Chapter 3- Hesitations and Meditations

((A/N THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS LEMONS AND GRAPHIC CONTENT…TAKE WARNING))

Sunlight crept into both boys bedrooms. Kotarou groaned and rubbed his eyes, sleep still seemed to overwhelm him and he yawned stretching his arms over his head, completely unaware of his visitor. For at the door stood a silent red-eyed Tatsuki. Tatsuki had fallen in and out of sleep, when pushed all together he had slept less then two hours. For his lust had overpowered him. It was Saturday morning Grandpa was out, Yuuto was visiting some chick, he had cornered Kotarou, and he would not escape him. Licking his lips he pushed the door open completely, his breath was harsh and he smirked at the small blonde.

Kotarou heard the floorboards creak and squeaked as he saw Tatsuki stalking towards him. Tatsuki's excitement could not be hidden, Kotarou shrieked and grabbed the blankets trying to cover himself.

"No use Kota-kun." Tatsuki smirked reaching out and closed his hands around Kotarou's small bony shoulders, he gripped tightly, he was sure to leave a bruise and didn't care as he pushed to object of his affection back, his body slamming against the mattress. Tatsuki climbed up next to him, the mattress creaked with the added weight. "Just WHAT the fuck do you think your doing?" Kotarou was using all his strength to push off his cousin, as if his feelings towards him weren't already fucked up enough, now he was being raped! Just what kind of love was this?

"I'm satisfying myself." He straddled Kotarou his erection straining against the pair of jeans he had gotten dressed in hours earlier. He moved his hips side to side moaning deeply and loudly. "Kota…Kota…Kota" Kotarou was pale, he was frightened, he had never seen Tatsuki like this. "Go get a fucking hooker for this!" He screamed and again tried to push away Tatsuki with his arms already pinned down, it was no use though.

"No…its not sex that I want…its you...Kotarou…" Tatsuki looked down into the wide eyes of his cousin and felt tears well up in his eyes. No, this is what you wanted…you have him, you can take him…you love him goddamn it…you love him…so don't put him through this. Tatsuki released Kotarou's arms fighting back the overwhelming tears in his eyes and pushed himself off the mattress. He walked to the door and turned back facing a very confused and scared Kotarou.

"I'm so sorry Kota-kun…ignore me, forget me, hate me, but don't ever love me." He bowed his head and walked right back into his room allowing the tears to spill and his shoulders shook with the pain he had just inflicted onto Kotarou. But since when had he become so sentimental? It was a mystery to him. He clenched his hand into a fist and went to slam it into the wall, and was extremely shocked to see a small hand blocking his fist and the wall. "Don't." It whispered, it was shy and confused and shook. Tatsuki bit his lower lip and looked down.

"Kota…" Lowering his arm he cupped Kotarou's cheek, smiling as he blushed deeply and averted his eyes. "I really love you, its not just lust, its everything about—"Tatsuki was cut off by Kotarou's timid lips. He had reached his head up and rested his lips on top of his. Shocked he pulled back. "Kota? Don't fucking tease me!" Kotarou's blush seemed to grow even deeper and he looked down and muttered, "Not teasing…now I know what I felt was…never thought it'd be love but—"This time Tatsuki had cut him off, his lips pressed desperately against Kotarou's.

Kotarou's small thin arms had slipped up and around Tatsuki's neck. "Is this ok?" He was scared and buried his face into Tatsuki's chest. Tatsuki sighed deeply taking in the scent of his smaller lover. "Yes." It was simple, reassuring and full of love. Wrapping his own arms around the blonde's small waist he lifted him up ignoring the muffled gasp. He almost died as he felt uncertain movements and then a pair of legs wrapping around his waist. He turned and sat on his bed, just holding Kotarou. He had waited so damned long for this, he wasn't going to take the sex and run, he would make it memorable and full of love.

