Disclaimer: Oh, hell no.
Khknight – that song is sooooo long! The never-ending song! Hahahaha… I should put it in!
True Religion (who was originally Brilliant Brunette) - Teachers these days… tsk tsk tsk… I abhor my homeroom/math teacher! Well, he teachers the junior high math, but, he's my homeroom teacher and he teaches all of the other subjects…. Gah… he eats sooooo disgustingly!
FrankieG - …we seriously don't know how to complete sentences without saying "yea" at the end… well, I don't know about you, but… yeah….
Lissical – thanks so much lovely….ergh….!
Kinky Finkelstein (who is really a girl with a nickname Linds) – "I'm My Own Grandpa"? What is that? And I thought I was the only one who knew weird songs…
…
INCESTUOUS? EEEK.. But I don't write that kind of stuff… I just figured… that… like… Drama, and romance, and angst, and all that shiznits was not for me…. You can tell by my reviews from my other retarded or prior stories that were retarded and shiznits...
Xsweeetieex – Anything to make my readers… hysterical with laughter… because I'm just funny like that… not angsty and shiznits… 'cause… I'm a happy person?
Kuramazlilsis – thanks for the grammatical error! I need a lesson or two in revision….
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High School Musical: Sharpay and Ryan's Meddling Affairs and Everything In Between
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(TROY suddenly appears in the hallway. He goes up to the audition signing up list for no apparent reason.)
TROY: Why the heck am I here? Am I supposed to be here? Where am I? The last thing I remember is making out with Nikki… and her Aunt Ava kicking me out and her brother, Bradin, smacking my butt…
(Uhm… stupid TROY… hahaha…)
TROY: Gosh, where's Amber? I like need her! Nikki, too! I have so many women in my life!
RAINING BLOSSOMS: (is heard with a loud booming voice) GET THE FRICK OUT OF MY FANFICTION, CAMERON!
(Well…. CAMERON poofs… and on comes TROY!)
TROY: Why the hell am I here? There's no need for me to be here, because, I have no room to sign the list and like hell I want to be in "Twinkie Towne"….
(RYAN is in the hallway walking and sees TROY at the list. With his quick, speedy, James Bond moves, he maneuvers himself through the hallway. The "Mission Impossible" song is playing.)
FLUTE MUSICIAN: (trips over RYAN) Aah! (and drops her flute….) Oh no! I paid good money for this crap of a flute!
SOCCER PLAYER: (trips over RYAN) HOLY CRAPNESS! (and breaks his ankle in the process) Oh no! Not the other ankle! Now I won't play soccer anymore! Imma cripple fer life!
STEP DANCER #1: (does the "Touch It" step dance) Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it, turn it, leave it, stop, format it!
RYAN: (gets stepped on by STEP DANCER #1) Meep!
STEP DANCER #2: (randomly stamps her feet because she doesn't know how to step dance)
RYAN: (is totally trampled on by STEP DANCER #2) Ahhh! My bah-day! Shiznits! My (disgusting body part)!
SCIENCE TEACHER: (holding a formula and is very quick-paced) I've got to get this formula to the lab or something bad will happen!
(RYAN is still rolling… and the SCIENCE TEACHER trips over him and drops the formula.)
SCIENCE TEACHER: (in that slow motion voice) NOOOOOOOO!
(The formula drops and….)
KABOOSH!
…
(Everyone is coughing and a pale pink mist surrounds them and everybody starts to panic.)
RANDOM STUDENT: My eyes! My eyes! It stings and burns like hell!
RANDOM NERD: Oh no! I think I'm having an asthma attack! Where's my inhaler?
(RANDOM NERD takes his inhaler out, but due to the chaos, someone ran into him and the inhaler was knocked out of his hand.)
RANDOM NERD: Gah! Must find inhaler!
(He goes on the floor, but then he hears something crunch.)
RANDOM NERD: NOOOOO! What will I do now?
COMMERCIAL GIRL: (jumps in front of him) You need "Clean Air Mask" or "CAM"!
RANDOM NERD: Wow! What does that do?
COMMERCIAL GIRL: It helps you to breathe clean air and works 2,090 percent better than a gas mask! Plus, allergies won't get in the way! Works 6,398 percent better than all of the leading allergy medicines like Claritin!
