Misfits, Mayhem, and Supers
Disclaimer: Same as before…Part of this was inspired by an episode of Rocko's Modern Life where Mr. Bighead believes he's a pirate…
"Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo..." Klondike began.
Lady Jaye scratched the dog behind the ears, as he came over from the other side of the house with his leash in his mouth. "Woo woo woo..."
She yawned sleepily. She'd just come from night exercises to a severely frazzled looking Flint, two toddlers that had just recently fallen asleep, and a sleeping Klondike. Well, an almost sleeping Klondike, as soon as she'd walked through the door, Klondike had woken up and started wooing and pulling the cute act.
"That is just about the most active animal I have ever seen." Flint began as he sat up from the couch where he'd fallen asleep.
"Woo woo woo woo woo..." Klondike said, as if to argue that he'd taken about seventeen naps of varying length that day.
"Well I just got back from night exercises." Lady Jaye replied
"Well I took this crazy dog for a walk, with the babies in the strollers, which almost turned into a sled pull..." Flint replied.
"Woo woo woo woo woo." Klondike protested, as if to say, 'I was bred to pull sleds in a hurry, so sue me...'
"Strollers are not dog sleds." Flint said to Klondike.
"Not to mention I also had to deal with the babies, and then Leatherneck and Wetsuit being their usually immature selves, as well as preventing Scarlet from using Klondike as target practice when I took him on a walk." Flint added.
"Woo woo woo woo woo…" Klondike protested.
"I just came back from a Beach Head lead night exercise, dear." Lady Jaye replied, "So if you think you're tired…"
"Woo woo woo woo woo!" Klondike began.
"That crazy dog nearly dragged me…" Flint began.
"I don't want to hear about it." Lady Jaye replied, "If you can't handle that dog, then I'll take care of it."
Lady Jaye grabbed the lead from Klondike's mouth as Flint stood up from the chair and said, "Like hell you will!"
"Don't tell me your pride is being hurt because you can't handle Klondike…" Lady Jaye replied.
"It has nothing to do with that." Flint replied.
"Woo woo woo woo woo!"
"Shut up!" Flint commanded.
"Woo woo woo woo woo!"
"Oh I will make you! Especially when I tie you to a stake in the back yard." Flint threatened.
"Woo woo woo woo woo."
Despite herself, Lady Jaye laughed, "You two are having dominance issues…"
"Woo woo woo woo woo!"
"What issues?" Flint shouted.
"Woo woo woo woo woo!" Klondike echoed.
"We both clearly understand who's in charge." Flint replied and noticed Klondike dragged something out from underneath the couch.
"What is that…oh no…" Flint groaned. Klondike had a brown little teddy bear covered in slobber, wearing camouflage fatigues and shiny little black boots…
"ALRIGHT! WHERE'S THAT MANGY MONGREL!" Beach Head shouted, kicking down the front door.
"Beach Head, calm down! He's a dog for Christ's sake!" Lady Jaye shouted.
"Woo woo woo woo woo!" Klondike barked as he flicked Sergeant Snuffles into the air.
"Let me at him! Let me at him!" Beach Head shouted, crashing right into Flint.
"Beach Head! Calm down, he's a dog for goodness sake!" Flint replied.
"Come on boy, let's go for a walk." Lady Jaye replied.
"Woo woo woo…" Klondike voiced.
"Phoebe, can I ask you for some sisterly advice?" Paige asked.
"Sure. What is it?" Phoebe replied.
"I got the weirdest phone call from Ted last night. It's some deep dark secret he now wants to tell me." Paige replied.
"What did he say?" Phoebe asked.
"It was something about how well I thought I knew him." Paige replied, "And I basically told him everything I knew about him, except whatever this big secret is that he's keeping from me."
"What else did he say?" Phoebe asked.
"That's pretty much the gist of it." Paige replied.
"OK, if you're worried that he's married or that he's cheating on you, you're wrong." Phoebe replied.
"How do you know this?" Paige asked.
"Premonition." Phoebe replied.
"What? You got a premonition off of Ted?" Paige replied.
"Yeah." Phoebe replied, "Actually it was more of seeing his past."
"And you never told me?" Paige replied.
"Paige, as both a sister and an advice columnist, I say it's something you should find out on your own. And it has nothing to do with his past relationships." Phoebe replied.
