Where we left ze Rabid Panda of the West...
The couple broke apart, and the black haired boy slowly turned around to look at me, his face flushed, his eyes...
Hazel.
It was James.
-&-
I felt my face turn red.
The world had stopped.
Everything around me was silent, or so it seemed.
James, the boy I had only just realizes I lo... Was here, with my arch enemy. And they were kissing.
I know I would normally hit. I know I would normally scratch, and bite, and poke, and wrestle, and kick.
But I didn't feel like I even wanted to. I didn't want to hurt James. I'd hurt him enough.
I...
I've done too much damage for our relationship to ever be normal... Ever again.
"What did you want to tell me, Lily?" James asked, looking suprised.
"It doesn't matter," I said, shaking my head, "It doesn't matter any more. Bye, James, I'll miss you."
It came out as more of a whisper, but James heard. He stood up quickly, Ruth falling off his lap and on to the floor (Take that you cow-whore-bitch-bumblebee-bedwetter-pants).
"Where are you going?" he asked, concern in his eyes...
"No where. But you are," I said.
I was talking metaphorically, of course. I mean, I wasn't going to like 'kill him' and make him go heaven. But you get what I mean, right? He's going away from me, drifting towards...
Ruth land.
"What?" James said, his forehead crinkiling.
Ok, obviously this guy has never been in any chick flicks. I mean, everyone knows that everything in chick flicks is confusing and underlying. Like you know the big headed kid in Jerry McGuire? He symbolizes Satan.
"Well," I said, "I guess it's just, you were in Lily Oceans, and you were bordering on getting acsess into the mainland, but obviously you'd rather be in Ruth's jungle of evil and... Monkeys."
"I'm really confused," James said, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"You know what?" I said, "It doesn't matter. Ruth, James, have fun. I guess I'll see you at tutoring on Monday, James..."
"Yeah, I guess so," he said, his forehead almost as crinkily now as... You know those chips, with the crinkles in them? Yeah, those.
"So... Bye," I said awkwardly, by turning away and heading straight towards the nearest hot guy who I had earlier dismissed because his eyes were a bit... What was it? Wonky?
They're not that bad.
"Hey, what's your name?" I said, smiling.
"Scotty. As in, very funny, Scotty, now beam me down my clothes," he said, smiling.
Wow, hot and crazy.
I like this guy.
"You're in my year, right?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said, nodding slightly.
"Want to go out next weekend? I think it's Hogsmeade," I said.
Yes, I realize this is a revenge date. But this guy is cute. He has brown hair. And his jokes are in the vicinity of medium to hot damn funny. He shall do for replacement Potter. Not that I'm replacing Potter. How could I? I mean, I never really had him in the first place.
"Sounds good," he said, "Pick you up from the Hospital Wing around Eight?"
"Sounds good," I repeated, smiling.
-&-
You know what, I could get to like Scotty. He just brought in a bunch of house elves to entertain me, and they're dancing and singing and generally having a shindig. I've got my head on his shoulder, and although it's kind of bony and hurting my ear, I enjoy this.
Our date went fine, thanks for asking.
Well, if fine means that it was absoultely dull, that is.
But Scotty's pretty cool.
His jokes are lame, mostly, and his eyes are wonky, but what am I going to do? The Undiluted Evil Ruth has got her pointy, pink talons sank deep, deep into James.
But if I keep going out with Scotty, there's the slim (And when I say slim, I mean anorexic. And not just, 'thin anorexic', I mean completely and utterly to the bones anorexic because slim is too much) chance he shall fall in love with me and my endearing rabies-infected charm. So I have to break up with him.
... Gee, don't seem too upset.
"Scotty..." I began, "Iduntinkweshulseeshovernnnmore."
"What?"
"Iduntinkweshulseeshovernnnmore."
"Slower and unslurred."
"I think your eyes are well adjusted and cool."
"Aw, thanks."
I am such a coward.
-&-
Weekly meetings with Potter are like having my skin ripped off slowly and agonizingly with searing hot tweezers of pain. Was that too graphic for you? Well grow up, because that's what it's like, Holme.
They're so emotionally painful, it physically hurts. My throat gets this lump when I sees him.
Maybe I'm allergic to him.
My God, that would be the perfect excuse.
Speaking of which...
"Hello, Potter," I said, smiling my thin-lipped smile which I smile at people who deserve its thin-lipped-ness.
