Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me.
Author's Note: Hello again. I'm feeling particularly depressed today. Don't know why, though. And this story was produced out of my angst. Hope you like it... read and review...
Quiet Desperation
Everyone looked at her as a perfectly happy and bright girl with a fiery temper. No one ever asked her how she felt about her ordeal with Riddle and she pretended like that was what she wanted. But she wanted someone to care enough to make her talk about it. She felt like she was drowning in the hurt and pain of it all. Every day was a struggle, a struggle to keep herself from becoming lost in her guilt. A struggle to keep herself from fading away. And days like this didn't help at all. The sky was dark and thundering. She couldn't go on like this.
That brought her thoughts to Harry. Harry Potter. The-Boy-Who-Lived. He was... everything to her. And that scared her even more. And he was leaving her. He couldn't protect her from herself anymore.
She stared emptily out at the field, wet from the current downpour. Her world was about to break into a million pieces and she couldn't do anything about it.
"Ginny?"
She didn't even look up. She knew the voice. It was the one that had brought her back from certain death.
"Your mum's looking for you. She's really frantic and reckons you must've been attacked by... Ginny?" Harry said hesitantly. Then tenderly... "Ginny..."
"You've been really quiet lately. Do you want to talk about anything? I- I'm here. And I'll listen," he said, looking at her thoughtfully.
"It's nothing," she lied. And then she got up and tried to leave him. But he wouldn't let her.
"Ginny, stop," he said, grabbing her arm.
"I can't," she said determinedly. She continued to walk on bravely, but her steps slowed down.
"Yes, you can," he said softly. Seeing her like this was breaking his heart.
"No, I can't," she said, but she stopped walking altogether.
"Why not?" he asked gently.
"Because... because you don't need to see me like this," she said harshly.
"You don't need to go through this alone," he said, looking at her sorrowfully.
"What do you mean?" she asked, avoiding his eyes
"Hermione says she hears you cry sometimes."
"So," she said shakily. "What do you care for?"
"You know why I care, Ginny."
"Tell me what's bothering you," he said. "Don't shut me out."
"You shut yourself out," she snapped, pushing her wet hair out of her face.
"Ginny, it was the only way," he said. "As much as I don't want it to be this way, it has to be. You understand, don't you?"
"Yes, I do," she said. "But that doesn't make it better. I already have enough hurting me, Harry. I don't need this, too," she said quietly, blinking back the tears.
"What's hurting you, Ginny?" Harry asked softly, hand on her shoulder. "Tell me."
"Riddle."
"Oh."
"I never got over it, you know."
"Ginny, it wasn't your fault," he said.
"Why does everyone say that to me?" she said angrily, her voice rising. "Do you think that makes me feel better?"
"Sorry..."
"It is my fault. I should have listened to my dad. I knew what he said and I ignored it because Tom listened to me. He didn't tease me, he listened and comforted me. I should have realized..."
"Ginny, there was no way you could have..."
"I could have tried to fight him when he told me that he possessed me, but I didn't. I let him take over because I was scared. It's my fault Hermione, Penelope, Colin, and Mrs. Norris were all Petrified. And if I would have died, it wouldn't have mattered. I'm just as much to blame as Riddle."
"Ginny..."
"And now you," she choked, tears blurring her vision, but she held them off. "You have to make me fall in love with you and I can't even be with you anymore. I just have to sit back and hope that you don't die."
She hit him and he let her. He felt like he deserved it. She punched him again and again until she couldn't see from the tears that fell. She collapsed as she had done so many times when she thought no one was looking. He caught her around the waist and hugged her to him. She cried, unable to control herself anymore.
He walked her over under the tree and sat down, cradling her in his arms.
"I feel like nothing," she sobbed. Falling... falling so fast...
She cried until she couldn't any longer.
"Ginny, look at me."
"Ginny..."
She peered up at him.
"Ginny, what happened with Riddle wasn't your fault. You were scared."
"But you weren't."
"Yeah, well, look at my life." He laughed bitterly. "Do you want to end up like me?"
"Harry..."
"Anyway," he said quickly. She looked away. It wouldn't help her if he slipped into one of his depressive moods. "You can't blame yourself. It all turned out okay in the end," he said, trying to sound cheerful about it.
"Yeah, because of you. What if.."
"Ginny, don't do that," he said. "You're just torturing yourself."
"I deserve to be tortured."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do."
He took her chin in his hand and wiped away her tears. "No, you don't. Don't imagine what could have happened. I could easily blame myself for Dumbledore's death or for Ron being poisoned, but I don't and you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened."
"And Ginny..." he said. She looked up at him again. "I love you," he said, rubbing her cheek. "I know it's not very fair of me to ask you this, but... I have to know if I'm going to last out there. Will you wait for me? It might take years for us to... defeat him, but will you still love me when I come back?"
"Yes."
"Then that's good enough for me." He grabbed her hand and pulled her up. "Come on, let's go back. Your mother's probably sick with worry."
And they walked back, hand in hand...
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When she heard they had done it, she laughed out loud. She hadn't felt this alive in all her life.
And when he came back, grimmer and solemner than she had left him, she still saw the sixteen year old boy with the green eyes she had fallen in love with.
He grinned at her from the doorway. "I see you haven't faded away yet," he joked.
She kissed him deeply. "You wouldn't let me."
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So, what do you think? Should I write more fics like this? Since you took the time to read it, please review.
--Christen