With a heavy heart, I descended the stairs and made my way towards
Christine's dressing room. This unbearable situation must be resolved. As
I attempted to plan what to say to her and how to phrase it, I found I
could not express myself in coherent thoughts. Only flashes of emotion,
love and pain tore disjointedly through my weary mind. What I wished to do
was to march into the auditorium, grab de Chagny by the neck and send him
straight to Hell. Yet such an action would alienate myself from Christine
forever and nothing was worth that price.
Upon reaching the mirror, I observed Christine seated on the divan and chatting with Meg who was making to leave. As though she sensed my unseen presence, Christine went to the door and politely saw Meg out. Locking the door and turning towards the mirror, a sober expression shown on her face as though she already was mindful of my conclusive thoughts. I freed the pivot of the mirror and the damp air of the corridor rushed into her dressing room. We regarded each other ambiguously and, in attempt to postpone the inevitable, I praised her. "You did very well at rehearsals today, Christine. Your diligent practice on the first aria has paid off."
Nodding and picking up her cloak, she walked to me slowly as though she were a disobedient child expecting punishment. Wordlessly, I took her cloak from her, fastened it about her neck and secured the mirror. Taking her hand, I led her quietly through the dim, dank corridors towards the lake. Retaining the lantern in front of me, I had no damn idea how to initiate such a discussion. Furious at my ineptitude, I remained silent until I had determined how to proceed.
When we reached the boat on the lake, Christine stunned me by asking bluntly, "Erik, when are we going to talk about it?"
As I turned towards her, my black cloak whirled around me - and it was the only noticeable movement between us. Christine had folded her hands in front of her and was calmly awaiting my answer. Her self-possession unnerved me more than tears would have done, and for a moment, I wanted earnestly to feign ignorance. In the murky light of the lantern, her eyes met mine and I replied flatly, "At home." What I wanted to ask of her could not be executed in the dark, cold corridors beside the lake.
In unspoken agreement, we were both hushed throughout our short journey in the boat, the only sound was the slight parting of the water. Securing the boat and holding out my hand to assist her, we walked hand-in-hand to the house in silence. I entered the house feeling tense and uncertain.
Removing my cloak and hat, I strode into the drawing room to pour a brandy. I knew I would need it. Christine followed docilely and stood in palatable suspense behind me.
Sighing, I set the glass on a table and confronted her. Summoning all my dignity, I demanded point blank. "Christine, are you still seeing.........that boy....socially?"
Her steady gaze never wavered as she shook her head before she explained. "No....no. Not since the evening I last met him after I was late for our rehearsal. I....I have not seen him since then. I told you I would not see him after that."
Relieved, but wanting to hide it, I merely nodded and unconsciously folded my arms defensively in front of me.
Christine fidgeted nervously and continued in a hesitant voice, "Raoul asked me to dinner but I refused."
Nodding again, I then purposely bridged the emotional and physical distance between us. Taking her chin, I gently turned her face upwards. Drowning in her beautiful blue eyes, I was aware with a fierce clarity that I had to let her make this decision on her own. As much as I wanted to, I could not hypnotize, force or coerce her into this choice. I loved her far too much. For I wanted her to return my love of her own volition and nothing less.
"Christine, I do believe that you may need some time to ponder all this. Perhaps.....", I swallowed hard, battling every howling, opposing desire twisting inside me. "Perhaps you should return to your home for a short period of time." Wincing as though I'd been stabbed, I took another painful breath as I intensely watched her reaction to my suggestion.
Taken by surprise, she frowned at me in confusion and took a distraught step backwards. "You....you want me to leave?"
Sighing heavily, I murmured meaningfully, "No, Christine.....I never want you to leave." Unwittingly, my hand reached into my pocket to finger the small item that I had commissioned Jules to purchase months ago. Foolishly, I carried it with me constantly as though it were a talisman against losing my beloved Christine. Knowing that an impasse had been reached, I mustered my ebbing courage and withdrew the small gold ring. Taking her by the hand, I led her to the divan and bade her wordlessly to sit down.
Bending on one knee in front of her, I took both of her hands in mine as my gaze moved back and forth between her eyes, not wanting to miss any nuance in her reaction. "Christine, I have told you that I love you. I hope you'd know that by now. I would be deeply honored........." Without warning, I couldn't speak and stared at the union of our hands trying to grasp the words that flitted cruelly through my mind. So very much was at stake and should Christine immediately refuse me, I was uncertain how I would react. All the beautiful prose or tender words I had intended for this moment hid obscurely from me as I frantically tried to recall them. Finally, after several strained minutes, my eyes bore into hers. I gripped her hands tightly and whispered, "Marry me, Christine."
