"Shouldn't you be getting ready for work, dear?" Jillian asks Nick as he sits dinner on the table.
"I took off tonight," he answers simply.
"You didn't have to do that sweetie. We'll be asleep for most of your shift anyway," and while that's true, he knows that it's a quiet dig about the hours he works.
"I know, but I need to talk to you about some things," he says nervously as he sits down.
His mother looks concerned. "Is everything okay? We noticed that you and Kacey stayed outside for a while last night. You two aren't having problems are you?"
Nick fights the urge to roll his eyes at his parents' attention to his personal life. "Me and Kacey," he begins but his mother interrupts him.
"Kacey and I dear," she says as she swirls the spaghetti around her fork.
He sighs, hoping that she quits interrupting before he loses his nerve. But you won't lose your nerve. Because Greg's worth it, he reminds himself, and with his renewed confidence he begins again. "Kacey and I decided it was best if we don't see each other anymore."
Jillian doesn't say anything, just looks at him as if she's hearing him wrong. He understands her shock. Kacey was the first girl he's brought home in years and the day after they meet her, he tells them they decided it wasn't going to work out after all.
"Last night you made it sound like the two of you had a future," his father says and Nick knows that he's suspicious. "What happened?"
"We're going to stay friends," he says calmly. "But she confronted me about some things last night and I realized that I'm in love with someone else."
His mother smiles happily at the words in love. "Is it that pretty red-head from work? Catherine, I think. She was such a sweet woman—though I do wish we could have met her under better circumstances."
Nick clears his throat uncomfortably. This is it. "No, it's not Catherine." Another breath. Just go for it, damn it. "It's Greg Sanders."
His mother just stares and his father looks disappointed. "What exactly are you trying to say?" he asks, and though all three of them know, Nick knows that he's going to have to say it before they acknowledge it.
"I'm gay," Nick says, and he's pretty sure that the world's about to fall down around him because his mother's got tears slipping down her cheeks and Bill's face is turning red.
"And you actually think your in love," the words are more spat than spoken and Nick knows that all of his hopes of being accepted by his parents are quickly flying out the window. "With this…this man."
"There's no "thinking" about it, Cisco. I'm in love with Greg," Nick states firmly and Bill narrows his eyes.
"I highly doubt it's true love, Nicholas," he says condescendingly and Nick suddenly wants to cry because Cisco hasn't called him by his real name in years and hearing it now, in that tone, is as good as getting stabbed a thousand times.
"You were raised better than this. I can't…" Bill takes a deep breath and turns his attention to his wife. "Jillian, go pack our things. I'm going to find a hotel."
Nick struggles to keep his emotions under control as his father goes down the lists of hotels in the back of the phone book to find a room. In a few minutes, they'll have their things in the rental car, and then he can let go of everything he's feeling, but not until they're gone. Because tears have always been a sign of weakness—especially for the men—in their family and his father already hates him enough without him adding anything to the list.
How can he be so stupid anyway? He was really kidding himself when he thought that they wouldn't care. Of course they would—homosexuality went against everything that his parents (and his siblings for that matter) believed in. Bill's image plays a large part in this also. How will it look for the Texas Supreme Court judge—a man who's known for his "strong Christian morals"—to have a faggot for a son?
He knows that Grissom and Warrick would have looked at the evidence he had collected and tell him that there's no way in Hell that his parent's would invite Greg into the family, but last night (and even this morning) he had been convinced that everything would turn out for the best. He had thought that his parents loved him more than they loved their reputations and their "morals."
Now he knows that he was wrong. They hadn't cared enough to dig when he was nine, why would 35 be any different?
He snaps back into reality when he hears the door open and he knows that his father's transferring their things into the car, but his mother's standing at the door, and she looks more upset than angry…maybe…
"Momma?" he says softly and the pleading in his voice makes the sound come out strangled and desperate but he doesn't care. "Momma, I'm still the same. I'm still your son, I just found a guy instead of a girl…"
She doesn't say anything for a moment—just squares her shoulders and regains her prim and proper air. When she turns to face him, he notices that she's reapplied her make up and when she enters the hotel lobby to check into wherever they're going, he knows that no one's going to know that she had just let her husband disown their son.
"I think it's best that you don't come to the ranch for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year," she says and her voice holds no grief at all. He realizes that she hadn't just watched Bill disown Nick. She had disowned him too.
The words hurt but he knew from their reaction that they would be uttered eventually, so he fights back another wave of tears and nods.
"I wouldn't have gone with out him anyway," he replies and his mother simply nods before she walks over to the car that Bill had already started and slides in. They don't look back after they pull out of the drive and he knows that he's just thrown his whole life away for Greg.
And while it's hurting him a little more than he likes to admit, his parents' reactions don't kill him. Because it was a necessary step to get to what he wants. You can't have the pleasure without the pain and Nick knows that he can take a lot more pain than he would ever thought he could if it means getting Greg back.
It's been exactly ten hours and forty-three minutes since he watched his parents drive away and Nick's stomach is in bigger knots then it's ever been in its life. He's never really been a nervous person—his charm had always taken care of that—but now that his entire future is on the line, he's petrified that he's going to screw this up.
