Blitzkrieg Studios
Chapter One
Yurii: How sad am I? I'm making a spoof on my own fan fiction. –sighs- whatever. ONWARD!
The camera first shows static, then an out-of-focus pair of blobs. Someone zooms the camera out a little to show Kai and Tala in what looks like a surveillance room. Tala is spinning around in his swivel chair laughing insanely while Kai tries to set up their video camera.
"Yo! This is Kai here-"
He grabs hold of Tala's chair, bringing it to an immediate halt and sending Tala to the ground. Kai adjusts the camera to show a very dizzy Tala lying facedown on the ground.
"And this idiot is Tala, and since we have no life, we decided to make a spoof on the fiction loved by everyone who knows Yurii Savinov from –drum roll please- Chetirye Vyeter. And for those of you who are too ignorant and/or stupid to know what that means, it's Russian for Four Winds. Sweet, huh?"
"Could someone stop the room now? I'd like to get off." Tala says still on the floor.
"Get over it, bitch."
"Love you too."
"Whatever."
In the background, Tala gets up and sits back on his swivel chair.
"Well now that you're here, here's the 411. The evil grand poobah of the BBA Mr. Dictatorson –who happens to now be coworkers with Taylia Strelnikov, Kai's filthy rich and really hot girlfriend- thought it would be a good idea if the Four Winds, the Blitzkrieg Boys and the BBA Revolution, and for some weird reason that Slavic chick Danica from the Majestics, all stayed under one roof. Namely, Taylia's roof." Tala says to the camera in an anchorman fashion.
"Thank you, Peter Jennings." Kai says dryly.
"Back to you, Kimberly Hunt."
"Screw you, fucktard. Anywho, since Taylia's place is under security…" He zooms out to show the huge panel of buttons and screens. "We decided to fuck around with some of the cameras and put them into our production, which we aren't gonna bother naming cuz I'm too lazy to think of something."
"Actually, we're not gonna bother because you're too stupid to come up with a good name."
"Like you could think of something? I'm sure that computer in your fucking head is good for something besides downloading porn, Cyborg."
"…. Who told you?"
"…Dude, I don't even wanna know. On second thought, maybe I should ask Drayea if she knows, see what happens. Twenty bucks says she kicks your ass into the middle of the next leap year."
"Fuck you."
"Now, back on topic. Since we have no lives-"
"You have no life, Kai. You dragged me into this."
"Shut up. Since we have no lives, we're gonna make the world's longest, most insane-"
"Most retarded…"
"And fucked-up video the BBA has ever seen. Payback for putting a bunch of teenagers in one house. I swear that old fart geezer Mr. D has it in for us. I bet he's counting on one of us trying to rape one of the girls so he can throw us in the slammer with Boris and my fucked-up grandfather Voltaire."
"Pfft, like you could if you tried. Need I remind you of the last time you said something fresh to your girlfriend?"
"Shut up."
"It's just a little hard not to remember; she kicked you in the nuts wearing steel-toed combats. (shudder) I heard you wishing for death."
Kai shudders again.
"Now that we've brought up that lovely little flashback, lets see it on screen… SLOW-MO!" Tala screams at the camera shaking it wildly before it cuts to another scene.
Taylia is leaning with her back against a wall, arms folded and looking really pissed off. Kai has one hand on the wall by her head and is saying something. A huge anime pressure point appears on the Four Winds' team captain's head before she stands upright, brings her leg back (all this in slow motion) and swings it up with amazing force between Kai's legs. Still slow motion, Kai's face contorts into one of extreme pain before falling to the ground in a fetal position. Taylia stomps off screen.
It cuts back to the two boys in the surveillance room. Tala can't be seen, but he can be heard laughing hysterically… likely rolling on the ground.
"Ah, get over it bitch!"
Kai kicks Tala somewhere on the floor. A grunt is heard before the redhead gets up and assumes his seat again.
"Asswipe. Now, on to the main event!"
The camera cuts to a scene where the teams are first coming in and filing off the bus. Taylia, for some reason, is screaming in Russian and running after Kai with Drayea's scythe launcher in her hands while Tala is laughing and holding the camera. Drayea is standing on the left side of the screen shaking her head.
"I'm surrounded by idiots."
"That hurts, baby."
"Truth hurts. Get over it, Ivanov."
Tala backs off. Kai, who is now lying on his stomach on the ground and pinned by Taylia sitting on his back with the handle of the scythe over his neck, looks up.
"Yeah Ivanov! Get over it! OW!" He yells, getting a good smack on the head from Taylia.
"What a weird relationship those two have." Tala comments.
"I'll say." Drayea replies. "One minute, Taylia's trying to kill him, and the next he's lying on top of her playing tonsil hockey."
Tala shudders.
"Lovely thought. So, now that we're here, lets get a shot of Buckingham Palace."
"Huh?"
"My point being this place is fucking huge."
Tala turns around and points the camera at the "house". As commented, the place is huge. In the background, Taylia throws in the nickel tour.
