Yay! Assignment out of the way! Here's a story chapter to celebrate. Then I can spend the evening in an orgy of writing!

Vacations can provide a time to get to know friends better...

Sunday lunchtime

Booth put his arm back in his sling and they headed out to the park again. This time Brennan was pleased to see that Booth was feeling well enough to help Parker. She had been concerned earlier when he had been so shocked at the sight of Parker apparently dripping with blood, but apart from still looking pale and tired he was soon almost back to his normal self.

She and Booth took it in turns to run across the grass with Parker. The first thing Booth had done was to make sure Parker could stop the bike safely and remember to put his foot down to prevent the bike from toppling over, and so there were no further tumbles and apart from the times when Parker got over cautious and put his foot down immediately after they let go of the bike, and he was beginning to balance for a few seconds at a time.

When Brennan saw Booth sinking down onto the nearest bench and rubbing his shoulder, she called a halt to the playtime, and they walked companionably back to Booth's apartment to leave the bike, before heading to a nearby restaurant Booth knew about called Jungle Jim's. Brennan was overwhelmed by the number of children in the place as they walked in, running between the tables or disappearing through a hole in some netting in the wall, which led to a ball pool and slide. Booth grinned at her. "Very child-friendly, here," he explained. "There's an area where the children can play while the adults talk."

They sat at a table between the counter and the play area and chose their food. Booth stood at the counter to place their order, and as he got his wallet out to pay Brennan saw him look inside for the money and then glance uneasily over at her. Her heart jumped in her chest. She remembered what she had half seen in his wallet, but had dismissed as probably not meaning anything. Now though, she knew from Booth's reaction that it was important. What's more, she could tell he knew that she had seen it. Booth turned his attention back to his wallet and finished paying for the food, then brought the drinks back to the table. Parker sucked happily at the straw in his coke bottle, while Brennan sipped at her orange juice, watching Booth over the top of the glass. He was playing with his beer, looking uneasily between her and Parker, and looked as though he was struggling for words.

She shook her head at him. "Later," she said. He nodded, still looking uncomfortable. Their food arrived, and Parker tucked in eagerly to his chicken and chips, while Booth struggled to cut up his steak and Brennan fought the urge to take over and do it for him. Her salad was pleasant enough, but she hardly tasted it as she thought about the past few days and what they had meant to her. She was enjoying feeling so close to Booth, but somehow it felt like stolen pleasure. The next day Booth was due for a hospital appointment that he hoped would give him the all-clear to use his shoulder again, and Parker would be going back to Rebecca. Then she would go back to being Dr. Temperance Brennan, forensic anthropologist, and he would go back to being an FBI Special Agent. Back to life as normal. But was that what she wanted? She wasn't sure anymore that it was even possible. She had the nagging feeling that over the past few days living with Booth and in his home had meant crossing a line; that their relationship had changed irrevocably. For the better? She hoped so, but the more they had invested in the relationship, the more they stood to lose if it went wrong.

Brennan did not realize how silent and occupied she had been until she noticed that Parker had already finished his food and disappeared to the play area, from where excited calls and screams came from various children of assorted sizes. Booth was watching her with amusement, and also a certain amount of trepidation.

As he saw her attention come back to him, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He took something out of it and placed it on the table, holding his hand over the top. She put her hand on top of his, preventing him from withdrawing it. "You don't have to explain yourself, Booth," she said gently.

He shook his head. "I know I don't," he replied. "But I want to. I don't know why, but I feel uncomfortable keeping secrets from you." He looked as though he was about to say more, but just shook his head, as if surprised by his own words. He turned his hand over and held hers, revealing a small card with the name Gamblers Anonymous on it, and a couple of phone numbers. Brennan looked at the card, then up at Booth. He was watching her, with an expression of mild amusement on his face. "You saw it before," he said.

She nodded. "When I took out the money for the food. I didn't want to pry, Booth. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He sat silently for a moment, watching the children playing. One small child was throwing brightly colored balls at a larger boy, then howling as the larger boy threw one back, hitting him on the nose. "It started when I left the military. Life just wasn't exciting any more. It wasn't dangerous. The only way I felt alive was if I had something on the line. The bigger the bet, the better I felt - until I lost, of course."

She nodded, vaguely aware that he was still holding her hand, and considered his words carefully without saying anything. He gave her his sad smile, and then continued, "It got worse and worse, until it got to the point when I was about to lose everything. And I mean everything. I gambled my whole life on one poker game. I couldn't believe it when I actually won. I'd gambled with my life, and won. I took it as a sign that enough was enough, and I managed to pay off my debts and stop gambling."

