Meeting the Incredibles

Disclaimer: Same as before. I don't lay claim to either the Animaniacs Schnitzelbank song or to Buster Poindexter's lyrics.

"Flint, Lady Jaye, I can't thank you guys enough for volunteering to keep an eye on Klondike while we're in San Francisco." Ted began.

"I'm sure he'll be no trouble." Lady Jaye replied, Klondike licked her face, "See. Everything will be fine."

"Just one word of caution, Sibes are a real active breed." Ted replied.

"I'm sure he won't be a problem." Flint replied.

"Klondike's got a bit of a mischief streak." Ted warned.

"Mountaineer, don't be such a worry wart. You're just a Mass Device away." Flint replied.

"Awk! Good riddance mutt!" Polly cackled.

"Not so fast, bird." Shipwreck said, "You're staying with Flint and Lady Jaye, with the kids."

"Two kids, a bird, and a dog. Dash, how did you get into this?" Jaye asked Flint.

"Let's just say Hawk still is a little miffed over the incident with the convoy." Flint replied.

"I told you to ask for directions." Jaye asked.

"Again, keep an eye on Klondike." Ted began.

"Mountaineer, again, quit being a worry wart." Flint replied.

"I'm just saying, Sibes have a mischief streak somewhere in their DNA." Ted replied, "Seriously, I went to get a sandwich earlier this week, and then I turned around and Klondike was missing."

"You found him with that little GPS receiver on your belt, though." Flint replied.

"Yes, I did. After he spread the contents of Scarlet's personal drawer around the parade ground. I'm lucky she didn't kill me after that." Ted replied.

"How did you talk her out of killing you, by the way?" Jaye asked.

"I didn't. Duke was in the way when Scarlet finally tracked Klondike down." Ted replied.

"The look on Duke's face was priceless." Flint remarked, "Especially when he dropped that negligee at his feet. It was even funnier when Scarlet jumped on him and started beating the daylights out of him."

"Whereupon I collected Klondike and ran." Ted replied.

"No wonder Scarlet was describing tortures in graphic detail and saying 'I hate Mountaineer' and 'I hate Huskies' over and over again." Lady Jaye replied.

"She's joined the club then." Flint replied, "When Beach Head and I were at lunch I saw him drawing up plans to obliterate the Siberian Husky gene pool."

"MOUNTAINEER!" Came a shout.

"Yeah." Ted replied.

Bree came stomping up the path, her normally pleasant features livid. In her right hand were half a dozen uprooted tulips.

"I'm sorry Bree, I'm already seeing someone. And aren't you married already…"

"Mountaineer! Can the humor." Bree replied.

"Bree, calm down." Lady Jaye replied, "What's going on?"

"You're insane pet dug up my tulip bed last night." Bree replied.

"I guess Polly's not the only insane pet on the base." Shipwreck quipped.

"You're not innocent either!" Bree replied, "Your parrot got loose and was flapping around the base then wound up squaking all night."

"He was trying to escape from Mountaineer's monster." Shipwreck snapped, glaring at Ted.

"The pot is calling the kettle black, Shipwreck." Ted countered, "If I'm not mistaken, Klondike interrupted one of Polly's late night booty calls."

"Well, if your dog can manage to do that without trying to eat Polly, then that would be appreciated." Shipwreck replied.

"Well we'd better get to San Francisco with the rest of the team." Ted replied, as he tapped the buttons on his watch.

"Yeah." Shipwreck replied as he tapped his own teleporter. The two disappeared as Flint held onto Claudius and Lady Jaye had Barney.

"Mangy mutt!" Polly cackled.

"Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!" Klondike barked.

"I have wings, and you don't. Nyah!" Polly flapped his wings.

"Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!" Klondike barked. You've gotta land sometime...

Klondike promptly chased Polly into the house and the sound of breaking items could be heard, along with Polly's insults and barking and almost immediately Claudius started bawling when Barney stole his stuffed Sammy the Squid toy.

"Tell me how we got talked into this again?" Lady Jaye asked.

"Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!" Klondike wooed.

"Ist das nicht ein fish and bread!" Mischief sang.

"Ja das nicht ein fish and bread!" A chorus line of Shipwreck clones sang out.

"Will it hurt Gideon's head?" Guile sang.

"Ja it will hurt Gideon's head!" The Shipwreck clones sang as they whacked Gideon over the head with frozen fish and hard French bread.

