Warnings: AU, nothing else.

Pairing: Dosu/Naru, mentions of pervious Gaara/Naru

Summary: Naruto's been receiving letters with envelopes reading 'SWAK', he refuses to open them until Sakura tells him what it means, and then he's off to search for his 'lady love.'

Genre: Romance, humor

Rating: PG 13 'cause there might be swear words.

""-speech

''-thoughts

'Breathe in, breathe out, don't panic, stay calm, everything's okay. Pull in the good, push out the bad.' Naruto began his mantra as soon as he began opening his locker, slowly entering the combination and pulling the small metal door open with an eerie sounding squeak that made the blonde chuckle nervously.

There, lying hazardously upon a pile of textbooks was an envelope. It was a normal envelope, you know, white and rectangular with writing scrawled across the flap. From Naruto's vintage point he couldn't exactly make out the words, but he already knew what it said.

S.W.A.K

Naruto had been receiving these strange letters for a week now; this would be the fifth one, he didn't dare open them out of fear. He didn't know what this 'swak' stuff meant, but it was written in red ink! That must have been a sign that someone was out for his blood!

'Maybe SWAK stands for the first names of each person in some strange gang who wants to kill me.' Nevertheless, despite his extreme fear of the letter, he made sure to carefully place each one at the bottom of his locker after receiving it. He called it, the preservation of evidence, if he was killed someone would be sure to look in his locker and see the notes and arrest whoever had done the horrible deed, right?

"Hurry up Naruto! We'll be late for class!" He heard Sakura shout at him and Naruto nodded at her before carefully placing the envelope at the foot of his locker and running after her.

"Good morning class!" A matured woman with dark blue hair and who was, in Naruto's opinion, far too energetic this early in the morning, announced as she walked in the class. "Good morning Hikura-sensei." The students replied in unison, some as energetic as the teacher, and some like Naruto, not so much.

"Today we're going to be learning about a very diverse topic, euthanasia. Now, does anyone know what euthanasia is?" One hand shot up just like everyday and Naruto felt his mind drifting off to the precise, calculated sound of Sakura's voice.

Grade eleven English was definitely not his forte, nor was any other class mind you, but English was just so boring and he often found himself to be more easily distracted then normal when he was in the bright, sunny classroom. Sadly the only thing that seemed to be distracting him this week was his theory that someone was out for his blood.

'S… W… A… K… Sorry, We Always Kill? Sinning With Assassination Knives? Sally Wants Able-bodied Kaleidoscope? Sakon Wants A Korpse? No, corpse is with a C.' Hazy blue eyes glanced around the classroom, there seemed to be sort of discussion going on. 'Ah, I'm sure youth in Asia aren't that important, why are we learning about them?'

"BAKA!" "Whaaa! Sakura-chan is so mean to me!" "You're an idiot! We weren't talking about youth in Asia, we were talking about euthanasia!" Naruto blinked up at Sakura innocently. "There's a difference?"

Sakura was just about to wring Naruto neck when she heard a cough behind her; she turned, starry eyed to see her Sasuke-kun glaring down at her.

"Leave him alone Sakura, Naruto's been distracted lately, or did you not notice that for the past week he's been afraid of is own shadow." Naruto sputtered for a minute. "TEME! I have not been afraid of my own shadow!" "Whatever you say, dobe." "Don't call me that!" "Naruto! Stop disrespecting Sasuke-kun!"

Five minutes and a couple of newly formed bruises later Naruto had been forced to sit down in front of Sasuke and Sakura, who seemed to enjoy towering over him as they stood in their 'demanding' poses.

"Naruto, tell us what's going on." Naruto shook his head, like hell he was! Sakura cracked her knuckles threateningly and Naruto blanched, some of his resolved fading away.

"Tell us Naruto, or else." The pink haired girl muttered dangerously as a small audience formed in a circle around the three friends.

'Wah, Sakura-chan is awfully scary when she's angry, maybe I should just tell her?' He glanced at Sakura's furrowed eyebrows and evil smile.

"Well Sakura-chan, I've been getting letters in my locker." Naruto looked away and blushed while Sakura impatiently said, "Go on…" "And-and I don't know what it means! But I'm sure someone is out to get me! It had S.W.A.K on the flap of each envelope!"

