After I made my rooftop confession to Christine, I did my best to behave
normally towards her. Yet, both of us sensed the change in our
relationship. In an unspoken, tacit agreement not to mention it, we
purposefully avoided the topic. An irreversible turn had been made in the
sunshine and neither of us knew where it would lead.
Her lessons continued as usual and she was approaching the summer break when the Opera company would not be performing. I do not know whether she continued to see de Chagny or not. However, she was never late for a lesson again. Indeed, she seemed to have refocused renewed diligence in practice.
During her long breaks, Christine usually would stay with me below the Opera. I refused to entertain the ridiculous thought that she would wished to be in my company. It was merely that her own flat was too lonely with all the time on her hands. It was amusing to watch her bustle about cleaning and arranging items 'just so'. I'd never been fussed over in my entire life and found, much to my consternation, that I enjoyed it. The days were filled with reading, singing together and I was in the process of teaching her how to play chess. Occasionally, we would walk the streets of Paris in the evenings after dark.
One evening, Christine was feeling tired early and told me she was going to sleep. I rose from my chair where I'd been reading and kissed her hand affectionately. After Christine retired to her room, I went to the large divan and stretched out upon it. Seeing this as an invitation, Ayesha appeared and jumped upon my belly demanding to be stroked. Staring at the flames, I rubbed gently along her arched back. I must have lain there for some time because the next thing I was cognizant of was a shadow before the fire. Somewhat startled, I sleepily recognized it as Christine and relaxed my shoulders back down. Her face was dimly lit by the fire behind her and she looked down at me with an unreadable expression.
"I suppose we were both tired." I quipped wryly. Ayesha had curled contentedly atop me and one of my arms was flung over my head. Self- conscious, I lowered my arm to my side and tried to rouse the cat. I was very glad I had not removed my mask earlier.
Christine said wonderingly, "I did not know you had a cat." She reached out a hand to pet Ayesha who immediately hissed in a defensive posture. Pulling back her hand quickly, Christine whispered, "Oh! I'm sorry."
I sat up and deposited the cat on the floor and she promptly scampered away. "Take no notice of her, Christine. She is just unused to another person's presence here."
Christine still looked down to me with her head tilted. Her hair hung over one shoulder of her nightgown and, quite automatically, my hand reached up to lightly touch the air around her curls. She completely shocked me by taking my large hand in her tiny one. Kneeling down in front of me, she looked up even as her hand trembled in mine. Very quietly, she asked, "Have you always been alone, Erik?"
Unprepared for this question, I hid my emotion behind a mask of indifference. Shrugging, I said, "Yes, I suppose." Yet, my actions belied my unconcern as I looked down at her hand in mine and lightly squeezed it. Why had she initiated physical contact between us - especially after our encounter on the rooftop? And why was my heart hammering in my chest? Trying to escape these conflicting feelings, I let go of her hand. Inanely, frantic for something to say, I asked "Are you thirsty? Is that why you could not sleep?"
Christine withdrew her hand and shook her head. Why was she staring at me?! My voice trembled as I whispered, "Christine, I.........." We gazed upon one another, both of us in a quandary. Seemingly of its own volition, with no conscious effort on my part, my body leaned towards her and my lips chastely met hers. It was no more than a mere second or two, but the dizzying contact seared my very soul. My first kiss. In my entire life. Sitting back, I stared at her - shocked at my audacity. As I began to apologize, her hand went to my lips to silence me. I again took her hand in my own as she lowered it from my lips.
Looking at me with wide eyes, she breathed in a quivering whisper that was almost a question. "Let me kiss you, Erik."
My mind shut down at that point and I was most grateful I was sitting down. My knees would have certainly given out beneath me had I been standing. I watched in stupefied fascination as she leaned towards me, closed her eyes and kissed my lips. My own eyes shut down in divine bliss and I felt my heart leap out of my chest and rocket to the heavens.
Wishing I could end my life right then and there, I whimpered softly when her lips left mine. Opening my eyes slowly to behold her in front of me, I trembled and realized I was gripping her hand most tightly. "Oh, Christine! I'm sorry, Dearest! Did I hurt you?" Automatically, I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed it as though I could kiss away any pain. At the look in her luminous eyes, my mouth stilled upon the back of her hand. Our eyes locked together and, as though in slow motion, I carefully placed her hand on my lap. Placing both of my shaking hands on her shoulders, I lifted the masses of curls from her neck, tilted my head and brought our mouths together again. 'Oh, Christine!!!!!!' my heart pounded and my body shivered at the intimacy with her. As I tentatively deepened our kiss, a heretofore unknown masculine pleasure rose in me as she wrapped her arms around my neck. If I were dreaming, I did not wish to EVER awaken. Oh, the taste of her! She was the sweetest, warmest ambrosia and I tasted of her kiss as though it were life-giving. One of my hands slipped down her nightgown to rest at the small of her back. I gently pulled her closer to me, somehow needing more contact with her. A tear slipped from my eyes at the sweetness of her willing, gentle embrace. My mind whirled with the sensations and the closeness of her. I had never, in all my life, been so physically close to a person. It was exquisitely exhilarating and I wanted nothing more than to stay within the circle of her arms forever.
