ALRIGHT! After this chapter - I wont' be posting another one for about a week or so. Since I am either going camping in British Columbia (WOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!) Or just hanging around my house for a bloody BOILING week with the lovely Tracey.
Tracey dearest has been helping me with this story - she'll know the parts. So THANK-YOU Miss. Tracey for the help! This would have gone to the shitter (no pun intended for further in the chapter.. teehee!) If you hadn't have helpded.
Also - I've got HUGE plans for this story. It's far from being over. Enjoy the angsty-goodness. -smiles- On with the story!
Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter all made their way down to the dungeons after dinner was finished.
"I feel like I'm walking to my own hanging." James sighed as he kicked a loose pebble as he skipped down the stairs. "Someone start humming the death march song already."
"Oh come on James! It won't be that bad." Remus rolled his eyes and slowly descended the stairs. 'Let there be something soft to sit on... GOD please let there be something soft...' He still idly hoped for that to be true - even though he knew it wouldn't be.
"How long do you think Filch'll-" Peter was suddenly interrupted by a low growling voice.
"As long as it takes for you dunderheads to get the job finished." He smiled slyly as the four boys passed him. "Tonight you'll be cleaning out chamber pots."
"What? Chamber pots? You've GOT to be kidding!" Sirius spoke to quickly.
"Yes. And you'll get the biggest lot Black! Just because of that little comment." Filch sneered at him and led the boys to the back room in the dungeon.
The room was filled with different sorts of small pots all containing liquids. It smelled absolutely putrid down there. The heat was unbearable – and Remus' stomach was threatening to let him relive what he ate for dinner.
"You two – that room over there." Filch pointed to a small room to the left, which was also filled with the same thing in the room they were currently in. Remus and James nodded walking over towards the room.
"Um... Mr. Filch – what are we using to clean these things...?" James scratched the back of his head as he eyed the pots.
"Your hands, and this." He shoved a small bucket of soapy water and two worn out cloths at the two boys. "Roll up your sleeves – you won't be leaving until everyone of these pots is clean." Filch closed the door behind Remus and James. He snickered to himself as he pushed Sirius and Peter in the opposite direction.
James and Remus walked through the door and sighed. "At least there's less in this room than in the other..." James sighed as he knelt down on the ground.
"Yeah..." Remus made to kneel down but instead ended up practically screaming bloody murder his butt hit the floor. He had slipped on waste. "Ohh... gross..."
"What?"
"I just slipped in shit..."
"Is that why you screamed so loud?" James tried to stifle a smile.
"...Er no."
"Then what, your leg?" James leant over and helped Remus up onto his knees.
"No. My leg hasn't been hurt." Remus then closed his eyes quickly and regretted what he had said.
"But you said this morning that you hurt it." James eyed him suspiciously as he held a ratted gray cloth in his hand.
"I... err..."
"What is it then?"
"I... we... that is to say Sirius and I... well..." Remus looked down and began to rub the side of a dirty pot with his own cloth.
"Uh-huh?" James looked down at his pot and scrunched his nose before returning his gaze to Remus. "Spit it out."
"I... we... the other night-"
"You had hot, steamy buttsex and that's why you yelp every time you sit down?" James laughed at his own joke.
Remus's face turned red and he bowed his head. He looked into the pot and nodded his head. "That's exactly what happened."
James' flew wide open and he gagged slightly – from both the smell and what he had just heard. "You... and Sirius... Oh God..." James nearly threw up but somehow he managed to keep his dinner down as he stared at the pot, scrubbing it harder then before – as if he was trying to clean the memory of what had just happened away. He definitely didn't want to think of his two friends having sex.
"Well you wanted to know..."
James looked at him and scrunched up his nose again. "I... forget I asked..." he shuttered again and set the already thrice-cleaned pot to the side – grabbing for a new one.
The two boys cleaned the pots in silence for a good half hour, before James spoke again in a timid voice.
"Remus?"
"James?"
James smiled slightly and looked down at his cloth. "I... What's it like?"
"What's what like?"
"...Sex." He blushed and looked down.
"Err..."
"I don't want you to think that I'm in to... er your kind of sex, or that I'm a pervert who likes getting off on other peoples' sex lives or anything. I just... I just want to know..." He spoke quickly and quietly as he looked at Remus.
Remus smiled gently. "I don't think you're a pervert or in to... 'my kind of sex'." He laughed to himself and set a cleaned pot aside. "But as what it's like... it's different."
"What do you mean?"
"Hmm... well... different than getting a blowjob or jacking off." He smiled slightly – surprised that he had said those words.
