Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me.

this chappie won't be as funny, i think.

Aragorn is happily riding with Legolas, Gimli, Boromir and Faramir when an ear splitting scream sounds through the whole of middle earth.

"Arwen!" Aragorn says in panic and ride away in the other direction.

The rest of his companions sighs.

"This is the six thousandth four hundred and ninety third time he's done this." Faramir complains.

"Good math," Boromir says

"Let me guess, Lady Arwen couldn't find her shoes." Gimli says

"I bet she saw a spider." Legolas says.

"Or an Uruk-Hai." Gimli chuckles.

AHHHHHHH!

Arwen continues to scream at the top of her lungs. The Uruk-Hai groans and sticks her hand outside the crate, places it on Arwen's shoe and presses it, thinking it is the alarm clock.

"Ahhhh!" Arwen screams, "That thing TOUCHED my shoes. Ahhhhh!"

The Uruk-Hai opens her eyes and slowly sits up.

"Where am I?" The Uruk-Hai asks.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Oh, so it's you making the noise." The Uruk-Hai says and walks towards Arwen, "You know, a long long long long time ago when I was still an elf, I used to be as pretty as you are. Even prettier I think."

Arwen stops screaming, looks into the Uruk-Hai's ugly face and punches her.

Uruk-Hai falls back into the crate. Aragorn arrives.

"Darling Arwen, are you all right?"

"Oh Aragorn." Arwen says in a sugary, honeyed, candied, sweetened voice, "I'm so glad you're here."

Arwen then points at Uruk-Hai vehemently, "SHE! She tried to kill me."

Aragorn unsheathes Anduril and walks towards the Uruk-Hai. Just as he approaches, the Uruk-Hai springs up from the crate and wrap her arms around Aragorn. "Hi Handsome!"

Arwen looks as if she's about to faint, "First Eowyn, now ..."

BOX! BOX! BOX! STABBITY STABBITY STAB!

One month later ...

Gandalf, Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry arrive in Rivendell.

"What took you so long?" Elrond asks angrily.

"Do our hobbit legs look very long to you?" Merry retorts.

Elrond turns to Gandalf, "You should have carried them!"

"Do you think I'm Sam?" Gandalf says, "And does my back look very strong to you?"

Elrond mutters incoherently to himself.

"Has the package arrived?" Pippin asks.

"Very much earlier than you did." Elrond replies.

"See, see," Pippin says, "We shouldn't have used the super duper express service! What a waste of my money!"

"That Uruk-Hai caused a lot of trouble." Elrond says.

"Like?"

"Like, seducing Aragorn, making Arwen so mad she tried to kill both the Uruk-Hai and Aragorn."

"WHAT?"

"The Uruk-Hai's locked up in her crate. Arwen and Aragorn are not talking to each other." Elrond said, "You must be tired. But if you think I'm going to let you rest after all that trouble, DREAM ON! Follow me now."

Everyone seat themselves. Those present are Elrond, Arwen, Aragorn (who's lying on a stretcher because Arwen tried to stab him), Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, Faramir, Gandalf, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam, and random elves, dwarves and human. All of them are sitting in a circle. In the middle is a big table and a big crate lies there.

"Once again, a great danger threatens middle earth," Elrond says seriously.

Everyone starts talking at the same time. Elrond stands up, and looks at Pippin, "Would you please open the crate?"

"WHAT? ME?"

Under Elrond's fierce glare, Pippin reluctantly opens the crate. Everyone gasps at the sight of the Uruk-Hai.

"This Uruk-Hai was once turned into a frog and would forever remain thus, if not for Pippin, who kissed the frog." Elrond says.

"Fool of a Took," says Gandalf.

"You kissed a frog. WAHAHAHAHAHA!" Arwen starts laughing and slaps the table.

Unfortunately, the thing she slapped was not a table, but Aragorn's leg, which is set on a cast after being stabbed continuously by Arwen. Aragorn's face turns green, but he dares not scream aloud. Arwen continues slapping and slapping. Aragorn pukes blood and faints.

"What's worse, this Uruk-Hai cannot be killed. It is created in the fires of Mount Doom and only there can it be destroyed." Elrond continues.

"This sounds familiar," Frodo says.

The Uruk-Hai yawns and awakens. "What time is it?"

Pippin quickly hides behind Legolas' chair. The Uruk-Hai rises and looks around. Her gaze settles on Legolas.

"Oooh! Hunky elf!" She dashes towards him and puts her arms around him and is about to give him a wet slobbery kiss.

"Er ... excuse me miss Uruk-Hai, but isn't your lover supposed to be Pippin?" Legolas reminds.

"Oh ... oh ... you're right." The Uruk-Hai says, "I shouldn't be unfaithful. Too bad though, you're so kissable."

The Uruk-Hai spots Pippin, "DAARRLING!"

Pippin screams and runs away. Uruk-Hai runs after him. Both runs out of sight.

"We need someone to destroy the Uruk-Hai," Elrond says, "Frodo, will you do us the honour?"

"WHAT? AGAIN?"

"Well, you did a good job with the ring ..."

"Well, at least the ring was desirable, small and portable," Frodo says, "HELLO, that Uruk-Hai is huge, and NON-PORTABLE. You want me to DRAG her to Mordor? Or HANG her round my neck like I did with the ring?"

"At least nobody will try to steal the Uruk-Hai like they did with the ring," Elrond muttered, "considering her looks ..."

"I'm not doing it!" Frodo says, "Why me anyway? It's all Pippin's fault."

"True," Elrond says.

Pippin whizzes past them, the Uruk-Hai hot on his heels.

"Pippin!" Frodo shouts, "Elrond just chose you to be the uh ...Uruk-Hai bearer."

Pippin freezes on the spot. Uruk-Hai smiles in glee, picks him up and kisses him.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TBC