Christine responded to my boldness with an intoxicating combination of shyness and enthusiasm. After many minutes, I became aware that my kiss was turning passionately voracious and I pulled back breathlessly. Not looking at her, I turned my masked cheek towards her so she would not see my emotion. I did not wish to frighten her with the intensity of my ardor as my chest rose and fell while I tried to breathe. I felt her soft, small hand at my chin, turning my face back towards her.
Her eyes glowed with a strange depth and she whispered in a small voice "Erik......I cannot kiss you with this in the way. Will you take off your mask?"
My head came up sharply and I rasped, "NO!" as I turned to away from her. Surprisingly, she took me by the shoulders and made me face her. I again gave her my masked cheek and shut my eyes against the pain. For those brief moments, I had experienced what it felt like to be a normal man. Now, in a sordid rush, it came back to me that I was not and never would be.
Christine shook me lightly and whispered insistently, "Erik, look at me!" Knowing the only way I could loosen her grip from me would be to physically push her aside, I slumped in defeat. My frightened eyes met hers and I felt like a injured animal caught in a trap.
She took my face in both of her hands and I involuntarily winced at the contact. Determined, she continued, "Erik, please. You must trust me. Won't you please?"
How badly I wanted to push her away! Push her away to run and never stop!
Yet, a quiet voice inside made its way through my tattered soul and halted me from retreating from her persistence. Although I was most inadequate in matters of the heart, I knew that she needed me to trust her - now. At this moment. I knew it was a test that I must pass. How could she make a choice between myself and that damned boy if I could not trust her? The insistent voice assured me that, if I refused her now, all was lost.
Desperate, hopeful and scared to death, I sat straight up and met her eyes once more. "What do you want me to do?"
"Nothing, just allow me to remove your mask." Again. Unintentionally, I shuddered at the memory of the last time she took off my mask. Christine must have remembered as well because she sat before me patiently and allowed the initial fear to subside.
Imploringly, I asked her, "Perhaps I should take it off........I....do not.....wish to frighten you." In truth, I was merely stalling for time, hoping she would lose heart.
She shook her head and stared at me with huge blue eyes. Piercing through my trepidation came the thought that this required great courage from her. And still, she persisted.
Christine looked as though she were approaching a ferocious, deadly bear as she cautiously brought her hands up to the ties of my mask. The tension between us was well-nigh tangible. As though I were made of glass, she painstakingly untied my mask and when it was loosened, she held it in place and gazed into my eyes. Her vision never once left my eyes as she removed the mask. When she did, I lost whatever bravado I possessed and closed my eyes cowardly. I did not wish to see the revulsion on her face. She must have gazed at me for many long moments because the next thing I was cognizant of was her lips pressed softly to my own.
A thousand emotions swirled inside me like a torrential storm. Hope, love, joy, fear, shock, anxiety, awe and so many more that I could not contain it. My arms wrapped around her possessively and one of my hands went to the back of her head. At the same exact moment, both of our lips parted. Her precious kiss sent tiny electric shocks through various pulse points in my body. Kissing her as though I would die without her, I noted with surprise that she held me just as firmly against her. Daring to open my eyes while we kissed, I looked at her closed eyes in amazement. I was unmasked and Christine was in my arms, kissing me. A sob escaped my throat but she took no notice.
After a few moments, she gently broke our kiss and we continued to hold each other as we recovered. My breathing was ragged and I knew I could not stand up. Her head rested against my shoulder as I lightly ran a hand over her curls again and again. My own faint mind and body refused to calm and I was a bundle of nerves. Christine was trembling as I held her but I did not need to ask why. I gathered her onto my lap and held her head against my shoulder. She did not look to me but I was intuitively aware that she was crying. My hand went up to her cheek and I gently brushed away her tears while she huddled against me. Unbidden, I began to hum a lullaby to her and knew she smiled against my chest. Humming the melody to her until I felt her body relax, I gazed down letting her head fall tenderly against my arm.
Christine's lovely face was streaked with tears but she slept peacefully. What had just happened? What would the morrow bring? For hours, I sat and stared in veneration at her beauty while she slept. As I tried to understand what we had shared and what her intentions were, she rested oblivious in my arms. Eventually, I carefully stood and lifted her easily. Delicately, I laid her down to sleep on the bed where I had been born. I watched in thrilled adoration as she turned and huddled into a ball. "Sleep well, my Love." I whispered softly as I left her.
