thoughts were going down a similar line, but where he'd always been comfortable with their deepening friendship all along, he knew that Kathryn had felt differently. Holding on to Mark at first, keeping up Starfleet Rules, fearing she'd betray her crew if she engaged in any other commitment, fearing to maybe lose yet another person she'd allowed herself to get close to. She had known how he felt about her since New Earth, but had never taken the parameters back.

Not that she didn't care, Chakotay mused, no, quite the opposite, she just wouldn't act on it, let alone give into him. But she would look at him sometimes in a way that could only be described as seductive, or he would see the longing in her eyes, hear her voice grow husky when she was talking to him. And of course, she would touch him. Mostly in public places when he couldn't get her for it, but this lady knew exactly what she was doing to him. Staying just close enough that he could smell her, catch the twinkle in her eyes, enjoy the warmth of her body, and feel the electric spark ignite between them over and over again. No, she wasn't about to let him off the hook, she only hauled him in deeper and deeper, compelling, intoxifying, daring, and promising passion.

He wasn't even sure, when they'd started this dance. Maybe right at the beginning, clashing together as enemies, only to find understanding and attraction instead of resentment and hostility. And now, after more than six years, they had become close in almost every way. One could even say they had a physical relationship - just not an intimate one.

And tonight he held her in his arms and that was enough for now. The gods knew, his thoughts went well beyond dancing when he looked at Kathryn Janeway, but that time had yet to come.

For now Chakotay concentrated on the feel of her skin through the cool, smooth silk Kathryn was wearing. She looked breathtakingly beautiful in the silvercolored dress that fell down to her ankles, held only by thin straps on her shoulders. It split at her right side, giving her space to move - and him and everyone else the pleasure of catching a glimpse of her legs now and then.

When she had entered the holodeck earlier this evening, many heads had turned around, and not because she was their Captain, but because she was a beautiful woman and well aware of it tonight. Tom Paris had even dared a comment on her "sexy sway", causing her to blush faintly and ever so charmingly. On the bridge she'd have killed him for a far less personal remark, but tonight she had accepted the compliment gracefully, attending the party as Kathryn rather than Captain Janeway. Some crewmen obviously weren't as prepaired to see their Captain as an attractive woman, openly flirting with her Senior Officers, but it was a good thing that Kathryn had decided not to let this matter so much anymore, Chakotay thought. She had kept to herself far too long now. Mostly because she wanted to stay as private as possible, but also because she didn't really have a choice of stepping down from her command position. She had been their Captain for six years straight. Sometimes he wondered that Kathryn hadn't eventually gone missing, lost to command structure.

Well, actually she had at a few times, he thought, but she was still holding on.

They all were.

Looking at Tom and B́Elanna, Harry, Seven, Neelix, Samantha Wildman and Naomi, Ayala, Jenny, Susan, Noah, Itcheb, even Tuvok, he could tell how much had happened during those years, and how much they all had changed. Yet, they'd become stronger rather than anything else. And after being forced to watch what happened to the Equinox, they knew exactly what Captain Janeway had done for them.

Kathryn squeezed his hand lightly then, calling him back to her. "What are you thinking about, Chakotay?" she inquiered softly, slowly starting to smile, when she saw a faint blush shade his cheeks and ears this time.

"About you," he said with his usual honesty, "and the changes of the past six years."

"Yes," she agreed, knowing without further explanation what he was talking about, "we've come a long way. And it certainly hasn't been easy."

The events of the past days were still hauntingly fresh in her memory.

"Especially not for you." Chakotay stated, searching her eyes. "Yes," Kathryn said again, "but I had you with me. Always. And ever since I knew that, I felt up to anything that would cross our path. Well, almost..." she grinned suddenly, "...sometimes maybe even a little too much."

Chakotay tried his best to suppress his laughter, remembering times when she'd actually called for worst case scenarios with her stubborn, uncompromising, fearless and somewhat daredevil attitude. "Yeah, I remember." he managed to get out without cracking up completely. Spirits, she was beautiful in this mood. Challenging him once again, daring him once more to overstep the parameters she had set between them four years ago. "So, maybe I shouldn't boost your bad habits any further by supplying my infinite trust in your actions, or your behavior, for that matter..."

Kathryn knew very well that on this personal level he could and would take control, and at the same time trusted him that he would never take her where she couldn't go yet.

If fate kept them alive, there would be a time for both of them. And in the meantime she wanted to catch a glimpse of that future now and then. Sometimes she just needed the acknowledgement and affirmation of their feelings to keep going. To remind her that life held more than just captaining Voyager home, fighting so many battles in and outside the ship.

And tonight she was dancing in his arms, feeling him pull her closer and closer, until their bodies touched and she melted into him. Gods, he was wonderful, felt wonderful, exciting, electrifying. He knew how and where to touch her, bend close so that she could feel his breath caressing her, enticing her with his scent. His eyes clearly displaying his love and desire, holding just a faint hint of amusement as he was rising up to her challenge, and - as always - the promise that he wouldn't cross the line further than she'd let him.

But she hadn't been with anybody in almost seven years, and she was craving a man's intimate touch on her body. Chakotay's touch. His hands were stroking her back slowly, caressing, and Kathryn knew that at times like this, everything he did would seduce her, arouse her to a point where she could barely stay in control of her reactions anymore.