I saw her blue eyes widen and she gasped at this unexpected declaration. Her lips parted but she did not utter a word. Uncertain, but determined to express myself to her, I lifted her left hand and solemnly slipped the gold band on her ring finger. Bending over to kiss the ring on her hand reverently, I lifted my pleading eyes. Christine continued to gape at the gold ring but had said nothing. Apprehensively, I raked a hand through my hair and faltered, "I am a wealthy man, my Dear, and I could give you the kind of lifestyle you deserve. Whatever you wanted...... We could live where ever you chose, Christine......I.....I do not care as long as I am with you." My trembling hand went to adoringly brush her hair away from her face and, at last, she looked at me. I prayed that somehow she would not be conscious of my internal quaking. "I do not want you to answer me now. I believe you should take time to contemplate such a decision. But I wanted you to know my intentions. If you would grant me the honesty of a considered reply, I would be quite satisfied." Feeling like a babbling fool and convinced she would refuse me, I awaited her answer in agonizing doubtfulness.
Christine's gaze again returned to the tiny gold ring and she lifted a wobbly hand to touch it lightly. In bewildered confusion, she whispered incredulously as though she could not believe it. "You wish to marry me?"
I smiled softly and continued to brush her luxurious curls away from her face. "Yes." I breathed delicately as impetuous hope surged wildly through my blood. "Surely you know how I love you." Alternately captivated and concerned by her mystification, I boldly leaned forward and kissed her lips cautiously. As my lips met hers, I opened my eyes when I tasted tears. Pulling away, I was stunned to see that she was crying. My heart sank and I worriedly wiped her tears away with my hands. Pushing aside my dark conviction that she meant to spurn me, I anxiously questioned, "Christine.....my Darling.....have I upset you so?"
Immediately, she began to shake her head replied weakly, "No....no, Erik. It is just that I am so unworthy of you."
Staring in shocked disbelief, I could not even reply for several long moments. In open-mouthed stupefaction, I gently took her face in my hands and rasped hoarsely, "How....how could you even SAY such a thing?"
Biting her lip, she responded tearfully, "You deserve so much better than a silly girl like me. How could you possibly wish to marry me?" As though she could not face my astonishment, she lowered her vision to the ring again. I truly could not believe what I was hearing. Firmly, I lifted her face and forced her to meet my eyes.
In a stern tone, I whispered, "Christine. Never let me hear you say that again. Do you understand me? Never." My unsteady hands lovingly caressed her beautiful face and to my shame, my voice broke as I choked, "You are everything I have ever wanted, Christine. I knew it the very moment I saw you. And your love is so much more than I deserve. I would do anything for you. Anything in the world. If you would consent to be my......my wife.....I would give you anything your heart desired." My paltry words were woefully inadequate and in an effort to express my devotion, I tilted my head slightly and tenderly placed my lips on hers. As I cautiously deepened our kiss, one of her hands met my unmasked cheek and I melted even further under her touch. Kissing her with all the unfathomable love that I possessed inside for her, I inarticulately begged her to be mine. Christine responded to my kiss with such sweetness that I never wanted to end it. My arms found their way around her as though they naturally belonged there. Not wishing to overwhelm her, I broke our kiss gently and, without another word, lay her head on my shoulder as my hand lightly brushed her curls.
Holding her, I whispered softly into her hair, "This is the reason why I thought you would be able to think clearer at your flat, my Dear. Away from me and any....distractions. Of course, I do not want you to leave and you know you are welcome to stay always." Leaning back and holding both of her hands in mine, my heart raced inside me and I braced myself as best I could. "Well, my Love. What are your thoughts?"
Christine gazed at me for several moments and I resisted the urge to shake her into answering quickly. "Erik....I.....I don't know what to say. I'm so.....overcome." Her eyes filled again with tears as I desperately forced myself to be patient even as her indecision quietly killed me. "You would not mind if I were to....to think on it?" she smiled tremulously.
