Beautiful
author: Carabella
pairing: Sirius / Remus
rating: PG-13
genre: romance, angst, slash, songfic
disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize. J.K Rowling does. Bloody Hell.

A/N: I have to admit. This is my first Sirius/Remus fic. And it is in English (hooray!). I have to admit that I am a Finn, so English is not my original language, though I've studied it over 12 years.
One day my friend, Soile, sent me some songs, and this one (Mandalay – Beautiful) was so beautiful itself that I had to write a fic of it. So this was born.

You can depend
On certainty
Count it out and weight it up again
You can be sure
You've reached the end
And still you don't feel

Sirius sat on the floor in a dark room, chained to the wall. This surely wasn't Azkaban, this was something worse. The darkness had taken over his mind and made him painfully mad. He didn't even know where he was, but the smell was something so awful, that he didn't even want to know. Graveyard perhaps? No, it was not, because it was a dark room. The room smelt like one of the Graveyards – it smelt like soil, rotten and stale. Graveyard was the last place he would've want to be since James' and Lily's death and luckily he was not at one. Still, he felt responsible.
He knew this was Lord Voldemort's plan. To tempt Harry out from Hogwarts to save his beloved godfather. Even Sirius himself knew it wouldn't be worth it. It wouldn't be worth of Harry's life. Or any of the order.
He looked around and saw only a dark tower and a window. Concluding from the sky, it was night. There was few stars which he saw twinkling. They made him smile.
He was beaten up badly and every inch of his body was aching. Few ribs might have been broken and his right leg was dislocated. He tried to move and make him feel comfortable, but every time he moved it made him feel worse.
He just sat there hoping that he would be saved – or die as soon as possible.

You know about anything.

He would have wanted someone to be there with him. Chained – left to die. He would have wanted that someone would have embraced him, but really – who would have wanted to even touch him in that condition? Or maybe he just dreamed that someone would have watched his back – but who would? He was faked as a murderer – by one of his own friends!
Wormtail, that traitor, what kind of a friend would have sold his soul to Lord Voldemort and betrayed his best friends? They had taken care of Peter – they took him into their crowd when no one else did. And still, the friendship meant so little to him.
Sirius knew it from the beginning, he knew it but still he proposed James and Lily to make Peter their Secret Keeper. How stupid he was. They would still live if he hadn't done the proposal.
He knew that he couldn't escape from this tower – not this time. He was too weak and longed for someone to be with him. Someone who cared and did not mind him being a prison in Azkaban for while ago.
Secretly, he would have wanted that the 'someone' would have been his loyal friend Moony – his one and only true love.

Do you know you're beautiful
Do you know you're beautiful
Do you know you're beautiful
You are, yes you are.

Sirius closed his eyes for a moment. He was weak and tired. Tired of fighting against the death. Still, he feared it the most and wished it. His fears had become true and he was kidnapped and locked up in a tower in God knows where. He felt frustrated – how could he have fallen into so stupid trap as this were?
Sirius knew that the others – Harry, Remus, Tonks and all the others in the order – probably worried sick about him. But really, he were in no kind of danger. It was silence that prevailed in that tower. There was no Dementors, no Death Eaters – no Voldemort, who would have been able to kill him, but he left him alive to suffer from pain which was now worse than the death.
Singular moment of the Marauders returned into his mind with a quick flashes – how they always bullied Severus. He would have been happy even if he were there – in some sick way he thought that even he would have made him feel more comfortable.
No, that was not true. Severus never would have made him feel comfortable; it would have been troublesome if he was there. Sirius raised his head up and took another look to the dark night sky and still those few stars twinkled as he suffered from terrible pain.
He sighed and sank to his deepest thoughts.

You can ignore
What you've become
Take it out and see it die again
You can be here
For who's a friend
And still you don't feel.

It was not the way he thought his life would have ended. He had always thought that it would have ended when he was old and married and had children – yes, he had dreamed that he would have a family to live with, although he was such a ladies' man in school. He would have wanted a son – a little son looking like him and perhaps become like him – without the time in Azkaban.
Sirius barely smiled for that thought, though it made him smile every time he thought about a little boy looking like him. Harry looked so much like James and Sirius wanted his son to look like him, so they could be the new Marauders – only without a traitor like Peter.
Though Sirius liked Harry's friends Ron and Hermione, he had always thought that every one of the Marauders would have a family and a son looking like their father so the Marauders would be re-found.
This time his mouth twisted into a little bigger smile than before. Marauders – or what was left of them – was a werewolf, who never would have hurt his friends, a boy, who was so confident that it beamed all around him, a despised boy, who become a traitor and killed the man mentioned before him and Sirius himself – a mischievous boy who didn't regret the things he did.
Not until now as the darkness almost took him.