"What do you mean?" Paige asked.
"I'd rather not talk abut it, since Ted asked me not to say anything. But trust me, he isn't cheating." Phoebe replied.
"Phoebe, I believe you. But I worry about Ted, and why he didn't trust me enough to tell me about whatever this thing is sooner." Paige replied.
"Maybe he was afraid that you wouldn't trust him…" Phoebe replied.
"That's ridiculous, Phoebe." Paige replied, "Call it Whitelighter intuition or women's intuition or a combination of both, but I have a good feeling about Ted…"
"He's going to need that from you." Phoebe replied, "He needs you to trust him."
"Trust him with what. I already trust him." Paige replied, "Phoebe, what are you telling me? Is Ted half-Demon or is he going to turn into the next Source or what…"
"No, nothing like that!" Phoebe backpedaled.
"Then what is it?" Paige demanded.
"It has to do with his time in Israel." Phoebe replied, "Besides you two should discuss this face to face."
"Which is what Ted called me about last night." Paige replied.
"You'll have to wait till then, but I only ask this," Phoebe replied, "Please don't judge him too quickly."
Phoebe left for work just then, as Paige stood there, musing and sipping at a cup of coffee."If you ask me," Piper commented, "I wish you had never met Ted. But since being with him makes you happy, I won't interfere."
"That's surprisingly tolerant of you." Paige replied, "May I ask where that flash of insight came from?"
"Well, I just remember what it was like when Leo has to go hop all over the place as a Whitelighter, right in the middle of something really important we need to talk about." Piper replied, "It's the same with Ted's job as a soldier."
Paige hugged her big sister, "Thank you Piper…"
"That means I understand what you're going through, I'm still not through questioning your sanity about dating Ted." Piper asked.
"We are not having this chat again, Piper." Paige replied.
"Well, every time Ted comes by here something bad happens. Not the least of which is a certain gray furred, wooing menace." Piper snapped.
"You mean Klondike?" Paige replied.
"Do you know any other gray furred menaces?" Piper asked.
"The Wendigo." Paige replied.
"ARRGHH!" Piper shouted as she walked out of the room.
"Sands, what are you doing?" Emily asked, "You were supposed to stay at the house."
"Footloose said he'd stick around with the Pirates. I figured two Intelligence officers might be better to meet this aide of General Eddington's…" Sands replied.
Emily shot him a look, "Bollocks."
"OK, I wanted to get the hell out of the house. Especially with the Turners playing the Taco Grande song to keep their baby calm and the Pirates acting like their usual insane selves." Sands replied.
"Well we don't want Hawk to rip them to shreds, especially after last night's tank incident." Emily replied.
"To be fair, we were interrogating the FOH guy." Sands replied.
"Yeah, but the Pirates got drunk and took a tank." Emily replied.
"Well how were we supposed to know that Pirates would go on a drinking binge and steal a tank?" Sands replied.
"Well the drinking part is to be expected. But even I didn't expect them to steal a tank, accidentally start it up, and cause it to start firing shells occasionally." Sands replied.
"Cover Girl is going to kill them…" Emily remarked.
"Then she should get in line." Sands replied, "Half the Pit wants to get the Pirates after the tank incident."
"And the other half is after Klondike." Emily replied.
"What has he done this time?" Sands asked.
"Well he buried half a dozen bras, none of them mine, in the back yard. They belonged to Scarlet and Lady Jaye." Emily replied.
"And what about this Captain Atkins?" Sands asked.
"She's an Air Force Intelligence officer, works as an aide for General Eddington." Emily replied.
"Sounds really pleasant to me." Sands replied, sarcastically.
"I'm not looking forward to this at all…" Emily replied.
At the airstrip, Emily and Sands sat in their jeep as the passenger airliner was letting passengers, mostly a group of Greenshirts, but there was one passenger who stood out from the others. She was tall, about four inches taller than Emily, and five taller than Sands, and slender. Her dark brown hair was cut just above her shirt and framed a long, aristocratic face with intelligent brown eyes.
"Captain Atkins, I presume." Sands said.
"I'm standing to your right mister…" Julie replied.
"Sands. Agent Sands, Central Intelligence Agency." Sands replied.