"Ist das nicht ein pair of pants?" Trickery sang.

"Ja das nicht ein pair of pants!" The Shipwrecks sang and yanked Gideon's pants down.

"Is this underwear from France?" Mischief sang.

"Ja das underwear from France!" The Shipwrecks sang.

"Pair of pants. Shorts from France. Oh du schone. Oh du schone. Oh du schone. Schnitzelbank!" The Shipwrecks and Coyotes sang and started dancing with the Elders and each other.

"Time to change the beat!" Mischief shouted, wearing a black Hawaiian shirt that contrasted with his silver fur, "Let's rock to the songs of the Carribean..."

"Do lets." Guile began, wearing a wig of black dreadlocks and other Rastafarian attire.

"Of course." Trickery replied.

"Ole ole, ole ole, ole ole, ole ole, ole ole...Hot hot hot!" The Coyotes sang.

As soon as they sang, 'hot hot hot' several Shipwreck clones with flamethrowers ran around setting fire to the rear end of any nearby Whitelighter Elders.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Gideon shouted, as he vainly fanned at the flames on his rear end.

"Me mind on fire – Me soul on fire – Feeling hot hot hot!" The Coyotes sang.

The Shipwreck clones proceeded to fling Molotov cocktails among the Elders as the Coyotes sang some more. Gideon jumped into what looked like a large urn full of water, but the Shipwrecks had replaced it with 40 proof alcohol.

Gideon was launched into the air by the subsequent explosive combustion of many gallons worth of 40 proof as the Shipwreck clones and Coyotes laughed.

"Party people – all around me feeling hot hot hot..." The Coyotes continued to sing.

"Oh no..." Natalie squeaked as a Shipwreck clone sprayed her in the behind with a flamethrower.

"HELP! Water! Water!" Natalie shrieked.

"Outta my way! Outta my way!" Gideon yelped as he shoved her out of the way, eager to get into anything containing water.

"What to do - On a night like this. Music sweet - I can't resist. We need a party song - A fundamental jam." The Coyotes kept singing.

"Ah, sweet relief." Gideon began as several swans swam towards him when he jumped into a pond.

"So we go rum bum bum bum..." The Coyotes sang.

"Uh, Gideon..." Natalie began as the swans swam towards them.

"What?" Gideon snapped, peevishly, "Oh dear..."

Standing on the shoreline were several Shipwreck clones with detonators in their hands. Three explosions sounded in company with each 'bum' the Coyotes sang out.

"Oh no..." Gideon groaned.

"Yeah we rum bum bum bum." The Coyotes sang. As they sang the Shipwreck clones threw several anti-tank grenades into the water around Natalie and Gideon.

"At least this can't get any worse." Natalie began as she and Gideon climbed out of the lake.

"Don't be so sure." Nigel replied, calmly smoking a cigar.

"Feeling hot hot hot – Feeling hot hot hot – Oh Lord!" The Coyotes sang out.

"Hot! Hot! HOT!" Gideon shouted as a dozen Shipwreck clones chased him around the lake shore, driving an ATV with two flamethrowers attached to it.

"That's the spirit mon!" The Shipwreck clones said, in faux Jamaican accents.

"Me la la la bum bum!" The Coyotes sang again.

As Natalie reached for a towel two Walking Cherry Bombs came around the corner and promptly exploded.

"See people rocking – Hear people chanting – Feeling hot hot hot!" The Coyotes sang.

Gideon opened a door, just as the Shipwrecks succeeded in splashing him with gasoline, he ducked inside and bolted the door shut.

"Boy it's hot in here." Gideon remarked as he turned around and saw a roaring fire behind him.

"Oh no..." Gideon groaned.

"Keep up this spirit – Come on let's do it – Feeling hot hot hot!" The Coyotes sang out like maniacs.

"YEOW! FIRE! OW! HOT BUNS! HOT BUNS!" Gideon screamed as he ran out of the locked room cloaked in flames.

"It's in the air – Celebration time. Music sweet – Captivate your mind. We have this party song – This fundamental jam." The Coyotes continued to sing.

Gideon rolled on the ground and finally extinguished the flames as the Coyotes sang the next verse, "So we go rum bum bum bum..."

