10. Responsibilities

The mood among Yugi's friends at dinner seemed improved over that of lunchtime. Rebecca was like a new person after her duel, as if making it through and shaking off the darkness as the duel ended had given her a clean slate, wiping away all the feelings of dread she'd been having since they'd arrived. She sat close to the fire, happily flirting with Mokuba while Kaiba looked on with a mixture of amusement and exasperation.

Mai and Joey were more relaxed as well, also seeming to be relieved that they'd made it through and that no real damage had been done to anyone. Mako had gone out to catch more fish and didn't seem to care in the least that he had lost or how the duel had gone and Renée Carole also seemed to have shaken off whatever distress the duel with Mai might have caused. The only tension of the evening for Joey and Mai was when Evan, whom Yugi now realized was the same purser that had kept Joey from talking to her after that dinner, came over to chat with Mai and Joey very nearly picked a fight with him before Tristan dragged him away. Mai then argued with Joey for half an hour afterwards, but it seemed mostly the kind of bickering Yugi had come to expect from the two of them and probably relieved more stress than it caused.

It bothered Yugi that out of all his friends, he alone was still out of sorts. In fact, other than some sulking from Raul Pérez, who was still bitter about losing to Kaiba, and a few expletives uttered by one of the crewmembers over the rations dwindling faster than expected, he seemed to be the sole exception to the general high spirits around the campfire. It wasn't so much the way his duel had gone; his had seemed to be the tamest of all of them. While it disturbed him to think back on how he'd played with such disregard for his deck and his opponent, it hadn't been as bad as he'd feared and like the others, he felt a sense of accomplishment, like he'd passed a test of sorts and what was ahead wouldn't be so difficult.

Despite this, he felt a crushing sense of responsibility, like he alone had somehow been charged with the task of figuring out why this was happening and how to stop whoever was trying to bring back the Shadow Games. He had his friends, of course, all of whom were solidly behind him. But they were all looking to him as a leader and it felt a little overwhelming. Joey's words kept playing in his mind: You're the brains of this operation, pal. If you're out, I'm out. If you're in, I'm in. How did he become the one to make the decision for all of them? Strategy was Atem's forte, not his.

"You've been awfully quiet," Téa observed, linking her arm with his.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I guess."

"Was it that bad?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know."

She looked at him a moment. "Let's go take a walk and talk about it."

He shook his head. "Rebecca…"

She looked up at her name. "Yeah?"

"Nothing," he replied, but Téa jumped in.

"You don't mind if we take a walk, do you?"

"Téa—" Yugi began, but this time it was Rebecca who cut him off.

"It's okay, Yugi," she said. "I don't mind."

"But—"

"Really," she said, putting a hand on his arm. "I'm… preoccupied now," she said with a sly grin and a sideways glance at Mokuba. "Go. Please."

"Yeah, don't think Duke isn't going to be watching out for you," Yugi grinned in spite of himself as he let Téa drag him away from the fire.

Once away from everyone else, however, he grew somber again, his thoughts weighing heavily on him. Wanting to find a place where they wouldn't run into anyone else but also not wanting to get lost, Téa led him down the now familiar route south to the shallow stream where they were getting their drinking water. When they got there, they waded across and continued south toward the cliffs that cut them off from the rest of the island. They walked for a long time without saying anything, Téa occasionally marking their path with a piece of chalk she found in her jacket pocket, probably left over from some camping trip she'd gone on with her family.

"Rebecca seems more herself now," she commented after a while.

"Yeah, I'm really glad to see that. This has been really hard on her."

Téa chewed her lip a moment. "Yugi, do you really think it was the ship sinking that got to her so much?"

"I did at first," he replied, "but we talked this morning and that wasn't it at all."

Téa sighed. "It's us, isn't it?"

"Well, partially," he admitted, and then when he saw her reaction, added quickly, "but it's not what you're thinking. It's just that I was so happy about being with you I didn't realize what was going on with her, what was going on here. She said I was too 'preoccupied.'"

"So that's what that little in joke was all about." When he nodded, she said a little testily, "Yugi, don't let her guilt you. You spent every second of the hike over here with her, so it's not true at all that you haven't been paying attention to her."

"I was with her, but I wasn't paying attention," he disagreed. "Whatever's going on here, it feels just like it did when we were in Egypt the last six months. She's been feeling it since we got here, but I missed it."

Téa frowned. "Like Egypt? Wait, you said things were bad, but you weren't playing Shadow Games in Egypt, were you?"

