Chapter 8

For the first time he could remember, he slept without dreams, blessedly dark and peaceful.

When he woke, everything was different. The world had gained its sharp edges again. Sounds were clear and defined. Both the sickening, giddy sensation that had plagued him for so long, and the smothering blanket of inertia weighing him down had gone.

His relief was shot through with apprehension. He couldn't help wondering what it meant. What new torment the false-people had in store for him.

No, they weren't false-people. They were Cylons. Robots in human form. The ones who'd destroyed the Colonies. He remembered that now.

But as he took stock of his surroundings, he realised he was in the other hospital. The one with the grey blankets. The one with the woman who had told him his name.

Lee. He didn't know why he was so sure that hadn't been a dream, but he was.

My name is Lee. The name didn't ring any bells in his memory, even now, but he still believed it was true. For some reason he trusted that woman. He didn't think she would lie to him.

Which was ridiculous, because he didn't even know her.

The cubicle curtains parted, and a man entered, reading a clipboard.

Lee recognised him. It was the doctor he had seen the first time he'd awakened in this place, however long ago that was.

Obviously this place was his reality now, not the Cylons' hospital. Something had happened.

He cleared his throat, preparing for speech.

"Where am I?"

The doctor's head shot up from his clipboard. He looked surprised for a moment, and then smiled.

"So you're back with us, are you?" He moved over to the monitors. "The drugs must finally be out of your system."

"Where am I?" Lee said again, in a stronger voice. "And who are you?"

The doctor looked at him wryly. "Stubborn as ever, I see. You really are your father's son." Lee glared at him and he shrugged. "I'm Major Cottle, and all you need to know about me is that my word around here is law." He scowled at Lee. "Not that you've ever bothered to respect that when you've ended up in here before."

Lee frowned. "I've been here before?"

Cottle sat down on one of the chairs beside the bed, looking narrowly at him. "You don't remember?"

Lee shook his head.

"What do you remember?"

Lee stiffened. Something was telling him he should be wary of questions; he wasn't supposed to answer them.

"I'm not sure. It's all very blurred."

Cottle looked at him in a way that told Lee that he knew he was lying, but he didn't press it. "You're on the Galactica."

"Galactica? What's that?"

Cottle frowned. "You really don't remember much, do you? It's a battlestar."

"A military ship." Lee knew that much. "How did I get here?"

"We captured a Cylon vessel several days ago. A prison ship. You were one of the prisoners. And let's just say that they hadn't exactly treated you according to the articles of war."

Lee shuddered despite himself. "I remember that. They - hurt me."

"No kidding. Messed with your head too, by the look of things."

Lee suddenly remembered something else Cottle had said. "But – you said I'd been here before? How?"

Cottle pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his coat pocket. "I think I'm going to have to light up for this one."

Lee waited impatiently as the doctor lit his cigarette.

Finally Cottle settled back in the chair and began. "Before you were captured, you were an officer on this battlestar. Six months ago, you went missing in a planetside battle with the Cylons. When last seen, you were badly wounded, and you had basically told the pilot with you that you were done for and that he should leave you behind."

He paused to take a drag on his cigarette.

Lee said slowly, "So everyone thought I was dead."

Cottle nodded. "Well, you were, one way or another. We barely got out of there with our asses intact; we couldn't afford to go back for survivors. So we left you behind; a casualty of war."

Lee nodded. Surprisingly, he didn't feel any resentment. Somehow he understood that in wartime that was the way things were. He supposed it bolstered Cottle's claim that he was a soldier. He seemed to be thinking like one.

"But I didn't die of my wounds."

"No," agreed Cottle. "The Cylons got there first. They patched you up, saved your life – and then started torturing you for information."

Lee remembered that. "They broke my leg. Several times."

"Not just your leg." Cottle's eyes were suddenly kind. "I've seen your X-rays, lad. And they didn't stop there. They fed you a whole cocktail of drugs, keeping you groggy, making you hallucinate until you didn't know what was real."

