Simple Pretenders
Utena is tired.
She stands on the stairs and looks across the jagged, dangerous architecture of the academy. She can't help but think of it as a graveyard of broken blades in this darkness of the night, moonlight glancing off the sharp edges almost hesitantly.
Lowering herself down to another step, she winces slightly as her left arm twinges sorely. If she closes her eyes she can feel a sword she never wanted in her hand, like an old ghost whispering of the past.
Utena is so, so tired.
She breathes deeply but finds the air is heavier, thicker, almost choking her when it doesn't smell like roses. She pretends she doesn't know why, and pretends her world in this vague, formless darkness isn't tinged violet.
Surreality surrounds her in the silence that sings, and it sounds like rose petals in the wind and she likes to think she can't hear it. But really it is so loud she can't hear her quickening breaths, or maybe she stopped breathing a long time ago.
Utena tells herself, standing in these dream-like shadows of late night, that the reason she can't see herself with a certain red-haired student council member is most certainly not because he smells wrong. She makes herself believe that she doesn't wish she smelled roses with him instead. And when Akio would pull her close she tries not to think of how he smells of those flowers, but stronger, like...poisoned roses, and she shakes her head in the vague light of the moon to stop remembering.
She knows if she closes her eyes near Akio she can pretend he smells right. More fragile, more weary, as though his scent is of dying roses instead.
She knows but she pretends not to.
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Anthy has lived a long, exhausting life.
She tries to remember what it was like to feel her own emotions, but years of abuse and stinging words obscure the memories.
Outside she looks to the faint glimmer of faint stars and tells herself that she enjoys the peaceful, sheltering night, but really she's begun to long for day. For things she should not. When she looks at the sky in the light of day it is almost as brilliant as a certain pair of blue eyes.
But she can't let herself think that.
Utena is innocent, naive, foolishly noble and Anthy tells herself that those are bad things, that she is not drawn to the vibrant girl.
She pretends she doesn't think of Utena's bubblegum pink hair. She pretends she doesn't sometimes imagine if she kissed Utena her taste, unlike bubblegum, wouldn't fade with time.
For many years Anthy's life has been full of pretending. And this girl, this noble, brash, childishly innocent girl, is threatening to shake the carefully constructed lies. Anthy hides the fact that it terrifies her.
Anthy tells herself and her brother that she doesn't want it to happen, yet she finds herself longing for the gentle cheer of the day's sunlight and wants for things she doesn't and can't have. That she likes to think she shouldn't have.
It's easier, safer that way. For everyone.
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In the cover of unsure night, two girls hide from themselves like shadows.
A/N:
1-I realize "surreality" is not a word, but "surrealism" pertains only to the art movement and (in my opinion) lacks the connotations that "surreal" itself allows, so I chose to exercise my artistic license and wrote surreality (which flowed much better with the story)
2-Which storyline - manga, movie, or anime - this takes place in is totally up to you. It's supposed to be able to fit all three and I hope it does so.
3-There won't be more. This was just a little vignette that was bouncing around in my head for a bit and wouldn't leave (I was figuring to myself, "they're obviously attracted to each other...so what's holding them back? what are they thinking?" and I decided to write it)
4-The title is meant to be ironic. In what way I won't say; that'd spoil half the fun. ;) There are more things I could ramble on about - like why Anthy says Utena's name to herself but Utena won't say Anthy's - but I'm sure you'll enjoy figuring them out for yourselves, hehe - just think of their personalities/characteristics/etc. (I'm just nudging you all in the right direction - remember, in vignettes, every single word is chosen for a specific reason!)
5-I hope this wasn't too cliché for an Anthy/Utena fic, and I'm sorry it's really not very good, hehe...I hope it was at the very least in character. An out of character vignette is the absolute worst kind, since vignettes are all about characters...