Chapter 14

The Daily Bugle

Robbie strode into the office, looking flustered as he ran his hand through his black hair, mottled with white and gray while he looked at Jameson, "What do you need? I heard it was urgent!"

"Close the door, Robbie." Jameson said, chomping away on another cigar, with the remains of the first laying in an ashtray in the corner of his desk as he pushed the yellow manila envelope across the desk, "This is the biggest story the Bugle has ever worked on."

Robbie didn't immediately look at the envelope though as he looked up at Jameson, "Well, it had better be. Did you know the Rhino just broke into a local laboratory and then rampaged his way through the streets?"

Jameson shot up like a rocket, "Well, get Urich on it right away and call Parker for…" Jameson caught himself in mid-sentence, slapping the desk angrily. Robbie gazed at him compassionately, with Jameson quickly regaining his composure as he continued, "Put Tony on photos instead."

"That's not all, Jonah. The Joker has been sighted at two different locations," as Robbie leaned forward on the desk, "Police report him robbing both the Bank of New York and the Bank of Manhattan."

Jameson's eyes narrowed a bit, taking his cigar out of his mouth as he looked up, "The Joker is at two different locations? How is that possible?
Robbie frowned, "I'm not sure. Do you want me to cover one of them?"

"No, Robbie." Jameson snapped, "What I want you to do is close the door, like I asked you to do when you came in!"

Robbie rolled his eyes, smiling as he was accustomed to Jameson's usual blustering nature, but nevertheless went over and closed the door. Turning back to Jonah as he stated, "The door is closed now. Now, who do you want me to assign to the Joker robberies?"

Jameson frowned, his mustache bristling and pacing around his office as he waved his cigar impatiently, "Send Mark Ewing over for reporting to the Bank of New York and Angela on photos."

Robbie nodded, noting it mentally as he added, "And the bank of Manhattan?"

"Send Maggie over there to get it all down and for photos send Cole Cooper!" Jameson said loudly, "Give 'em their instructions and then get right back in here! Right away!"

It took a little over five minutes before Robbie returned and by this time, J. Jonah Jameson's frustrations had only increased from before. However, as Robbie entered the office, it hardly showed. Jameson stood by his desk, eyes narrowing though, his cigar pressed firmly between his teeth but it was his eyes that alerted Robbie that something was up.

"So, what was so urgent?" Robbie asked, almost warily though as Jameson wore a smile that appeared almost triumphant.

Pointing down at the desk, his finger extended towards a yellow manila enveloped, a note and a Spiderman mask, Jameson said, "I already told you! This is the biggest story in the history of the Bugle."

Robbie didn't even bother answering to that bold statement, but sat down, picking up the mask and the note. His eyes flickered over it slowly, gripping the mask in one hand, his fingers curling tighter around it as he read the note several times. Robbie appeared to be even trembling a bit as he settled into the chair, setting both the mask and the note onto the desk.

"What exactly does this mean?" Robbie asked, leaning back into his chair as he fumbled through his pocket for his pipe, remembering he left it in his office, gazing up at Jameson.

Jameson had a smug smile across his face, leaning back in his chair as he kicked his feet up on the desk, one hand folded behind his head with the other tapping out the cigar in the ashtray.

"Well, I'm surprised you have to ask, Robbie!" Jameson said, taking a puff from his cigar as his eyes twinkled in triumph, "It means the end of that web-slinging menace. All of his vigilante activities are going to come to an end once we know who he is!"

Robbie leaned forward as he looked Jameson right in the eye, "I've told you before and I will tell you again, Spiderman is not a menace!"

"Then, why does he wear a mask?" Jameson said, eyes narrowing, "Why doesn't he show his face? He has to run around in pajamas? He probably causes most of the problems that he allegedly solves!"

"He stopped the Rhino this afternoon!" Robbie said, clearly exasperated even though he had heard Jameson's anti-Spiderman rhetoric countless times before, "He has saved this city time and time again. He's a hero!"

"He most certainly is not a hero! He's a mentally unbalanced fruitcake!" Jameson snarled, chomping on his cigar as he settled back in his chair, removing his feet from the desk, "He needs to be unmasked so that the public knows what they're dealing with!"

Robbie almost stood up, frustrated, but knowing the futility of convincing Jameson that Spiderman wasn't a menace as he leaned forward in his chair across the desk, "We don't even know who we're dealing with. You don't trust Spiderman wearing a mask, then why are we trusting somebody we don't even know?"