You know about anything.

Suddenly he heard din and noise coming from a door opposite to him. He lift his head with his last strength and looked towards it. He heard words shouting something to someone else. Though he did not distinguish them he knew the man who was giving the orders to others.
The door gave up and cracked with a loud detotination exposing a group of men – and a woman, who Sirius knew as Tonks. They flooded to the small, round room pointing walls with their wands. The last who came in was a friend, who Sirius knew very well. A friend he had always loved more than a friend. Remus Lupin.
He saw Remus looking around and when he saw him, he rushed to his friend. Sirius' head bended down for he had no strength left to keep it up. Remus took Sirius' head to his hands and looked in his eyes, which were full of gratitude. He stepped few steps back and swung his wand.
"Alohomora!" the man shouted and the chains broke.
Sirius fell down and collapsed to the floor. Remus took him into his arms and turned him around so he could see his eyes.

"You're safe now", Remus said as he lift Sirius up and at that moment Sirius truly felt warm and safe.
He closed his eyes with a similar smile on his face. After that, he was unconscious.

Do you know you're beautiful
Do you know you're beautiful
Do you know you're beautiful
You are, yes you are.

Sirius woke up in St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. He opened his blurry eyes slowly letting them to get used to the light. He observed the room around but didn't first see clearly. In a moment his sight was back and he recognized it a room, where was no one besides him. No one.
Everyone – even the nurses and the doctors – were outside leaving Sirius alone. He knew that he couldn't have kept the member of the order in the hospital a long while. Besides, he must've been unconscious at least a day – or more. Or that it felt like.
Suddenly the door opened and a brown-haired man stepped in with an old, worn-out robe. He closed the door quietly and walked towards another.
"Thank God, you're awake", Remus said with a sigh, "Merlin, you look awful."
"Well wouldn't you look if you had been locked up in a tower for a week?" Sirius asked raising his eyebrows frustrated.
"No, I mean in that hospital outfit. You look awful in it", Remus repaired.
Sirius looked down and noticed he was wearing a light-blue hospital robe. He sighed and rolled his eyes. He thought that he could even keep his own clothes but no – a light-blue outfit. That really wasn't his style.
"Great", he moaned.
Sirius turned his look to window, from which the sun was shining and telling that it was midday. He lift his hand to rub his forehead and eyes. Then he gave a sigh and looked back at Remus.

Innermost thoughts
Will be understood and
You can have all you need.

"You're alright?" Remus asked as he gave his friend a cup full of fresh water.
"I'm feel as fine as a mouse on which an elephant has trampled", Sirius answered taking the cup to his hands and drinking the water in it.
Both of them gave a laugh though they knew that the situation had been everything else than amusing. Sirius stopped first and Remus followed his example. Sirius looked forwards with an empty gaze. He broke the silence.
"Hey Moony", Sirius said turning his eyes to Remus' own.
"What Padfoot?" Remus asked from his friend.
"When I was there – closed in that tower, I – ", Sirius moaned quietly and blushed a little, "I realized how much I really love you."
Remus smiled relieved and gave a laugh. He bowed down to Sirius and looked straight to his eyes with a look that only Sirius knew. He smoothed Sirius' black hair smiling and finally ended to smooth his cheeks around his lips.
"And so do I love you too, dear Padfoot. So do I", he said and bowed a little more to give a gentle kiss and that moment felt to last forever.

Sirius felt his heart turn around to its place where it had been out from several weeks as he had solved his true feelings.

Do you know you're beautiful
Do you know you're beautiful
Do you know you're beautiful
You are, yes you are.

"To be safe. To be warm. To feel loved. Nothing can replace them, nothing though it would be something you have wanted the most. If you never feel loved – you never feel yourself necessary and valuable. Because that is what you are. Valuable. Valuable to the one's that love you as you are."