"He's on the blind side." Emily replied, "Emily Arlington, Her Majesty's Secret Service."
"Huh, I didn't know the CIA recruited blind men." Julie blinked.
"He's technically retired." Emily replied.
"Due to losing his eyesight?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, Once Upon a Time in Mexico." Sands replied.
They drove towards Misfit Manor in a sort of silence until Julie asked, "So what's it like to work with muties?"
"Careful, lady, you might not want to use that term around the handlers." Sands replied.
"It's what they are, right?" Julie asked.
"Well they are mutants, but they consider mutie derisive." Emily replied.
The distant sound of an explosion could be heard in the distance. "Thunder and not a cloud in the sky." Julie remarked.
"This is an Army base, so explosions are fairly common." Sands remarked.
"I must warn you, this isn't a traditional Army base." Emily began.
It was coming from the direction of the Misfit Manor. As the jeep headed towards the Manor, Emily and Julie noticed that one of the Manor's second story windows was open and there was a dryer in the window. All the Pirates were standing around the dryer, waving their cutlasses and shouting.
"FIRE!" Jack Sparrow shouted.
Mr. Gibbs shoved a bundle of lit dynamite into the dryer and Jack cranked up the heat to the highest possible setting, overheating some gas inside the dryer and when it got to a certain point, Gibbs flung the glass door open and launched the dynamite out the window where it exploded in midair.
"ARHHH HA HA HA HAR!" The pirates chanted insanely.
Julie ducked in the back seat, as the blast went off over her head. "What the hell - ?"
"It would appear the Pirates have learned how to use the dryer as some kind of crude cannon…" Emily remarked.
"Pirates?" Julie demanded, her eyes going wide, "You have insane pirate wannabes on this base?"
"Not wannabes, pirates." Sands replied.
"Actual pirates?" Julie asked.
"Exactly what I said." Sands said, "Pirates."
Meanwhile Jack put some propane inside the dryer and heated the gas, closed the door then opened it again, and then Gibbs shoved a bowling ball inside. BOOM!
The bowling ball flew out of the dryer, into the air, towards the jeep where it smashed into the hood.
"ARGH! HAR HAR HAR!" The Pirates all shouted, waving their cutlasses and yelling like maniacs.
"What have I gotten myself into?" Julie groaned. Sands and Emily weren't even all that fazed by the Pirates' insanity.
"We need to have a serious chat with the Pirates about doing something constructive whenever they're alone and we can't watch out for them." Emily replied.
BOOM!
"HA HA HA HA HAR!" The Pirates' maniacal laughter could be heard echoing through the air.
"He who blessed our forefathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, may He bless the soldiers of Israel." Ted whispered to himself. It was that same familiar feeling, those same shakes felt before operations. He checked the chamber of his IMI Jericho 941F, feeling its comfortable weight in his right hand before tucking it back into the holster on his right thigh.
Focus. The mission. With those three words, Ted was able to shut down the niggling fears, and that talk with Paige he was due to have whenever the hell this mission ended. Forget her for the next forty-five minutes.
Ted let a yawn silently escape and Shipwreck turned to face him, "You alright there, Mountaineer?"
"I'm fine." Ted replied, in truth he hadn't slept a wink since that dream last night.
"Hmm, I'm sure you did..." Shipwreck said, sarcastically.
"Shipwreck, fighting with the YAMAS unit, we were busy night and day whenever we deployed to Gaza in 2001." Ted replied, "I'll be fine."
"As soon as this op is over, you're getting some sleep, soldier." Shipwreck replied.
"Believe me, I'd like nothing better." Ted replied.
The place where the leader they were going to arrest, Skyler Greene, ran a waste disposal company where the raiding party was going to strike. Ted's heart was hammering in his chest, the way it did before nearly any operation.
Skyler Greene was currently addressing a large assembly of Friends of Humanity followers; it was a larger gathering at the docks, in one of his warehouses where he typically stored tons of garbage on its way out to sea for burial. He was a wiry, compact fellow, with reddish hair.
Shipwreck and Cover Girl were in position, disguised as a couple, Ted grinned inwardly as he watched them through the skylight. They were doing a damn good job of it. If we'd carried out my method, all we would need Low Light to do was shoot this fucker through the head.