"No, I'm not talking about the duels. I'm talking about the whole feeling of wrongness. I didn't notice it until Mokuba's duel, but she knew when we landed something was wrong with this place." He looked at Téa as they walked. "I'm supposed to be looking out for her."

Téa was quiet for a moment. "And I haven't been very understanding of that."

His eyes widened in surprise. "What? No, you've been great."

"No I haven't. I… I guess I'm pretty possessive of you, Yugi," she admitted, "especially where she's concerned. It just seems like she does the whole clinging to you thing on purpose to be annoying, like on the dock when you guys first arrived."

"Oh, she definitely does that to be annoying," he agreed. "Usually. But this, here, on the island… it's different. She really needs someone. She needs me. Not just because I promised the professor I'd look out for her, but because of everything we went through together in Egypt."

"I know this is different," Téa said, looking down at her feet as she walked. "I guess part of it is I'm a little jealous that she got to be with you the last two years and I didn't, so I feel like I have to fight for you, and that's not fair to you or to her. I did it even just now, bringing you out here when you wanted to stay to make sure she was doing okay." She sighed. "I don't really understand everything that you both went through in Egypt, but I want to. I want to help, not get in the way."

He wasn't sure what to say to this. Even after she'd kissed him, even after she'd told him she loved him, that she wanted to be with him, it was hard for him to wrap his mind around her being jealous over him, even a little. "You haven't gotten in the way," he insisted. "It's me. I'm the one who didn't get what was going on with her."

"You're too hard on yourself, you know. You can't be responsible for everything."

"That's just it, I am responsible." He felt the crushing weight again.

She cocked her head, looking at him like she could read his thoughts. "You're not just talking about Rebecca, are you? I know you, Yugi. You feel responsible for all of it, don't you?"

"Because I am," he repeated. "Everyone's looking at me like I'm supposed to be in charge or something. You heard Joey. He's expecting me to know what the right thing to do is. Whenever something happens with the Shadow Realm, it's always going to be about who I am or who I used to be or whatever. Or Pegasus and Kaiba, but who knows what Pegasus's angle is and Kaiba takes a lot of pushing before he remembers that there are more important things than him and Mokuba and his business and his Duel Monsters title, so that leaves just me, and the thing is, I don't know if I can do this by myself."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "By yourself? What, the rest of us don't count?"

"No, no," he said quickly, realizing he'd offended her. "I don't mean that. I know I always have all of you guys and we're in this together. I mean… me by myself. Without him."

She stopped by a tree she had just marked with her chalk and turned to him. "That's what's really bothering you, isn't it?"

"I don't know," Yugi replied, stopping beside her.

"You still really miss him." It wasn't a question.

"I always miss him," he said, "but it's worse now. I'd pretty much gotten used to his memories and thinking of them as mine, but with everything that's happening…. Nothing like this has happened since he's been gone, you know?" he said, looking at her. "Before it was always really him. I was just along for the ride. Sure, we'd talk things over and everything, but I could always count on him to figure it all out and to be a good leader, and now it's supposed to be me because everyone thinks of me as him, or him as me, and I don't know if I know how to do this, Téa. I'm responsible for everyone, but I don't have the skills to do this."

"That's not true," she objected, "on either count. You aren't responsible for any of this."

"You said it yourself, 'three days into a cruise with Yugi Mutou—'"

"I was kidding," she groaned. "You don't think I actually blame you, do you?"

He shook his head. Blame wasn't the right word, but he didn't know another one to explain the burden he carried. "I know you don't blame me, that isn't what I'm saying. It's just… the Shadow Realm, it's like my job to do something about it because of who I am, or who I used to be anyway."

"It's a calling," she said, nodding in understanding.

"Yes! Only… without him, I'm not equipped to do this anymore. The calling is still there, but the ability isn't."

"You are so wrong," she said emphatically, taking his hand. "You have no idea what a leader you are. You're right in that we have been looking to you, but it's not because it's your fault or responsibility or whatever. It's because you're the strategy guy. You always have been, and that isn't just because of him," she added when he opened his mouth to interrupt. "He wasn't the one who suggested the mind swap thing to keep Pegasus from cheating in Duelist Kingdom. He wasn't the one who got Joey to break out of Marik's mind control and he wasn't the one who got that duel to the point where you could tie so you could both get free. That was you, Yugi.