Chakotay felt Kathryn's immediate response to his sensual teasing. She nestled closer to his body, hands gripping firmer, breath becoming heavier. He could feel the heat rising in both of them and spreading fast, nurturing the fire that was normally kept glowing far beneath the surface. They were treating dangerous territory now, and if she stepped out of his arms, he'd be in for some trouble. But instead she shifted her hips, aching to feel his growing response against her. At this point he carefully moved her to the back of the room, ever so slowly, to not arise suspicions. Tom Paris, Harry, B'Elanna, and several other people were already watching them from all over the room. Nothing too obvious, but he could tell that everyone was trying to figure out just what was going on. Neelix and Tuvok had cast them more than one casual glance as well. And what Seven was able to read, he didn't even want to think about.

And though it had been her initiative tonight, he wasn't about to take advantage of her obvious need for physical as well as emotional contact, making her the hottest topic of this ship's internal rumormill. So far, the crew hadn't seen anything they hadn't seen before on quite a few occasions, but if they continued like this, there certainly would be more to see.

Still moving to the music, but slowly releasing his tight hold, he smiled at the compliant woman in his arms. "Don't run away from me just now, Kathryn." he whispered somewhat huskily.

She returned his smile with a mischievous smirk of her own. "Yeah, I can imagine half of our female crew either going to faint dead or kill me. And just think of Harry. I almost feel like we should display a warning sign for x-rated behavior in public." She giggled slightly, feeling a little embarrassed about her frank and rather spontaneous remark. Tonight it was definitly herself who was violating her own parameters. And although she didn't feel any regret yet, she knew she had to be careful and step back. She couldn't take Chakotay this far, and then leave him on his own again. This was something she had already done too many times in the past years, always straining their relationship more than she cared to think about.

They finally reached the far end of the holodeck setting, a large window front with doors leading out to a balcony. Since nobody else was outside, they stepped through the doors, heading for the railing and looking down on a beautiful park, dimly illuminated at night. Kathryn felt Chakotay step behind her, close, but not touching. She guessed that he had noticed her retreat and immediately let her set the pace again. Gods, how had she come to deserve someone like him. She had asked herself that question so many times now, never finding an answer, but praying all the while that they would make it home, so that she could eventually give herself to him in return.

Taking a deep breath, she reached behind her, taking his hands in her own again and guiding his arms around her waist, then placing her hands firmly on his. She felt the intensity of her feelings spreading all the way down her arms, through her hands, and somehow communicating them to Chakotay this way.

Chakotay drew her back against his chest, sensing the deep emotions raging inside her. He pressed his cheek against hers, tenderly, just holding her. He'd almost lost her once again yesterday, and the anguish of those hours when he didn't know whether they would be on time to get her back alive, was still tearing his heart apart. His body shook at the memory, leaving him trembling ever so slightly. When Kathryn turned to face him, he tried to give her an assuring smile but feared he'd failed, seeing the painful emotion rise in her eyes as well. Sometimes they could read each others' minds as clearly as if their thoughts had been voiced.

"Chakotay," she finally whispered, turning in his arms, eyes locking with his, "I don't know how I could live without you either. It doesn't make my job any easier, nor yours, but we cannot change what we are, and I wouldn't want that."

She paused, trying to find words, "My first goal is still to get this ship home, and I'd hate to die before I were able to keep my promise. And I'd hate to die before there had been time for something else, time for you and me. But I would willingly do this journey all over again, if it meant to meet you. Life out here is hell in so many ways, but the Delta Quadrant also gave me you. Gave me your love. A kind of love I never even imagined existed, let alone happen to me. A love so strong that I only want to give myself completely to your keeping. And I'm praying that this moment will come for both of us. But even if that moment hasn't come yet and won't come in the near future, I still know I have your love and your undying, undemanding support. And if I really were to die, I'd be grateful to have been blessed with your love all this years." A tear spilled down her cheek now, followed by a second and third, her eyes bright with feelings raw and profound, holding nothing back.

Seconds turned into eternities, as Chakotay listened to her words. He was not aware that his arms tightened around her, that tears were streaming his face as well, that there was still a party going on behind them. All he felt was Kathryn's emotions mirrored in his heart, uniting them inseperably, forming a bond stronger than anything else could have done. He had pledged his heart to hers long ago and today for some reason she had chosen to pledge hers to him. He could feel their spirits merging now, creating something that was more than just the two of them together. And he knew that she was right, that their time was still to come. Something so powerful and so precious demanded nothing less than a complete and binding commitment. Whatever lay ahead of them once they got together, it would cause them to move their destined way, allowing neither of them to step back. His feelings for her were far beyond words, written somewhere in a language of silence and light. But he knew he didn't have to say anything, she knew everything anyway, experiencing the bond form between them just as he was.

He didn't know how long they stood in each others' arms, leaving everything behind if only this one time, savouring their love. Then slowly they began to hear the sounds of the party again, becoming aware of their surroundings. Fortunately nobody had decided to follow them out on the balcony, they would never have noticed, Chakotay thought. He raised his hands, gently wiping the tears from Kathryn's face, then from his own cheeks. He had never felt anything so powerful before, it had been overwhelming for both of them, leaving no questions unanswered, no place for doubts, fear or hiding, no regrets about yesterday. Just a promise for tomorrow.