You are so beautiful to me
I felt Danny's eyes on me as soon as I entered the buzzing living room at the former President Bartlet's estate in New Hampshire. It was just before Christmas and we were invited to spend the last weekend before Christmas at the Bartlet farm. Today we would share happy news. I was pregnant. We would become parents. I had never felt as proud and happy as I did walking towards Danny who stood in the opposite part in the crowded room.
Even though I tried to hide it, a slight rounding could be detected, but only if seen from a specific angle. But that was not all I was trying to hide. A pretty grand emerald cut diamond engagement ring sat on the fourth of my left hand's fingers.
The room was almost filled with people. Laughter and talk filled the room. I saw Abbey's eyes smiling at me. I smiled back. She nodded towards Danny and I nodded back. She knew what was about to happen.
We arrived last night. It was not meant to be like that, but Abbey and Jed insisted. They both knew I was pregnant. Abbey had found out at the fundraising gala and Jed just recently, when he had confronted her about the frequent and hushed phone calls to California. One night he had asked Abbey flat out if I was pregnant since we spoke almost daily. It somehow reminded him of the many and more than once daily phone calls she made to Ellie during her pregnancy. She confirmed his suspicion and after that he called us at 1.00 am to say congratulations.
The daily phone calls started out as part medical advice part emotional support but recently it had become mostly support and motherly advice. And I loved it.
When we arrived last night Jed drew me into a hug.
"Claudia Jean, it's so good to see you again" He pulled back and looked at my stomach. We all laughed. His eyes asked the question and I nodded. He put his one hand on my stomach while supporting himself on the cane with the other.
"Hey kid, you are the luckiest kid in the world. You'll have the best parents in the world." As he spoke a tear escaped my eye. Danny noticed and put his hand around my waist as he quickly kissed the tear away.
Abbey who had trouble keeping her own tears at bay ushered us into the living room where they sat down. Abbey and I went in first, talking and laughing, the mood turning light and humorous again.
The men behind us. Jed put his hand on Danny shoulder and said:
"So Danny, when will you make an honorable woman out of our CJ?" The conversation between the Abbey and I stopped immediately and my head snapped up.
"Uhmmm. Sir, I kinda…" Danny felt his cheek redden. He knew how the President felt about things like these. And in some way he had already taken care of that, when he asked me to marry him last night. But we had decided to keep it a secret for a little while. So Danny felt a dilemma coming on.
But I knew that Danny would never share our secret and just take the President's fatherly teasing and serious hits to heart, so I moved to my future husband's side, put my arm around his waste, grabbed his right hand with my left and gave it a small squeeze before saying:
"Well, Mr. President he already has".
The words made a smile that lit up my entire face appear on my face, and the healthy glow that I spotted from the pregnancy seemed even more radiant than before.
Abbey who had sat down jumped up and started talking and clapping. The President shook hands with Danny as Danny reached into the inner pocket of his blazer and withdrew the engagement ring I had worn until we parked outside the front door a couple of minutes ago.
He slipped it back on my finger and gave me a kiss that was a bit inappropriate considering we were not alone. The sound of the President clearing his throat made us jump apart. But we were only met by happy smiling faces.
And now I was walking towards Danny in a room filled with the people I loved. I was about to announce both our engagement and my pregnancy. I had been upstairs getting ready around two hours before the other guests would arrive and felt a bit tired. Danny told me to take a nap and come down whenever I felt like it. He went downstairs after he pulled a blanket to cover me. He kissed me and closed the door just as I fell asleep. I woke an hour and twenty minutes later and heard people talking in the foyer. The sound of Josh's voice somehow made it all the way up here. I smiled and got up. I slipped into a knee long dress. It was emerald green and flowed loosely around my legs but clung to my upper body including my lower abdomen. It had a v-neck and un top of the fabric several broad silky strings went from under my bust over my shoulders to collect on my back bellow my shoulder blades. I wore small diamond teardrop shaped earrings and a pair of low heals in the same color as my dress. I saw people looking at me and smiling. I waved at Carol and Ginger. I gave Margaret a quick hug, as she had to hurry to the bathroom.