"We must protect San Francisco from the freaks that inhabit the streets. The authorities won't do anything about it! They just let them roam loose on our streets. They let them live their lives, and potentially endanger us. For every mutant that runs free, that means another genetic contaminant for our human gene pool. For every mutant that roams free, that means your daughters, sisters, and mothers could well birth the next generation of their evil race. We must do more than kill them, we must exterminate them…" Greene began.
Ted could hear the words drifting through the open scaffolding and remembered the beaten faces of those killed at the morgue. Teenagers mostly, but there was that frail old woman who was barely recognizable as human after the beating she had received. And this bastard condoned it. All we would need would be a GPS receiver, an Apache gunship and a couple Hellfire missiles to level this building around all those bastards. Just like what we did to Moshed the Mangler back in Samaria when we flattened the fucker's terror cell with one helicopter and three missiles.
Shipwreck felt the same emotions. I wish I could just draw out my Desert Eagles and put a couple bullets into that prick and shut him up permanently. That's my kids he's condemning…Cover Girl squeezed his hand, as part of keeping up the cover, and also to calm Shipwreck. She bit back the emotions that flooded in as well. Those scumbags were talking about murdering innocent people, but she could sense Shipwreck was damn near livid. She thought he would pull his Desert Eagle and shoot Greene with half a dozen .50 caliber bullets. Instead, the sailor reached for a soda-can sized cylinder in his trench coat. Cover Girl reached under her own jacket and grabbed a similar cylinder.
Xi, meanwhile was creeping up the walls and onto the ceiling, in his invisible state, no one could detect him. He crawled up above Greene and then leapt down from the ceiling, grappling onto Greene, holding him in a solid headlock.
At the same time Shipwreck and Cover Girl donned gas masks, and threw the cylinders, non-lethal area neutralizers. The gas spread into the room and knocked everyone not masked out. Xi had a mask on his face as well as a climbing harness attached to his body. A weighted rope came through the skylight and Xi attached himself to it via a karabiner. As soon as it was attached, he felt himself lifted into the air as Ted cranked a winch to pull Xi and Greene through the skylight.
Just then a large, bulky fellow in red spandex with a black mask crashed through the wall and instantly began coughing. He backed right out of the room as Xi continued his ascent through the skylight, as Ted yanked him up he noticed a blur of red movement out of the corner of his right eye.
Ted spun round quickly, drawing out his 9mm Jericho 941F. Standing out of arm's length was a woman with short brown hair, in red spandex with a black mask. Her arm snaked towards Xi to grab Greene. Ted opened fire, shooting half a dozen rounds before the arm snaked towards him and knocked him flat.
The woman was now trying to snatch the prisoner from Xi, who was fighting valiantly to try and prevent that. Just then, Toad came leaping upward from an adjacent building and leapt onto the woman's back trying to tear her off of Xi.
She could've easily knocked me over the side of the building, but she didn't. Why? Unless…Ted thought.
"What the hell? We're here to help you!" Ted shouted.
"Who are you?" Helen Parr asked the soldier wearing the olive green uniform of the Israeli Defense Force.
"We're no friends of the FOH if that's what you're asking." Ted replied, keeping his weapon at the ready.
"If you're here to help, why do you have a gun ready?" Helen asked.
"Force of habit." Ted replied, keeping his eye on the stretching woman, obviously a mutant of some kind.
Shipwreck ran outside just in time to find himself face to face with the same man in red spandex who they'd glimpsed ducking in and out of the cloud of knockout gas. "Who the hell are you?" Both men asked simultaneously.
"What are you doing here?" Bob Parr asked
"I could ask the same of you." Shipwreck replied, sliding the safety off of both of his Desert Eagles, yet keeping his eyes on Bob.
"We're after Mr. Greene, a card carrying member of the Friends of Humanity. What's he to you?" Bob asked, "Are you a friend of his."
"Trust me, Santa," Shipwreck quipped, stepping between Cover Girl and Bob, "I'm no friend of Greene's."
"Watch the name calling…" Bob warned.
"If the shoe fits…" Shipwreck replied.
Pietro came racing in, just in time to be knocked down by a speeding red streak. "What the…?" Pietro shouted as he was struck from the side by a fast moving person, moving as fast as he moved.
"Who the hell are you, midget?" Pietro asked, as he was knocked down by a kid in red spandex with a black mask.