Lee processed this for a moment. "That's why I'm feeling better now? The drugs have worn off?"

Cottle nodded. "It took a while to clear. They must have been dosing you for months. You'll be suffering withdrawal symptoms for a while, and they won't be pleasant. As for your memory – well, we'll have to wait and see."

"Why did they go to so much trouble?" Lee was trying to get the story clear in his head to see if it made sense. "The Cylons, I mean. Why didn't they just let me die on the planet?"

Cottle puffed on his cigarette. "Well, I said you were an officer in the fleet. What I didn't mention was that you were the second highest ranking officer in the fleet."

Lee stared at him. "What?"

"You're a commander. You were in charge of your own battlestar until it was lost in the escape from the planet. If there are any military secrets that the Cylons would find it useful to know, you know them."

Lee swallowed hard. He understood now why one of the few thoughts that had stuck in his head had been that he mustn't answer any questions. It had been more important than he realised.

He thought for a few moments, and decided that he believed Cottle's story. It made sense. It fitted with the few things he remembered. And although he didn't recognise the man, or this ship, there was a vague feeling of familiarity about them.

He looked up to find Cottle watching him with some amusement.

"So have you decided whether or not I'm a Cylon trick yet?"

Lee couldn't help smiling. "Yes."

"And the verdict?"

"I don't think you're a Cylon. For one thing, I've never seen a Cylon smoke."

Cottle chuckled. "Smart lad." He pushed back his chair. "Unless you've got any more urgent questions, there are things I have to do. I need to run a few tests, see how you're holding up." He grimaced. "And I'd better let certain people know you're awake and coherent. There will be hell to pay if I don't."

"Certain people?"

"Friends and family."

Family. Lee stiffened. "There was a man before – he said he was my father…I thought that was just a dream."

"That wasn't a dream," said Cottle ruefully. "You certainly do have a father. Did I mention that's he's the highest-ranking officer in the fleet?"

A father. Lee wished he could remember him. He couldn't help feeling a bit apprehensive about meeting him.

Another thought occurred to him. "You didn't tell me my name."

"No, I didn't." Cottle seemed surprised. "It's Lee Adama. Hope you like it."

Lee. His name was Lee.

Warmth suddenly filled him. "I knew she wasn't a dream!"

"Who wasn't a dream?"

"There was a woman here. A blonde woman. She told me my name was Lee."

"Oh, you mean Starbuck." Cottle chuckled. "No, she's definitely not a dream. More's the pity."

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After Cottle left Lee felt suddenly weak and shaky. His need to find out what had happened to him had bolstered him to keep going through the conversation with Cottle, but once alone he realised fully how exhausted he was.

He drifted off to sleep, and when he awoke there was a different man sitting by his bedside, a man with a shadowed face and tired eyes.

He'd seen this man before.

The man must have been watching Lee closely, because he saw his eyes open and smiled.

"Hello, Lee."

Lee smiled back warily. "Hello. So, you're my father?"

The man's mouth twisted slightly. "Yes I am. I was hoping the sight of me might bring your memory back, but obviously not."

"I'm sorry," said Lee, feeling obscurely guilty.

"Don't be sorry!" The man's voice broke. Lee saw the look in his eyes and suddenly he didn't doubt that this man was his father. No-one could have faked that look.

"Lee," said his father, "just the fact that you're here – for six months, I thought you were dead. Just seeing you again – it's enough. I don't care if you can't remember me."

Lee tried to say something, but his throat was too tight. Instead he put his sound hand over his father's and squeezed it hard. It seemed to be enough; his father smiled shakily and squeezed back. And as he did so Lee felt an unaccountable sense of comfort and security. Of safety.

They stayed like that for a long time, not saying anything, just looking at each other, until they were interrupted by a soft voice at the curtain. His father disappeared for a moment and then came back frowning.

"I'm needed urgently in CIC, I'll have to go. Will you be ok?"

