Note: This is my first fanfiction in a very, very long time. I tried to add symbolism so…if it gets confusing or…fragmented in any way, any helpful comments or criticisms are welcomed. I will keep an opened mind. Thanks.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Square Enix…(sigh)
Summary: It has been several months after the defeat of Sephiroth and Kadaj's gang. Cloud, Tifa, and the children finally have the chance to start over and live the life of real family; however, Tifa's uncertainty for the future causes her a painful dilemma. Some feelings need to be reaffirmed and questions answered. Can Tifa tell Cloud what is troubling her or will everything they built fall apart?
Ever Burning Flame
During the calm of the middle of the night at the Seventh Heaven, a burdensome struggle dwelled within. Sounds of quiet and easy slumber could be heard in Marlene and Denzel's room, but in the chamber of their guardian, physical pains …and perhaps the throbbing of a troubled heart kept Tifa Lockheart stirring in her large bed.
There in the silent solitude of her bedroom a quiet flame from a long-burned scented candle provided the only source of light. The mildly sweet aroma of the native roses of Nibelheim overwhelmed the dark surroundings.
Nibel's roses were known to be the best for aliment alleviation; it remedied violent coughs, stomach weaknesses, distress and anxiety, as well as muscle tension. Despite the use of oils, aromatherapy, and syrups, Tifa still uncomfortably tossed and turned. She longed for these pains to go away…
Maybe these aliments were just a consequence of…
She shrugged the previous thought aside. For now, she just wanted to sleep her troubles away…
But there was too much distress from having something kept inside. She needed to tell him something very important, but fear prevented her. This troublesome fear seemed to eat away at her courage little by little. What would he think? What would he do? Would he alienate himself and abandon her and the children once again?
Losing everything that we have fought so hard to maintain because of uncertainty. Another violent spasm from her stomach shook her entire body and she rolled onto her side succumbing to a fetal position, arms wrapped around herself protectively.
Wait…surely their re-connected relationship demonstrated it was enough for him to understand her after all they have been through…every touch, every word, and every smile. His regret and despondency has withdrawn itself from his heart and replaced it with a renewed hope and chance for life. But how long would he continue to stay? Would he be able to continue with life despite future regrets?
Deep inside, past her convoluted thoughts, she feared if she was enough for him...
The mind never ceased to contemplate and the heart continued to beat. Tifa numbly stared into the light. For several moments her pains ceased. The bright flame still fought off the darkness; waxen beads like tears overflowed the edge and slowly dripped off the sides of the candle. Little by little it came to her as she continued to intently gaze …
It was so brilliant. It was so intense and unyielding.
A small smile formed upon her lips and her brow smoothed.
The heart is like a flame, ever shinning; its clarity against the shadows of hesitation and fear. Light, as its purpose, guided the lost. It existed there all along.
Faith…
If anything, she would continue to have it. She would continue to do the best she could for Cloud, for the children…
A distant muffled sound of a motorcycle engine outside the Seventh Heaven, with its resonance gradually decreasing, disturbed her thoughts. Eyes widened as she slowly sat up, pushing the covers aside. Bare feet hung over the edge of the mattress and unsteadily planted themselves on the cold wooden floor. Lightheadedness dulled her vision somewhat and she suddenly felt nauseous. The flame slightly trembled.
Cloud is home…
She sat there for a moment slouched over while gasping for air; she placed her hand over her stomach. Her muscles began to tense with every sound of soft pounding of boots on the steps of the stairs. The reverberation of a heart could be heard, its pace slightly increasing…
The longing of a heart.
Tifa shuddered as a cool breeze found its way through the narrow opening of her bedroom window, and brushed against her bare shoulders.
It was nearly 2 a.m. and the quiet restrained sounds of steps paused half way down the hall. The hinges of the children's bedroom door slightly creaked. Cloud's nightly check-up on the children became a ritual after returning from a tiring day's delivery. Another brief pause, and then the hesitant footing continued toward her room, getting faintly louder until…
They stopped outside her door. Eyeing the cooper knob intently, Tifa's brow furrowed. Could I say it? With the turning of the knob and unhurried opening of the door, half of a shadowed body revealed itself through the gap of the entrance.
Her eyes desperately searched their way to settle upon the face of her intruder within the sanctity of her bedroom. His beautiful azure eyes, drowsy from exhaustion, gazed at her sitting frame. Cloud's expression was solemn; however, his brow slightly rose in surprise to see her still awake. He recognized the smell of roses that hung in the air. There was an uneasy feeling in his heart… Was he intruding on a personal moment?
Lips parted as if to speak, but no words came.
He felt embarrassed to have entered while she was awake, like a child guilty for being caught doing mischievous things unknowingly.
"I couldn't sleep," she simply stated in a whisper with downcast eyes. A careful pause.