Hope and defeat fought for control inside me as I replied with a confidence I did not feel. "Of course, my Dear. I am extremely honored that you will consider it." Kissing her forehead, I moved to sit next to her and hesitantly gathered her into my arms. Christine surprised me by sighing in contentment and laying her cheek on my chest. My arms again wrapped around her and I closed my eyes. It was done. There was no turning back. The decision was hers now.
Upon reaching the mirror, I observed Christine seated on the divan and chatting with Meg who was making to leave. As though she sensed my unseen presence, Christine went to the door and politely saw Meg out. Locking the door and turning towards the mirror, a sober expression shown on her face as though she already was mindful of my conclusive thoughts. I freed the pivot of the mirror and the damp air of the corridor rushed into her dressing room. We regarded each other ambiguously and, in attempt to postpone the inevitable, I praised her. "You did very well at rehearsals today, Christine. Your diligent practice on the first aria has paid off."
Nodding and picking up her cloak, she walked to me slowly as though she were a disobedient child expecting punishment. Wordlessly, I took her cloak from her, fastened it about her neck and secured the mirror. Taking her hand, I led her quietly through the dim, dank corridors towards the lake. Retaining the lantern in front of me, I had no damn idea how to initiate such a discussion. Furious at my ineptitude, I remained silent until I had determined how to proceed.
When we reached the boat on the lake, Christine stunned me by asking bluntly, "Erik, when are we going to talk about it?"
As I turned towards her, my black cloak whirled around me - and it was the only noticeable movement between us. Christine had folded her hands in front of her and was calmly awaiting my answer. Her self-possession unnerved me more than tears would have done, and for a moment, I wanted earnestly to feign ignorance. In the murky light of the lantern, her eyes met mine and I replied flatly, "At home." What I wanted to ask of her could not be executed in the dark, cold corridors beside the lake.
In unspoken agreement, we were both hushed throughout our short journey in the boat, the only sound was the slight parting of the water. Securing the boat and holding out my hand to assist her, we walked hand-in-hand to the house in silence. I entered the house feeling tense and uncertain.
Removing my cloak and hat, I strode into the drawing room to pour a brandy. I knew I would need it. Christine followed docilely and stood in palatable suspense behind me.
Sighing, I set the glass on a table and confronted her. Summoning all my dignity, I demanded point blank. "Christine, are you still seeing.........that boy....socially?"
Her steady gaze never wavered as she shook her head before she explained. "No....no. Not since the evening I last met him after I was late for our rehearsal. I....I have not seen him since then. I told you I would not see him after that."
Relieved, but wanting to hide it, I merely nodded and unconsciously folded my arms defensively in front of me.
Christine fidgeted nervously and continued in a hesitant voice, "Raoul asked me to dinner but I refused."
Nodding again, I then purposely bridged the emotional and physical distance between us. Taking her chin, I gently turned her face upwards. Drowning in her beautiful blue eyes, I was aware with a fierce clarity that I had to let her make this decision on her own. As much as I wanted to, I could not hypnotize, force or coerce her into this choice. I loved her far too much. For I wanted her to return my love of her own volition and nothing less.
"Christine, I do believe that you may need some time to ponder all this. Perhaps.....", I swallowed hard, battling every howling, opposing desire twisting inside me. "Perhaps you should return to your home for a short period of time." Wincing as though I'd been stabbed, I took another painful breath as I intensely watched her reaction to my suggestion.
Taken by surprise, she frowned at me in confusion and took a distraught step backwards. "You....you want me to leave?"
Sighing heavily, I murmured meaningfully, "No, Christine.....I never want you to leave." Unwittingly, my hand reached into my pocket to finger the small item that I had commissioned Jules to purchase months ago. Foolishly, I carried it with me constantly as though it were a talisman against losing my beloved Christine. Knowing that an impasse had been reached, I mustered my ebbing courage and withdrew the small gold ring. Taking her by the hand, I led her to the divan and bade her wordlessly to sit down.
Bending on one knee in front of her, I took both of her hands in mine as my gaze moved back and forth between her eyes, not wanting to miss any nuance in her reaction. "Christine, I have told you that I love you. I hope you'd know that by now. I would be deeply honored........." Without warning, I couldn't speak and stared at the union of our hands trying to grasp the words that flitted cruelly through my mind. So very much was at stake and should Christine immediately refuse me, I was uncertain how I would react. All the beautiful prose or tender words I had intended for this moment hid obscurely from me as I frantically tried to recall them. Finally, after several strained minutes, my eyes bore into hers. I gripped her hands tightly and whispered, "Marry me, Christine."