He hears the doorbell and his stomach does another flip because this is it! Greg had sounded angry on the phone and he knows that this is going to be hard, but he's been silently praying all night Greg will take him back and he's hoping that God will finally show some mercy and answer these prayers.
He opens the door and his suspicions are confirmed when Greg glares menacingly at him. He steps aside and when Greg passes him he has the strong urge to vomit. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," he hears Greg mumble and when he asks the other man what he's talking about Greg explodes.
"This!" he says waving his arms around the living room. Nick's not sure why this is going so wrong so soon. He thought that Greg would at least hear him out, and he had been hoping that the candles he had lit around the room would help with the romantic atmosphere he had been so desperately trying to create. "Tonight was my night off, but Grissom called and said that I had to come in to cover for your ass and then you call me and say that I missed a few things and you need me to come pick them up! I got to process human soup all night so you could fuck your new girl friend and you didn't even have the decency to just drop the damn stuff off in my locker at work," Greg rants and suddenly it all clicks into place.
Nick assumed that Greg would realize that this was all a ploy to get him to come over so Nick could apologize, and Greg has definitely come to a conclusion—it's just the wrong one.
"I'm sore, I smell like death and I want to sleep, so if you could please give me my damn stuff, I'll be on my way," Greg grinds out, and even though the smell is making Nick slightly nauseous, he has to fight back a smile. Greg really is sexy when he's angry.
Nick clears his throat nervously as he realizes that Greg's expecting him to go get whatever he left here and that this can all blow up in his face in a matter of seconds. "Well, you didn't actually leave anything here. I just didn't think I could get you here if I told you that I wanted to talk," Nick explains timidly.
Greg scoffs. "Damn straight I wouldn't have!" he says incredulously, and then he stops. "Wait…what?" he looks completely lost and Nick jumps at the chance to begin explaining himself before Greg decides to walk out.
"I did all of this for you," he says quickly. "I've, uh, been thinking a lot about you and why we broke up and I realized that you were right," he pauses for a moment and looks up at Greg. He looks like he's in pain, and while that's definitely the last thing Nick wants, Greg isn't running so he takes it as a sign to continue. "I know that you ended it—and I understand, I really do—but I really think you need to hear what I have to say." He falters for a moment, because "you need to hear what I have to say" sounds slightly arrogant to his own ears, but again, Greg doesn't move to stop him, so he finishes his thought.
"Are you willing to sit down and listen?" he pushes slightly, and for a long moment, Greg looks like he's about to bolt, but eventually he nods weakly.
"Yeah, um, I guess I'm willing," he says hesitantly and Nick knows that the younger man is still unsure of what exactly is going on but Nick can't help the smile brightly. He hasn't shot him down yet. That means there's still hope.
They make their way to the couch and after a few moments of awkward silence, Nick starts again. "I haven't been able to keep my mind off of you Greg. For a while I thought I was doing okay, but the reality is that all I had to hear was your name and then I wouldn't be able to see anything but your face or us together—" Greg cut him off quickly.
"I'm sorry that my name caused you so many problems, Nick, but stop beating around the proverbial bush and say what you've got to say already," Greg says tiredly and Nick realizes that he's losing him.
Nick continues once more but this time his voice is desperate. "You're it, Greggo. I know it took me a long time—maybe too long—to figure it out, but you're worth it. I was so busy trying to be perfect that I missed what I already had." A tear slips down his cheek and for the first time in his life, Nick doesn't wipe it away. Because Greg deserves to know that Nick's sorry for what he did and he also deserves to know that Nick's willing to do whatever it takes to get him back.
"What am I worth, Nicky, huh? Because the last time I asked you that, you didn't have an answer. I can't just come back to you because you realize you fucked up. I can't wait around for you to be ready to come out of the closet because sometimes I don't think you ever will," Greg says quietly.
"You're worth everything, Greg. Everything. I know…" he stops for a moment to regain his breath and gather his thoughts. "I know I don't always say the right things—I usually don't do the right ones either—but I'm really trying to make this up to you. That's why I told my parents that I'm in love with you."
Greg's mouth drops open and he begins to stutter. "You…You told them. Even…Even before you knew I would take you back."
Nick looks Greg straight in the eyes. "I knew I'd have to show you that I was serious. Even if you won't take me back, I want you to know that I love you. I never said it while we were together, but I always have.
"So now it's up to you, Greggo," He says quietly. "I know it took me a while to figure it out, but I can't live without you—not happily, anyway."
"I'd given up on you, y'know," Greg informs him quietly, and while he isn't looking at him, Nick can see just how much pain he's put Greg through over the last six months. "When you said that you were bringing someone to meet the parents, I was sure that meant that there wasn't a chance in hell I wasn't getting you back." He takes a deep breath and continues.
"Just when I think I'm ready to move on you pull me back in." Nick hears the hesitation and he can't exactly blame Greg for it. He screwed up—big time—and there's definitely truth in that saying "once burned, twice shy" and Nick's praying that Greg will give him the chance to prove that he won't burn him again.