RANDOM NERD: Can I try?
COMMERCIAL GIRL: Sure! But just remember this: "CAM" makes you think clearer, look cooler, and makes you more popular! Celebrities like Haley Joel Osment and Jamie Lyn Spears, or whatever her name is, use this product!
RANDOM NERD: (puts on CAM) Wow! It really works! Thanks!
COMMERCIAL GIRL: (starts speaking very fast) CAM may not work due to certain procedures and events. It may cause the user to be short of breath, have diarrhea, nausea, hot flashes, sudden moments of horniness, a lot of gay/lesbian moments, and stomachaches. Be sure to talk to your doctor before using this product.
(The pale pink mist is cleared! Hoo-rah!)
UNKNOWN: Where in the world are we?
RYAN: Who's there?
(Oh, no! The UNKNOWN appears to beANSEM!)
ANSEM: It is I, Ansem, the seeker of darkness!
CLOUD: Shut your pothole, Ansem. Besides, you're just a Heartless.
GAMING GEEK GUY #1: HOLY CRAP! IT'S ANSEM!
(Turns to GAMING GEEK GUY #2 and #3 and GAMING GEEK GIRL.)
GAMING GEEK GUY #1: Let's get our keyblades out and vanquish this Heartless!
GAMING GEEKS: Right!
(They somehow… get… keyblades out. They run towards ANSEM with their keyblades and battle cries are heard coming from them.)
LEON/SQUALL: Where the blazes are we?
SEYMOUR: Last thing that I remember was that I was about to marry Yuna.
TIDUS: We killed you… you friggin' stupid, ugly, Guado.
MOOGLE: Kupo?
YUFFIE: Ouch.. my booty…
RENO: What the hell? High school? (turns to YUFFIE) Hey, brat. Looks like you need to go back to school.
YUFFIE: What? Noooo! I hate school! I'd rather be stealing materia or hanging out with my peeps or-
RENO: (interrupts YUFFIE) Annoying me?
YUFFIE: Yah!
RINOA: I hate you, Squall.
LEON/SQUALL: It's Leon.
YUNA: Treasure, treasure, treasure. (spots trophies) OOOH! (calls out) RIKKU! PAINE!
TIDUS: Hell, no, Yuna.
YUNA: Awww…
GAMING GEEK #2: Omigosh! It's Yuna! You're hot!
YUNA: Huh?
GAMING GEEK #2: I have like a shrine of you online!
YUNA: Eww…
ARBITER: I need to defend the Covenant!
GAMING GEEK #3: Cool! It's Arbiter!
LUKE SKYWALKER IN HIS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN FORM: Where in the force am I?
GAMING GEEK GIRL: OMIGOSH! IT'S LUKE SKYWALKER IN HIS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN FORM! OMIGOSH! YOU'RE SOOOOOO HOT! I LOVE YOU!
LUKE SKYWALKER IN HIS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN FORM: Not another rabid fangirl…
(LUKE SKYWALKER is smothered with hugs by GAMING GEEK GIRL.)
RAINING BLOSSOMS: Sorry… missing the point here… but let me just rape Reno here for being hot.
RENO: Hell, no.
(RAINING BLOSSOMS goes up to RENO.)
RAINING BLOSSOMS: (touches RENO's arm) Rape.
RENO: That's it?
RAINING BLOSSOMS: Want more?
RENO: No…
SCIENCE TEACHER: By golly! This formula can actually bring characters from another dimension! I shall tell Matsui-san about this!
(SCIENCE TEACHER runs off the principal's office. All of the GAME CHARACTERS were just walking around, talking with one another, fighting each other (Like CLOUD and SEPHIROTH), making out (like TIDUS and YUNA), stealing random things (like YUFFIE), somehow vandalizing things, (ARBITER in this case), or is attacked by rabid fangirls (poor LUKE SKY WALKER IN HIS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN FORM). So, RYAN finally got to the WILDCAT STATUE.)
RYAN: (thinks to himself) What the hell is he doing there? (puts hand on WILDCAT STATUE)
WILDCAT STATUE: RAARGH!
RYAN: Aah!
WILDCAT STATUE: Don't touch me again, you tease, or I'll rip your body and eat you limb by limb!