"Well yeah... but what else?" James was suddenly interested. He then thought that he sounded desperate to know and cleared his throat. "I mean... if you want to tell me."
Remus laughed quietly. "It's amazing really. It felt amazing. It wasn't like anything else I've ever felt before. It was so much more than just 'getting off'."
"...Oh."
"I don't really know how to explain it to you..." Remus looked down and chipped off a piece of waste from the pot. He dunked his cloth into the murky water and continued to clean. "It was really scary at first... and it hurt."
"It... it hurt?" James looked down at his pants, his eyes slightly wide.
Remus laughed. "Well... yeah. I've never had Sirius inside me before."
"I... err..." James' face went bright red as he looked down.
Remus smiled gently. "It'll be completely different for you though. I don't imagine that you will be having sex with a guy."
"Yeah... But I suppose it wouldn't be that bad to try one of these days."
"With a guy?" Remus' eyes were slightly wider then normal.
"What?! NO! No! With a girl... try with a girl!" James shook his head and looked down.
Remus smiled nervously and looked down. For a brief second he thought that James would want to try to have sex with him or Sirius. He thanked God that he meant with a girl.
"Why'd you hug me in the hall?"
"You're all questions tonight aren't you?"
James rolled his eyes and grabbed for another pot. "Whatever. Don't answer if you don't want to."
Remus sighed. "Don't even try to pull that one on me. I was just kidding Jamie. And I hugged you because you needed it."
"How did you know I needed a hug?"
"Because... I... well... actually I don't know... I just knew that you did."
"And what was that business with that place on the back of my head you touched? As soon as you touched that place I stopped crying."
Remus looked up at him. "Oh that? My mum used to do that to me when I was upset... I don't know why or how it works – but it works. So I tried it on you."
"Oh..."
"Do you really love Sirius?"
"Of course I do... why would you ask that?"
"I don't know... I just... when I watched you two today in McGonagall's class it hit me that you two really are together and in love." James spoke quietly as he placed his cloth back in the bucket, trying to rinse it out. "I didn't think that you two really loved eachother like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you'd die for eachother kind of love. Like the kind of love you see in the movies."
Remus laughed slightly. "It's not always like that."
"Well of course it isn't... but you two still really do truly love eachother. I guess I was just to blind to really see it a long time ago."
"A long time ago?"
"Sirius told me that he felt something other then friendship for you since 1st year. Before we left for the year he took me aside and told me that there was something different about you, and he couldn't really explain the way he felt towards you. He told me it was more than just loving you like a brother... or... different than that or something." James looked up into a face of complete surprise; no... shock was more like it. "What?"
"He... you.... I never knew that."
"Oh... well I thought he would have told you that." James suddenly felt bad for telling Remus what Sirius had said before Sirius had the chance to tell him.
"No... he's never told me anything like that. Neither of us has really talked about anything from the past..." Remus tried to stand up and was thankful for a helpful hand on his arm.
"Come on then! You lot are finished – get out of here before I loose my patience with you!" Filch screamed at the entrance to the rooms they were in.
James and Remus walked out of the room – past the large pile of cleaned pots. They stopped in mid step when they set eyes on Peter and Sirius. Peter was covered in some brown liquid.
"What the hell happened to you?!" James quickly stepped forward looking at his small, plump friend.
"Sirius dumped shit all over me." He shot Sirius a deadly glare as they began to walk up the stairs.
"Well he was being mouthy." Sirius shot back at him.
"So you had to dump shit on him? Jesus Sirius – what's wrong with just smacking him or something?" James stared at Sirius with his eyebrows furrowed in anger.
"He called me a fairy."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Sirius... grow up." He stared at him angrily as he stepped forward infront of everyone shaking his head.
"What? He-"
"I don't want to hear it!" Remus glanced to the side at Sirius. "Get used to it, Sirius."
"Get used to what?"
Once they reached the top of the stairs Remus whirled around. "Being gay! That isn't going to change Sirius. You can't just snap your fingers and make it go away. You are who you are!" Remus breathed angrily. "First you launch yourself at James for playing around and calling you a woman, now you dump shit all over Peter because he called you a fairy," Remus jabbed his finger into Sirius' chest as he spoke. "You haven't had to put up with it your whole life! You need to grow up and accept the fact that you're gay!" Remus shook his head and turned around.
Sirius clenched his teeth and walked up beside Remus. He grabbed his upper arm in his hand and forced him to face him. What Sirius saw in his eyes caused him to let go immediately. Remus's eyes were the same bright yellow color they were when he transformed. His face was set in a scowl, and his lip was curled up in a sneer. Remus then softened his features a little as he stared at the look on Sirius' face. "What?"