Her lessons continued as usual and she was approaching the summer break when the Opera company would not be performing. I do not know whether she continued to see de Chagny or not. However, she was never late for a lesson again. Indeed, she seemed to have refocused renewed diligence in practice.
During her long breaks, Christine usually would stay with me below the Opera. I refused to entertain the ridiculous thought that she would wished to be in my company. It was merely that her own flat was too lonely with all the time on her hands. It was amusing to watch her bustle about cleaning and arranging items 'just so'. I'd never been fussed over in my entire life and found, much to my consternation, that I enjoyed it. The days were filled with reading, singing together and I was in the process of teaching her how to play chess. Occasionally, we would walk the streets of Paris in the evenings after dark.
One evening, Christine was feeling tired early and told me she was going to sleep. I rose from my chair where I'd been reading and kissed her hand affectionately. After Christine retired to her room, I went to the large divan and stretched out upon it. Seeing this as an invitation, Ayesha appeared and jumped upon my belly demanding to be stroked. Staring at the flames, I rubbed gently along her arched back. I must have lain there for some time because the next thing I was cognizant of was a shadow before the fire. Somewhat startled, I sleepily recognized it as Christine and relaxed my shoulders back down. Her face was dimly lit by the fire behind her and she looked down at me with an unreadable expression.
"I suppose we were both tired." I quipped wryly. Ayesha had curled contentedly atop me and one of my arms was flung over my head. Self- conscious, I lowered my arm to my side and tried to rouse the cat. I was very glad I had not removed my mask earlier.
Christine said wonderingly, "I did not know you had a cat." She reached out a hand to pet Ayesha who immediately hissed in a defensive posture. Pulling back her hand quickly, Christine whispered, "Oh! I'm sorry."
I sat up and deposited the cat on the floor and she promptly scampered away. "Take no notice of her, Christine. She is just unused to another person's presence here."
Christine still looked down to me with her head tilted. Her hair hung over one shoulder of her nightgown and, quite automatically, my hand reached up to lightly touch the air around her curls. She completely shocked me by taking my large hand in her tiny one. Kneeling down in front of me, she looked up even as her hand trembled in mine. Very quietly, she asked, "Have you always been alone, Erik?"
Unprepared for this question, I hid my emotion behind a mask of indifference. Shrugging, I said, "Yes, I suppose." Yet, my actions belied my unconcern as I looked down at her hand in mine and lightly squeezed it. Why had she initiated physical contact between us - especially after our encounter on the rooftop? And why was my heart hammering in my chest? Trying to escape these conflicting feelings, I let go of her hand. Inanely, frantic for something to say, I asked "Are you thirsty? Is that why you could not sleep?"
Christine withdrew her hand and shook her head. Why was she staring at me?! My voice trembled as I whispered, "Christine, I.........." We gazed upon one another, both of us in a quandary. Seemingly of its own volition, with no conscious effort on my part, my body leaned towards her and my lips chastely met hers. It was no more than a mere second or two, but the dizzying contact seared my very soul. My first kiss. In my entire life. Sitting back, I stared at her - shocked at my audacity. As I began to apologize, her hand went to my lips to silence me. I again took her hand in my own as she lowered it from my lips.
Looking at me with wide eyes, she breathed in a quivering whisper that was almost a question. "Let me kiss you, Erik."
My mind shut down at that point and I was most grateful I was sitting down. My knees would have certainly given out beneath me had I been standing. I watched in stupefied fascination as she leaned towards me, closed her eyes and kissed my lips. My own eyes shut down in divine bliss and I felt my heart leap out of my chest and rocket to the heavens.
Wishing I could end my life right then and there, I whimpered softly when her lips left mine. Opening my eyes slowly to behold her in front of me, I trembled and realized I was gripping her hand most tightly. "Oh, Christine! I'm sorry, Dearest! Did I hurt you?" Automatically, I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed it as though I could kiss away any pain. At the look in her luminous eyes, my mouth stilled upon the back of her hand. Our eyes locked together and, as though in slow motion, I carefully placed her hand on my lap. Placing both of my shaking hands on her shoulders, I lifted the masses of curls from her neck, tilted my head and brought our mouths together again. 'Oh, Christine!!!!!!' my heart pounded and my body shivered at the intimacy with her. As I tentatively deepened our kiss, a heretofore unknown masculine pleasure rose in me as she wrapped her arms around my neck. If I were dreaming, I did not wish to EVER awaken. Oh, the taste of her! She was the sweetest, warmest ambrosia and I tasted of her kiss as though it were life-giving. One of my hands slipped down her nightgown to rest at the small of her back. I gently pulled her closer to me, somehow needing more contact with her. A tear slipped from my eyes at the sweetness of her willing, gentle embrace. My mind whirled with the sensations and the closeness of her. I had never, in all my life, been so physically close to a person. It was exquisitely exhilarating and I wanted nothing more than to stay within the circle of her arms forever.