RYAN: I'm a tease?
WILDCAT STATUE: Whatever you kids call each other these days, you fag.
RYAN: I'm not gay!
WILDCAT STATUE: With that attire? I say you were.
RYAN: I can't be metro?
WILDCAT STATUE: In my world, there's no such thing as metro.
RYAN: But you're a statue….
SORA: He's probably a Heartless or a Nobody! Get away from him!
RIKKU (the blonde perky one… not the boy with silver hair): Don't mind Sora. He's on his "Killing Nobodies and Heartless Streak".
WILDCAT STATUE: We're real all right.
RYAN: I'd like to see if you are!
(WILDCAT STATUE scratches RYAN'S face.)
…
RYAN: (screams in pain) OOOOOOWWWWWWW!
SORA: Stand back! I'll take care off him.
WILDCAT STATUE: (really loud) ROAR!
SORA: (says quickly) I'm going to talk to Leon/Squall.
RYAN: And I wonder why my sister thinks he's hot.
(TROY, oblivious to all of the commotion going on around him, walks away briskly from the list. SHARPAY walks down the hallway.)
RYAN: (sneaks up on SHARPAY) Hey!
SHARPAY: (startled) Aah!
RYAN: I just saw-
SHARPAY: (interrupts) Sora? I know! He's soooo hot. And I saw Luke Skywalker, too. In his Hayden Christensen form.
RYAN: I was about to say-
SHARPAY: That Kairi should die and leave Sora to me?
RYAN: No….. I was going to say-
SHARPAY: That Roxas is totally hot even though Jesse McCartney does the voice for him but now I think that I'm starting like Jesse McCartney?
RYAN: Uhm…
SHARPAY: That Aerith a stupid person and Tifa has just way big boobs?
RYAN: …
SHARPAY: That Zidane should just chop off his tail and be a normal guy?
RYAN: Why are you my sister?
SHARPAY: It's your fault you play video games and I think everyone is hot.
RYAN: So anyways-
SHARPAY: I saw that alien dude from "Halo". I think it was Arbi-
RYAN: (is now annoyed) I saw Troy Bolton looking at the list, dammit! Why do you have to be some impossible?
SHARPAY: Because, I'm just like that?
RYAN: You stupid wannabe blonde.
SHARPAY: Excuse me?
RYAN: You dyed your hair blonde!
SHARPAY: (is now on the verge of tears) Shut up!
RYAN: You looked hotter when you were brunette!
SHARPAY: I hate you!
RYAN: It's your fault! The feeling is mutual!
(Silence…)
RAINING BLOSSOMS: Uhm… I'm just going to freeze time here… like it happens in KH2…
(Time is frozen.)
RAINING BLOSSOMS: Kinky Finkelstein, if you are reading this, use your imagination to uhm… make that whole fight scene between SHARPAY and RYAN uhm… to be… you know… what you wanted… ergh… scroll all the way up to see the response to your review or just hit HOME. Yeah.. I'm outtie.
(Time is unfrozen! Snappizles!)
SHARPAY: What was he doing looking at the list?
RYAN: I don't know…
SHARPAY: (gasps) Maybe it was that Vanessa girl!
EVERYBODY: (corrects SHARPAY) GABRIELLA!
SHARPAY: Whatever her name is. She was interacting with Zac-
EVERYBODY: (corrects SHARPAY once more) TROY!
SHARPAY: (scoffs) Does it matter!
EVERYBODY: Well… yeah…
SHARPAY: Well, she seems too smart for her own good….
RYAN: Let's stalk her!
SHARPAY: (disgusted) That's not my style.
RYAN: Uh, let's look her up on the internet!
SHARPAY: (happily) Sure! Off to the computer lab!
(Little did SHARPAY know that looking people up on the internet was stalking…. DUHN DUHN DOHN!)
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The compooper station!
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(SHARPAY and RYAN reach the compooper station. SHARPAY sits down and types in…)
RYAN: Vanessa Anne Hudgens? You seriously need to get your names straight.
SHARPAY: F you.
(SHARPAY types in…)
RYAN: George Clooney?