Gideon noticed that he had just rolled around on several trails of gunpowder. He ran like a maniac and dived behind a wall. It was then he noticed the trail of gunpowder went straight behind him. He vainly tried to blow it out, but it went straight to the several dozen jars of gunpowder right behind him.

"Yeah we rum bum bum bum." The Coyotes sang.

"HELP!" Natalie shouted as she fled from the Shipwreck clones that were chasing her with an ATV covered with bottle rockets.

"Oh no..." A singed Gideon began, knowing what was coming next.

"Feeling hot hot hot – Feeling hot hot hot – OH Lord!" The Coyotes sang.

"Oh Lord! HOT HOT HOT!" Gideon screamed as he was covered in liquid magma fired from a large tubular device crewed by three Shipwreck clones.

"Ha ha!" The Coyotes sang as the began a Conga line around the Whitelighter area with several Shipwreck clones and a few Whitelighters, "Ole ole, ole ole, ole ole, ole ole."

"EE-yes girls!" The Coyotes continued to sing.

"People in the party." The Coyotes sang, "Hot hot hot!"

"AUGH! FIRE! HOT! HOT! HOT!" Gideon shouted as he fanned more flames on his cloak out several Shipwreck clones were spraying him with gasoline and throwing Molotov cocktails at him.

"People in the party." The Coyotes continued to sing, "Hot hot hot!"

"OH MOTHER!" Elder Gideon screamed as he jumped towards a fountain, only to discover the Coyotes had filled it full of napalm before he jumped in.

"They come to the party. Know what they got. They come to the party. Know what they got." The Coyotes sang.

"AARRRGGHHH!" Elder Gideon screamed as he ran around on fire.

"Ole ole, ole ole, ole ole, ole ole…hot hot hot!" the radio blared.

"Paige, can you please change the radio station?" Phoebe grumbled as she went downstairs.

"What's wrong with Buster Poindexter?" Paige began, "Besides I like this song."

"I normally don't mind it, but after the Coyotes were singing it non-stop in my dream last night and dressed like Rastafarians, I can't get it out of my head." Phoebe replied.

Leo orbed downstairs just then as Piper was taking some French toast off of the stove. "Honey, why are you covered in soot?" Piper asked.

"Coyotes." Leo said, "Insane coyotes."

"Me mind on fire – Me soul on fire – Feeling hot hot hot!" the radio blared.

"Please change the station, Paige." Leo said.

"Don't tell me…" Phoebe groaned.

"The Coyotes had a 'concert' with the Elders last night." Leo replied, "In company with Shipwreck clones with flame throwers."

"Shipwreck clones? What idiot would want to make clones of Shipwreck?" Piper asked.

"Some idiot named Mojo." Logan replied.

"Wolverine, what the hell are you doing in my house?" Piper demanded.

"Sorry Freezerburn, we're here on business." Logan replied, "And your front door was unlocked, by the way."

"In my HOUSE?" Piper demanded, almost going into full bitch mode.

"Shipwreck clones were the direct result of Another Week of Random Madness." Logan replied, "This guy named Mojo."

The other X-men were standing in the kitchen, "Basically he's like your average teenager or fanfiction writer, but the boss of his own dimension, called the Media Dimension." Jean began, "We spent some time as prisoners over there while he filmed us for all kinds of insane reality TV type shows."

"Long story short, he had a cloning machine and we had miniature clones of ourselves created. Shipwreck made a God knows how many clones of himself with Mojo's machine, and even when we escaped the Media Dimension we still had our run-ins with Mojo." Kurt began.

"First there was an Avalanche of Avalanches, and then there was an Attack of the Shipwreck Clones." Kitty replied.

"Let's not forget Get Your Mojo On." Kurt replied.

"Hey at least they were attacking our enemies, and not us." Rogue replied.

"So let me get this straight. The Shipwreck clones are on the loose again?" Piper replied.

"As far as I know the Elders are still trying to get them under control." Leo replied.

"Meaning Pretty Boy here's gonna be busy." Logan replied.

"Listen you…" Piper remarked, "I'm through with you insulting me and my husband every chance you get."

"Maybe you could try to be a bit more thick skinned. Things are gonna get worse before they get better." Logan replied.

"And you know this how?" Piper snapped back.

"Instinct, Freezerburn, just plain instinct." Logan replied.

"Which brings us to the million dollar question." Paige turned to Logan, "Why are you here, if you're not trying to pick a fight with Piper?"