I looked back at Danny and saw his eyes looking at me with love and a huge smile. He looked so proud and happy. I felt happy too. And maybe a bit warm. Suddenly I saw his eyes change from happiness to concern. He was saying something, I could see his mouth moving and I say others turn at look in my direction as his mouth opened again as in a scream. I wondered why until I felt myself slowly sinking to the floor. The last thing I heard before everything went dark and I collapsed was Danny calling out to me as I felt two pair of hands grabbing me so I didn't hit the floor with full force.
If I had been conscious I would have witnessed a room go from laugher and small talk into chaos and yelling.
Danny almost knocked Ed and Larry down on his way over to me. Donna and Josh had been on their way to say hello and had been the ones who caught me when I collapsed. Abbey came running.
"What happened?" she demanded to know.
"I don't know" Danny said confusion and panic evident in his voice.
"She just suddenly collapsed and then we tried to…wait a minute" Donna noticed the slight rounding and seemed to panic. Jed noticed.
"Ok everyone go to the dining room or library now. Danny, Donna and Josh you can stay" The President said in his old "I'm your commander in chief" voice. Everyone immediately started clearing the room.
Josh just sat there holding my head in his lap. He had noticed my engagement ring, but knew this was not the time to comment. So he gave Danny's shoulder a squeeze and moved for Danny to sit in his place.
I started to move slightly as I regained consciousness.
"Danny" my voice sounded weak and confused.
"I'm here darling, just try and open your eyes" Danny leaned down and kissed me slightly on the forehead.
Abbey was checking my vital signs as I suddenly moaned out in pain.
"CJ tell me where it hurts" Abbey had switched into doctor mode as soon as she had seen me swaying before I collapsed.
"Oh no" I cried out as her hand came down to my stomach area.
"Please someone do something!" Danny was clearly panicking as I started to drift off again. Abbey gave Jed a look that said everything and he grabbed Danny's arm to calm him down.
"Danny she'll be alright, but you panicking wont do her anything good. We already called the paramedics they'll be here in a couple of minutes." Jed tried to calm Danny but felt himself panicking as he saw Abbey examining me. She pressed lightly on my lower abdomen. And I screamed out in pain.
Abbey checked to see if I was hemorrhaging but there was no blood, which was at least comforting.
"Danny I'm so sorry" I said before the pain stabbed through me again like sharp needles.
"Shhhshhh" he tried to stop me from talking because he saw it caused me further pain.
"CJ listen to me have you had any pain before today?" Abbey was asking me and I tired to remember.
"I'm not sure, maybe" I tried to remember.
"This is very important Claudia Jean. Can you remember for me?" Abbey asked.
I thought back. Actually I had felt a little sore the last two days, well after last night and out lovemaking following the proposal I also felt sore, but figured it was part of extensive lovemaking when you're pregnant. I didn't tell Danny. He would have worried and blamed himself. I had felt nauseous earlier today and threw up after breakfast but I passed it off as morning sickness even though I had not been very touched by that.
The pain was getting stronger and my pulse was rapidly increasing. Just then the 911-call ambulance arrived. When the paramedics lifted me onto the stretcher I cried out for Danny.
"I'm here and I'm not going anywhere" Danny told me, as he held my hand and wiped away a stray of clammy hair from my forehead.
In the next room Donna and Bonnie held each other's hands and cried.
As Danny sat by my side in the ambulance he felt the entire world crashing down around him. CJ had been given a small sedative before they departed for the hospital and was almost asleep. Danny had shared what the trained paramedics and on-call nurse who came along already noticed. CJ was pregnant.
As he watched the snowy landscape outside the ambulance fly by he listened to the radio playing a song that almost cut his heart to pieces.
Suddenly he felt someone lightly touching his arm.
"Sir, we are approaching the hospital." It was the nurse, she had tried to get his attention for almost two minutes.
As the ambulance pulled up in front of the hospital he said a small prayer. Anything that would save her. In one small second he didn't care about the baby, all that mattered was CJ.
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You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to me
Can't you see?
You're everything I hoped for
You're everything I need
You are so beautiful to me
Such joy and happiness you bring
Such joy and happiness you bring
Like a dream
A guiding light that shines in the night
Heavens gift to me
You are so beautiful to me
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