"But more important than that, we look to you because of your strength. Atem said it himself. He said you were the strong one because you had kindness and that can never be defeated, and he was right. Look at what's happening here with these duels. This is the kind of fight that he would lose because winning isn't what matters here. Finding a way to not give in to anger, finding a way to do the right thing, that's what we're fighting for here, and that was always you who did that. That's what he learned from you.

"You put yourself between Ushio and Joey and Tristan," she continued, "even though they'd taken your Puzzle and thrown away one of the pieces. You stopped the attack that might have killed Kaiba even though it meant maybe losing your grandpa forever. You surrendered to Rebecca just because she needed a friend. You lost on purpose against Joey when Marik was controlling him so he wouldn't get dragged into the ocean. You tried to stop the Pharaoh from playing the Seal of Orichalcos and you sacrificed yourself for him. You defeated the evil Bakura and freed our Bakura. You allowed Atem to go home by beating him even though you didn't want him to go.

"You always do the right thing, Yugi. All of those things, they're things he couldn't do until he learned it from you. You unite us and we stand up as a team because of your example, your friendship. That's what you gave Atem and it's what you give all of us."

She shook her head. "Do you have any idea what a light you are to the rest of us?"

He groaned at this, taking his hand away from hers. "Come on, that's ridiculous," he protested.

"No it's not ridiculous. You've always been the one we rally around, the one that holds us all together. Even Atem, Yugi, even he rallied around you. He was the warrior, but you've always been our center."

He shook his head. How could she not see how backwards she had it? "It's not me, Téa, it's you," he told her earnestly.

She snorted and folded her arms, leaning back against the tree trunk. "Don't be stupid. I'm just the cheerleader."

"You are so much more than that, don't you see? If there's any truth at all to anything you've said, if I really am as strong as you say, it's only because you've always believed in me. You're the only one who believed in me even before he ever came. I told you the other night on the ship that you always keep me from losing myself and it's true. From the first moment when I realized there was another me to the last time we saw him, you have been the one reminding me who I am. When I started having his memories, you're the only one who understood how that could be. Even today, you were there when I couldn't stop whatever was controlling me in that duel. You say I'm the one who centers us, but you're the one who centers me."

"Yugi," she breathed, and she kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer to her until he was pressing her back against the tree trunk. Everything came alive inside him, everything he didn't even realize had felt dead since the duels and the lingering presence of the Shadow Realm. All of it was wiped away by her kiss, her touch. She was pure light, illuminating the shadows in him, casting away any darkness. Her hands left his neck and slid under his jacket, coming to rest at his hips. Pulling him even closer until he was melting into her, she repositioned herself slightly until she fit perfectly against him. It felt as if they were two completely unique pieces of a puzzle, the only two who could fit each other so exactly.

A soft moan escaped his lips. "You're amazing," he told her breathlessly.

"Talk later, kiss now," she panted, silencing him as her mouth covered his.

He obeyed, running his hands down her back, wanting to pull her even closer, as if any space between them was an enemy to be overcome. Her tongue darted between his lips, sending a shiver all the way through him and his mind reeled as he tried to figure out a way to return the favor. Every sensation was new to him and he felt like he was struggling just to keep up, awkward and self-conscious about his inexperience. For a moment, embarrassment overcame desire and he pulled back. "I'm sorry, I don't know—"

She silenced him with another kiss then murmured, "You're perfect."

The thrill those words caused almost washed out the discomfiture. Almost. "But I've never—"

Another kiss cut him off. "It doesn't matter," she told him, looking into his eyes. "You are everything I've ever wanted. No one could ever make me feel like you do." She gave him a crooked smile and said pointedly, "And for what it's worth, there are some things I've never done, either."

Flushing deeper, afraid he'd insulted her, he stammered, "I… I didn't mean—"

"Oh God, you talk too much," she groaned, pulling his head to her and kissing him hard, her tongue once again finding its way into his mouth. She shifted against him, causing him to moan involuntarily and then he was kissing her back just as feverishly, pressing her back against the tree trunk again, all awkwardness burned away by his longing for her.

Then he heard a sound behind him and a new feeling clouded everything, a sense of warning. Abruptly he pulled back from her again and when she was about to protest, he covered her mouth with his hand and pulled her around to the other side of the tree. Her eyes questioned him, but he just shook his head and whispered, "Shh!"

An instant later he heard voices. "I'm telling you, we have enough here to get through at least a week," came a familiar shrill cackle.

An equally familiar lower nasal drone agreed, "Those suckers won't even know it's gone."

Téa's eyes widened as she heard them too, and she nodded in understanding, so Yugi took his hand off her mouth. "Rex and Weevil!"