To FF . Net Readers: This story is dead, but I welcome anyone who would be interested in continuing it. For a time, I had very good reviews and very good thoughts about this, but I don't write fan fiction anymore. However, I felt that this was worth sharing, and I've still never seen another story like it.

-patchmonkey

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, Aa! Megami-sama, and associated properties are used in a derivative work without permission. Scenes a faire, character placement and wording, changes in personality, and specific situations as they differ from any extant work are non-infringing uses and are held with rights reserved to this author. Republishing of this work, without permission from the original authors or the derivative author is strictly prohibited.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Getting Home Wednesday

Fit the First: Godot

"Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But she is
mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times." - Principia Discordia

-----------------------------------------------------------

If one was willing to brave the heat, and if one were to look at a small empty lot near the house of one Ryoga Hibiki on a hot summer day in early August, one would see a fascinating sight. Not wild pink elephants, but a young man and a young girl. The young girl was wearing a purple shirt, with black tights on her legs and a staff on her back while she sat on the ground, a spatula at her side, fiddling with a grill. Anyone who saw her would correctly assume that she was some sort of cook, most likely of okonomiyaki. The young man, on the other hand, had much more intriguing appearance. His black hair was tinged with blonde, pulled back very tightly into a pigtail, and if one was to pay closer attention to the hair, one would notice that it seemed to alternate between straight and curly. The outfit he wore seemed to be a conglomeration of styles, merged into one that looked correct, as though they were always one. On his feet were black slipper-boots that were held together by straps, ending halfway to each knee in three separate belts. For pants, he wore dark-colored loose jeans, each leg of which disappeared into the top of the boots. His shirt was white silk but one could only see the sections that were not covered by a dark red many pocketed jacket, and perched above his forehead sat a pair of flying goggles. The young man looked over at his partner.

"Ucchan, where is he? That compass I made him should be able to lead him wherever he needs to go!"

"Well, Ranchan, he did promise that he would come. This duel is his idea!"

"Yeah, he's sure to be here any minute. He's sure to be here any minute."

"Then all we have to do is wait on here."

Where herewas an empty lot behind Ryoga's house. That didn't make it any easier for Ryoga to find it at any rate, even with the compass Ranma had made for him. It wasn't that it didn't work correctly...no, it was the fact that Ryoga's lack of direction countered almost all the benefits that the compass had.

"I'm still impressed that he can't find his way here," remarked Ranma.

"All he has to do is think about where he's going, and that compass will get him there. Of course, that directional curse is pretty impressive."

It was then that Ryoga appeared. "Ranma! I'm here! We can have our battle!"

"Ryoga! What took you so long? We've been waiting almost an hour!" exclaimed Ukyo.

"Um...well, you see, Uyko, I sortacouldn'tfindthecompassandlost the door to my bathroom."

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Did you find the compass, lost one? I thought you were keeping it around your neck?"

"I am keeping it around my neck, Ranma! I forgot, alright!"

"Fine. Anyway, Ukyo's gonna officiate, so you wanna get started?"

"Sure. I'll beat you today, Ranma!"

Ryoga placed the compass on the ground, and found a spot ten feet away from Ranma. The two boys assumed a fighting stance, and Ukyo signaled for them to begin. Ranma assumed a relaxed stance, and waited for Ryoga to charge. Ryoga did, and Ranma quickly leapt out of the way.

"Too slow, Ryoga. How do you expect to hit me when you make a turtle look fast?"

"Shut up, Ranma!" shouted Ryoga as he backed off, and reconsidered his options. A smirk appeared on Ryoga's face. "Try this then."

And with that, Ryoga moved in a zigzag towards Ranma who was moving in towards Ryoga at the same time. Ryoga's fist lashed out at Ranma's face as Ranma's foot hit his head.

Both boys fell to the ground. "Man, that was anti-climatic," intoned Ukyo, looking at the two boys on the ground.

"Ouch. Hey, Ryoga, looks like you got a little better."

"Yeah...this compass makes it easier for me to find my way to my teacher. He said I was to straightforward in my attacks."

"Hmm...well, y'know what, next time we fight, maybe we'll have a real winner. Ukyo and me gotta head home. Pops said we're leaving soon, so we've got to pack. We'll come back someday, right, Ucchan?"

"Right, Ranchan," spoke Ukyo, as she ran up to give Ryoga a hug. "See ya, Ryoga!"

"Have a good trip, guys! Thanks again for the compass!"

With that, Ranma and Ukyo headed home. Ryoga headed back toward his house, but something seemed different.

"Were there always this many restaurants here? Where's that compass?

It's right...back...in...that field behind my house! Ranma, where am I now!

This has gotta be someone's fault!"

As the warm sun began to burn away the mist that hung over the current residence of Genma Saotome, Ranma Saotome, and Ukyo Kounji, three figures began readying their leave of that place.

"So, where're we off to now, pop?"

"Yeah. Where are we going next? Ranchan and I were just getting used to settling down and making friends."

"Well," said Genma, "settling down and friends must be put aside for the Art! As the heir to the Anything Goes school, Ranma must be able to leave on a moments notice, leaving all he holds dear if it means to better the art!"

"So I could go and leave you?" queried Ranma.

"No," informed Genma.

"Okay...So, where're we headed anyway, pop?"

"We're going to China to study at some ancient training grounds."

"How are we getting there?" wondered Ukyo.

"Swimming, of course!"

"Of course," moaned Ranma and Ukyo together.