"…Are you alright?" he asked cautiously as if to search for the right words. He moved in closer until his body was fully inside her bedroom. Unsure if his entrance was wanted, his hand still gently rested on the knob; he waited for some sign of approval. There was really no reason to disturb her if she wanted to be alone.
"I think I'll be ok…" A small smile grew on her face. "The roses help a little," she said in a low voice. He subtly recognized a pleading look upon her face before she turned her head in a shameful manner. She didn't mean to hide it, but she couldn't bring herself to anything more.
Cloud relaxed and understood her reply. Without words, he closed the distance between them and seated himself next to her. Though she accepted his movements, she remained perfectly silent and still. He hunched over, rested his elbows on his thighs, and clasped his hands together as if to meditate. There was a pensive look on his face. They both sat there in comfortable silence.
After a few thoughtful moments, a large rough hand found its way toward hers and their fingers gently entwined. His hand was slightly colder.
To just feel…It was a pure moment of tranquility and peace. She understood him. She accepted him. She knew that he had difficulty in saying how he felt, but in this moment, no words were needed to express either of their feelings. Just being in each other's presence was enough for both of them; the sound of two hearts simultaneously beating, with hands clasped proved enough. An unspoken love and understanding always remained between them, never ceasing.
He understood her. He accepted her, in all her own hidden doubts and fears and in her desperate struggle to fight them off. Her continued dedication was certainly admirable. Although he lost his way several times before, muddled in a haze of darkness, the light still brought him back. The flame still shined brightly despite the long and hard road. Forever he would be grateful.
An arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her closer into a protective embrace. Her head rested in-between the crook of his neck. He distinctly smelt of clean and calming rain and faint sage - a scent so invigorating yet so cool.
Perhaps this is enough…
"Cloud…" she whispered.
"Hmm?" he responded without moving, eyes still closed.
"…We're a family, right?" she asked with an audible pause.
"Why do you ask?" he questioned, wondering where this was all going.
Didn't everything they have experienced together embody the meaning of a family?
"…Would we all be together no matter what?" her voice quivered. The desperation was killing her…he needed to know, she needed to make sure…
He pulled away and his eyes fell to the floor and he quietly considered the question. "I didn't think it was possible…that I could have a second chance," he started. Her eyes searched for his as she leaned in closer.
"It seemed easier to just…give up and be alone. Having losses and regrets, not being able to do anything about it, it was too much," he continued. With his eyes lifted and gazed at their clasped hands on his lap, he said, "…But, Tifa, being here with you and the kids, seeing how much faith and trust they have in you; I can't help but doing the same."
Her eyes softened as he finally looked into hers. There in that one look, she saw sincerity so pure that she was hesitant to say anything in his state of vulnerability.
"What I'm trying to say is…living with you as a family, I believe that there is hope…that I can do things better," he stated with a soft smile.
"I would never leave, Tifa."
Perhaps…she could tell him.
"Cloud, do you love me?"
The question was simple and unresistant. With their eyes still locked, he leaned in closer and brought a hand to gingerly touch her face, his thumb caressed her cheek. Her eyes reflected deep compassion, trust, and all other virtues that he wasn't sure he could have seen in himself; but, when he looked at her, he felt he understood and could still hope. Their foreheads leaned against each other's as if to share an understanding so profound that not even time could alter its existence. With senses heightened, warm breath and gentle touches felt numb against their skin.
With slightly parted lips, he kissed her slowly to ease her troubling questions. It was his answer. It was pure, passionate, and tender without reservation. It felt so familiar…
They finally pulled away inhaling each other's essence. "I love you," he breathlessly whispered in her ear.
She can tell him…
"Cloud, there is something that you need to know," Tifa interrupted somewhat regretfully after such a passionate moment. His gaze was serious and unwavering as he waited patiently for her continuation.
"About me…" she said unevenly, "I was too scared before, afraid that if I told you, you would feel unsure of yourself, of me, or even us. But I feel now that everything can work out…"
"Tifa, what is it?" he concernedly asked-.
She stood up in front of him and leaned his head against her abdomen. "Cloud," she said with a slow and soft voice, "There a life inside me."
His eyes widened as he stared up anxiously as if speechless. She understood and with a strained smile she said, "I was afraid at first that you wouldn't want this…want me…"
There was a short pause. Wasn't his profession of love and understanding enough for her?
He wrapped his arms around her small waist and pulled her into a tight embrace. She was taken aback by his reaction and she almost lost her footing when he affectionately held her close.
"I love you and I'll love this child…our child…" he reaffirmed.
She smiled and rested her hands on his shoulders. A heavy burden was uplifted. In the calm of the darkness the flame continued to shine its light forth.
"We are a family."
Hope was strengthened and fully expressed in such simple ways…
Thank you for reading. It took me about a whole day just to think of what to write. Wow…talk about boredom and a lack of imagination, heh…
Please review!