"It has something to do with some red costumed vigilantes." Logan replied.

"Look in the mirror." Piper snapped back.

"And you aren't 'vigilantes' yourselves." X-23 interjected, standing up for her father.

"Yeah, I've never heard of Law and Order: Witch Squad before." Rogue interjected.

"Hey, watch it." Phoebe remarked.

"We had nothing to do with any red costumed vigilantes!" Piper snapped.

"Miss Halliwell they were seen at the restaurant where you worked several years ago," Xavier remarked, "We wanted to follow the lead."

"Look, I recommended the restaurant to our new neighbors, the Parrs and then this whack job Zartan shows up!" Piper snapped.

"Thank you for the lead, Miss Halliwell." Xavier said, as the X-men left the premises.

"What was that all about?" Paige asked.

"Hell if I know." Phoebe began as she picked up the Bay Mirror and then a premonition hit.

A family in red suits. Black masks. About to enter a house somewhere on the other side of town. They were in pursuit of someone...

"Phoebe? What is it?" Paige asked.

Phoebe pointed at the headline, which read: Vigilantes Strike Friends of Humanity Again…

"Alright," Roadblock began, "Does everyone know their positions."

At the chorus of affirmatives from everyone in the group, Roadblock said, "Any thoughts?"

"Why daylight?" Shipwreck replied, "Wouldn't night be stealthier."

"Shipwreck, half the YAMAS snatches and 'other ops' we pulled were in broad daylight. We want to show the FOH they're not safe anywhere." Ted replied.

"Xi, Toad, Wavedancer, you're with Mountaineer. You're handling the upstairs." Roadblock began.

"Blob, Quicksilver, take out the back entrance with Shipwreck. As soon as everyone's in position, hit that place like you're the Juggernaut." Roadblock began, "Quicksilver I want you carrying out the actual snatch. As soon as we've snagged Hamilton, run him into the getaway vehicle where Cover Girl, Scarlet Witch and I will wait. Low Light, you and Spirit form the blocking cordon. Avalanche, myself and the Blind Master will go through the front door." Roadblock began.

Kyle Hamilton, a thirty-two year old agitator for the Friends of Humanity stepped out of his shower just then. Some assholes in red suits and masks were attacking some of the teams in the Bay Area, his numbers for mutants killed or beaten were lower and the Boss was on his ass about it. He threw on his boxers and his jeans and grumbled to himself. The guys were meeting in here to discuss what was going on out there.

Mountaineer made sure that the rope was anchored well to the chimney of the house, and that it was attached firmly to his rappelling harness. He checked the chamber on his trusty Jericho 941F, seeing that there was in fact a 9mm round inside it. He sat in a solid brake position as Xi attached the breaching charges to the frames of the window.

Xi gave Mountaineer a thumbs up. Mountaineer nodded as Xi crawled back onto the roof and twisted the small detonator in his hands, blowing the window frame out. Mountaineer promptly rappelled down the roof and into the shattered window.

Downstairs he heard the back door cave in as Blob smashed through it and at the same time the front door caved in, as Roadblock smashed his way into the front door after the breaching charge went off.

An FOH thug with a MAC-10 in his hands stepped out of a nearby room. Mountaineer already had the Jericho out and then he squeezed the trigger four times, carving a tight pattern of 9mm rounds onto the thug's chest and throat.

Xi and Toad smashed inside as well, and as soon as another door opened, Xi kicked over a second FOH thug and knocked him out before turning him on his stomach and binding his hands with flexi-cuffs. Xi threw a stun grenade into the room before checking it out.

As soon as Blob smashed into the back door, a trio of surprised thugs stared open mouthed but quickly recovered from their shock. One of them went for a sawed off shotgun on the table only to be hit twice by .50 caliber slugs from Shipwreck's Desert Eagles.

"Freeze! Get down!" Shipwreck commanded. Both FOH thugs raised their hands. Bart and C.J. raised their hands as they stared down the barrels of a Desert Eagle pointed at each of their chests, imagining how much damage a weapon like that could do. Quicksilver quickly knocked each man down and handcuffed him. Roadblock's team already finished sweeping the front of the house and was now joining Mountaineer's team upstairs.

Kyle Hamilton opened the bathroom door. He just saw Mick take several 9mm rounds from a fellow wearing polarized blue sunglasses carrying a handgun. "Freeze!" Ted commanded.

