A great big thanks to the greatest beta, fulfilled for all the constructive criticism, edits, and encouragement!
Come Away With Me
Chapter 2
"Mom, you should have seen these bookstores. They were almost hidden – you'd never see them if you didn't know they were there," Rory said excitedly, "And, oh man, the smell – kind of musty, but in a really good way. All these used books – there were books I never even knew existed!"
"That's great, hon! I'm glad you're having fun."
Rory heard Luke's voice in the distance. "No cell phones! Outside, Lorelai, I mean it."
Rory giggled. "Luke's yelling at Mom," she told Jess.
Jess smirked knowingly. "I bet he is."
"But it's Rory!" Lorelai was protesting.
"Isn't she coming home soon? You'll see her when she gets here."
"Ha. Funny story," Lorelai said without a trace of amusement in her voice.
Uh-oh. Rory's smile faded. "Mom…Mom!"
"Sorry, babe. What's up?"
"Mom, are you okay?" Rory asked worriedly.
"Of course, I am, why do you ask?"
"No, I mean... are you okay with this... with me and Jess?"
Lorelai sighed. "Not really, hon. But I'm getting there. You're grown up enough to make your own decisions - and while I may not agree with them, it's your life."
"Mom, I wish you were okay with this. It's important to me."
"I know it is, kid. And…let's just say that I'm not... not okay with it right now. It'll get better."
"I know, Mom, it's fine," she said flatly. "I'll talk to you tomorrow; have a burger for me, okay?" She closed the phone but didn't move, staring at it. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she didn't do anything to stop them. "I hate this," she began, and her crying escalated into full-blown sobs. Jess patted her back awkwardly as she blubbered out how hard it was that Lorelai disapproved of Rory's choice and how she wished her mother could understand.
Eventually, her words were spent and she just continued to sob, letting it all out silently. She burrowed her head into Jess' shoulder, and she felt his arm wrap around her hesitantly. Feeling safe in his embrace, she leaned deeper into him, and Jess held her to him, letting her cry it out. In the back of her mind, she realized he didn't try to tell her it was okay or that everything would be all right, and she was very grateful for that.
In the middle of a sob from Rory, Jess' phone rang from across the room. "Aw, jeez," he muttered. He kissed the top of Rory's head as he reluctantly got up from the bed. "Hello?"
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Hi, Luke, nice to hear from you. What's new?"
"Don't give me that, wise ass. What happened after you left here?"
"It's just…something I had to do." Jess glanced at Rory who was wiping her eyes. "You get that, right?"
"Yeah." Luke's voice softened. "Yeah, I get that. Just…I hope you know what you're doing here."
"I do."
"Okay." Jess could hear the trust in Luke's voice, and, dare he think it, a modicum of respect?
"I didn't forget what we talked about, Luke." The words were loaded.
"I'm glad. Take care of her, Jess."
Jess nodded, as if Luke could see him. "Thanks, Luke." Luke gave a grunt of acknowledgement, and Jess hung up the phone.
Jess turned back to Rory, reaching for the TV remote. "Wanna watch a movie? I've got Spinal Tap." Rory smiled and nodded in agreement, still wiping her tears.
They lay on the bed, comfortably watching the movie in silence for a while; Rory's head resting on Jess' chest as he absently played with her hair. Thoughts plagued Rory's mind – Lorelai's disapproval; the past year; her relationship with Jess, both past and present. Onscreen, Michael McKean was talking about how the amps go to eleven, and Rory couldn't take it anymore. She sat up quickly, and Jess' hands fell.
"What is it?" Jess asked, concerned.
"Jess, turn off the movie."
"What happened? Is everything okay?" He touched her arm gently.
Rory looked at him with a serious expression on her face. "I think we should talk."
"Okay." Jess hit the button on the remote and the TV went dark. The abrupt silence loomed between them. Settling himself on the bed so that he was facing Rory, he waited for her to begin.
Tucking her hair behind her ears, Rory took a deep breath. There were lots of questions she wanted answered, a lot of information she wanted from him. There was no way to ease into this. "Jess, what happened in California?"
Jess shifted – he hadn't expected her to go for such direct personal questioning right away. He was tempted to give a sarcastic answer, but stopped himself when he saw her questioning eyes. He sighed deeply, unsure of where to begin.
Rory waited patiently for Jess to get his thoughts together. She reached out and took his hand in hers – though whether it was meant to comfort him or herself, she wasn't sure.