SHARPAY: (nervously) Whoops.. typo… hehehe…
(Ochay. Let's try this again. SHARPAY types in…)
RYAN: Sarah Michelle Gellar? Sharpay! Stop being retarded!
SHARPAY: Fine! You do it!
(SHARPAY gets up, making the chair squeek an eerie squeek… no wait… scratch that. Making the chair scrape an eerie scrape. Everybody looks at her.)
SHARPAY: What are you staring at, huh?
(She then does that ghetto thing her she throws her body forward in a sudden movement and with her arms behind her and slowly retracts. Well… RAINING BLOSSOMS doesn't know how to explain/type it….)
RYAN: (types in GABRIELLA MONTEZ) Ochay.
(Results of her come up.)
SHARPAY: (puts her finger on the screen) Click that one.
COMPUTER SUPERVISOR: (scolding) Sharpay! Get that dirty finger off that computer monitor screen!
SHARPAY: Make me. (sticks her tongue out at the COMPUTER SUPERVISOR)
(COMPUTER SUPERVISOR goes up to SHARPAY and yanks her hand off the screen, making SHARPAY lose her balance.. almost.)
SHARPAY: (under her breath) Buttdonkey.
COMPUTER SUPERVISOR: Stop thinking you're all Miss Blondie here who is really hot and all that cheez-its when you're not!
(COMPUTER SUPERVISOR walks away, leaving SHARPAY in tears.)
SHARPAY: Does the world hate me?
RYAN: Suck it up, Sharpay.
(SHARPAY's tears somehow go back into her eyes.)
SHARPAY: What have you found?
RYAN: It seems to me that Gabriella is a chick who won a trophy for something…
SHARPAY: Read the damn thing, Ryan.
RYAN: (reads the paragraph) Won the Scholastic Decathlon.
SHARPAY: Oh my. Another nerd.
GEEK GIRL: She doesn't look like a nerd. She looks like a geek.
GEEK GUY: Yeah, like us.
SHARPAY: (looks at GEEK GUY with interest) Whoa. You're hot.
GEEK GUY: You're smexy.
RYAN: Huh?
GEEK GUY: Smashing and sexy.
RYAN: Wow…. Who'd ever thought of that.
GEEK GIRL: He did.
RYAN: No sheet.
SHARPAY: What are we going to do about her?
RYAN: Hmmm…
(SHARPAY and RYAN think and GEEK GIRL and GUY walk away.)
SHARPAY: I got it!
RYAN: What?
SHARPAY: Make her join the girls' swimming team!
RYAN: (mutters) Today is one of those days where I wish you weren't blonde.
SHARPAY: Huh?
RYAN: Make her join the Scholastic Decathlon Team.
SHARPAY: That's really smart of you! I'm proud to call you my brother!
RYAN: (mutters again) I thought she was supposed to be the smart one. It was like that in the movie.
SHARPAY: Come on! Let's print this recommendation for her! Or shall I say behind her?
RYAN: I think you said it already.
SHARPAY: Jackbutt.
RYAN: Slut.
SHARPAY: Butthole!
RYAN: Whore.
SHARPAY: Bastard.
RYAN: Female dog.
SHARPAY: D(blah)che!
RYAN: Blonde wannabe.
SHARPAY: Fag.
RYAN: Bulimic.
(BURN!)
SHARPAY: (about to cry) I hate you.
RYAN: I hate you, too. Now stop being such a gay-donkey emo and help me here.
(SHARPAY made her tears go back in to her eyes again. So, bravo for her. The recommendation gets printed out and SHARPAY, having uber-overextended fingers, shuts down the printer.)
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Detention (RAINING BLOSSOMS style. DARBUS is a retard and doesn't know how to do a detention like RAINING BLOSSOMS)
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(DARBUS is walking through the students, scattered across the stage: upstage, downstage, backstage, and the place for quick-changes. Oh yeah. The audience.)
DARBUS: (to a student that's sewing) Paint! Come on!
(The student looks at her like she's crazy. DARBUS walks away and to the tree.)
DARBUS: What do you want, Chad?
CHAD: To get out of detention?
DARBUS: Sure.
CHAD: (with hope in his eyes) Really?
DARBUS: When pigs fly.
(In the background, there's a scenery where pigs are flying.)
CHAD: Yes! I can go! Sweet victory!
