Hello. Now here's the part you guys don't actually read, where I complain about my life, etc.: I have two new stories. Another James and Lily oneth, And Then I Remember, And a first of its kind (!), So This, Justin Finch-Fletchey and Hannah Abbot. So cute!

I also recently realized I haven't done one of these for a while…

Disclaimer: If I were J. K. Rowling, I would definitely be here, on fanfiction, instead of rolling around in my big pool of cash. And if you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic… Heh.

-&-

Rustle.

Crap.

WHO DARES WAKE UP LILY EVANS?

Oh, Potter's talking to his friends…

I'll pretend to sleep, and eavesdrop.

Heh heh.

I am soooo diabolically evil.

"…You've been spending way too much time with her, Prongs," whispered Black.

"Yeah!" Pettigrew, "We know you love her, but that's no reason to ditch us every blinking five minutes!"

Who says blinking?

Honestly.

"Look, guys…," came Potter's voice, "You just don't understand. She's so … special."

Awww, shucks.

"I can understand that she had a good ass, and now she's really thin and looks just as hot…" Black said, in a supposedly reasoning manner, "But, honestly, would you just think about it? There's plenty of hot girls just dying to go out with you…"

WHY DO I FEEL JEALOUS!

If you like me even a smidgen, you will kill me now.

"I don't want them, though, I want Lily," Potter said furiously.

"She's muggle trash!" said Pettigrew, and before I knew it, I was pouncing on him.

I know, violence isn't the answer, ya dee ya dee ya.

But it was this time, and I felt good as my hand connected with Pettigrew's face.

"You're muggle too!" I said angrily, as Potter pulled me off Pettigrew, with ease.

"She hurt my face a bit!" Pettigrew squeaked indignantly, "She hit me!"

"Oh, please, Wormtail," snapped Potter, "she's been hitting me all day. It doesn't hurt at all."

Pettigrew sniffed, "I only said it hurt a bit."

I glared at him, "I am not trash, you homosexual reptile."

Potter laughed, as did Lupin and Black.

Pettigrew colored cherry.

"I think we should leave," said Lupin, "We don't want to over-stress Lily. You know what Madame Pomfrey said."

"So Pommie didn't get fired?" I asked happily.

"Nope," Potter replied, "When they heard you didn't want her fired they just-"

"That's bullshit!" Black exclaimed, "You got your dad to put in a good word for Madame Pomfrey!"

Potter kicked Sirius, "Uh… Well, yeah, I did, but still…"

"You'd do that for Madame Pomfrey?" I asked, touched on behalf of her.

-&-

It was Ruth who was next to me, shoving me roughly as I tried in vein to pretend I was asleep.

"Vamplurchsh," I mumbled, swatting at her hands sleepily, "Quit it."

But she didn't let up. If anything, in fact, she pushed harder.

I sat up morosely, suddenly, "What!"

Ruth was wearing a too tight T-shirt. She used to make fun of people who wore things like that. Her torso looked like a muffin top, I was aggrieved to admit.

She put her hands onto her hips, in what I presumed was supposed to be a threatening manner, "Look, Lily, just tell me straight up: Do you love Potter as much as I do?"

"You don't love him," I replied flatly, lying back down onto my bed and closing my already drooping eyes.

"Yes I do!" cried Ruth, poking me with one of her very pointy fingernails, "Now, tell me if you love him."

"Well, he is a good minion…" I mumbled into my pillow, "And he is quite good-looking…"

"Mhmmm," agreed Ruth.

Going to sleep, I muttered, "You stay away from my Potter-lackey."

Ruth shoved me again, "Lily!"

"What!" I said, irked.

"Back off Potter, ok?" she said warningly.

"No way," I said, fully awake, "Potter is mine. Mine. Get your own slave!"

Ruth hit me. Hard.

Oh, it was so on.

But before I could fully leap onto Ruth, Madame Pomfrey came into the room, and indignantly said to Ruth, "Miss Verandas, get out – right now!"

Ruth walked away sulkily, throwing me one last, angry look.

I poked my tongue out.

I know, real mature.

Pommie is like my new minion. As she said, she's "eternally grateful" for my not wanting to get her fired.

But, I mean, I still remember when I fell off my broom, and Madame Pomfrey yelled at me for being so stupid. It made me feel like she cared.

So now I have Potter and Pommie: Lily Lackeys. Heh.

As like on cue, Potter came in, grinning, with flowers…

Flowers. Potter. Flowers.

I know.

"These are for you," he said, handing them over to me.

"Who are they from?" I asked, hoping they weren't from Potter.

"Me!" Potter said, still grinning, as he stooped over and kissed me.

"QUIT DOING THAT!" I yelled, hitting him on the head.

Potter's smirk widened, as he sat down on the end of my hospital bed, "I've been assigned."

"Assigned? To what? St. Mungo's head injuries?"

"No," he said, "To help you catch up on homework. Every day after school, every Saturday…"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed, so loudly that Pommie came out, with a very worried expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" Pommie asked.

"Nothing," Potter said, chuckling.

LAUGH IT UP, CHUCKLES.

"Starting now," Potter said, and handed me the first text book.

I took a long, deep, suffering breath, "Let's do this thing."

"The Polidiem Charm is a very powerful and resolute one, which can cause the recipient to…"

-&-

Poor Lily. Will she ever realize her feelings for Potter (cue corny soap opera music)? Thanks for the reviews (In your face, world, I CAN get nine reviews out of one chapter!) but ya know what would be really nice? Ten reviews (hint, hint, nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more).

Onto Mah Personal Favourite Part Of My Job (If I had one… Which I don't… Heh.)

XPreppyxInxPink: At least you get to use laptops in English. We're given a stone and a carving tool and told to go sit facing the wall. Ok… Maybe that's not exactly how it happens, but it's pretty close.

Goddessofthemaan: I reviewed your story, by the way! It's really good, with the whole Lily disguising herself, et cetera.

Semi-crazywithalittlewierness: I know PMS isn't for one day… Lol, I'm not that stupid (…Or am I?). I just meant that Lily's peak of PMS, where she's at her craziest, only lasts for one day… Yup.

Youkaigirl64: Is You kai mean to be like U.K. as in Untied Kingdom? Or does it mean something completely different and I'm just usin' my overactive imagination? Sorry, I'm random.

Renee: You're not pathetic. Unless you're a forty something year old panda who lives in his parents' basement… I don't think you are, and I have the sneaking suspicion you're human.

Magequeen: I'm glad you find me hilarious! Thanks for the confidence boost .

LilyFlowerr: I've still got my allergy… Le sigh. I've been stressing about my birthday cake, because I won't be able to have one, and I won't be able to have an ice cream cake, either, so what will everyone eat? LENTILS? I haven't decided yet, but Lily may or may not become less stubborn next chapter…

Myhairiswierdandilikeit: Heh. Thank you for your encouragement to my wierdness.

Brianna Black: Thanks for the review. PS. Your story is friggin' hilarious.

Snuffles101: Lol! Thank you! Your Katie/Oliver story rocks, by the way. I'm a big fan of Katie/Oliver .

The Lilac Elf of Lothlorein: Thank you very much for calling my story wonderful. .

Well, I'm tired.

Over and out, my bristly penguins,

Trapped Rabbit.