I saw her blue eyes widen and she gasped at this unexpected declaration. Her lips parted but she did not utter a word. Uncertain, but determined to express myself to her, I lifted her left hand and solemnly slipped the gold band on her ring finger. Bending over to kiss the ring on her hand reverently, I lifted my pleading eyes. Christine continued to gape at the gold ring but had said nothing. Apprehensively, I raked a hand through my hair and faltered, "I am a wealthy man, my Dear, and I could give you the kind of lifestyle you deserve. Whatever you wanted...... We could live where ever you chose, Christine......I.....I do not care as long as I am with you." My trembling hand went to adoringly brush her hair away from her face and, at last, she looked at me. I prayed that somehow she would not be conscious of my internal quaking. "I do not want you to answer me now. I believe you should take time to contemplate such a decision. But I wanted you to know my intentions. If you would grant me the honesty of a considered reply, I would be quite satisfied." Feeling like a babbling fool and convinced she would refuse me, I awaited her answer in agonizing doubtfulness.
Christine's gaze again returned to the tiny gold ring and she lifted a wobbly hand to touch it lightly. In bewildered confusion, she whispered incredulously as though she could not believe it. "You wish to marry me?"
I smiled softly and continued to brush her luxurious curls away from her face. "Yes." I breathed delicately as impetuous hope surged wildly through my blood. "Surely you know how I love you." Alternately captivated and concerned by her mystification, I boldly leaned forward and kissed her lips cautiously. As my lips met hers, I opened my eyes when I tasted tears. Pulling away, I was stunned to see that she was crying. My heart sank and I worriedly wiped her tears away with my hands. Pushing aside my dark conviction that she meant to spurn me, I anxiously questioned, "Christine.....my Darling.....have I upset you so?"
Immediately, she began to shake her head replied weakly, "No....no, Erik. It is just that I am so unworthy of you."
Staring in shocked disbelief, I could not even reply for several long moments. In open-mouthed stupefaction, I gently took her face in my hands and rasped hoarsely, "How....how could you even SAY such a thing?"
Biting her lip, she responded tearfully, "You deserve so much better than a silly girl like me. How could you possibly wish to marry me?" As though she could not face my astonishment, she lowered her vision to the ring again. I truly could not believe what I was hearing. Firmly, I lifted her face and forced her to meet my eyes.
In a stern tone, I whispered, "Christine. Never let me hear you say that again. Do you understand me? Never." My unsteady hands lovingly caressed her beautiful face and to my shame, my voice broke as I choked, "You are everything I have ever wanted, Christine. I knew it the very moment I saw you. And your love is so much more than I deserve. I would do anything for you. Anything in the world. If you would consent to be my......my wife.....I would give you anything your heart desired." My paltry words were woefully inadequate and in an effort to express my devotion, I tilted my head slightly and tenderly placed my lips on hers. As I cautiously deepened our kiss, one of her hands met my unmasked cheek and I melted even further under her touch. Kissing her with all the unfathomable love that I possessed inside for her, I inarticulately begged her to be mine. Christine responded to my kiss with such sweetness that I never wanted to end it. My arms found their way around her as though they naturally belonged there. Not wishing to overwhelm her, I broke our kiss gently and, without another word, lay her head on my shoulder as my hand lightly brushed her curls.
Holding her, I whispered softly into her hair, "This is the reason why I thought you would be able to think clearer at your flat, my Dear. Away from me and any....distractions. Of course, I do not want you to leave and you know you are welcome to stay always." Leaning back and holding both of her hands in mine, my heart raced inside me and I braced myself as best I could. "Well, my Love. What are your thoughts?"
Christine gazed at me for several moments and I resisted the urge to shake her into answering quickly. "Erik....I.....I don't know what to say. I'm so.....overcome." Her eyes filled again with tears as I desperately forced myself to be patient even as her indecision quietly killed me. "You would not mind if I were to....to think on it?" she smiled tremulously.
Hope and defeat fought for control inside me as I replied with a confidence I did not feel. "Of course, my Dear. I am extremely honored that you will consider it." Kissing her forehead, I moved to sit next to her and hesitantly gathered her into my arms. Christine surprised me by sighing in contentment and laying her cheek on my chest. My arms again wrapped around her and I closed my eyes. It was done. There was no turning back. The decision was hers now.