"Jimmy came to the diner…" Jess began. "I went out there… to see him, to get to know him, as stupid as it sounds." He rubbed his jaw, feeling the slight stubble there. "It was okay for a while… but it wasn't forever."
Rory nodded, letting him continue, and she laced her fingers with his, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand. He was being honest and open – a trait not normally associated with Jess – and Rory didn't want to anything to jinx it. He claimed that he had changed, that he was ready to be with her – and she knew him well enough to see that he wasn't just saying it.
"Jimmy was – pretty much the same as I imagine he was at 22. I don't think he really ever…" Jess trailed off, unsure of how to say he didn't think Jimmy ever grew up. He wasn't sure if it was his place to say that, as he wasn't sure that he was as grown-up as he should be at 19, but at least he could say he was finally on his way. "He's not like Luke. Or your mom… you know?" As much as he had been dreading this talk, it wasn't that bad. It was easy to talk to Rory – she understood much of what he couldn't verbalize.
"Why did you come back east so soon?" she asked softly.
Jess opened his mouth to answer, then closed it. He hadn't really thought that deeply about why he had done any of it. He had wanted to, and that had been the entirety of his reasoning. "I guess…I guess I found what I was looking for out there. I was finished, so I came back here." He looked at Rory and gave a small shrug. "Now you tell me something," he requested.
"Like what?" Rory wasn't sure there was anything to tell. Didn't he know everything? He was the mystery, not her.
Jess shrugged again. "Tell me about your father. In all the years I've known you, I don't think you've ever mentioned him. You were with him at Sookie's wedding, right? I thought that was him."
Rory looked down and taking her hand back from Jess, she picked at a piece of fuzz on the blanket. She had been with her dad at Sookie's wedding – or, rather, he had been with her and Lorelai at the time. What happened right after was…well, it was hard. She had since gotten over it and forgiven Christopher, but it still hurt to think about that time.
"Rory?" Jess' voice interrupted her thoughts. "It's okay; you don't have to tell me." He didn't want to upset her.
She looked up at him, her eyes clear. "No. It's all right." She bit the inside of her lip, unsure of where to start. "My dad was…he wasn't around much when I was a kid." She laughed humorlessly. "Actually, he's not around much, ever – I haven't seen him in over a year." She paused; not wanting Jess to think she was trying to say her situation was as bad as his. It would have been worse to not even know her father at all – at least she'd had Christopher's visits to look forward to when she was growing up, as sporadic as they were. "I saw him sometimes when I was little – he'd come to Hartford and my mom and I would go and meet him for dinner or something. He'd call every few weeks and there were a lot of postcards when I was really young. He used to travel a lot."
Jess placed his hand on her knee and Rory took comfort in the small gesture. He was silent, letting her go on. "He never came to the Inn, or the house, not until I was sixteen." Rory shrugged – she had long since gotten used to the fact that Christopher was not around, and there were very few times she could remember being actually hurt by him. There had been plenty of disappointments, lots of letdowns, but very few hurts. The time around Sookie's wedding had been the worst. Rory looked at Jess, remembering what else had happened that afternoon. "Did I ever tell you that I was glad you moved back? To Stars Hollow, I mean… after the accident."
Jess shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "We're not talking about that yet. But it's good to know anyway." Rory smiled too and they locked eyes for a moment. "So what happened? With your dad," he clarified.
Rory shrugged again, trying to stay unaffected. "It was a long time ago. He's just…he is who he is; I've finally accepted that. He's not someone that I can really depend on, and that's fine." Rory fell silent. The topic of dependability brought up a new barrage of questions, ones that were much more relevant, recent, and possibly hurtful than their respective daddy issues. She tucked her hair behind her ears again, a nervous gesture she couldn't help – she felt like she needed to do something with her hands. "Jess…" she began, trying to organize all the thoughts running through her mind. "Last night, you said that …well, you told me I could count on you now." Jess opened his mouth to comment, but Rory held up a hand to stop him. "I believe you. I do," she emphasized. "But what happened…why did you…I mean, you just left." She looked up, trying to gauge his reaction. "You didn't tell me anything. Ever. You couldn't even tell me you were leaving."
"Rory –"
"No," she cut him off. "I know, okay? I know it was a year ago, and it's ancient history, and I should be over it by now, but I'm not." Her breath hitched as she realized this was the first time she had admitted that out loud.
"Rory…I…I'm sorry, okay? It was stupid, I know."
