Three's a Fling

Just Grand

You'd think that once you get to a certain point in time, a certain age, that people would start acting like adults…

Fat chance of that, Hermione thought as she watched her friend and her enemy battle it out.

"No way in hell am I going to be saying 'Gildroy Lockhart' every bloody time I want to get inside." Draco crossed his arms stubbornly.

"It's funny!" Harry insisted.

Hermione sighed.

"Fine. If amusement is what you want, then we'll make the password 'Pot-head'! That's funny." Draco yelled.

"Well then, we'd better make it 'daddy's boy'" Harry retorted scathingly.

Draco ground his teeth. "Just shut up about that!"

Harry smirked. "No."

"Pot-head."

"Daddy's little boy."

"Scarface."

"Ferret."

"Would you both just shut up!" Hermione barged through them, shoving them away from the door. "Ego." She said and the door opened up.

"Hermione." Harry whined. "I don't like that."

Hermione turned back. "It'll be easy for both of you two to remember since you've got such big ones! Now shut up and get in."

The two boys followed orders and the portrait slammed shut behind them.

"Wow." Harry was almost knocked off his feet. This was the most awesome room he'd ever seen.

Draco only shrugged. "Too small."

"Are you kidding?" Hermione asked, wide-eyed. "I'm going to get lost. There needs to be a map."

"Now you've got to be kidding." Draco turned to the Gryffindors, taking in their utterly shocked expressions. "What do you two live in? A matchbox?"

"Cardboard." Hermione replied as she moved away.

Harry laughed. "Mines wire. A cage actually."

Draco smirked. "I'm glad someone was bright enough to figure out that a cage is exactly where you belong."

"Enough." Hermione pointed to the four doors that were ahead of them. "You guys want to draw straws or rock papers scissors or…"

"MINE!" Draco dove towards the door on the left.

And out of sheer male competitiveness—or stupidity—Harry dove after him. "No! I want that one!"

Hermione watched as they both ran headlong into the door with a nice loud and very satisfying thud. "OWWW!"

"Serves you right." She walked to the middle door. "Oh and just for future reference you two. You use the doorknob here—you know this round thing, to open the doors. They hardly ever open any other way." And making sure the two were watching from their spot on the floor, she turned it. "Look!" she mocked surprise and jumped back. "It opened!"

"Fuck off, Granger." Draco got to his feet and opened a different door.

Hermione shrugged and walked into the bathroom—the very big, and very stunning bathroom. There were taps and knobs and mirrors and marble and colors and…everything. The room looked as if Bath and Body Works had moved in. The cabinets that lined the wall were stocked with every single kind of soap, bubble bath, lotion…Hermione gazed in total wonder—what girl wouldn't. The only thing that could make this place even closer to heaven was if there was a closet full of shoes.

"AHHHH!"

Hermione turned around and rushed out of the bathroom as the blood curdling screams erupted.

"What did you do!" she screamed as she ran towards the room the boys had gone in to.

WHACK!

The door slammed in her face, knocking her back.

"Damn it!"

That was Draco.

"My nose!"

That was Harry.

"What is going on?" Hermione stood woozily and opened the door. "Oh my Merlin!"

Malfoy was on the floor, his eyes closed, a hand on his forehead. Harry was standing, his hand desperately trying to stem the flow of blood coming from his nose. "What happened?" Hermione stepped forward and both boys screamed.

"No!"

"Stop!"

But it was too late.

WHACK!

"Do you think we should, you know, splash water on her?"

"Uh…"

"We can't just leave her here."

Draco blinked. "Yeah, we can. She'll wake up."

"Maybe not."

"Well if she's not going to wake up, she won't need water to drink." Draco rubbed his forehead. "My head." Whimpering as he touched the growing knot on his forehead, Draco gingerly felt the welt.

Harry touched his nose delicately as he looked at the unconscious Hermione. "You idiot. Water isn't for her to drink. It would wake her up."

"Huh?"

Harry watched as Malfoy's pupils grew and then shrunk. "I…" He stopped. What did he care? This was Malfoy here. But only Malfoy could help him carry Hermione to the bed. "I think you have a concussion."

"A what?"

"Oh never mind." Harry reached down, grabbing Hermione's feet. "Help me carry her to the bed."

Draco only stared. "Why would I do that?"

Harry groaned. Stupid git. "You feel like crap right now?"

"Well, yeah. Who wouldn't after getting smacked in the head by a door out for blood?"

"The only way you'll feel better is if we wake her up. She can fix my nose—which is defiantly broken, and do…whatever the hell she needs to fix you."

"Who says I need fixing?"

"Damn it Malfoy, just grab her arms and help me get her onto the bed!"

"FINE!" Draco grabbed Granger's arms.

"On the count of three." Harry said.

"One. Two…"

"I want to count!"

Harry took a deep breath. "Fine. Count."

"From three?"

"No. To three."

"Huh?"

Gritting his teeth, Harry closed his eyes. "You say one, two, three and we pull her up."

"What if I want to go to four?"

"Fuck! Malfoy! Count to four!" He had no patience for this crap. His nose was about to fall off his face.

Draco swayed slightly, a childish grin on his face. "Goody! On four. One…"A minute went by.

"MALFOY!"

"Two…three…" He looked confused. Harry tried not to tighten his hands into fists. Hermione would be pissed to wake up and have bruises on her ankles. "Do we lift on four?"

"YES! For the love of Merlin, come on!"

"ONETWOTHREEFOUR!" Draco screamed, but instead of lifting he let go.

"What the hell!" Hermione woke with a start. "Ouch." She moaned as she rubbed her backside. "Uh, Harry, why are you holding my ankles?"

"Sorry!" Harry dropped her feet.

"Thanks."

Hermione stood, swayed, and fell. She closed her eyes and lay there.

"Please tell me she isn't unconscious again." Malfoy moaned.

"She's not." Hermione moaned. "Harry, would you pull me up?"

Harry took her and pulled her up. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Eh, Hermione, I hate to sound…well…" Harry looked as if he were about to cry. "Please fix my nose!" he begged.

"And my head!"

Hermione turned to Malfoy. "Not possible." She turned back to Harry and lifted her wand, muttering the spell.

Harry felt the pain lift and at that moment he could have kissed her.

"Me next! Me next!"

"What's wrong with him?" Hermione asked as Malfoy blinked at her with the eyes of a child who just asked for another cookie.

Harry shrugged. "I thought he had a concussion. But…he seems to be…"

"Regressing." Hermione whispered as Malfoy began sucking on his thumb.

Harry stared, mouth open and eyes gleaming with barely contained glee. "Oh this is too good!" Harry rubbed his palms together. "I'm never going to let him live this down."

"Ammunition for the war to come?"

Harry almost looked eager as Malfoy lay down, thumb in mouth, and curled into the fetal position. "Oh yeah."

Hermione grinned. "Isn't this just grand?"

Harry nodded excitedly and the Gryffindors sat down on the edge of the bed, waiting to see what the Malfoy would do next.

Chapter two...go me.

Anyway.

Hope you enjoyed.

Please review.

jd.