(Some Time Later)

Had anyone been near a distinct point on the shores near the Chinese city of Lianyungang, they would have been most surprised as three people dragged themselves ashore.

"Pops, that has gotta be the stupidest thing we've ever done. Who swims across the East China Sea?"

"Hush, boy. It was all for the Art!"

"Ranchan, it'll take me weeks to clean off my grill! Waaaah!"

"Um...it'll be okay, Ucchan," Ranma reassured his friend. "So, Pops, where're we off too now?"

Genma straightened up, and looked towards the horizon. "Well, we're off to the ramen stand over that way!"

Ranma and Ukyo found themselves agreeing with the elder Saotome. Food sure was a good idea.

" Guides to China's Most Secret Training Grounds! Get one here!

Please? Pretty please? " came a voice next to the ramen stand. Ranma and Ukyo had been given a few minutes to explore the local city, while Genma figured out where they would go next.

His ears perked up at that call, however. " I'll take one! " shouted the martial artist. " Training ground guide, no?"

" Yes sir. China's top top top secret training grounds, like the Cave of the Dragon's Fist, the Tall Mount of the Tiger Child, The House of Zen..."

" Me take one, " interjected Genma. "How much? "

The raggedly dressed short man who had a horrid odor emanating from his body holding the guide held up five fingers. " Two, " he said.

Genma reached into his pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins.

Counting two, he handed them to the man, and began giggling wildly as the short man scurried off, happy. Turning around, he saw Ranma and Ukyo standing behind him.

"Yo, Pops. Whatcha got there?"

"Boy, this is a guide to the great martial arts sites in China. Why, there's sites in here that no martial artist should ever miss! Here's one called The House of the Moon Fox. A errant breeze blew the page over. Hmm...this one is called Jusenkyo. That looks good, and like it'll be a nice hike."

"Genma, you think we might be able to learn some secret techniques there?"

"Well, Ukyo, sure! Any place with a name like that has to have something worthwhile. It'll be a change for all of us. Let's go!"

Genma didn't realize that the Qinghai province was about one thousand two hundred and fifty miles from where they were.

(Sixty-two or so days later)

"Ah, welcome to the Training Ground of Jusenkyo, honored customers. I am pleased you have chosen to come here," began a chubby man in Mao era clothing.

"Yes, yes, of course. Boy, Ukyo, get up on those poles and we'll begin training."

"Pop, I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Very bad you fall in springs, Mister Customer! Boy is right!"

"Pop, I think it's a very bad idea, actually. This place feels strange, like there's a darkness hanging over every pool," Ranma amended. "Maybe we should listen to the guide."

"Boy, stop acting like a girl!"

Ukyo glared, readying her staff. "Genma, are you saying girls are weak?"

"That is, I mean...fight, boy, now!"

"Very well, Pop. I'll fight you. Ucchan, you coming?"

"Sure!"

"No! Customers, stop! Very bad if you fall in cursed springs!"

And so, a fight began, only to be interrupted by a well placed dual attack on Genma by Ranma and Ukyo. Genma lost his balance, and fell.

"Oh, no! Big Mr. Customer fall in Spring of Drowned Panda!

Two-thousand years ago, very tragic story of Panda that drowned there. Now anyone who falls in spring take form of panda!"

"Ranchan, did you hear that?"

"Hear what, Ucchan?"

"Growf," said a giant panda as it leapt out of the pool Genma fell into.

"Oh, how nice. A giant panda," Ranma mused aloud.

"Growf!" interjected the Panda as it knocked the two young people to the pool below.

"Ranchan, I think that is your faaaathhhher!"

"Ucchan, Pop is an idiot, isn't heeeee?" queried Ranma at the same time.

"Oh no! Young Mister and Miss Customer fall into Spring of Drowned Girl! Miss Customer not be too affected, but young Mister Customer turn into...turn into...that never happen before. Never seen tattoos on face after falling in. Miss Customer not have tattoos. Miss Customer?"

Ukyo was happily smiling. "Wow, you should sell this water. I've gotta be a whole size bigger! Um, yeah?"

Ranma looked down at his new body, which happened to that of a buxom young woman and began glowing black. Her hair, which was black with slight tinges of blonde in male fore was now a wild mix of deepest black and light blonde, and, interestingly enough, was currently whipping around her head as though wind was blowing.

"Pop, I am not happy right now. I told you this was a bad idea, and you didn't listen. Now you're a panda, I'm a girl, and Ukyo...well, Ukyo's really happy. But I'm not! THUNDERBOLT!"

A bolt of black lightning flew from Ranma's hands and connected with her father. Genma, not being faster than lightning, bore the full brunt of the blast, and a charred panda now sat where a clean panda was before.

"Cool," muttered Ranma before he passed out.

No one even noticed the boy who fell in one of the pools towards the back.

"Mister Customers awake now? Curse not so bad, you turn back to human male with hot water. Cold water turn you to panda and girl again."

"Errggg," replied Genma.

"Well, you deserved it. Taking us to a place like this, and not even listening to me. I wonder how I did that lightning thing anyway. So, Guide, is there anyone around here who might know how to get rid of these curses?"

"I like mine, Ranchan! 'Oh, poor Ukyo,' they said. 'Looks like a boy.

I feel so sorry for her,' they said. Well, who's laughing now! Oh, and you're kinda cute as a girl."

"Ucchan...Fine. Is there anyone around here who might tell us how to get rid of Pop's and my curses?"

"There a village of women warriors to the north. I shall take you there, yes?"

"Sure. Lets go there then."

(End Fit the First)