Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me.

Someone dared me to continue the story. So here I am.

"Oh Pippin DAAARRLING!" The Uruk-Hai says in a sexy voice.

"Get away from me, you ... you ... Uruk-Hai!" Pippin shouts.

"AHHH! Gandalf, do something!!" Merry screams.

Gandalf mumbles to himself while thinking of a plan. Meanwhile, the Uruk-Hai picks up Pippin and gives him a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

"AHHHHHHHH!" shouts Pippin, "She kissed me! AHH! I'm going to die. I'm going to get infected by a deadly disease, I'm going to faint ..."

Pippin promptly faints.

Uruk-Hai looks aghast, "No! What's wrong with my darling?"

Uruk-Hai puts Pippin gently on the ground and bends over him.

"What are you trying to do?" Merry shouted.

"He's fainted. I'm going to give him mouth to mouth resuscitation." Says the Uruk-Hai.

Merry shakes Gandalf's robe and urges him to do something. Gandalf continues to mutter to himself. The Uruk-Hai leans close to Pippin and opens her mouth.

"I'm going to save you now, darling." The Uruk-Hai says.

The Uruk-Hai brings her mouth closer to Pippin's and suddenly, his eyes snap open and the first thing that greets his eyes are the big red puckered lips of the Uruk-Hai.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"OH Pippin Darling, you're awake!"

"Your breath pulled me back to consciousness." Pippin muttered and runs away from the Uruk-Hai.

Meanwhile, Frodo and Sam are on their way to visit Merry and Pippin. They see the Uruk-Hai.

"Don't worry Mr. Frodo. I'll get him."

Sam courageously runs to the Uruk-Hai and uses his pan to knock between the legs of the Uruk-Hai.

"It's no use!" Merry shouts, "It's female!"

Finally, Gandalf seems to be alive again. He grabs the pan from Sam and knocks the head of the Uruk-Hai. The Uruk-Hai yelled and fainted on the floor.

"Can I kill her now, Gandalf?" asks Pippin.

"The Uruk-Hai cannot be destroyed that way." Gandalf says and takes out a sword.

He drives the sword in and out of the Uruk-Hai's body.

"She's still breathing." Pippin shudders.

"Exactly. This is a problem I cannot solve. We need to seek to council of Elrond." Gandalf said.

"Excuse me Gandalf," says Frodo, "But are you suggesting that we lug this big unconscious thing to Rivendell?"

"Well, uh ... The four of you are pretty strong right?"

"Of course! I can carry many things at once." Sam boasts, "I remember the last time, I was carrying Mr. Frodo and ..."

"Shut up Sam!" Frodo scolds, "Or I'll make you carry the Uruk-Hai yourself."

"We could use the Middle Earth Express ..." Merry suggests.

"Middle Earth Express?"

"Remember the advertisement?" Merry asks.

Flashback of advertisement

An orc is shown sleeping and sucking his thumb. The audience then realizes that the orc is in a crate. The crate is on the back of an Oliphaunt. The camera zooms in on the label on the crate.

It writes: "Middle Earth Express. Delivers anything, anywhere."

End of flashback

"All right then!" Gandalf says, "Let's use that then."

"I heard it's not cheap ..." Pippin says slowly.

"You kissed the frog, you pay." The rest declares.

"But ... but ..."

"No buts," Gandalf says, "I'm going to call the company now. The rest of you, prepare to set off to Rivendell."

One day later in Rivendell ...

"A large package has arrived."

"Who is it for?"

"I wonder what's inside."

"Let me pass!" says a loud voice.

The elves gives way for Arwen, who stands in front of the package and peers at it curiously.

"It must be for me!" Arwen says excitedly, "A present from Aragorn! Yes, yes, it must be!"

Arwen tries to open the crate.

"Do you need help?" Asks an elf standing next to her.

"NO!" Arwen says, "It's my present! Mine! My own! My precious!"

Elf looks at her as if she is mad and backs away slowly.

Arwen finally opens the safety gadget on the crate and slowly lifts up the lid.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

TBC