"Listen, Robbie, I wanted you here so that you could once and for all find out who this vigilante is!" Jameson said, his mustache bristling now, "Not so that you could rain down on my parade. We'll find out who this person is in just a second and then, we can find out who that wall-crawling freak is!"

Leaning forwardas he snatched up the paper, even though the number was etched in his brain, snatching up the phone as he looked up at Robertson who had leaned back in his chair, resigned to the fact that there was no convincing Jameson not to find out who Spiderman was.

Jameson shook his head, frowning a bit as he held the phone in one hand, placing the cigarette onto the ashtray, saying loudly, "You're always defending Spiderman. He's probably some kind of fugitive from a psych ward somewhere, Robbie!" It was with this proclamation that he began to dial the number written on the note – the number that would lead him to the secret identity of Spiderman.

Riker's Prison

The drab prison cell was occupied by just two people, both of whom sat in silence. The first person was the lawyer, who sat in the steel chair and shivered. Not just from the cold that he had come in from just a few minutes earlier, but from the unflinching gaze of his client who sat across from him. The prisoner sat there in his own steel chair, hands folded across the desk as his eyes glared across the table at his lawyer. It was moments like that made him wonder why he had ever taken this client on in the first place. There was no chance of appeal, no chance that his client would be out on parole or in all likelihood, that his client would ever see the light of a courtroom again. But, then again, his client paid well and that was why he was sitting here in the holding cell, with only a table separating them.

"Why hasn't he called yet?" the prisoner demanded, almost petulantly.

This left Thomas Gill, graduate from Brooklyn Law School, at a loss for words. His client was expecting a phone call that he deemed important and he had no idea why the phone call had yet to occur. Seeing as he didn't know the caller, the reason for the call or why it was so important, he couldn't offer any excuses for why the call wasn't completed. Not that he would offer any excuses. His client had repeatedly made it clear that he found excuses intolerable. Just as he started to open his mouth to say something completely intolerable, however, he was granted a reprieve as the phone rang loudly.

His client reached across the table to the phone stationed in the middle of the table before it finished ringing for the first time, snatching it up as he didn't even bother greeting the caller, but instead began with, "Did he get what we needed?"

"I'm afraid not." the caller responded, "Spiderman interfered…again."

The prisoner slapped the table in frustration, "We needed that chemical. Rhino couldn't retrieve it?"

"It would appear that they moved it." the caller stated, "I'm already working to locate it, but Rhino was unable to retrieve it and was captured by Spiderman. In fact, he'll be coming to join you shortly."

"I told you Rhino should not have been used in the first place." said the prisoner, "But, it's not a problem. He doesn't know anything."

"What do we do with his family?" the caller inquired calmly.

"Keep them for now." the prisoner answered, "They may prove useful in the future."

"As you wish" the caller stated, "I will locate the chemical right away for retrieval."

"Make sure you do." the prisoner stated, adding with a smirk "Once we have our hands on it, it'll be the last time Spiderman ever interferes."

"On that note," the caller on the other end of the line stated, "I have somebody calling. It's him."

"Call me tomorrow to keep me updated." the prisoner stated, then without another word, hung up the phone and set the receiver back into its cradle, then walked over to the door.

"Guard, I'd like to return to my cell." the prisoner stated, then gazing over at Thomas Gill, stating coolly, "That's all for today. Be here at the same time tomorrow."

Thomas Gill nodded and then found himself shivering again as he rose from his seat, clenching his briefcase tightly. The shivering was irrepressible, his hand twitching nervously as the prisoner returned to his cell as he shook his head at what he had just heard. The enmity between his client and Spiderman was well known, but just exactly how did his client plan on removing Spiderman once and for all? He didn't know and for that matter, didn't want to know.

Bank of Manhattan

Just like the lawyer, Spiderman remained ignorant of the master plan, but not blissfully so. Instead, he waited on a rooftop across from the bank, assessing a plan of action to determine first of all how to stop the Joker and second of all, whether this was, in fact, the Joker.

The police surrounding the bank had no idea who they were dealing, but they took every precaution with numerous officers circling the bank. Guns outstretched as they were better prepared than last time as most of them wore gas masks, except for a few standing over by a truck filled with weapons planning strategy for an assault on the bank.

One of the officers stood with a bull-horn, dutifully ordering the Joker to surrender, although he knew and so did everybody else there that the Joker had no intentions to surrender.

Nevertheless, he stood there, shouting out "We have you surrounded. Please come out with your hands up." The police did have this place surrounded completely, with officers ringing the building and across the street, stationed on nearby rooftops were snipers. They were taking no chances this time on the Joker escaping.