"Watch who you're calling midget, girlie man." Dash replied.
"Who's a girlie man?" Pietro demanded.
"I'm staring right at him." Dash commented.
"DIE!" Pietro shouted and the two speedsters traded rapid fire punches and dodged or caught them to no effect.
"LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE!" came the shout from down the alley.
Pietro turned just in time to see a girl wearing an identical outfit to the boy he was fighting, with long black hair with a yellow hair band. A blue forcefield of some kind developed around her in a strange bubble of some sort as she stretched out and rolled end over end like a giant pinball towards Pietro.
That was just the window Dash needed to land three punches in rapid succession to the side of Pietro's face, knocking him senseless.
"Wuh…Wuh…Wuh…" Pietro said as he staggered around the alley like a drunk, right into the path of Violet Parr…
"QUICKSILVER!" Blob shouted, and ran between the two of them, flinging himself into the path of the forcefield ball, shoving it uphill in an attempt to slow it down. Violet had gravity on her side, and the forcefield itself, while transparent as glass had the molecular strength of depleted uranium. A champion weightlifter would have a hell of a time trying to slow her Momentum Maneuver, but Freddy Dukes was no ordinary weightlifter.
Violet concentrated harder, making the forcefield still denser, and thus heavier as she caused the sphere surrounding her to move. The big lug pushing against the feld was slowly, but sure losing ground, his feet making furrows in the concrete.
"Urrrgghhh! GGRRR!" Fred groaned with exertion as he pushed against the sphere, but beginning to lose ground.
"Hey! No one hurts Pietro but us, kiddo!" Lance shouted as he ran in. His eyes rolled into his skull as he made another tremor that opened up in between Violet and Blob, trapping Violet in the fissure.
Violet promptly disengaged the forcefield and the big lug in front of her grabbed at her, crushing her in a huge bear hug. She kicked and bit at the Blob, but Blob's skin was invulnerable.
"Hands of my sister!" Dash shouted and jumped onto the Blob's back, and hooking his fingers into Blob's nose and eyes.
"Oh no you don't, squirt!" Lance shouted, flinging Dash onto the ground and pinning his chest with one foot.
"Who the heck are you guys?" Blob asked.
"My parents are going to kick all your asses!" Violet shouted.
"Hey, if we wanted to hurt you, we would have done it already!" Lance replied.
"I'd…urgh…love to see you try!" Dash replied.
"Look, it's obvious we're not gonna hurt you guys." Blob began, "So who are you?"
"We're after the FOH jerks in the warehouse." Violet began.
"Then we definitely are on the same side." Lance added, as he released his foot off of Dash who promptly slugged him in the face, "HEY!"
"That's for the Squirt name, Jerkoff!" Dash began, just as he was pinned to the wall by a whirlwind.
Pietro said, "This city ain't big enough for two speedsters, kiddo."
"Pietro, they're enemies of the FOH too. So that makes them allies. Sort of…" Blob cautioned as he set Violet down gently.
"Dash, go get Mom and Dad, tell them that, whoever you guys are…"
"We're the Misfits." Lance replied.
"Tell Mom and Dad that the Misfits are on our side." Violet began.
Dash sped out of Pietro's grasp to do just that. "Wow, Quickie, talk about an improvement on your face." Lance remarked.
"Why thank you Avalanche," Pietro began, as he headed over to a nearby window to preen himself, "I'm glad to see that….YAGH!"
"What's a Yagh?" Blob asked.
"MY FACE! MY FACE! THE LITTLE SHRIMP HIT ME IN THE FACE! OOOOHHH! I'M GONNA KILL HIM WHEN I CATCH HIM!" Pietro shouted.
"Is he always this prissy?" Violet asked.
"You have no idea." Lance remarked, rolling his eyes.
Meanwhile, Dash had run over to Helen and Bob and told them about the Misfits. After his son had convinced him, Bob turned to Shipwreck, "Looks like we have quite a bit to discuss…"
"And I know just the place. Climb aboard the Misfit Express…" Shipwreck said as he touched his teleporter watch.
TBC: Coming up next, the Incredibles meet the Misfits, with the X-men stirred into the mixture for spice and the Pirates for a secret ingredient. Tune in shortly for Sugar and Spice and Everything Not Nice…