"Dance with me," Nick blurts suddenly and Greg's head shoots up from between his hands to look Nick in the eye. "Please," he adds, almost as an afterthought and Greg smiles slightly at him, because they both know that Nick's pulling out the big guns now.
The candles are romantic, sure, but dancing was always so intimate between the two of them. Nick didn't dance—or at least he didn't before Greg—but Greg had certainly changed his mind on the issue. Now, Nick was hoping that he could change Greg's mind on a much bigger issue—like the future of their relationship.
"I smell like death," Greg says quietly and Nick's not sure, but he thinks Greg's voice has taken on a lighter tone.
"A real man wouldn't mind," Nick says softly and his heart soars when Greg begins to laugh and finally takes Nick's offered hand.
Nick pulls the two of them into the middle of his living room and then clicks on his stereo. This dance is one of the first things that he had planned and he had spent hours looking for the perfect song to showcase his feelings and he thinks that he's made a pretty good choice.
He pulls Greg up against him as the first chords of the song fill the room and while he does have the urge to vomit, he's so glad that Greg's back in his arms that he doesn't mind all that much. He feels Greg laugh into his shoulder at the first bars of the song and he smiles at the younger man's words.
"Country, Nick?"
Nick chuckles and pulls him tighter. "It fits the moment," he defends lightly. "Just listen to the words will you?"
Come a little closer, baby
I feel like layin' you down
On a bed sweet surrender
Where we can work it all out
There ain't nothin' that love can't fix
Girl, it's right here at our fingertips
So come a little closer baby,
I feel like layin' you down
Greg lifts his head off of Nick's shoulder and raises an eyebrow, and Nick knows what he's getting at. Nick's not usually one to say things like this but as Greg searches his eyes, Nick doesn't break eye contact or blush like he usually does because this is what he feels dammit, and he's not going to be ashamed or embarrassed by it any more.
Come a little closer, baby
I feel like lettin' go
Of everything that stands between us
And the love we used to know
I wanna touch you like a cleansing rain
Let it wash all the hurt away
So come a little closer baby
I feel like lettin' go
Greg's taking in the words and Nick hopes that he realizes that the Texan intends this to be a new beginning for the two of them. He let get things get in the way, but that wasn't going to happen again. He loves Greg. Nothing's going to change that.
If there's still a chance
Then take my hand
And we'll steal away
Off into the night
'till we make things right
The suns gonna rise on a better day
Is there still a chance? Nick's pretty sure that there is, but he doesn't want to become too confident because even though he's sacrificed a lot in the last twenty-four hours, he knows that he's continually hurt Greg over the last few months and he's aware of the fact that he may have done more damage than Greg's willing to let him fix.
Come a little closer baby
I feel like strippin' it down
Back to the basics of you and me
What makes the world go round
Every inch of you against my skin
I wanna be stronger than we've ever been
So come a little closer baby
I feel like strippin' it down
But he's positive that if they can get back to what's between them it can work. Because Greg makes his world go 'round. Every one of his decisions have been made because of Greg. He doesn't think that the younger man realizes how much of an impact he has on everything that Nick does, but he certainly plans on showing him—tonight if he gets the chance.
They're still swaying softly to the music. Greg's head has found it's way back into the crook of Nick's neck, and everything feels perfect. Nick vaguely wonders if their bodies were meant to fit together as well as they actually do.
Just a little bit closer baby
Just a little bit closer baby
Come a little bit closer baby
I feel like layin' you down
When the song ends Greg pulls back and Nick holds his breath. This is the moment of truth and Greg seems to have made up his mind.
"You're sure this is what you want?"
Nick nods his head emphatically. "This is the only thing I want." Greg's smile lights up the room as he takes a step closer to Nick and puts his mouth to his ear.
"Well, I came a little closer, you gonna lay me down or what?" Greg whispers seductively and Nick can't take anymore. He pulls Greg into a passionate kiss and God it feels good to feel those lips again. Eventually they both have to come up for air, but when Greg tries to pull Nick to the bedroom, Nick holds them back.
Nick smiles sheepishly at Greg's look of bewilderment. "I was thinking we could detour at the shower first."
Realization dawns on Greg's face and he begins to laugh. "I thought a real man wouldn't mind," he says.
"I don't mind," Nick replies casually, heading into the kitchen. He comes back with a drawstring bag full of lemons that he keeps on hand just in case and a small knife. "I just prefer lemons to corpses."
Greg begins laughing harder. "Okay, I'll shower first, but only if you join me," he says as he makes his way to Nick's bathroom. Nick follows him excitedly, laughing as Greg starts stripping before he even makes it half way to his destination.
"Already planning on it."
So, that's chapter 3. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please blame the long wait on Texas State FFA Convention andkidney stones (which suck by the way, especially when your in Fort Worth on the way back from said convention).
The song is not mine. It's Dierks Bentley's and when he sang it in concert last Friday, the rest of this chapter kinda fell into place.
I'd like to think my amazing beta, TearCat for editing this chapter! I'd also like to thank SarcasmIsMe, Goody, BashirXena, and darktigeress for reviewing. I hope this chapter meets y'all's expectations.