Sakura, Shikamaru, Hinata, Kiba, Chouji, Ino, Lee and Ten Ten all face vaulted while Neji, Sasuke and Shino's eyebrows began to twitch.

"Ano… Naruto, what do you think S.W.A.K means?" Sakura asked once she recovered sending a quick glance over Naruto's head to Hinata, mouthing 'was it you?' and Hinata blushed, shaking her head 'no.'

"Well, I haven't figured out what it meant yet, but I'm sure it's bad, right?" Sakura took a deep breath. "Naruto, S.W.A.K means: Sealed With A Kiss." Naruto sat there for a moment, allowing the information to sink into his brain.

"What?"

Everyone face vaulted this time.

Sakura, having explained it to him several times after that incident, two of those times being in their shared art class, Naruto finally let it sink in, properly.

"Yosh! I'll look over these strange love-type letters and find my lady love!" He had proclaimed loudly.

Right when their sensei was in the middle of an art history lecture.

But Naruto was quite content to spend the rest of the period in the hallway, it was so much nicer than trying to conceal his excitement. In the hallway he could jump around and practically no one could see him as opposed to a whole class full of people.

School couldn't have gotten out soon enough and Naruto rushed towards Sakura's last period class, and making sure that his most irresistible puppy dog eyes were in place he begged her to come over to his apartment to help him figure out who sent the letters. It wasn't too hard, seeing as she wanted to know who could possibly like Naruto, other than Hinata of course.

Of course, then she invited Sasuke, who Ino had to follow, and Shikamaru was dragged along by Ino, so Chouji came to, Hinata was pressured to come by both Sakura and Ino, so Neji decided to come along, which meant Lee and Ten Ten had to come…

So Naruto just decided to fuck it and ask Kiba and Shino to come along to.

They all sat in Naruto's living room, since they definitely couldn't have fit in his bedroom, and Naruto carefully pulled the five letters out of his backpack and flipped them over so that they'd be in order. He slowly began placed the other four down as he slowly began to rip the envelope open and then he slowly began taking the piece of paper out-

And then Sakura hit him over the head with a text book and tore the letter from his hands. "You're taking far too long! I'll read these letters and I'm sure with all of out brains put together we can find out who's been sending you these in no time!" She let out a small coughed before she began read the first letter.

"Dear Kawaii-Boy, you may or may not remember who I am and you may or may not know my name, but I am sure that you remember pranking a group of friends last week. Although I was and still am angered by your horrible sense of humor, I can't seem to get your laughing, happy face out of my mind. Please meet me on the school roof after school." Sakura's face scrunched up. "Well, that doesn't help much." "What do you mean by that Sakura-chan?" Naruto questioned and Sasuke sighed. "What she means is you prank someone almost everyday of their week and laugh in their faces." "That's not true, I didn't today!" Naruto glared angrily at Sasuke, who was defended by Sakura, who was threatened by Ino who then began a cat fight.

"Sasuke-kun is mine forehead-girl!" "As if Ino-Pig!"

Shikamaru lazily picked up the second letter. "The sooner we finish this the sooner Ino will let me go home." He supplied as an explanation to the group of people who were rather shocked to see him do something.

"Dear Kawaii-Boy, I suppose I can understand why you didn't come to the roof, my admitting that I was angry and all, but I will formally apologize today, so long as you do the same, and then maybe we can go out somewhere." Shikamaru snorted. "I can't believe that some upperclassman girl has a crush on you."

"UPPERCLASSMAN?" Ino and Sakura screeched in unison.

Shikamaru nodded and Neji decided to go into detail. "Hai, only grade twelve's are allowed access to the school roof." Then Hinata stuttered out. "A-And they have to be trustworthy students." "More than likely on honor roll." Shino added his two cents and both Sakura and Ino looked at Naruto in disbelief, both thinking the same thing. 'He managed to attract an intelligent, older woman?'

Shikamaru had reached for the next letter when an over enthusiastic Lee ripped it away from his grasp.

"Yosh! In the springtime of youth many flowers of love shall bloom!" Ten Ten sweatdropped beside him. "Lee, just read the letter."

"Hai! Dear Kawaii-Boy, I am afraid I have yet to know your name, but I am almost certain that I know who you are, there seem to be very few blonde grade elevens who pull such strange pranks. Please come to the roof after school tonight and tell me if you are Uzumaki Naruto."