"Your... your eyes – they're yellow..." Sirius backed up a step.
Remus shook his head. "Nonsense. My eyes are amber – you know that. They're not yellow unless I've trans-" Remus let the words trail off. He looked at Peter and James. "What color are my eyes!?"
"Ye-yellow..." Peter stepped back slightly.
"Yellow." James stood his ground and spoke quietly.
Remus turned back to Sirius. He looked up into his azure eyes and felt his own start to mist over. His eyes couldn't be yellow... they just couldn't. The full moon wasn't close... Infact it had just passed. Remus's small form began to tremble as he watched Sirius' eyes. He closed his eyes let the tears pour past the barrier of his eyelids. He then felt a warmness come closer to him and envelop him. He fell into Sirius' arms and wept.
"They can't be yellow... they can't be yellow," Remus let his hands entwine in Sirius' shirt as he cried. "They can't be yellow..."
"Shh..." Sirius let his cheek rest on Remus's head as he gently swayed back and forth. He held Remus close and let his hands run up and down his back. "Shh..." Sirius felt the sobs start to subside – but in no means did they stop. "Remy..." Remus looked up at him slowly. Sirius smiled and wiped away a fresh tear on the left side of Remus' face, still holding his back. "My sweet Remy... it's okay..." Sirius spoke in a low whisper. He pulled Remus into his arms again. "Don't cry Remy."
James and Peter stood silently witnessing Sirius comfort his mate. Neither of the boys thought it possible for Sirius to be so gentle and loving. They stood in awe as they watched Remus' tears subside. The boys exchanged glances. They both looked back at their friends.
Remus looked up into Sirius' eyes.
"No, Remy... they aren't yellow anymore." Sirius cupped Remus' cheeks with his large hands and leant forward. He was completely oblivious to his other friends when he kissed him. He spoke with his lips still close to Remus'. "You're okay now." He lent forward and kissed him again, feeling arms encircle his waist and hold him tightly.
Remus ended the kiss, letting his head rest on Sirius' chest, he spoke softy into Sirius' shirt. "I'm so sorry for getting mad at you..."
"I deserved it." Sirius stroked his boyfriend's hair tenderly. "Every word of it... I deserved it."
The detentions time had worn through – and the 2 weeks with Filch were over. Christmas was the following week. The teachers had loaded the homework on the 7th years – they were all expected to write at least a 12-inch essay for each of their classes, due the first day back.
Sirius had been thinking about what Remus had said to him two weeks earlier. 'Being gay! That isn't going to change Sirius. You can't just snap your fingers and make it go away. You are who you are!'. Sirius wasn't really sure that he was completely gay. He had still felt lust towards certain women – though nothing as strong as what he felt for Remus. Sirius greatly started to question his sexuality. He was lost in thought – and hadn't noticed that Remus had been calling his name.
"Sirius!"
"Huh? What?" He looked up at the voice and shook his head slightly.
"Where have you been?" Remus smiled slightly as he sat down beside Sirius.
"I've been here..."
"I've been calling your name for the past minute. Only now did you notice me talking." Remus let his hand rest on Sirius' thigh.
"Oh... sorry..." He smiled sheepishly and let his hand cover Remus'. He then had a quick flash of instead of Remus sitting beside him – it was a woman. He blinked his eyes and looked down at the hand he was holding. It was no longer feminine – but the hand that belonged to Remus. "Er... what's up?"
"I'm going to Hogsmede today to shop for gifts. Do you want to come?"
Sirius watched Madeline enter the room. He let his eyes linger on her for a second more before looking back at Remus. "No... I don't feel well."
Remus narrowed his eyes as he stared at Sirius. "What's wrong with you?"
"What do you mean? I just don't feel well."
"No... not that. I'm getting a different feeling about you."
"Nothing is wrong. I just feel kind of sick today. I'll go with you tomorrow though." Sirius smiled and leant over kissing Remus' cheek. "Go or you'll be late." He smiled again as Remus stood up. He still wasn't fully convinced.
"I don't know..."
"Oh come on. The faster you go, the faster you get your gifts, the faster you get here so I can love you, and hold you, and kiss you." He laughed as he stood up taking Remus' hand. "Go!"
Remus smiled shyly and got up on his tiptoes kissing Sirius' nose. "Okay. I'll see you soon then. I love you." Remus wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck and put on his hat.
"I love you too." Sirius smiled and watched his boyfriend disappear through the portrait.