Christine responded to my boldness with an intoxicating combination of shyness and enthusiasm. After many minutes, I became aware that my kiss was turning passionately voracious and I pulled back breathlessly. Not looking at her, I turned my masked cheek towards her so she would not see my emotion. I did not wish to frighten her with the intensity of my ardor as my chest rose and fell while I tried to breathe. I felt her soft, small hand at my chin, turning my face back towards her.
Her eyes glowed with a strange depth and she whispered in a small voice "Erik......I cannot kiss you with this in the way. Will you take off your mask?"
My head came up sharply and I rasped, "NO!" as I turned to away from her. Surprisingly, she took me by the shoulders and made me face her. I again gave her my masked cheek and shut my eyes against the pain. For those brief moments, I had experienced what it felt like to be a normal man. Now, in a sordid rush, it came back to me that I was not and never would be.
Christine shook me lightly and whispered insistently, "Erik, look at me!" Knowing the only way I could loosen her grip from me would be to physically push her aside, I slumped in defeat. My frightened eyes met hers and I felt like a injured animal caught in a trap.
She took my face in both of her hands and I involuntarily winced at the contact. Determined, she continued, "Erik, please. You must trust me. Won't you please?"
How badly I wanted to push her away! Push her away to run and never stop!
Yet, a quiet voice inside made its way through my tattered soul and halted me from retreating from her persistence. Although I was most inadequate in matters of the heart, I knew that she needed me to trust her - now. At this moment. I knew it was a test that I must pass. How could she make a choice between myself and that damned boy if I could not trust her? The insistent voice assured me that, if I refused her now, all was lost.
Desperate, hopeful and scared to death, I sat straight up and met her eyes once more. "What do you want me to do?"
"Nothing, just allow me to remove your mask." Again. Unintentionally, I shuddered at the memory of the last time she took off my mask. Christine must have remembered as well because she sat before me patiently and allowed the initial fear to subside.
Imploringly, I asked her, "Perhaps I should take it off........I....do not.....wish to frighten you." In truth, I was merely stalling for time, hoping she would lose heart.
She shook her head and stared at me with huge blue eyes. Piercing through my trepidation came the thought that this required great courage from her. And still, she persisted.
Christine looked as though she were approaching a ferocious, deadly bear as she cautiously brought her hands up to the ties of my mask. The tension between us was well-nigh tangible. As though I were made of glass, she painstakingly untied my mask and when it was loosened, she held it in place and gazed into my eyes. Her vision never once left my eyes as she removed the mask. When she did, I lost whatever bravado I possessed and closed my eyes cowardly. I did not wish to see the revulsion on her face. She must have gazed at me for many long moments because the next thing I was cognizant of was her lips pressed softly to my own.
A thousand emotions swirled inside me like a torrential storm. Hope, love, joy, fear, shock, anxiety, awe and so many more that I could not contain it. My arms wrapped around her possessively and one of my hands went to the back of her head. At the same exact moment, both of our lips parted. Her precious kiss sent tiny electric shocks through various pulse points in my body. Kissing her as though I would die without her, I noted with surprise that she held me just as firmly against her. Daring to open my eyes while we kissed, I looked at her closed eyes in amazement. I was unmasked and Christine was in my arms, kissing me. A sob escaped my throat but she took no notice.
After a few moments, she gently broke our kiss and we continued to hold each other as we recovered. My breathing was ragged and I knew I could not stand up. Her head rested against my shoulder as I lightly ran a hand over her curls again and again. My own faint mind and body refused to calm and I was a bundle of nerves. Christine was trembling as I held her but I did not need to ask why. I gathered her onto my lap and held her head against my shoulder. She did not look to me but I was intuitively aware that she was crying. My hand went up to her cheek and I gently brushed away her tears while she huddled against me. Unbidden, I began to hum a lullaby to her and knew she smiled against my chest. Humming the melody to her until I felt her body relax, I gazed down letting her head fall tenderly against my arm.
Christine's lovely face was streaked with tears but she slept peacefully. What had just happened? What would the morrow bring? For hours, I sat and stared in veneration at her beauty while she slept. As I tried to understand what we had shared and what her intentions were, she rested oblivious in my arms. Eventually, I carefully stood and lifted her easily. Delicately, I laid her down to sleep on the bed where I had been born. I watched in thrilled adoration as she turned and huddled into a ball. "Sleep well, my Love." I whispered softly as I left her.