Chouji rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. "Strange pranks? Most of Naruto's pranks are often considered cruel by the victim." "What? They do not!" Naruto protest, but quickly shut up when half the room's eyes glared at him with tremendous killing force. "He he, never mind about that, go on."

"I think what Chouji is trying to say, is that out of all the pranks you pulled last week, there was only one that could be considered weird." A small 'arf' was heard as Akamaru backed up his master and Naruto sweatdropped.

"Ano, which prank is that?" "The one where you pranked the wrong people." "… Oh yeah… I set up a device so that as soon as Sakon and Kidomaru left the library they'd be pelted with vanilla pudding. I wondered why nobody else was laughing until I realized I got the wrong people." Naruto directed a glare at Kiba. "Which is all your fault by the way, you were supposed to make sure that nobody but Sakon and Kidomaru went through that door." Kiba shrugged his shoulders. "Meh. I couldn't be helped." "Why you-"

"Dear Naruto, I am sure that your name is Naruto now, even if you didn't show up to tell me. I wonder if you believe I'm still mad at you? Don't worry, I'm over that now, although Kin was so mad that her hair was-" Ino stopped reading and dropped the letter before a sly grin crept onto her face.

"Oi Naruto, I think this admirer of yours is a guy." "WHAT!" Ino smirked triumphantly and waved the letter in front of Naruto's face. "The group you pummeled with pudding was the three grade twelve students: Tsuchi Kin, Kinuta Dosu, and Abumi Zaku. The writer of this letter says that they are no longer angry with you, but that Kin is."

It was dead silent until Sasuke started snickering, trying to mask it with a cough when Naruto threw an I'm going to torture your prone body and laugh maniacally while you scream in pain if you keep that up glare.

"Well…" Kiba began thoughtfully. "At least we already know you have a thing for men." "W-Wh-What! I do not!" "Naruto, think back to grade nine, think back to Gaara." "We were just friends!" Kiba muttered something that sounded suspiciously like: Friends who make out in the change room, but Naruto thought it would be better if he didn't make Kiba repeat himself and decided to sulk in a corner next to Shino.

Hinata, trying desperately to ease the tension picked up the fifth letter. "A-Ano, should I, umm, read this one?" Ino and Sakura giggled madly and nodded. "O-Okay."

"Dear Naruto, why don't you ever respond to my letters? I don't know whether to be depressed or angry at your lack of response. If you do not meet me at the roof after school tonight, I will pursue you in and out of school not stopping until you are mine." Hinata blushed and Shikamaru snorted.

"Good luck Naruto, you're going to need it."

The next Monday Naruto definitely didn't feel too good about coming to school, especially since all the others did to 'help' him on Friday was make fun of him, tell him he would look so cute being dominated by some guy and they kept bringing up Gaara! Why the hell didn't they get it! He wasn't gay! He wasn't Bi! Gaara was just a very special case! (And a great kisser!)

At least Ino and Sakura had the decency to help him out a bit; they were both well renound on gossip and said the both Zaku and Dosu were pretty smart.

Then Neji, who had apparently taken pity on him, told Naruto that he knew Dosu was an honor roll student, therefore it was very likely that he was the secret-admirer-type-person, when Ten Ten protested that she'd seen Dosu give the key-card to the roof to his friends before.

So really he didn't know which one was sending him these letters, but it would stop today! He was sure of it! After all, whoever was sending them was clearly displeased that he hadn't responded to them (It wasn't his fault! He'd never gotten a love letter before!) and as such, would stop sending them.

Or at least that's what Neji said, and Naruto was sure Neji wouldn't lie to him.

'Alright, today I'm going to confront both of those guys and tell them to stop obsessing over me! It's freakyyyyy!' Naruto whined to himself as he opened his locked, feeling immense relief when he saw no letter.

He went through English and Math without any problems, well, more problems than normal anyways. And then came his favorite period. Lunch. Yummy!

He had looked all over the cafeteria for a group of three people he 'slightly' remembered the face of, although he figured it would be easier to look for Dosu. He face was covered in bandages after all. (The freak.)

He had wondered to the outdoor eating area, (Which was really just a lawn with a bunch of large trees people liked to eat under.) straining his eyes in search of the white bandages of aforementioned 'freak' when his foot caught on something and he tripped.