Hamilton turned to run but just then a mutie jumped into his path. It was a green scaled abomination with golden, lion like mane, and green scales. A humanoid frog freak blocked the stairs and there was nothing but a wall.

Hamilton raised his hands just as a whirlwind flew upstairs. Before he quite knew it, he and several of his guys were being blindfolded and being stuck inside a large black van with tinted windows. The rest of the Misfits gathered evidence and then swiftly hopped into the van and other waiting civilian vehicles.

"Hello again, Paige." Xavier said, as he wheeled into South Bay Social Services, with Logan standing over him, "Is Mr. Parr at work?"

"Bob called in sick today." Paige replied, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No, never mind." Xavier replied.

As soon as Xavier and Logan showed themselves out, Paige took her cell phone up and dialed Ted's number. She swore silently to herself as she got his voicemail.

"Ted, please pick up as soon as you can. Xavier came by here looking for one of my coworkers. I know you probably can't talk about it, but what is going on?" Paige asked, "Please call me later."

"No question about it." Cyclops replied, as he walked among the crushed glass upstairs, "The Misfits were here."

Doors were smashed in on the front and rear of the house as well as the upstairs window. The scene looked like almost anyone had killed the FOH thugs, after all it was in a bad part of town where street crime was common and it was known that Hamilton had recently pissed off the Chinese Triads.

Two thugs, both of them with weapons in hand, had been shot, trying to resist. The others had been dragged off, most likely by the Misfits. The evidence that the Triads didn't kill the thugs or raid the house were evident to the X-men, however.

Wolverine and X-23 had used their sense of smell, determining that the Misfits had been through the house. X-23 sniffed the air and said, "No question, Toad was up here. And so was Shipwreck."

"I don't envy your sense of smell." Storm quipped at the last remark.

"And I smell trouble." Wolverine remarked, as he extended his claws. Cyclops reached for his visor.

"Come out, wherever you are. We can smell you." Wolverine said. He snatched at the air, grabbing onto some kind of material, similar to that of the suits that the X-men wore. He extended his claws, "Come out…"

"Threaten my kid one more time, dwarf, and I'll put you through the side of this house and every other one in this development." The voice of the newcomer came

The newcomer was big, maybe an inch or two shorter than Blob, but more muscle than fat with a slight pot belly. He wore a red suit with an 'I' on the chest and a black mask.

"Who are you, Bub." Logan replied, releasing the invisible one's neck. A kid slightly younger than X-23 materialized from the air, coughing.

"Your worse nightmare." Bob threatened.

"Bring it on." Logan replied, extending his other set of claws.

A pair of hands stretched, and literally stretched, a hand on the chest of each man. "Whoa! If they intended to hurt her, they'd have done so already."

A woman in her late thirties with short brown hair, wearing an identical uniform to the kid and the man said, "Look, I think we're after the same thing here."

"Logan, this is who we were looking for." Xavier said, as he wheeled into the house, with Colossus pushing his chair, "Mr. Parr, allow me to introduce myself, I am Charles Xavier…"

"Who are you? And how do you know my name." Bob demanded.

"I run a school for the gifted." Xavier replied, "And I know of you because of my gift, telepathy."

"You see, Bob." Helen began, "We're on the same side."

"And what's his power?" Bob asked, indicating Wolverine, "His oh so charming personality."

"Look in the mirror, bub." Wolverine replied.

"Threaten my kid again and you will be known as Stub, because the ends of your wrists will be bleeding stumps…" Mr. Incredible began with an icy tone.

"I've been waiting for a challenge, Bub, you'll do…"

"Logan." Xavier said, "Perhaps we can talk somewhere more comfortable, Mr. Parr."

"We'll be there." Helen replied.

"Meet us at your house." Xavier began, "We can talk there."

As the exchange was going on, a pickup truck labeled San Francisco County Surveyors was parked some distance away.

At the wheel was a Japanese man with a grown in shaved head and a mustache glanced at a tanned, almond eyed Australian man. "This isn't good. The Incredibles have made contact with the locals of this world, and have been exposed." Jan Shimoda said.

"This isn't good." Bluey Truscott, the Australian, replied, "We'll have to call HQ, for the Incredibles have just compromised themselves."

Jan Shimoda drove the pickup truck away from the scene, without being noticed…

TBC