Spiderman frowned a bit, wondering just how the Joker did plan to escape this time. This place was surrounded and with the gas masks, his Joker gas wouldn't work. But, the Joker hadn't come this far for lack of creativity or insanity. Spiderman had to be prepared, though it was certainly hard to prepare for somebody who was clearly insane and insanity made it far more difficult to have any idea what to prepare for.

This was proved seconds later. The bank doors opened as several of the Joker's thugs emerged. Two of them held the door open as the other two carried a Christmas tree, but all four of them were singing a Christmas carol loud and clear. Spiderman, standing on the rooftop, strained to hear what it was but after a few seconds, he determined it was the tune of "Santa Clause is Coming To Town", but with slightly distorted lyrics. Spiderman listened as the four thugs performed like an off-key barbershop quartet, singing loudly as they set up the Christmas tree, setting several presents underneath the tree as the cops watched in bemusement but with a great deal of caution as well.

"O! You better watch out!

You better not cry.

Better not pout, I'm telling you why.

Jo-ker is coming to town.

Jo-ker is coming to town."

This was the tail end of the spirited performance from the four thugs, who finished singing despite the repeated orders from the police officers to "Stop and Desist." As they finished the last stanza of the song, as if on cue, the Joker appeared, loudly proclaiming, "Merry Christmas!" with his usual trademark, ghoulish grin upon his face. The Joker stood there, hands outstretched, as if waiting for applause. When of course no applause came, the Joker frowned for a second, flourishing a red-and-white striped cane as he walked forward. This was certainly the Joker.

Looking around, he finally said, "Bah Humbug!", releasing an eerie guffaw as he looked around, assessing the situation as Spiderman shook his head. Just how did the Joker intend to get out of this one? As if to accentuate the impossibility of escape, he saw the Snipers readying their rifles on the rooftops as the police officer in charge on this scene, "Joker! Surrender immediately! You are obviously surrounded! Place your hands above your head…"

The Joker laughed loudly, tapping his cane on the ground as he looked at the officers, "We're just delivering a Christmas tree here, but it seemed like they had enough green already here." Chuckling at his own joke before he continued, "So, we made it possible for them to have a Christmas tree!" He pointed towards the bags of money that two of his thugs had gone back in to retrieve, also setting them underneath the tree.

Spiderman had heard enough and also seen enough to confirm that this was indeed the Joker, shooting out a web-line as he prepared to shoot down. Just as he was about to then, one of the thugs brought out a woman from inside the bank. Sobbing as tears ran down her face, she was dressed in a bright red sweater with her hair in blonde pigtails, kicking as she strived to cover her face with her hands.

"Release the hostage right now!" the officer in charge demanded, "Place your hands behind your head and surrender!"

The Joker merely grinned, laughing wickedly as he waved his finger back and forth, "I can't put my hands behind my head. If I do, I'd drop this.", bringing his other hand from behind his back and revealing what looked like a joy buzzer in his hands. His index finger was already pressed into the button, the button depressed so that if the Joker was attacked, he would release his hold on the button. This wasn't lost on any of the police officers gathered, the Joker laughing wickedly as he continued, sauntering in front of the bank as he waved to the snipers and to Spiderman.

"And I'm sure you're all asking what this is?" as he waved the joybuzzer, "The answer is inside this present right here", pointing to a gift wrapped, ironically enough, in green wrapping adorned with Spiderman in various poses and topped with a bright red bow. The thugs thrust the sobbing bank-teller to her knees as she fumbled with the bow before she tugged it off, shredding the wrapping as it opened to reveal a sprig of mistletoe.

"Mistletoe is a Christmas tradition." the Joker said loudly, "When two people meet under the mistletoe, they have to kiss. It's a rule." The Joker laughed, then continued over the continued sobs of the bank teller and the indulgent chuckles of his fellow thugs, even as Spiderman waited for the Joker's explanation.

"Inside, we have three bank tellers, two vice presidents, one owner of the bank and a Partridge in a pear tree!" shouted the Joker in a sing song voice, laughing, "All of them underneath the mistletoe, ready for a kiss and a smile, courtesy of my own little brand of holiday cheer, all at the touch of a button!" Menacingly, his finger ran over the button.

By this, he left no doubt that the mistletoe contained his trademark Joker gas and also by this time, Spiderman had heard enough. From what he'd heard of the Joker, he would probably release the gas even if he had the chance to escape. Spiderman considered his options for a moment, listening to the Joker as he continued to outline his demands, seemingly unfazed by the sheer number of guns pointed at him. The Joker seemed to have made his position crystal clear and having completed yet another "transaction" at the bank, he radioed for his helicopter.

