Ello, my yellow monkeys. We left Lily in her plight to find Ruth…

-&-

The first thing Ruth said to me when she saw me was, "Get away from me, you skinny little bitch."

The bitch I could handle.

The little I could handle (I am a measly little lass… Only 5"3).

But the skinny, was a different thing. I loved my curves.

The operative word being loved.

Except for my boobs, I'm now like a board. AND I HATE IT.

I don't care what they tell you in Vogue or Vanity Fair, or whatever.

Guys like girls who are hippy.

And I am no longer hippy.

Give me two weeks, and I will be.

But, even so, it hurt.

"It's not my fault!" I cried.

"Yes it is, you… You… strumpet!" she screamed.

My mouth dropped.

See? This is how much Ruth and I are alike. We use each other's words.

"Oh, yeah? Well you're a bantam insipid panda!"

I never said my insults are good.

"You're a WHORE! How could you kiss James when I said I loved him?" she screamed.

"Oh, PLEASE." I said, "You hardly know the guy…"

"I KNOW HIM BETTER THAN YOU!" and with that, she was off again, running into the depths of the school.

And I was left standing there, and suddenly…

I fainted…

(Just kidding… This is what actually happened)

And I was left standing there, and suddenly…

Daria was behind me, her hand on my shoulder, as she said, "If your, like, friendship can't survive that, is it really, like, valuable?"

She was right, you know.

If James could come in between my best friend and me, was that friend worth having at all?

I nodded vaguely, and Daria said hesitantly, "Let's get you back to the hospital… Take my jacket and, like, wrap it around your waist. Everyone can see your ass, you know."

I gladly took her jumper, and she lead a very dazed me back to the hospital gently.

She put me delicately into my bed, and then started talking softly, in a very low voice, to both James and Sirius, so that I could not hear.

My mind was spinning, anywise.

…Ruth?

RUTH?

Ruth had turned into… Into one of those girls.

I'm tired.

My stomach rumbled.

Why is everything spinning?

-&-

Le sigh. Apparently the room was spinning because of my malnourished state… How could Pommie just forget to feed me?

I mean, honestly.

Even I remember to feed myself.

I'm eating my trusty mashed potatoes right now. I only really ever eat mashed potatoes and pies. And the occasional lasagna square.

But that's just me. It's not like that's all they serve here.

It's just that I used to work at this real one-star diner, where everything was either mold-ridden or covered in cockroaches. It put me off most foods. Like, I can't eat peanut butter because everytime I even go near it, I remember the smeared, congealed peanut butter all over the sink. Ecccchk.

Potter has to take me for an 'outing' later on. I know, an outing.

He's basically putting me in a wheelchair, and wheeling me around the grounds.

Potter is thrilled about this, God knows why. I think he sees it as "bonding time".

"Are you all wrapped up?" Madame Pomfrey clucked (Well, not really, because that would just be terribly odd, wouldn't it? I meant in the mother hen kind of way).

"Yes," I admitted sullenly, because I was so wrapped up I looked like I had easily gained the weight I had lost.

"Wow!" Potter exclaimed as he walked in, "Is there a Lily in there?"

"Shut up, Potter," I said angrily, "It's not my fault. They bound me tightly to the chair so I couldn't escape."

Well, that was one of the reasons, anyway.

Potter put his hands up, "I'm not here to judge."

"Yes, you're here to be my wheeler," I said.

Madame Pomfrey muttered something to Potter, and then left.

"Now, wheel!" I commanded imperiously.

"Fine, fine," Potter said, smirking as he grabbed the back of my wheelchair and started to wheel me down into the grounds.

The afternoon sun was amazing. I hadn't seen one like it in years. It was so golden, and it sparked in such a way that it illuminated off the fall leaves.

Wow. I just went poetic on your sorry asses. Didja mind it much?

The air was cold, and I was secretly happy I was so rugged up. But you wouldn't catch me saying that out loud.

"Potter, wheel me that way!" I demanded, one of my arms finally escaping from the sheets.

"You're just lucky I love you," Potter muttered, supposedly to himself.

I guess I am, but don't tell anyone I said that.

-&-

I've pissed off God.

That had to be it.

"Sorry," I mumbled to God as I sat on my bed, picking at the lint on the doona.

Potter won't leave me alone.

He comes in, in between classes, at lunch and dinner and breakfast, on all his gap classes, every afternoon…

To tell you the truth, it's actually rather depressing.

Because I've been thinking a lot, and I know that even if Ruth was still my friend, not even she would have gone to the strenuous lengths Potter is to please me.

Until now.

Potter was by my side, reading me the criteria for our next exam. I had ordered him to, so that I wouldn't actually have to make conversation with him. It's working like a charm.

