RUDE'S POV

My professional calm was back in place by the time Reno left the building. I was composed and relaxed as I calmly walked to our – no, not anymore – my office.

And proceeded to overturn my desk with all violence I could manage. I didn't shout, didn't cry, didn't whine. I just continued annihilating any evidence that I had ever shared this office with anyone. Picking up Reno's ruined briefcase, still reeking of whiskey, I heaved it out the window and into the street, kicked over his chair, ripped the drawers from the desk and emptied them onto the floor. It wasn't that I was mad at him; I was mad for him. And, I supposed, for myself.

I picked up something that had fallen out of his desk drawer; a framed picture. I was about to whip it across the room, but then I realized that it was an old picture of us, from our first year at ShinRa. We stood together in front of the meteor monument. Reno had his head tilted back with laughter, his EMR slung casually over his shoulder as he used me as an armrest on the other side. I stood on his left, a rare, broad grin spreading across my face, my sunglasses resting on my head.

I looked at the picture – no, I looked into the picture. I lost myself as I remembered that day. It was winter, nearing the end of our first year as both Turks and best friends. Snow fell softly, icy feathers against my bald head, freezing the tips of Reno's spikes. I remember what we were laughing about. We had just watched Elena take a sliding dive across the slick sidewalk in an attempt to get her hands on Reno, after he had pelted her with a very accurate snowball.

Sorrow swelled in me, so hard, so deep, that it took my breath away when I realized that there would be no more memories like this one. Then it faded, and the fury was back. I pulled the picture roughly out of its frame, folded it once, and stuffed it into an inside pocket of my jacket. I then turned and whipped the frame as hard as I could.

Tseng ducked deftly under the projectile adornment and stepped into the room, calmly surveying a havoc I had wreaked on ShinRa property. I whirled around to face him, sure my eyes were burning holes through my shades as I glared at him. I was sure he was going to fire me as well, but I didn't care at that point.

We stood, facing each other, for a long moment. I considered decking him, and he knew it by the look on my face. His eyes flashed in silent, unflinching warning, and I lowered my fists. It was so rare for me to lose control like this, just as it was for him, and he knew the feeling. He stepped forward, bravely, and lay a firm but almost comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Come with me, Rude."

I was exhausted. Emotionally, physically. Tseng and I had a long talk about Reno, but I was still pissed at him. He didn't fire me for annihilating my office, throwing a public tantrum, and almost taking his head off with an interior decoration. He knew what I was feeling and told me how things were, in no uncertain terms.

Flashback

Tseng walked behind his desk and pulled a bottle of whiskey out of a creative hiding place in his desk. He took out two short glasses and poured three fingers in each. He offered a glass to me, spoke when I took it.

"Rude, I understand what's going on with you right now, - and don't look at me like that, I know what I'm talking about, - and I don't blame you for being angry with me."

In the middle of knocking back my beverage, I surfaced and looked up.

"Reno is your best friend. I get that. He's been here a long time now, and so have you, and neither of you've ever been on a mission without the other. But you can't tell me you haven't noticed something very wrong with him."

I opened my mouth to speak, was grudgingly silent as Tseng raised a hand. I had just destroyed about 10,000 gil worth of furniture, after all. I thought it would be best not to push it.

"What are your theories on his injuries?"

I spoke slowly. "I thought someone might have been giving him a hard time, shoving him around with an EMR, you know? Trying to get ShinRa information, or whatever."

"Sir," I added, at Tseng's raised eyebrow.

He nodded and looked into his empty whiskey glass for a minute.
"It's a thought, Rude, but I doubt it. Have you noticed his other self-destructive behavior lately? Slacking off, exploding, drinking himself stupid? There's only one person that can be responsible for this kind of thing."

I flexed, waiting for the name, waiting for the name of the person I would go and rip to pieces. And nearly fainted when Tseng told me who he thought it was.

"Holy shit, Tseng."
I chugged the rest of my whiskey.
"That's impossible. It's impossible. Why would he do that to himself?"

End Flashback

I kicked a garbage can and watched it crash into an alleyway with a satisfying, earsplitting crash. Tseng lost me my best friend and the best partner I had ever had, and then gave me a perfectly natural reaction and entirely reasonable excuse for it. Damnit.

I sighed; I missed the moron already. I didn't get the whole "self-injury" thing, I never really had. Call me simple, but I just didn't understand how being in pain could make you feel better. As I trudged my way to Reno's apartment, I decided to forget Tseng's theory. He was probably wrong anyways.

I was going to head upstairs, knock a few back with Reno and see if he was feeling any better. Maybe watch a movie, order a pizza, sit around and trash Avalanche for a while. The standard Reno-and-Rude closure to a shitty day.
He'd get his job back once he got out of his rut. I convinced myself of that as I stepped into the elevator, jabbed the button for the 12th floor. As a result, I was feeling pretty good as I strolled up to Reno's door.

I rapped my gloved fist in the door a few times.

"Reno! Open up, moron, it's time to get smashed."

No sound came from inside. Not the usual blaring TV, pounding bass of music or the sounds of general destruction that accompanied Reno whenever he went. Uneasily, I listened again. Nothing. I rapped my fist on the door again, harder this time, shouted Reno's name again. Still nothing.

I tried the knob; it was locked. Fuck! I was worried now, thinking his abuser had gotten to him. I stood back, took a deep breath, and kicked the door open with all my strength.

The resounding bang sounded like a gunshot in the still, dark silence of Reno's apartment, and I closed the door behind me quietly. Engulfed in the darkness, I heaved a sigh of relief. He was sleeping, that was all. That must be it. I walked towards the bedroom quietly, fully intending to shout and wake him up, as revenge for the days earlier flyingtackle. A diabolical grin faded from my face as I noted the empty bed.

I quickly walked towards the kitchen, found it empty. I checked the living room couch, the guest room, the closets. Yes, the closets. This is Reno we're talking about. You just never know with him.

Seriously concerned now, I stood in the middle of living room, making a mental checklist of the places I'd searched. I considered calling Elena to ask her to make rounds of the local bars, but she was probably still busy at work. I walked to the full-walled window, and noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

A cabinet, concealed behind a low-hanging poster, had been left open. Stomach churning, I walked towards it, noting that it was the standard medicine that almost every household had; Everything was there. Everything except painkillers.

I all but threw myself towards the liquor cabinet and found it empty. Empty! Reno was always well-stocked with alcohol, being Reno. Everything was silent except a low, metallic humming I had assumed was the air-conditioner or furnace. I listened, followed the sound to the rear of the apartment.

My head reeled. Light crept out from under the bathroom door, a beacon in the gloom. I stepped forward, listened. Nothing but the humming. I reached towards the doorknob, jerked back. I took a steadying breath, and then reached forward and cautiously pushed open the door. The sight that met my eyes slammed into me and my vision swam. I dropped my knees beside my friend and screamed for help.