Spiderman felt absolutely helpless here. If he attempted to interfere, the Joker would press the button and release the gas. The hostages would die. The snipers seemed to have come to the same realization, conversing via headsets with their Captain, who was communicating that the owner of the bank was a close personal friend of the Mayor.

Something that wasn't an option though was continuing to stand on this rooftop as an impartial observer. It was time to act. Spiderman shot out a webline, gripping it with both his hands as he swung down in front of the Joker just as he finished speaking. If the Joker was surprised to see Spiderman here, he showed no signs of it. In fact, he greeted Spiderman like a long-lost friend with.

"Spiderman!" exclaimed the Joker said with a guffaw, "Merry Christmas! It's good to see you!" The Joker spoke exceptionally loudly as he struggled to make himself heard over the roar of helicopter blades. Looking up for a moment, a large purple helicopter descended from above.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Joker.." Spiderman said, frustrated but determined not to let the Joker escape, "Christmas is a time for giving though. How about you just release the hostages now? There's no way you're going to escape." Spiderman looked at the Joker evenly, who seemed to be enjoying every minute of this.

"I'm afraid not, webs." responded the Joker with a smile, waving his finger back and forth as if admonishing a child, "I have more work to do before the New Year."

Ignoring Spiderman for a second as he addressed the policemen, "It's been a pleasure seeing you all, but just a few more seconds and you can rescue the Mayor's golfing buddy."

"You're crazy!" Spiderman shouted over the roar of the helicopter, watching as it descended in the middle of the circle of police officers, snow flying up as the blades whirled around. The helicopter landed on the snow, settling down as two of the thugs began loading the bags of money into the very back.

"That's what they keep telling me!" the Joker said with a maniacal laugh, "My, but you have a talent for stating the obvious."

Once again turning to the police officers with a smirk, Joker grinned, "We'll be taking along this little minx for insurance! Bye Officers!" as one of the thugs withdrew a gun, pointing it at the head of the bank teller, her blonde pigtails bouncing as they pushed her into the helicopter.

The Joker gripped the door, about to step in as all at once there was a flurry of movement. The helicopter obscured him from the snipers, but that didn't stop the police officers from moving into action. Still wearing their gas masks, they stepped forward, pointing their guns as the barrels flashed underneath the sun.

"Stop, Joker!" the Captain shouted, "Don't move! Stop or we'll shoot!"

The Joker didn't even answer, just simply pressed the button as he shook his head, "You didn't play by the rules.." As if on command, one of the Joker's thugs pushed over the Christmas tree as the numerous ornaments bounced everywhere. It was too late before they realized they weren't simply ornaments, but explosives.

The first Christmas ornament landed underneath a police car, rolling to a stop before it exploded, as the police car shot up into the air, splinters of sidewalk and snow shooting up into the air. The police car tumbled sideways, windows shattering as Spiderman flipped backwards. The helicopter began lifting up into the air as the Joker laughed maniacally, waving as he called out, "Merry Christmas Eve everybody!"

Another explosion occurred underneath where Spiderman had been standing moments earlier, shooting out weblines towards two of the police officers, pulling them out of the way of the explosions. Spiderman looked around, seeing several of the police lying on the ground, bleeding. Explosions continued everywhere as Spiderman shot out webline after webline, catching several police officers and pulling them out of the way to safety. Around them, explosions occurred one after another with the Joker's laughter providing an eerie soundtrack.

The helicopter wobbled a bit unsteadily as the snipers took aim at it, firing at the blades and the windows, which appeared to be bulletproof, however. In the midst of the mayhem, Spiderman managed to shoot out a web tracer, which affixed itself to the bottom of the helicopter. Those officers who were still standing fired up at it, but the helicopter flew into the air, seemingly unscathed as the bullets richoted off the glass. Even as the Joker made his escape, an ornament caused yet another police car to flip up into the air, propelled into the air by the explosion as two police officers crashed back into the concrete, landing with a thud. Spiderman flipped forward, avoiding another explosion as his forearms extended, shooting another pair of weblines to pull them out of the way of the police car as it descended towards them. Both officers landed with a thud beside him and Spiderman listened to the police both groan, still alive while others around him were not so fortunate.

Suddenly Spiderman heard chuckling from inside the bank. It took him a second before he turned around, realizing the hostages were in there and undergoing influence of the Joker gas. In the midst of the explosions and chaos surrounding him, he had forgotten them. His eyes flickered down to a green Christmas ornament bouncing towards the entrance, as he shot out a webline to catch the ornament before it exploded, shooting it up into the air where it exploded harmlessly.