She looked at him steadily, sensing there was more to come.

He nodded, although she had said nothing. "Until Rebecca got pregnant," he went on quietly. "I wanted her to marry me, but she wouldn't. I felt so out of control; something really significant was happening in my life and I had no control over it. So I started gambling again."

"Was your gambling the reason why she wouldn't marry you?" Brennan asked.

"Part of it. She suspected I had a problem. She said she didn't trust me. That made me feel so good I just had to go out and prove her right." His voice was bitter. "This time, Hank brought me to my senses. Remember Hank Lutrell?"

Brennan nodded, remembering Booth's friend in the wheelchair.

"He got me seeing straight, made me realize that I needed some kind of help. He sent me to GA. I still go to the meetings sometimes. Not all the time, but just occasionally, when things feel like they're spiraling out of control and I feel the urge." He gazed steadily at her, his brown eyes serious. "I haven't felt the urge since I met you."

They sat still for a long while, his words hanging heavily between them. Then he gave a small laugh. "Jeez, it feels like confession time," he commented. Brennan just shook her head, not knowing what to say to him.

She remembered something he had told her a long time ago, about opening up to each other to create trust. Booth had opened up a lot to her lately. She guessed it was her turn.

"Remember that TV interview I did?" she asked.

He looked surprised. "Which one? The one in LA or the one in DC?"

"The first one. The one where I said I didn't want children."

He nodded, remembering.

"I'm scared, Booth. There's so much evil in this world. So much that can go wrong. How could I consider bringing a child into a world like this?"

It was his turn to sit silently and listen.

"And yet - the time I've spent with Parker. He's so much fun, so innocent. Maybe it's only the presence of children like him that makes the world bearable at all."

Booth smiled. "He makes it all worthwhile, Bones. When I deal with something particularly nasty - I just want to hold him tight, and he'll hug me back, and it will all feel better."

"But children expect so much from their parents. How can you take the risk that you'll let him down?" She felt the tears build up in her eyes. She had never talked to anyone before about how she felt. She felt a longing for a child, yet was so scared of letting it down, of not being the parent her child would deserve; of letting it down and hurting it like her parents had done to her.

"All he asks of me is that I love him," Booth told her quietly. "And in loving him, I do the best I can for him. That's all any of us can ever do."

He squeezed her hand gently. "Changed your mind about not wanting kids?"

She thought carefully. "I don't think so," she said slowly. "I'm too focused on my career right now. And I'd have to find the right man to be the father." She thought for a moment, considering that remark, and then went on quickly, "I don't think I could bring up a child alone. But maybe, one day. Maybe it's not completely out of the question. It just that the idea scares me so."

He nodded, and squeezed her hand gently. "It scares me too, Bones," he admitted. "But Parker - he's the one it's all for. What's the point in trying to make this world better, if we're not doing it for the next generation?"

They sat watching the children playing for a moment. Brennan felt slightly uncomfortable that Booth still held her hand. She leaned forward slightly and picked the GA card up in her other hand. She held it out to Booth. "Thank you for telling me," she said.

He withdrew his hand and took the card from her, putting it back in his wallet. "I keep it in there so that every time I spend money I see it," he explained. "If I'm tempted to spend money for the wrong reason, the card is there to remind me of the pain I've been through, of the time I nearly lost everything."

Parker came running up. "Can I have some ice cream?" he demanded.

Brennan frowned at him. "Please may I have some ice cream?" she corrected him.

"Okay, you can have some too," he agreed equably.

"No, Bub, Bones is telling you how to ask properly," Booth chuckled. He made the boy repeat the request correctly, then looked at Brennan. "You know, I quite fancy the idea of ice cream myself. Did you want some?"

She thought for a moment. Right now, tucking into ice cream seemed a good idea. "Yes, please."

This time Booth pulled out his wallet and paid for the ice cream without hesitating, and Brennan found herself giving him a silly smile as he returned to the table. Somehow, she felt better for having told him how she really felt about children. She still didn't feel comfortable with the idea of having children of her own, but now she had the feeling that maybe, some day, she just might be ready to change her mind.

I feel quite uncomfortable about the whole gambling thing, and just had to deal with it. I hope you feel I managed it okay.

Please, let me know what you think. And now I'm planning to get a lot more writing done over the next few days :-)