"Ha, you deserve to eat dirt for what you did to my hair, little creep!"

That voice, that slightly familiar voice, screeching at him, although it was in anger last time. Naruto slowly turned his head, still lying on the ground and his eyes widened when he saw the group in front of him.

'I was looking… In the wrong direction.'

The boy with spikey, dark blue hair cracked his knuckles and smirked. "Yeah, I think that I can avenge all of us, it shouldn't be too hard, he's kind of scrawny." He moved to get up but a hand covered by super-long sleeves stopped him.

"Don't waste your time Zaku, put your energy into studying." Naruto's eyes followed up the long sleeve, to find where the deep, male voice had come from. Kinuta Dosu, age eighteen, complete with bandages that covered most of his face and a shirt that had sleeves that fell several inches past his finger tips.

"Uhh…" Naruto wasn't quiet sure what to say, he had really expected to trip, presumably on Kin's outstretched foot, right in front of whoever his letter sender was.

"Well, I guess I should apologize to you guys… But you weren't the ones I was supposed to get! It was supposed to be Sakon and Kidomaru!" Naruto finished with a yell and blushed. 'Well, that wasn't much of an apology.' He lifted himself off of the ground and let himself fall into a very formal bow.

"Gomen nasai senpai." He looked up through his bangs at the three older students, Kin was scrutinizing her nails, Zaku was smirking down at him and Dosu gazed at him.

Naruto figured it would have been a lot easier for him to gauge Dosu's reaction if he could make out his facial expression, but as it was Naruto was pretty sure he knew who was his letter sender.

Unless Zaku was into strange BDSM stuff and got off at the idea of hurting the people he liked. Naruto shuddered at the very thought.

'Oh God, but, if Zaku is like that- and he is my- then that would mean-' Images of being chained up in a basement, handcuffed to a bed and being tortured by a leather clad Zaku flashed through his head and he shuddered even more.

'Oh God, please no, not him, not him!'

Art class passed without any hitches and soon enough Woodshop was over and done with and Naruto rushed happily to his locker, today was Monday, therefore pork-ramen day! He happily spun his locker combination and opened his bag to drop off his books, when a familiar looking envelope caught his eye.

'Whaaaaat? I thought that he wasn't going to send me notes anymore!' Naruto thought with a small blush as he snatched the letter and opened it.

'Dear Naruto, I hope you realize that I didn't mean what I said at lunch, and I really hope that you'll come and meet me on the school roof after class.' Naruto frowned. 'It could mean that Zaku didn't mean that he'd beat me up, or that Dosu didn't mean I wasn't worth Zaku's time.' Naruto ran a hand through his hair and sighed. 'Damn it, none of the clues I get really help me at all. I'm going to have to go up there today, even if it's only to sneak a peak at who's got a crush on me.'

Naruto slowly made his way up deserted, dark stairwells and all too soon found himself in front of the door that would take him to the roof. He turned the knob and pushed, wincing at the squeaking sound it made as it swung open, he had wanted to have the element of surprise on his side.

He took a step outside and looked around, noticing that no one was there.

"Geez, maybe this is just some sort of joke, or maybe he's trying to get back at me for all those times I didn't come up here." 'But that wasn't my fault! I didn't know!'

"OI! WHOEVER YOU ARE, IF YOU DON'T SHOW YOURSELF NOW I'M LEAVING AND NEVER COMING BACK!"

"Yare, yare, you don't have to yell so loud; I can hear you perfectly fine." Naruto looked up and there, sitting on top of the enclosed staircase was Dosu, his feet dangling over the open door.

"S-So you're th-" "Naruto." Dosu leapt down from his elevated position and stood, towering over Naruto with his superior height. "Y-Yes?" "In accordance to your formal apology, I would also like to apologize for holding anger against you." Naruto sweatdropped. 'Is that all he wants to do, apologize?' Naruto couldn't help but feel a little disappointed, he was a teenaged boy after all, who could possibly make an exception for the guy who'd kept Zaku from hurting him.

"So, uhh, now that we've both apologized, can I leave now?" "But we've only just begun." Dosu answered as he dropped down from is perch above Naruto.

"Naruto…" The blonde took a small step back. "Yes?" "Would you like to go get some coffee some time?" Naruto blinked. "Uh… I don't drink coffee, it stunts your growth you know, and I'm short enough as it is." "I see." Dosu nodded and rubbed his chin thoughtfully, as if he was making sure he'd remember that.