Leaping through the air, he picked up a gas mask from one of the fallen officers before he pushed himself through the doors and into the bank. Inside, he was greeted with three separate bushels of mistletoe hanging above three groups of hostages, bound by Christmas wreaths as they faced each other, close enough for a kiss. Instead of a kiss though, the air was filled with grotesque laughter as they rolled around the floor. Spiderman felt nauseated, but leaped forward into action nonetheless. Shooting out weblines, the webs attached themselves to two of the wreaths, tugging them away from the gas. Even with his strength, he found it difficult as they writhed upon the floors laughing wildly, their feet kicking along the floor. The laughter bounced off of the walls, ringing in his ears as he managed to pull two of them away from the gas. Hoping it wasn't too late, he swung forward to pick up the last pair of hostages, who convulsed and chortled on the floor.

The green gas spilled throughout the room as other police officers, wearing gas masks, gripped the hostages as they tugged the wreaths off, trying to control them as they shook uncontrollably on the floor. Snickering and shaking in spasms upon the floor, with all of their faces wearing that same sick smile. Spiderman pulled the wreaths off of who he recognized as the bank owner and one of the tellers, both chuckling weakly now and then stopped abruptly as the owner of the bank fell limp in his arms.

Spiderman knelt there, setting him gently onto the ground as he looked around, shocked at the devastation the Joker had caused during a simple bank robbery. Pushing himself off the floor, the cold causing him to shiver slightly as he stood by now and walked over to the door of the bank. Shattered glass littered the floor as it cracked beneath his feet, stumbling slightly as he looked around.

Several police cars lay on their sides, lit ablaze by the explosions as fire trucks arrived on the scene, oddly reminiscent of earlier today and police officers lay thrown about as if they were nothing, some of them dead while others were being loaded into an ambulance by rescue workers. Spiderman coughed a bit as he looked around, with the wail of sirens mixing with the screams of those hurt in the blasts and a few scattered bits of laughter from those suffering from the Joker gas. The smell of smoke, burnt flesh and other assorted smells filled the air. The combination made him almost gag, but he choked it back as he felt a tapping sensation on his arm.

Turning around, he saw a firefighter standing there. Shaking his head, he responded, still slightly shocked, "What do you need, officer?"

"This present here is addressed to you, Spiderman." as the officer held in his hands one of the wrapped presents from underneath the Christmas Tree. On top was a scribbled "To Spiderman!" in what looked like a child's scrawl. Angrily, Spiderman tore off the bow as the top flipped open. Spring-loaded, a pie shot forward into his face with a SPLAT sound as pie dripped off of his face. He could almost hear the Joker's laughter as he dropped the box, wiping the pie from his face, which seemed like a bitter exclamation point on the carnage and ruin which surrounded him.

"Everything was a joke to him, wasn't it?" Spiderman thought angrily as he wiped the last of the whip cream off of his face. But, if Spiderman caught up with him, there wouldn't be any laughter going on. Hate was a strong word and he used it rarely. But, it seemed entirely appropriate here.

"Do you want me to take a look at that?" somebody asked as Spiderman shook his head, looking down at his arm which was bleeding. In the midst of the confusion with the explosions, a piece of debris or a stray bullet must have cut him on his arm. He hadn't even noticed and by this point, he didn't even care. A cut on the arm was nothing compared to what many people had suffered here today. Spiderman looked around, with order being restored by various rescue workers, and felt like crying. Even though it was Christmas Eve, he'd never felt less cheerful.

The Joker had escaped and by this time, the Chameleon probably had too. Spiderman shot up a webline towards the rooftop, swinging above the jets of water putting out blazes, above the ambulances which were racing towards the hospital and above the massacre down below towards the Bank of New York.

A slight beeping noise caught his attention though as he felt a flicker of hope, remembering the spider tracer he had managed to attach to the Joker's helicopter which had managed to remain affixed despite the chaos. Maybe somebody could be redeemed on this Christmas Eve as he watched the blinking dot head out of the city. Swinging towards the dot and the Joker, he wouldn't allow the Joker to escape this time.

Usually at this time, you would find carolers going door to door, singing songs of goodwill and Christmas cheer, but thanks to the Joker, these couldn't be heard. If they were there, they were lost among the wail of police and ambulance sirens. That didn't even mention the fact that his wife lay in a hospital bed as her attacker remained free.

This was no way to spend Christmas Eve...