Against The Wind
I was about to say something… I was ready to tell her all that is me. I was ready to offer her my all… and I did try… I said, "I want you to know how…" That was all I got to say when I heard an angel's voice… A voice that I can never forget… together with the voices if my past…
And the voices said, "Sanzo! We're back!"
There are things worth fighting for...
Words worth saying out loud...
Actions worth getting humiliated in front of the world...
People that are worth everything...
A person worth dying for...
When you reflect on your life and at the person who gives you life... have you ever thought that someday you might just lose that thread of life? In a moment of words and in a deafening clash... you might loosen your grasp to that life? That entire being of your existence would suddenly disappear and you can't do anything?
March 6,
The drops of rain are heavy... Darkness is all that there is...
Two men are standing in the middle of this silent darkness and under these noisy drops of star-like raindrops. One was facing the other's back... And the other one seemed as if he was leaving. They were like statues waiting to be broken down into pieces...
Glued to the ground as the rain continues to fall from the starlit sky... Nothing to say... nothing to do… nobody to stop the world from revolving... just wishes that time would stop for a while... so that while can be remembered for all of the time...
"Thank you for everything Sanzo..." The figure that looked like he was leaving suddenly said... His voice was as sad as a pond on a desert... like a rose in all alone in the north pole... withering slowly but still gracefully...
The other man, taken aback by these words, looked up at the back of the man... His violet eyes were shining in the darkness. Showing confusion and yet not sadness... He was as calm as an ice... His eyes were glowing with fury and seclusion...
"I wish to see you someday... but I hope not too soon..." The man chuckled... it was dry and it was a forced chuckle... Even in the darkness, you could see the frown on his beautiful lips. He opened his mouth to say more... but he quickly closed it and swallowed...
"It's okay..." He choked as he tried to talk again.. "withme... yaknow..." a pause. "It's just not meant to be." And with that said, the man took a small step and was followed by many others. He disappeared into the night and was lost to the vision of the man that was still standing under the rain... Looking at the lost person that was in front of him...
There are person that could just not accept who you truly are... They will try and try and still damn persistent for you to be what they want you to be. Just like a living puppet... They think they're your masters and could do whatever the hell they want to do with you..
Maybe they wanted what was right for you... but I doubt it. They just want puppets to do what they can't and what they are not allowed to do.. They need a dog to do their messy businesses.. That was all there is. Just a crap of this and a bullshit of that was all they wanted.
They just can't accept the fact that this is you and not that. This is what you want and not those. These are the words you want to say and not that......
But of course, it's up to you if you want to stand up for yourself.. Do what's right in your point of view. Say what you want to say to those who think that they're higher that what you are... Kick them in the ass or shove a watermelon inside their mouth every time that they would even try to criticize your entire being...
If you could've just spoken out all of the words and phrases inside your thick walled brain... Maybe you could've done something to take back what they have taken from you. You could've been a more happier person... You could've done much more...
If only... If only you spoke up... If only you had the courage to be yourself... If only you didn't shut up and nodded at all of the things that they ordered you to do... If only you had the guts to say what you really felt... what you felt when they ordered you to take your own happiness... You wouldn't have lost the only person that made your life worthwhile...
You wouldn't have had to cope up with everything all by yourself... You wouldn't have to wake up and open your eyes to see an empty bed. You wouldn't have to walk all by yourself. You wouldn't take a bath in a cold freezing shower... You wouldn't be this lonely... You wouldn't be alone.......
There won't be a time where you'd be staring at nothing for hours... reminiscing all of those memories... There won't be repeated thoughts like if I did this, if I said that and if I tried...
You would live your remaining life in the past of when and if.. Never paying attention to the present and only cares of what happened in the past. You would be an old man with nothing because you threw it away once in your life when you had it all.
Only yourself could bring your own life into reality. Without saying to yourself that it was all your fault. Well, maybe it was.. but the point is that... you wouldn't have to be thinking of all of this when you could've been happy. When you could've fought for what you believed in and for what you had that was worth fighting for... even if the whole world turns against the both of you..