"Hi, Lily. When you smile like that you look like a cute little gecko," he said, sitting down quickly and opening his textbook.
A gecko? What even is that?
Maybe it's like a hideous beast, and he's exploiting my un-knowed-ness... That is so not a word.
"Yeah.. Well, you look like a butt-faced pug, all the time!" I said.
James glanced up from his textbook, and then raised an eyebrow, "What ever happened to Good-Comeback-Lily?"
"She's on vacation, but your comeback is very important to her. She'll get back to you as soon as she falls off the face of the Earth. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep," I said.
"There she is," he said, chuckiling, "We better get stuck into this, I've got a date with Ruth at Seven."
"You're still seeing her?" I asked in disgust.
"Yeah, why?" James asked.
"She's like the spawn of... Satan, the Easter Bunny, and a camel combined."
"Satan, the Easter Bunny and a camel? I understand Satan, but the Easter Bunny and a camel? What's so evil about them?"
"Ok, number one," I started, "An Easter Bunny's faeces are 'chocolate' eggs which he then feeds to unsuspecting children... That ain't right. And number two, camel's spit, and are therefore concentrated evil."
"You spit," James commented.
"Yes, but Ruth isn't my spawn."
"Don't even get me started on Scotty," James said, looking back down at his textbook, eyebrows raised.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I demmanded.
"What? Nothing, except that... Haven't you noticed that one of his eyes is a little bit... crooked?" James asked.
"So it ISN'T just me!" I exclaimed, but then realized that would probably give James pleasure, I covered up bt saying, "It isn't just me who's realized your a man-bitch."
"Ouch, that hurt," James said, smirking, "At least I'm not going out with an alien."
"At least I'm not going out with a fat, obese, canckle-y evil poo!"
"Great comeback... I guess you win."
"I guess I do."
-&-
So... did you like it? I was in hysterics writing this, so... Yeah.
Ok, now I'm going to complain about my life. My website is in the shambles of awful, my dog is obese and hates me walking it, and my forshizzle is not mizzled, whatever the hell that means. I have a novel to write, which is due in eight days (If you're reading this, Lici, feel special!), and my hair just isn't as silky as it used to be. On the plus side, Peter Doherty is in jail, DJ AM is single, and my plans for massive world domination are comple- heh heh...
Onto the reviews of my Lily-lackey-lovers! Ahaha, I'm alliterive (And illiterate!)
GodessoftheMaaN: A-thank you, a-thank you very much.
youkaigirl64: I know! Can you beleive James!
Fallen-Angel189: There you go :).
Amber Tinted: Thanks for liking it. You're right, all girls are that wierd. Maybe that's why so many men are gay 0o.
LilyFlowerr: I admire your hate-ness of Ruth, because I very much hate her too. Jumping off a cliff... Seems too Days Of Our Lives for me. How about, she's like this mass murderer and she kills all these people my strangiling them with ... POLISH SAUSAGES!
GaryLovesPickles: Why, thank you.
xPreppyxInxPinkx: JTs a drug dealer? Cool. I always knew he would turn out cray-zay. It really IS amazing how many people want Ruth dead. I'm not really into burning faeces, but if you find someone who is, we may have a deal...
QueenNoisla: Is this soon enough?
mchintap: I'm so glad everyone sympathizes with poor Lily!
i luv Lupin AND Potter: Pah, sure, the broken computer. -JUST KIDDING!-. You're anti-James? Poor James is heartbroken!
Snuffles101: Hahaha, when I read your review I laughed because I was already cake-ful because of my little brothers birthday party... Which was a hoot (not). Picture a bunch of quasi-evil children rampaging loose on cake! It was not a pretty sight - escpecially for our poor neighbours cat!
Kute Anime Kitty: Here it is.
Renee: Thank you for the amazingly long review! It made me happy! I LOVE sims, but my guy keeps proposing to this BITCH who always rejects him, and then when I finally got them to have a kid it was so ugly I made it get sent to military camp! And - oh my god- apparently if you get Sims Hot Date, you can invite them back to their houses and then they have SEX! Or they "Play in Bed". Whatever.
.pumpkin.pie.forever.: 'Lo. I know, what is up with James? I made him do it, but not even I can beleive it!
Until next time, Taco Macho Men,
Trapped Rabbit.