Lee nodded. "I'll probably fall asleep again in a minute anyway."

"Good. Cottle said you needed to rest. I'll come back as soon as I can."

"All right," said Lee, but his father didn't look reassured.

"Kara will drop by as well – she'd be here already if she wasn't out on CAP. I'm sure she'll be here the second she hears you're awake."

"Who's Kara?" asked Lee. He wondered idly what CAP was.

His father looked completely taken aback for a moment. "Sorry, I forgot you wouldn't know. Kara – she's-" he broke off awkwardly.

Lee waited, curious.

Finally his father smiled ruefully and said, "Kara's – hard to explain. I think I'll let her do it herself."

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Lee did fall asleep again, and again when he awoke there was someone sitting by his bed. Again they were watching him so closely that they knew the second he opened his eyes.

"Hey, Lee," a woman said, and his eyes flew open all the way, because this time it was her. The person he had been waiting to see.

"Hey," he said, and couldn't help smiling. "It's you."

Her eyes widened hopefully. "You remember me?"

"No," he said reluctantly. He hated to disappoint her. "I'm sorry." He had a feeling he was going to be apologising for his lack of memory a lot. "At least – only from when you told me my name."

"Oh," she said, her face dimming slightly. "Don't worry about it. It's okay."

Lee could see it wasn't, but he didn't say so.

"So, you told me my name," he said lightly, "but you never told me yours. What is it?"

"Frak, this is weird." She pulled a face at him. "I'm Kara Thrace."

Kara. He thought privately that her name was just as beautiful as she was. But something puzzled him.

"I thought the doc said your name was Starbuck."

"It is." She grinned. "Starbuck's my call-sign."

"Call-sign?" he said. "You're a pilot?"

"Hey, I'm not just a pilot," she said with mock offence. "I'll have you know I'm the best pilot in the fleet."

"Really?" he said. His mouth was curving despite his best efforts to control it.

Her eyes narrowed. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"You're laughing at me."

"I'm not," he said, forcing back a chuckle.

"You are," she said, and something about the scowl on her face broke the last threads of his self-control and he couldn't hold the laughter back any longer. It felt so good to laugh again, even if there was a slightly hysterical edge to it. He buried his face in his pillow, almost choking with it.

A nurse put her head round the curtain. "Captain Thrace? Is something wrong?"

"Nothing a good kick up the backside wouldn't fix," Kara muttered.

The nurse looked at Lee, gasping to control his mirth, and her face softened into a smile. "Obviously not. I'll leave you to it then." She retreated.

"Lee," said Kara with quiet menace, "you have two minutes to shut the hell up and tell me why you're laughing."

Lee finally managed to control himself. He thought ruefully that she must think the Cylons had sent him completely mad.

"I'm sorry," he managed, gasping out the words, "but it's just – Starbuck?" The word nearly set him off again. "What the hell kind of a name is that? What does it even mean?"

She was scowling at him again. "Lee-"

"And shouldn't it be Stardoe? Unless you've had a very convincing operation-"

"Lee!" The scowl had darkened to thunderous. "I can't believe you're making the same lame jokes all over again! Am I going to have to black your eye again to get you to shut up?"

Lee just grinned at her. For the first time since he spoke to Cottle, all his worries had faded away. Suddenly it didn't matter that the Cylons had damaged his body and messed up his head. That he couldn't even remember his own name. Nothing mattered but enjoying this moment, but being here with her.

"You're very violent, aren't you?" he teased. "Here am I, helpless in bed and you've threatened me with bodily harm twice in the last three minutes-"

Kara's eyes were blazing now, and Lee found he was enjoying her glare. That seemed wrong. He should be trying to make her like him, not goading her for the fun of it. He wondered briefly if he was maybe not quite normal, and then forgot about it because Kara's expression suddenly changed. The glare dropped away; her mouth trembled, and she turned away abruptly.

