Hi. Sorry for the longish wait. I am an evil, horrible person, and also, I just realized, I haven't done one of these for a while...

Disclaimer: I am JK Rowling, and this is my story.

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um..

Um...

Just kidding.

Now, on with the tale of Lily...

Out on an outing with my dear minion Scotty.

Bleugh.

I'm so bored I think I'll purposely get lice.

Just for something to do.

"I'm having lots of fun with you, Lily," Scotty said earnestly, his wonky eyes looking meaningfully into mine.

It's like his right eyes is melting off his face.

...It's disgusting.

"Ditto," I mumbled.

His face was leaning in. Ew! Ew!

Oh crap, he's going to try and kiss me again.

Better do some artful dodging...

"OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT OVER THERE!" I screamed.

"What? What?"

Sucker.

Heh heh heh.

"Oh... It was just a hippogriff. Well, phew, I'm really tired. And I still have some things to do with James..."

"Like what?"

Don't say snogging, don't say snogging.

"Sno-... Snow Panther Riding."

Good show, Lily.

You dissapoint me more and more each day.

I'm sorry.

I suppose I shall forgive you, but only if you dance... Go on DANCE! DANCE!

But I don't want to.

DO IT!

Clearing his throat, Scotty's large, hideous Adam's Apple bobbed annoyingly, "Well... That's cool, I guess. See you later."

"Alligator."

"...What?" he inquired.

"Nevermind, go away, I grow weary of your sexually suggestive dancing," I replied, waving my hand in a dissmisive guesture.

"What?"

"...Oh. I forgot you don't watch the Simpsons."

"Erm... Yeah, I'm going to go.."

"Yeah, bye."

Why are the pretty ones always so crazy?

Are you saying I'm pretty?

I suppose so.

Oh no, I'm up myself.

But it sure is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

Now, I must go find James. So we can secretly snog and then pretend nothing ever happened.

...Yes, I know what you're thinking. Why don't I just dump Scotty?

Well, it's not that simple, you jerk. I don't want to hurt Scotty's feeli-

Who am I kidding? I'm afraid of a real relationship with James.

I mean, you should have seen him in fifth year.

He was on fire, so to speak.

Like, seriously, he had a different girl on his arm every week. Every week.

That may not seem possible, as there's only about ten girls in our year, and thirteen in the year below us, and seven in the year above us, but beleive me, he managed it.

Somehow...

And I mean, his standards aren't really that high. I mean he went out with Ruth, for God's sake.

Ruth.

-&-

Well, apparently, my chances of snogging James right now are about the same as riding a Snow Panther.

Which is not likely.

Unless...

Nevermind.

"I wish you'd just dump Scotty!" Yelled James at me heatedly, "I don't want to be your... Your... Bitch!"

I couldn't help it. I started cackling.

And I didn't stop.

"WHY CAN'T YOU EVER TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY?" bellowed James, and his eyes looked more moist than usual.

I know, I'm such a bitch.

Yes, I am. A total and utter bitch.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

James features softened, "I'm sorry... It's just..."

I wiped my nose on my sleeve. Oh my god, I am offically disgusting.

"I know," I said, "But, it's just..."

I let my sentence hang in the air.

I had no idea what it just was.

"I know."

-&-

Hum hum hum.

Doo doo doo doo.

I love mince pie!

Down it goes.

Down into my belly.

Tra la la la l-

Daria slammed a book down beside me, and looked at me angrily, seething, "You know, like, he won't wait forever!"

"Who?" I asked.

She is not going to ruin my mince pie moment.

"James!" she screamed angrily, "Like, get a clue! Why can't you see how much he, like, loves you!"

"I KNOW HE LOVES ME!" I shouted back angrily, "I'M NOT A FREAKING IDIOT."

"WELL THEN STOP, LIKE, ACTING LIKE ONE!"

"I KNOW, I KNOW, IT'S JUST..."

And she couldn't let it just hang there, like it was intended to do.

"IT'S JUST YOU THINK, LIKE, BECAUSE YOU'RE TOTALLY PRETTY AND SMART AND POPULAR, YOU CAN KEEP ON BREAKING, LIKE, THIS BOY'S HEART! YOU'RE JUST, LIKE, A BITCH LILY. YOU'RE JUST A BITCH!"

And she stormed off, in all her pretty glory, her blonde hair swinging behind her.

She deffinitely ruined my mince pie moment.

I looked down at the book she had slammed at me.

Figuring how to love openly by Marskia Waterhausin.

Snuffles101: Hm, no, I'm pretty sure cats like being thrown... Though, cats have always hated me. I don't know why. I'm more a dog person. They don't scratch, they bite.

Scarlet Emerald: Lol, yes, my writing is hilarious... Yet its not... But then it is! I like your name by the way. But doesn't red and green make brown?

GodessoftheMaaN: I suppose you will. Because, just remember, you never quite know who has GES (Goofy Eyeball Syndrome).

Kute Anime Kitty: Lol, I'm glad you liked the chapter. I hope you like this one too!

Phsyco-Pyro-shrink: Here's the next chapter! I still can't get over the whole cock-eyed thing... Hilarious.

Alaskan Chick: Yay! You love it! Lol.

Renee: Ever since you said, 'They're cool beans' in your review, I've been saying it. Wow! You think my story is nearly as good as Frosted Flakes? Have you tasted those things! They're delicious. My story is not as delicious as Frosted Flakes.

Gary loves Pickles: I suppose they would be all sold out of chocolate in Hogsmeade. but that's the way the cheap chocolate crumbles, unfortunately.

pickles. Very cool name, by the way. But what are acorns! Are they cool? Cool beans?

Evi: Please, Ev, you're scaring away all the customers. Joking.

Asta-lavista, my chewable grey country bumpkins,

Love,

Trapped Rabbit XOX.