Sooner or later, you will find out that all of those were only trials that had just walked by in your life and was made to strengthen yourself for more of the challenges that will eventually come into your new life. You'll just think of the past as a learning experience.
Although after all of the things you went through... there will come a point where you will fight and keep on fighting for that person that you found. This new person that you truly think is worth all of those that you didn't do or say in the past. This is where you will thank yourself that you didn't do anything in the past... for you wouldn't have found this new person worth fighting for...
one morning
A man in a casual monk's robe with golden hair was walking through the main hall of Changan. He was being bowed by those that he came across. He didn't mind all of them for he was concentrated onto the path that he was taking. He needed to get to the high council without being interrupted.
He was summoned and was ordered to come first thing in the morning. And so he did. He announced his name and the large doors in front of him were opened. He walked inside and heard the loud thud of the door being closed behind him. He bowed..
Without losing any moment... "What do you think you're doing?!" Said one of the heads in front of him. It was obvious that he was furious about something that the monk could've done.
"Can't you see that I'm bowing to you?" He answered politely. "I thought you would've known. After all---"
"Stop you nonsense!" Said the three.
"You very well know that it is against the rule to let of all kind! A woman! InSIDE the temple! Are you out of your mind?! You must send her away as soon as possible!" One of them ordered.
"And what if I don't want to send her back? What are you gonna do? Struck me with a lightning? Or maybe kill me with a tree?"
"This is outrageous! You must send her away immediately!!!"
"Look, I don't really give a damn what you say. I'm damn tired of you commanding what I have to do with my life."
"This is a humiliation for us! We think that it is best if she keeps as far away as she can from you!"
"I don't care what you think..! She will stay at the temple and that's that! Now, if you really want her out of the temple you should just take my position as the highest monk that you have."
There was silence and the three heads in front of him was deep into their thoughts.
The monk bowed and took his leave.
"Stay here for a few days.. We will summon you after we have decided what you will have to do with that... that girl. You are dismissed."
It was raining and he was running up the stairs towards the temple. He was having a hard time climbing since the rain was pouring heavily and his clothes were wet and heavy too.
And when he reached the end of the stairs he was surprised to find a woman running towards him... She stopped in front of him and he can see that he was anxious and happy to see him back. He knows he made her worry.
And with stress as high as Mount Everest he fell into her arms and fell into deep slumber...
So, with a loss of one doesn't mean that it's the end of the world... You just have to think of positive things.. that maybe, that loss was a window closing to give way for the opening much bigger window...
But what if you're with your present and your past came???
Would you choose what you had special in the past..? that once made you live.
Or would you choose the present that made you forget the past? And made you alive.
It's simply a matter of listening to what your heart is saying and stop thinking for a while of what ifs... Just take a little time to yourself and think of what you want to treasure for all of your life. Think of who will be with you till your last breath.
Though there are times that the heart takes us to a wrong path that gives us the regrets of choosing what will make us happy. The heart doesn't think... It just loves... The heart gives us the power to be happy and yet lonely...
So, maybe it is still right to follow your heart even though you know that it will take you to the wrong path that will shred you of your entire pride... because you know deep inside you that if you don't take this chance of choosing what your heart desires... you will regret it for the rest of your life...
So what if you're successful and you're powerful? So what if you can have everything that money can buy? So what if you have a mansion with hundreds of rooms and thousands of servants? So what if everybody envy your wealth?? So... is it right to say... So what if you're lonely?
The mind gives us the knowledge of knowing what is right and what is wrong. It gives us the wisdom of knowing what to do and what to say at the right time. Many thoughts run through it even if you're asleep. It's a 24/7 work.
It tells us if we are doing or if we have done the right thing... but... it's also a liar at some times... It can tell you that you don't love that one. Or it can tell you that, that somebody left you because you're a lowlife creature...
It can tell us that it's just an infatuation...
Nothing can be done if you don't use your mind at all... but... you can't always depend on it to tell you what is right or what is wrong for you... because one day... that right would seem wrong when you have already done it... and what was wrong... was the right thing that you should've done...
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