"Kara!" Lee's smile disappeared immediately. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

She waved at him dismissively, still keeping her face resolutely turned away. "It's not that. It's just that I thought-" Her voice trembled and Lee reached instinctively to comfort her, putting his hand on hers. As she felt his touch she turned to look at him, and he saw with a shock that her eyes were bright with tears.

"I thought you'd never tease me like this again," she said finally, hazel eyes locked on his. "I thought I'd lost you."

Lee's heart ached for her. "Well," he said, trying for lightness again, "It looks like I'm not that easy to lose."

It worked; some of the tension faded from her face. "Looks like."

They sat there for a moment in silence. Lee wished fervently once more that he remembered these people. It was so hard, dealing with their emotions when he didn't even know why they felt them, or how he was supposed to feel towards them.

"So," he said finally, "we've known each other for a long time, then?" It seemed a safe bet from the way she'd been talking to him.

She nodded. "More years than I want to remember."

He was relieved to hear some of her earlier sarcasm back. "So we're friends?"

"Yes," she said, "we're friends."

He thought she was going to say more, but she stopped. For a moment she stared down at his hand, which was still on top of hers, frowning as if she was thinking about something difficult. Then she took a deep breath and looked up at him, chin set in determination.

"Actually, we're more than that," she said, forming each word carefully. "We're not just friends. We're in love."

Oh. Lee stared at her for a moment, with absolutely no idea what to say. Part of him was thinking that he had obviously been very lucky in love. Part of him was wondering how the hell he had got this brilliant woman to fall in love with him back.

Underneath all that, somehow he wasn't surprised. He didn't remember her, but he'd known that there was something special about her from the first time he saw her, even when he'd thought she was a dream. Something that drew him towards her with a magnetic pull.

Kara stared at him for a moment and then turned away flushing. "I shouldn't have said anything. You must be thinking I'm-"

Lee cut her off. "I'm thinking that I'm obviously a very lucky man." Her mouth dropped open in surprise. "And that I'm doubly sorry now that I don't remember you."

Kara flushed even more and looked down at their hands again. Lee felt acutely sorry for her. How awful it must be, to have the man you loved not even remember you. He closed his hand on hers even tighter.

"I'm surprised my father didn't say anything to warn me though," he said, suddenly annoyed. "I might have really hurt you by saying the wrong thing."

"You mustn't blame him," said Kara hurriedly. "He doesn't know."

Lee raised his eyebrows. "He doesn't know?"

"We're in the military, aren't we?" she said impatiently. "You're my superior officer, and there are little things called fraternization regulations. We had to keep it a secret. No-one knows."

"No-one?"

"No-one. So you mustn't mention it to anyone," she said forcefully. "Promise me."

"I promise," said Lee easily. She seemed rather worked up about it, but he supposed that was fair enough if her career would be on the line if anyone found out. "I won't mention it."

"Good." Kara seemed to relax slightly.

Lee decided to try to ease the tension again. "So," he said musingly, "I'm in love with a woman called Starbuck." He couldn't help grinning as he said the name.

He was pleased to see her eyes spark immediately. "At least I'm not so arrogant that I was named after a god." Lee looked at her questioningly and she smirked. "Your call-sign is Apollo."

"Apollo?" he said, privately thinking that if it seemed a bit pompous, at least it wasn't as ridiculous as Starbuck. "How did I end up with that?"

Kara smiled sweetly at him. "By being an over-achieving bastard."

He smiled back. "Now I can tell you love me." She pulled a face at him, and he couldn't help grinning. Somehow this felt strangely familiar. "Then I'm a pilot too, huh?"

She nodded.

"So when you said you were the best pilot in the fleet, that's just because I haven't been around, right?"

He was delighted when she laughed in his face. "In your dreams, Apollo. I can outfly you with one hand tied behind my back."

Lee smirked at her. "When I get out of here, we'll have to test that theory."

"We will," said Kara. Something in her voice made him look at her sharply. Her eyes were suspiciously bright again. "I really missed you, Lee."

He smiled at her. "Somehow I'm sure I missed you too."