"Yep, it's got eight stories, a fucking huge pool and spa, a library, a walk-in refrigerator, a basement the size of a freaking beystadium and an attic-slash-loft, my lair."
"Shouldn't it be your nest, phoenix?" Tala shouts back.
"Aha ha ha ha, really funny, wolf boy. Maybe we should make the basement your den." She yells back. By now she's gotten up off Kai.
"Yeesh, her sense of humor is even worse than Voltaire's."
At the mention of the name, Kai cringes. Tala notices.
"What's wrong Kai, can't take hearing about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?"
"Shut it, Harry Potter."
"Voltaire!"
Cringe.
"VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Kai is now shivering comically. Taylia comes up behind him and hugs him.
"Aww, poor baby. Did Tala scare you?"
Kai's not amused but plays along anyway.
"Yeah, he did!" He says in a nasally, childish voice. "Sick 'em!"
Taylia turns slowly to Tala with a look of murder on her face as the camera gets passed to Drayea.
"RUN, BITCH, RUN!" Drayea screams.
Taylia lets out a feral snarl before whipping out Drayea's scythe from nowhere and running after Tala screaming in Russian.
"Whoa, déjà vu."
"Remind me again why you have a scythe for a launcher? And where your psychotic team captain can get to it? You know how she gets when she has sharp, pointy objects in her hands."
"Dunno. I just liked the idea of it."
A thud is heard, likely Kai and one of his anime-falls.
The camera cuts to the front door being viewed from the inside. Everything around it is richly decorated, and the bladers are all milling around in random areas. A very pissed-off looking Riikka is leaning against the wall, arms folded while Ray chats endlessly to her. On the other side of the screen, Bryan has his back turned, currently oblivious.
"Hold it!"
The camera cuts back to Kai and Tala. Kai is standing by a Playskool© easel with a pad of paper with notes on it.
"Before we continue the clip (which is about to get really good, by the way), you should know a few things. Exhibit A!"
Kai brings a pointer out from behind his back and whips the paper. A crooked triangle is drawn on the paper, and at each point is a kind of chibi stick figure that resembled a few bladers.
"This is my shitty interpretation of a love triangle. Actually, it's more of a love-hate triangle. These little stick figures are Bryan, Riikka and Ray. EXHIBIT B!"
He flips the page.
"Now, make note of this. Ray likes Riikka. Bryan likes Riikka. Riikka likes Bryan. Riikka hates Ray. Bryan hates Ray. Ray hits on Riikka…"
He flips the page again to show Stick Riikka and Stick Bryan pummeling Stick Ray with red scribbles showing lots of blood.
"Riikka hits Ray. Bryan hits Ray. And for those of you who don't know, Bryan is 1) Very strong, and 2) very possessive. EXHIBIT C! Ray hits on Riikka again the next day. Bryan and Riikka hit Ray. Again. The End."
"I love a happy ending."
"Yeah, yeah. Back to the clip." Before cutting back to the scene, it shows Tala and Kai with popcorn in a metal bowl.
Riikka, who is now thoroughly pissed off, gets up and walks past Bryan. Ray follows without realizing where she's leading him. As soon as he's next to Bryan, the Falcon shoots him a withering glare that says clearly, "hands off my woman". Ray slinks away in a cat-like fashion while Riikka smirks. A scoreboard appears at the top of the screen.
Riikka and Bryan- 1, Ray- 0
"Hahahaha! Take that you neko freak!" This time, it's Kai laughing insanely. "Hey, since when is Bryan so possessive?"
"Since when are you such a dumbass? Geez, you have the brain capacity of a fucking housefly."
"I think your hard drive needs to be upgraded, dumbass."
Out of the blue, Tala snatches the metal popcorn bowl out of Kai's hands, dumps it on his head and whips out his launcher, banging it multiple times on the bowl and making a loud noise like a gong.
"Feel the love. Oh, and before we end this episode, let's throw in one more clip… I love this one."
The scene cuts to a surveillance camera's view of Tyson and Max running through the halls yelling and panicking, running into random things and several times, each other.
"God fucking damnit what the hell is your guys' problems!"
Tyson and Max both come to a total halt when they see a fuming Mitsu, who is at the bottom of the screen.
"We'relostinthishugeplaceandwe'regonnadiecuzwecan'tgetoutofhere!"
Mitsu, confused, cocks an eyebrow. On the bottom of the screen, subtitles pass by.
We're lost in this huge place and we're gonna die cuz we can't get out of here!
"Idiots…"
Grabbing both of the boys by their ears, she drags them off screen. It switches to another three or four surveillance cameras to show her dragging them all the way to the main staircase before shoving them down. She walks off-screen and reappears a moment later with a suit of armor, which she pushes down as well. A crashing is heard and the camera cuts out as Mitsu throws back her head and laughs maniacally.
"Well, that's all the time we have. I'm Tala Ivanov."
"And I'm Kai Hiwatari, and I'm wondering how long we're going to survive in this madhouse." He gives a V for Victory sign. "Peace out."
In the background, shouting and curses are heard as Kai tackles Tala.
Camera stops.