Disclaimer: The recognizable characters and places in this story belong to Tamora Pierce.
A/N: While rereading the Song of the Lioness Quartet, this scene came to me, replaying itself in my mind over and over until I decided to write it down. I'm terribly grateful that Tamora Pierce did not write this in her books, yet still I find it an intriguing notion. It's rated T just to be safe...I think it could probably have been rated K+. I'm new to this sight, and this is the first fanfiction I've ever written. On the same note, I'm sorry for the lousy summary. All reviews are appreciated.
A Warrior's Death
It was night, and King Jonathan of Conté sat in the corner of the palace study, his chair turned towards the wall. From where Alanna of Trebond and Olau stood all that was visible of him was his coal black hair showing over the top of the chair. Alanna walked toward the chair, and as she did the figure slowly stood up and turned towards her. "Alanna," Jon whispered. His sapphire eyes were bright with restrained tears, and when his gaze fell upon Alanna's eyes, she resisted the urge to bolt. She must tell Jon—if she couldn't then one of the men would have to. Jon deserved to learn the news from somebody who could be there with him in his time of pain. Alanna winced inwardly, and feverishly drew her eyes away from Jon's gaze.
Noticing the look in her eyes, Jon whispered, "What happened?"
"Thayet is…no, that isn't right. I'll start at the beginning. Thayet decided that she should get to fight too. She said that others shouldn't risk their lives for her, while she sat inside caring for the children. We—Gary and I—tried to convince her that she was doing good work, but she got mad. She said that she didn't come to Tortal to be sheltered. She was persuasive, Jon, and finally commanded us to let her keep watch. Thayet saw some the enemy take one of the local boys and left her shelter to save the boy." Alanna faltered, looking up at Jon's face again. Though she was sure that Jon knew where this was going, his face was impossible to read, almost serene looking.
"Jon, the boy lived. He's fine except for some bruises and scrapes. Thayet wasn't so fortunate."
"She's dead," Jon whispered.
"She died a warrior's death, Jon. It's not much consolation, but she would have been pleased her life had not gone to waste."
"She's dead," Jon repeated. He sank into a large couch, and his eyes filled suddenly with tears. Jon buried his hands in his face and a cried softly. "Alanna," Jon whispered. "Roald? Kally? Are they safe?"
"They are safe and in their nurseries sleeping," Alanna responded. "They don't know yet." Alanna sat down next to Jon, and hugged him, starting to cry herself. Thayet was a friend of hers, and would be greatly missed. They had spent many hours together talking, and it had been Alanna who had introduced Thayet to Jon many years ago.
Jon hugged Alanna back, and they sat their together, crying and hugging, until both were exhausted. Even after they were done crying Jon held onto Alanna tight, as if hanging on for dear life. Painfully aware that she was a woman and married, Alanna tried to gently pull away from the embrace, but couldn't. Jon swiftly kissed her cheek, then slowly and tenderly kissed her mouth. To her disgust, Alanna found herself enjoying being kissed by Jon. When Jon was done with his kiss, Alanna pulled away.
"Jon, I'm married. To George. Remember?" Alanna discovered that she was trembling, and scared. She hadn't seen George in months, and missed him terribly. He was back at Pirate's Swoop with Thom and the twins; Alanna was stuck going between the king's palace and the battleground. As king's champion she had never had to fight this much before. When she was young, Alanna had craved this sort of excitement. Now, older, she longed for her moments of rest, and of time alone with her family.
"Alanna, I need you," Jon said. "I love you."
"It's not right!" Alanna stuttered. "I—I'm married. Your wife just died. This isn't supposed to happen." Not since she was a child had Alanna craved more than Jon's friendship, and it scared her that she wanted to kiss Jon back. Yet if Alanna kissed Jon, she knew she'd just be hurting him and herself. Jon just wanted comfort and, though it pained Alanna to realize this, Alanna was his tool. She loved Jon as much as ever, but the passion she had felt was nothing more than a spur-of-the-moment longing for love. George's love. She knew that, were she to sleep with Jonathan, while George might forgive her, she'd never forgive herself.
Jon looked down, ashamed. He longed for Thayet, but she was no longer there for him—that was why he had reached out to Alanna. In his whole life, they were the only two women he had really loved. Now one of them was gone. "Don't leave me. I need you there for me," Jon whispered.
"I'll be there for you as long as you need me. I'm your sword arm, remember?" Alanna hugged Jon tightly, and stood up to leave, noticing that light now flooded into the room. She was not aware of how much time had elapsed—that Kally and Roald were now up and asking where their mama was.
Jon, however, was aware of this. "Alanna, come with me to tell the kids?" he asked.