Sirius sat down on the couch again. Almost all of the Gryffindor's had gone to Hogsmede to shop for gifts. The only Gryffindor's left were the two in the room at that moment. Sirius brought his legs up and hugged them to his chest as he watched the fire.
Madeline walked towards him and sat opposite to him on the couch. "Hi." She smiled gently and sat back, crossing her legs, hugging the pillow infront of her.
"Hey. How're you?" Sirius smiled back at her.
"Oh I'm fine! And yourself?" She smiled brushing her brown hair behind her ear. Her gray eyes twinkled as she spoke.
"I'm alright. How come you haven't gone out like everyone else?" He noticed how her smile lit up her face.
"I've already finished all my shopping. I did it last week. I wanted to make sure to get everything done before the rush."
"Oh I see. Wise choice, Maddy."
"Maddy?" Adorably so, she cocked her head to the side and raised her eyebrows, a small smile playing on her pink lips.
"Well... Madeline is a little long... I ... I'm sorry for-"
She laughed, causing Sirius' heart to flutter as the airy sound filled the room. "Nonsense! Maddy... I love it. I've never had a nickname before."
"You're kidding?"
"Nope... never... everyone has always called me Madeline. It gets boring sometimes you know." She stretched her legs out on the couch – her foot brushed past Sirius'. She let it rest there for a moment before she noticed that they were touching. "Oh... I'm sorry." She started to move her foot when she felt a warm hand on it.
"Don't worry about it. Sit comfortably." Sirius smiled warmly at her.
She smiled softly and let her foot stay where it was. She hadn't noticed that Sirius' hand had started to move up her leg. He was gently running his fingers over her anklebone absent-mindedly. She watched his fingers move along her ankle, caressing the bone. She felt a slight flush find her cheeks and looked down.
Sirius stared into the fire, resting his cheek on his knee. He wasn't aware of what he was doing to her ankle. As far as he knew, he was touching his own foot. He looked up as he heard a slight gasp.
"What?"
Her gray eyes traveled from his face down his body to his hand. He took in a breath – realizing that he wasn't touching his own foot – and that he was in truth touching hers. He quickly jerked his hand away. "Sorry... I thought it was my foot."
"No... it's alright. I don't mind..."
Sirius smiled quickly before letting that hand rest on his knee. He blushed slightly as he looked back into the fire. The two teenagers sat in silence for a long time listening to the cracking of the fire before Sirius felt the weight on the other side of the couch shift. He looked up into gray eyes. Her knees were brushing against his feet. They both smiled at eachother. Sirius forgot who he was and let his hand find the side of her face. He ran his fingers along her cheek, finding her hair. He ran his fingers through her long, straight hair. She lent into his hand and placed her own delicate hand on his.
The two locked eyes and both lent forward. Her lips were soft and warm. She ran her hand through his hair, finding the back of his neck. The kiss deepened, as did the need for contact. Sirius' hand found her half exposed thigh. He ran his hand along her silky thigh and slightly up her skirt. Her extra hand found his and guided it closer towards her body.
Sirius' heart began to pound as he slowly moved to his knees, still kissing her. She easily changed her position and allowed Sirius to lay her down on the couch. Sirius gently laid his body over hers. She guided his hand from her waist to her breasts. She let him cup her breast with his strong hand. She then ran her fingers down his arm towards his back. She broke their kiss and began to kiss his neck as her fingers found his tie. She began to undo his tie – as he undid hers. The two looked at eachother and laughed nervously. They had then both successfully gotten each other's ties loose. Sirius took her tie off and began to unbutton her shirt. She had done the same, and was already running her fingers along the length of his well toned stomach
Madeline adjusted her hips so that she could raise one of her legs. She tightened her leg around his hips, thrusting up gently. She felt a hardness between his legs. Sirius undid her shirt and timidly let his hand roam around her soft torso. He let his hand cup her breast as he kissed her neck. He heard her gasp into his ear as she put her hand to his. She guided his hand down her torso, lifting her hips to meet his as she guided her hand. She let him slip his hand up her skirt and find her underwear. Sirius slowly moved his fingers to find the waistband of her panties. He laid his lips to hers and kissed her, allowing her tongue to enter his mouth.
Remus stood at the entrance of the common room witnessing what was happening on the couch. Remus' heart began to race as he stared at Sirius. His body went numb and he dropped the present he was holding for Sirius – causing it to shatter as soon as it hit the floor.
