Dsiclaimer: The Lord of the Rings doesn't belong to me.
"Pippin can't go alone, of course," Elrond says, "He needs some companions."
Everybody start leaving the place.
"STOP!" Elrond commands, "Who volunteers to go with Pippin?"
There is total silence.
"Merry? Say something. You're my best friend." Pippin urges.
"Who says I'm your best friend?" Merry says.
Pippin starts to wail loudly, the Uruk-Hai hugs him and almost squeeze him to death, "Don't worry darling, I'll be your friend."
Pippin wails even louder.
"Well since nobody is saying anything. I choose ... Frodo ..." Elrond starts to say.
"WHAT? Why don't you go yourself?" Frodo says.
"Someone with high intelligence has to stay in Rivendell," Elrond says and continues, "Sam, Merry, Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and Boromir."
"WHAT? AGAIN?"
"High intelligence? My foot!" Gimli retorts.
"Your foot stinks Gimli," Merry says.
"I'm old! I'm old! How can you make a poor old man travel on such a perilous journey." Gandalf protests.
"Look, this looks like history is repeating itself. And I DON'T WANT TO DIE TWICE!!" Boromir shouts.
Legolas tries to sneak away, but the Uruk-Hai shouts, "Look, the hunky elf is going."
Legolas glares at the Uruk-Hai and tries to catch hold of Pippin to strangle him. Pippin ducks and hides between the Uruk-Hai's leg and circles the Uruk-Hai to catch Pippin.
"Oooh. Why are you circling me?" The Uruk-Hai asks, "Don't tell me ... you've fallen for me. Ohohohohoho."
Legolas rolls his eyes. He rolled it too much and faints.
"Ooohh! Another one needing mouth to mouth resuscitation." The Uruk-Hai cries.
Gimli has to quickly drag Legolas away.
"Mr. Frodo, if you're going, I'm coming along too." Sam says.
"I don't want to go!" Frodo cries and starts stamping his feet.
"All of you have to go, whether you like it or not." Elrond says.
"I'll inform Strider he has to come along too." Pippin says.
Pippin walks over to Aragorn, who is still unconscious from Arwen's beatings. Pippin tugs at Aragorn's sleeves. Aragorn yawns and wakes up.
"Yes?"
"Elrond says you're coming with us to destroy the Uruk-Hai."
"WHAT? Look at my leg! Look at it! Does it look well to you? Does it? And you want me to go on some stupid errand??"
The Uruk-Hai sees that Aragorn is conscious, she walks over to him and puts her arms around him, "Oh, You're all right!"
Aragorn pushes the Uruk-Hai away, only to see Arwen holding a knife and having a demonic look on her face.
"AHHHH! I'll go! I'll go! I'm not staying in Rivendell!"
"I mustn't lose to Aragorn. I'm going too!" Boromir says.
"Since Aragorn is going, I'll go too," Legolas finally says, "He's going to be the done doing all the work anyway. No worries for me."
"HEY!" Aragorn shouts, "I'm not going anymore ..." Aragorn sees the glint from the knife, "I mean, I'm going!"
Arwen raises the knife and stabs it into Aragorn's left leg. (The one that was previously unscathed)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
"Why do you want to go on the journey with the Uruk-Hai? Do you like her better than me?" Arwen asks and the knife plunges down again.
Aragorn faints. Elrond has to quickly sedate Arwen and bring her to her room.
"Does this one need mouth to mouth too?" The Uruk-Hai says, looking eagerly at Aragorn.
Fed up, Boromir takes a plaster and plastered her mouth.
"Legolas is going. I'm going too!" Gimli said, "Can't let elves take credit for the destruction of the Uruk-Hai."
Pippin turns to Frodo, "Please go. Please please please. I'll give you anything you want. Pipe weed, money, a pretty wife, bananas, whatever. I'll give you anything."
"Did you just say bananas?" Frodo asks, "How'd you know I love bananas?"
"I'll give you all the bananas you want. You can eat it till you go bananas."
"Fine. Sam, we're going. I'm not the Uruk-Hai bearer anyway."
"I promised Bilbo I'll keep two eyes on Frodo," Gandalf says slowly, "Stupid! Why did I make such a promise! I've no choice but to go too."
"Only Merry is left. Merry, will you go?" Elrond asks.
"Puh-lease Merry. Go with us!" Pippin begs.
"Ok then." Merry says, "But you'll have to listen to everything I say during this whole journey."
"Ok, whatever." Pippin says.
"Ooooh! Finally my famous line!" Elrond says in excitement, jumping up and down and giggling, "You are officially known as The Fellowship of the Ring! Yay!"
"WHAT?"
"I mean ... the Fellowship of the Uruk-Hai."
The Uruk-Hai finally manages to peel the plaster away from her mouth, yowling in pain as bits of her moustache were stuck to the plaster.
""Where are we going anyway?" The Uruk-Hai asks.
"We're going to destroy y ..." Pippin starts to say.
"You and Pippin are going on a honeymoon. The rest here will be your escorts." Elrond quickly cuts in.
"A honeymoon? Oh Pippin, you shouldn't have ..." The Uruk-Hai's eyes misted with tears and she picks up Pippin and kisses him.
"I'm never going to kiss anyone ever again!" Pippin shouts, "Not even the prettiest hobbit in the Shire!"
TBC