"How about going to a movie?" "Well, umm, I'm flattered but, I really think it's best if you turned your attention to someone else." Naruto said as he ran past the other boy and down the stairs as quickly as he could.

'My heart's beating really fast, is it just because I'm running, or is it… No! I promised myself that I'd never get with a guy again, Gaara was a special case, that's why I was with him. What makes Dosu special, other than all the bandages?'

Meanwhile, Dosu's eyes had narrowed as he stared at the spot the blonde had once been. 'This isn't over Naruto, I'll win your heart yet!'

It came as a surprise to Naruto, who thought that he had gotten rid of Dosu's affections, that when the next day rolled around and he opened his locker, a wave of love letters came gushing out, each one with S.W.A.K written in red ink on the flap in elegant handwriting.

'Oh. My. God.'

And then on Wednesday instead of love letters he found a heart shaped box of chocolates and a red rose.

'What. The. Fuck. He knows my locker combination? Who the hell told him to get me chocolate!'

And then on Thursday there was nothing in his locker, and Naruto sighed in relief thinking that the other boy had given up, but once he made it to his first period class… Well…

"NANIIIIIIIIIII?"

His desk looked like someone had decided to grow ever rose imaginable on it surface, it was horrible!

'Who the hell is he getting his advice from, I don't like flowers! I don't like chocolate! I AM NOT going to read through all of those damned love letters!' He angrily stomped over to his desk and scooped the roses into his arms, dropping them on the desk behind him. Sasuke was used to receiving tokens of affection, he wouldn't make a big deal out of it, the fangirls would, but watching them fight was fun.

He spent the rest of the day being aggravated, even more so when he tried to find Dosu at lunch and the guy just couldn't be found! He had to tell Dosu that if he wanted to win his heart or whatever, he had to stop giving him girly things!

'I bet Kin's telling him what to get, she probably thinks he's got a crush on a girl and is telling him all this junk about flowers and what flowers mean and how they're so great.' He clenched his fist. 'Next thing you know he's going to appear under my bedroom window and start serenading me with music.' He shuddered as he walked home, that would be far too embarrassing.

Ahhh, Friday, one more day of Dosu's antics before he got two days away from him and then the process repeated itself.

'Hopefully I'll be able to find him today and tell him to cut it out with the girly things.' He thought as he completely avoided going to his locker and made it straight to first period, heaving a sigh of relief when there was nothing on his desk. 'Maybe he gave up.'

When he made it to lunch without any strange incidents Naruto went looking for Dosu again, searching high and low and-

"THE ROOF!" Heedless of the various students who slowly back away from him Naruto ran as fast as he could up the stairs that would take him to the roof.

'Please be here…' He thought as he wrenched open the door, immediately looking up.

"YOU!"

Dosu blinked and looked down. "Me?" "Yes you, where the hell have you been!" Naruto asked angrily and Dosu smirked, not that you could tell but…

"I told you in every letter I sent you on Monday, just incase you only red one, that I was going to be on the roof every lunch incase you wanted to talk to me."

"Oh…" 'Damn…'

"Now then Naruto, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?" Suddenly all of Naruto anger at the girly things he'd been receiving was brought forth and he angrily started pacing.

"What is with the flowers! I hate flowers! And I don't like chocolate either and I don't want to read any of these love letters! Honestly, I would think that you'd have tried to find a little more information on me and then found out that I really like ramen! I'd let you take me out for ramen! Ramen is the best thing that was ever invented! But noooo, you have to give me flowers and chocolate like I'm some sort of air headed girl! Why not ramen! Why! Not! Ramen! I love ram-" "Naruto?"

Naruto turned around and glared at the older boy who was now standing behind him awkwardly.

"Do you want to go out for ramen then?"

Instantly Naruto's eyes widened and sparkled happily, Dosu sweatdropped. "Yes, I'd love to go out for ramen with you!" He glomped onto Dosu arm as the older boy thought: 'I can't believe this was that easy.' As he lead the other boy down the stairs.

Naruto had a good feeling about this, a very good feeling, after all, all good relationships must have ramen somewhere in it! 'But Gaara didn't like ramen, silly Gaara, now I have Dosu to eat ramen with… I wonder if he's a good kisser to.'