Sirius and Madeline immediately looked towards the portrait. Sirius's eyes went wide as he recognized Remus. He took his hand out of her skirt. Remus' face constricted as he stared at his boyfriend. Sirius saw his eyes flash yellow as he turned and all but ran upstairs.
Sirius quickly got to his knees and jumped off the couch – leaving Madeline lying half naked.
"REMUS!" Sirius ran past the broken parcel – and up the stairs.
He made it to the top of the stairs, he panted as he stared at Remus. He was standing with his back to the door, his hands balled into tight fists.
"R...Remus?"
Remus whirled around, his eyes were bright yellow, and blood was seeping from his hands. "GET THE FUCK OUT!"
"No... No Remy you don't understand-" Sirius stepped forward as he spoke, holding his hands up.
"Don't call me Remy." Remus's voice was low and he spoke through clenched teeth. "Get out of my sight NOW!"
"No... I have to tell-"
"How stupid do you think I am?!" Remus's eyes flashed yellow as he closed in on Sirius.
"I don't think you're stupid..."
"THAT WASN'T A QUESTION!" He roared at Sirius, causing Sirius to fall back into the wall with the amount of power that was thrown at him.
"Remus... Remus I'm sorry..." Sirius felt tears start to find his eyes.
"SORRY? You're SORRY?" Remus walked forward, exposing his hands. He hadn't noticed that his fingernails had grown longer. He grabbed Sirius' and dug his fingernails into his shoulders; in the same place he had when they were in the shower. Sirius felt a very large amount of energy closing in on him – causing him to gasp for air.
James appeared at the doorway. "What's going-"
Remus's head snapped towards the door and suddenly James felt himself being hurled towards the wall. Sirius heard James hit the wall with a loud bang – he thought that a few bricks had fallen out. The door slammed shut and locked.
"What did you do to him?!"
Sirius immediately knew that speaking was a mistake – as he felt the grip on his shoulder tighten and a hand come around his neck. He felt nails begin to dig into the side of his neck – directly above a pumping artery. "Am I not good enough for you that you had to run off and find the first slut you could? Did I not satisfy you?" Remus spoke in a low growl; he moved his mouth closer to Sirius' neck as he jerked it aside – revealing the pumping blood under his olive colored skin.
"No... No..." Sirius gulped for air. "It's not like that – Oh God..." Sirius felt the grip on his shoulder and neck tighten. His hands flew up to Remus' hand. He felt tears flood out of his eyes. "Remus you're hurting me!" He gasped for air.
Remus felt the tears of his own flood out of his eyes as he let go of Sirius' neck. "How could you? HOW COULD YOU? I-I loved you... God I loved you so much..." Remus backed away, his eyes still yellow, and his hands now covered in blood. He stared at Sirius with large yellow eyes – completely full of hurt, pain, and anger. Remus fell to the ground. "I wanted to spend my life with you... I wanted to be everything for you. Evidently a dick, love and company aren't all you need." Remus scoffed. "You need some loose floozy to fuck on the side to make the great Sirius Black a truly happy man."
Sirius stood opposite to him holding his neck. "Remus..."
"Go away." Remus spoke quietly, not able to bring himself to look at his mate. "Just... go."
"No."
Remus looked up at Sirius. His eyes were puffy, and tears streaked his fair cheeks. He spoke softly as he looked into the eyes of the person he still so desperately loved. "Please Siri... please," Fresh tears streaked his face. "Please leave." Remus looked back down at the ground and brought his knees to his chest, burying his face into his knees. He covered his head with his hands, his thin body shuttered violently as he wept silently.
Sirius gazed down at his love, and tried to walk forward. Only to be stopped. He couldn't explain what he felt – but he felt as if his heart was going to break. He felt all the energy leave his body – happiness flash before his eyes and disappeared - he felt sorrow, isolation, and weakness flood over him. Sirius suddenly realized what it was like to be bonded to someone. He was experiencing Remus' feelings.
'If you still love me... you'll leave...'
Sirius heard a familiar voice in his mind. He recognized it as Remus'. Sirius closed his eyes and walked towards the door, obeying Remus's words. Tears fell to the ground as he paused at the door. He reached for the handle.
"I was confused about my sexuality. I only did it because I wasn't fully sure if I was... who I was. I didn't do it because I didn't love you. Now I know for sure that you are all I ever want or need. You are the only thing that keeps me going. I've loved you since we first met... and I'll love you until the day that I die... my sweet Remy..." Sirius spoke quietly. He could still hear quiet sobbing behind him. "God I'm so sorry for hurting you..." Fresh tears slipped from his eyes as the door softly clicked shut behind him.