So anyway, Ruth came slinking through the Hospital Doors, doing the prowl-walk she does when she's trying to pick up boys, and wearing that low cut T-shirt that we dubbed her, "Man Catcher".

She was trying to steal Potter.

MY Potter.

She can find her own slave, thank you very much.

So she came right up to my bed, which was when I realized she stunk of that pungent perfume that was called Lust or Poison or something weird, and gave me this big hug, making sure Potter copped an eyeful of cleavage.

Potter and I exchanged a look behind her back. I'm pretty sure he was scared out of his wits. Not to be mean or anything, it just looked like it.

"Lily," she said, in that voice she uses when she's trying to manipulate someone - I know her too well to be sucked in, "I'm sorry we had that stupid little insignificant fight over Jamesie. Let's be friends again, hey darl?"

She dragged 'darl' over five syllables, so it sounded more like 'darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl'.

"Um," I said hesitantly, not being able to believe what I was going to say next, "Actually, darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, I've been thinking, and if our friendship couldn't survive something as small as Potter" - Potter threw me an indignant look - "Then what kind of friendship was it?"

"That's exactly what Daria said," exclaimed Ruth, unaware of my subtle mocking, "Come on, let's not do this."

"No!" I said, reverting back to my days as a five year old, and burrowing under the sheets, "Go away!"

Potter came to my rescue, "Hey, Ruth, maybe you should leave. Lily's still weak and she doesn't need any added stress…"

"Ok," Ruth said, sighing, "James, could you walk me back to the common room?"

But there was no way I was letting her take away my minion.

"No, Ruth, walk there yourself. Potter's helping me read." I said, grabbing Potter's wrist protectively.

"Lily, surely you can read by yourself," Ruth said, with a fake, tinkly laugh.

WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO HER?

"No!" I said, again becoming the five year old me, "Potter's going to help me. Leave Ruth."

Suddenly, Ruth wasn't acting so nice any more, "Or what, Lily? You're going to pound me? Puh-lease, you're so thin now, I'd be shocked if any one wanted you, especially James…"

"Aiiie!" I yelled, attempting to pounce Ruth.

I was stopped by Potter, though, who caught me in mid flight.

"Ruth, leave," He said firmly, "You're just aggravating her."

Ruth's eyes teared up, and she left quickly.

I hit Potter.

I know, aren't I just overly violent?

But in a cute, rabid panda way.

"Why'd you stop me! I could have trounced her!" I said indignantly.

Potter chuckled, "Firstly, Lily, she has six inches on you. Secondly, she's at least twenty pounds heavier than you are. And, thirdly, you're all frail at the moment."

He was right, though. He was no longer wincing when I hit him, which was never a good sign.

I could always bite.

Huffily, I sat down and listened to Potter begin reading me the criteria, all over again, "Criterion A, For an O: Work is extremely well done, the student is accomplished and has meticulous knowledge of subject…"

The problem was…

Potter's all I've got right now.

And that's so depressing…

Listen up, yo. I've got a bit of an upset. I've just found out the reason I was sick was because I am both lactose and gluten intolerant. This basically means nothing worth eating is edible. I keep trying to (unwittingly) defy my allergy, but to no avail.

XPreppyxInxPinkx: I know what you mean. Zippers on bras just seem wrong. We grew up with uncomfortable bras with hooks, and that's how we'll DIE! Oh, and while we're sharing, when a boy asked me out once and I was staring at his head because he had LICE, he said, "So how about it?" and without thinking I said, "No thanks, I don't like lice." I looked like a total bitch, and the ironic thing was I wasn't trying to be.

Alex202: Yes, my story is rather strange. I like to call it 'unique' rather then just plain insane. Heh, that rhymes… Plain and insane, I mean, not unique and insane. I'm not illiterate… much.

Renee: I am random. So is Lily. Lily and I would be good friends. But the weird thing is, I don't mean to be random. It's just that I'm always hyper and full of nervous energy, and I can never stand still. In fact, right now I'm multi tasking (Assuring my friend that she's not fat, watching Veronica Mars and typing this). But I got off track: I go a mile a minute, and think that way too, which usually throws people off in the conversation. They say it's endearing.

Flower: Lol! Smiley, smiley.

Youkaigirl64: I think this was a slower paced chapter, with less of the laughing ass off factor (LAOL). It was more productive towards the James/Lily front.

GoddessoftheMaaN: First of all, your name is really cool. Well, atleast I think so. My opinion isn't really vaild because I'm insane.

LilyFlowerr: There's a bit of Sirius next chapter, but he's not hilarious or dashing or anything. He's mainly used as comic relief, and I think that there's more than enough comic relief, what with Lily being infected with rabies of the brain and all.

Love you, my parka-clad trendsetters,

Trapped Rabbit