Kotarou leaned against his cousin, letting him make the moves, he was sure of himself and Kotarou trusted him. Tatsuki sensing the lack of complete confidence from Kotarou closed his arms tighter and whispered into his ear. "Kota-kun this is alright, this is what two people do when they're in love…this is ok because I love you." Leaving feathery kisses around his ear, Kotarou smiled, and nodded, his head rubbing against Tatsuki's chest. Tatsuki moaned deeply, almost unable to contain himself. Lifting his head he looked into Tatsuki's eyes, they were dark, round and wide. His own lighter ones seemed to have a sparkle in them as he just stared Tatsuki couldn't bare it and pressed his lips to the collar bone of Kotarou. "I'll take care of you forever and ever." Removing one of his hands from the bare back of Kotarou he slid it slowly down the back of Kotarou's boxers and firmly grasped the ass that now belonged to him. Kotarou sat up straight and shocked. The swiftness of his movement made Tatsuki smirk. "Surprised you, no?" He grinned and slowly removed his hand, bringing it back up to hold Kotarou's face. Pulling him close again he laid back onto his bed and pulled Kotarou on top of himself. Running his think fingers through the blonde hair, and sighed prolifically that was laced with the hinting of a smile. Kotarou rolled off of him and lay directly next to him, nuzzling his side; he timidly reached out and took hold of the hem of Tatsuki's t-shirt. He held it and lifted it slowly, his grin growing deeper when he saw the look of sheer pleasure plastered on Tatsuki's face. "Am I doing—?" "Shhh…" Tatsuki held a hand up to silent the little one, when making love there is no right and wrong. As long as it felt good, that's all that matters. And right now, Tatsuki was feeling pretty good. The sturdy pack of abs was exposed and covered in tiny goosebumps brought on by the feeling of Kotarou's finger tips brushing the flesh over and over. Sitting up Tatsuki hurriedly threw off his t-shirt and grabbed Kotarou again smothering their bare chests against each other, it felt so good, so good and so right. Kotarou had lost his bravery and shuttered when Tatsuki grabbed him, this was all so new, especially the fact that it was a guy, and his cousin. But it was love, that he was sure of.

Tatsuki propped himself up on his elbows and once again supped Kotarou's cheek. "You're beautiful." He kissed his lips lightly and pulled back just holding him was pure bliss. Kotarou feeling a bit braver smiled lightly and reached down fingering the waistband of the older boy's jeans all the while managing to hoist himself up so he was sitting on top of Tatsuki's thighs. Tatsuki's eyes widened and he moaned loudly throwing his head back. "Go on!" He urged Kotarou his eyes closing.

Kotarou nodded and unbuttoned and unzipped the jeans releasing the strain on his cousins erection. Tatsuki shivered and was sent into small spasms by just having Kotarou touch him through the boxers he still wore. Kotarou kneeled up, leaving room for Tatsuki to hurriedly kick off the jeans. "Kota…" Reaching out Tatsuki grasped the blondes boxers and pulled them down exposing him completely. "Tatsu-!" He was met by his lips again, which this time moved a bit more coaxingly asking for entrance he was granted. Kotarou opened his mouth and for the first time their tongues collided. Tatsuki's was forceful and explored the caverns of Kotarou's mouth. Kotarou moaned and gasped into the kiss as he felt the sure and steady hands of his cousin working him down there. Pulling back his face was slightly contorted with shock and pleasure. "This will feel good, I swear" Tatsuki whispered enclosing his mouth around Kotarou sending shivers up both of their spines. Kotarou blushed feeling himself harden inside of Tatsuki's mouth. "Tat-kun, this…so…good." He shut up and let Tatsuki work his mouth swirling his tongue around the head of his now erect member. "Tatsuki!" He smiled genuinely feeling completely happy to be in the arms of his lover, to be held and be satisfied like this was a feeling he thought he would never accomplish.

Tatsuki hummed a bit, and it was too much for Kotarou's virgin body, he let himself go and Tatsuki swallowed hungrily not complaining but releasing him from his mouth and smirking. "Did you like your first blowjob?" He pulled the naked body of Kotarou down on him and smiled, his own hard-on still throbbing beneath him. Kotarou smiled and lay his head on the older boy's chest. "Yes…." It was quiet and beautiful, his voice was melodic and pure, like that of an angel. Tatsuki stroked his hair and smiled, because he would get his own pleasure soon enough, but pleasure ran deeper then physical. Kotarou being in love with him was pleasure enough, they would take it slow and lovingly. They would make it though, through thick and thin, in love and in touch with each other. Tatsuki smiled as he saw Kotarou's eyes droop closed and he lay on top of him. This would be good, the start of something new, it felt right to be here with him. Love, it was pure and it would last. Forever.

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All right! It's over! Long trip between the two, but they luff each other Yey them! Review please