"It's not about being sorry, Jess!" Rory cried. "I don't want you to be sorry; I just want you to talk to me!"
"I am!" Jess yelled back. "What the hell do you think we're doing here?" He stopped and sighed, trying to calm down. "Look, Rory, I want this to work. But we agreed to start over. I don't want to rehash everything I did wrong!"
Rory took a few deep breaths, trying not to let her anger and frustration get the better of her. "Jess," she said in a soft voice, "I'm not trying to attack you." She put a gentle hand on his arm, hoping to placate him. She didn't want to fight but she wanted – no, she needed – to hash this out and get some answers to the questions that had plagued her for the past year.
"Why don't we turn the movie back on?" Jess suggested. Not only did he not want to have this conversation, but it was upsetting Rory. That seemed to be a special talent of his, and he hated it.
"No." Rory shook her head. "Please don't get angry, Jess. I don't want to fight. I just…we need to talk about what happened last year."
"Okay." Jess sighed, but he knew she was right. Even he and Luke had managed to communicate with each other, even though neither of them was too fond of the whole sharing-feelings concept. Rory was all about that, and she was just asking him to talk to her, to explain a few things. He didn't know how well he could explain, but he would try – for her.
Rory started picking at the blanket again. Now came the hard question, and she wasn't sure how it would go.
Jess took her hands in his, trying to calm her nerves – or his, he wasn't really sure anymore. "Leave some blanket for later," he said with a small smirk.
"That day on the bus," Rory began, ignoring his comment, "why couldn't you tell me what was going on? I thought you were mad at me or something. Were you still upset about what happened at Kyle's party? I spent months trying to figure out what I did wrong, what I did to drive you away." She blinked hard, trying to stop the tears that pricked behind her eyelids.
Jess squeezed Rory's hands gently. "I'm sorry. I know it's really lame and after the fact, but I am. It was just – " he paused, trying to word it properly. "Nothing in my life was right then. I hated school, so I never went. Then I flunked out because I never went, and Luke wouldn't let me stay with him if I wasn't going to school. Rory, I hated that town – every day, it got worse. I was only there for one reason – and then I screwed that up, too. There was nothing for me there. You were the top of your class at your fancy private school, and I had flunked out of Stars Hollow High, for god's sake. You were going to Yale, and I was going nowhere!"
"I didn't care about that," she insisted. "Any of it. Everybody kept telling me how you were no good, you were just trouble and I was much too good for you, but I defended you! I didn't listen to them; they didn't know anything. Actually," she admitted, "After you left, I spent a lot of time wondering if I wasn't good enough for you."
Jess' eyes widened. How could she ever possibly think that? He knew he hadn't done the best job of making her feel as wanted and desired as she was, but he never thought she would feel inadequate.
"I never once thought you weren't good enough for me," Rory continued. "I didn't care about anything anyone else said, I didn't care about your grades or anything – I only cared about you!" she cried passionately, the tears that had threatened to leak out before now streamed down her face.
"The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, Rory," Jess told her, gazing at her intensely. "I figured you'd be better off without me."
"I wasn't," she said simply, looking up at him, her eyes damp and red-rimmed.
She wasn't sure quite how it happened or which one of them started it, but suddenly they were kissing. He was cupping her face; her hands were weaving through his hair. Untangling her legs from beneath her, Rory lay down, pulling Jess down next to her. He was still kissing her until she could barely think, but kissing Jess had always had the effect of making her mind wonderfully cloudy and muddled.
Rory soon lost all ability for coherent thought as she got lost in the sensation. Her hands roamed over Jess' body, feeling the smooth skin of his neck, the roughness of the slight stubble on his cheeks and the taut muscles of his shoulders and back under his t-shirt.
Abruptly, Jess pulled away. "I think we should stop," he said thickly.
"What? Why? What are you –" Rory asked, trying to catch her breath.
"Let's watch some more of the movie or something," he suggested, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
"Jess, what…" Rory trailed off, still trying to figure out what was going on. She reached up to touch his cheek, but halfway up she thought better of it, brushing her hair back instead.
He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I don't want to go too fast," he said by way of explanation. "I mean, there's plenty of time, right?" Part of him couldn't believe he was saying this.
A small smile crossed Rory's face. "Yeah. There's plenty of time."
"I don't want to rush into things," Jess went on, still amazed at these words that were coming out of his mouth. "I don't want to pressure you or anything."
Rory's smile grew as she took his face in her hands and kissed him softly. "Come on," she said, "let's watch the next drummer die."