DARBUS: You're not going.
CHAD: When will I go?
DARBUS: When hell freezes over.
(In the background, there's another scenery that shows what looks like hell freezing over.)
CHAD: (punches the air with his fist) FREEDOM!
DARBUS: Dammit! (to PERSON WHO IS MEDDLING WITH THE SCENERY) Hey, person who is meddling with the scenery! Stop it this instance!
PERSON WHO IS MEDDLING WITH THE SCENERY: Sure.
DARBUS: Thank you.
(DARBUS turns around and sees CHAD running up the pathway to the door in the audience.)
DARBUS: (yells to CHAD)Get back here, Danforth!
CHAD: (yells back at DARBUS) Like HELL I will!
DARUBS: (to the students in the audience) GET HIM!
(The students all of a sudden go into demon mode and start chasing CHAD like wild animals.)
CHAD: Ahh! My super athletic skills won't save me now!
(The students roar and neigh and bark and do monkey noises and do things that animals do and chase CHAD… still.)
DARBUS: (laughs evilly) HAHAHA! You'll never escape me!
CHAD: What am I going to do?
COMMERCIAL GIRL: You need…. (brings out a gunblade…supposedly SQUALL/LEON's) a gunblade!
CHAD: You mean the one that Seifer and Squall slash Leon uses!
COMMERCIAL GIRL: Yeah! With this, you can defeat many monsters! (close-up to her face) Or in this case, rabid-animal students!
CHAD: Wow! That's cool!
COMMERCIAL GIRL: Go ahead! (gives CHAD the gunblade) Try it!
(CHAD takes it, but before he slashed a person with the gunblade…..)
SQUALL/LEON: (roars) GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN GUNBLADE!
(CHAD squeaks and throws it at the COMMERCIAL GIRL.)
COMMERCIAL GIRL: Oh no….
SQUALL/LEON: RAARGH!
(COMMERCIAL GIRL starts running around and screaming while be chased by SQUALL/LEON.)
COMMERCIAL GIRL: I was doing it (pant) for a (pant) good (pant) cause!
SQUALL/LEON: WELL YOUR CAUSE WAS A HOMO-BUTT THING TO DO!
COMMERCIAL GIRL: Don't kill me! I love you, Squall slash Leon! I seriously think you're hot!
SQUALL/LEON: WHO CARES!
(Well, while that was happening, CHAD ran and hid in the tree. TROY was just staring at him.)
TROY: You're really stupid. Hiding behind a tree… gosh.
CHAD: I'd like to see you try to run away from SQUALL slash LEON.
TROY: For the last time, it's SQUALL.
CHAD: But it's really LEON!
TROY: First name counts more!
CHAD: Yeah, but in Japan, they put the last names first! So basically, LEON counts more!
TROY: But that's in JAPAN! In AMERICA, first name counts!
CHAD: But he's a mister!
TROY: He's only seventeen for chrissakes!
CHAD: He's not seventeen! He's like, twenty something!
TROY: How do you know?
CHAD: Because in Kingdom Hearts, he looks waay older!
TROY: Why are we arguing?
CHAD: No clue…
(Over to Vanes-gerrrhghghgaksdjf;ilasdf.. Over to GABRIELLA.)
GABRIELLA: (happily painting the moon) I love you, moon. You're so pretty, and so…. Sharp…. And so… round… and so…. Gray…. It reminds me of my…. Uh…. The moon in the sky!
(Mary Mar—asdkfj;aksdjf;kja;skdfksdfn; dammit! TAYLOR comes in with papers in her hands. SHARPAY and ryan…. Guh…. RYAN watch from behind the moon….)
TAYLOR: We accept!
GABRIELLA: (tries so hard to be clueless) Gasp! What?
TAYLOR: We decided to let you in the Scholastic Decathlon Team because you're uber smart and we need you!
GABRIELLA: So you're just using me?
TAYLOR: Yeah! Duh!
GABRIELLA: That's horrible.
TAYLOR: Don't worry. The basketball team is using Troy.
GABRIELLA: Fo'rills?
TAYLOR: Fo' sho!
GABRIELLA: Snapple! (pause..) Wait… I didn't even signed up!
TAYLOR: (gasps) Then who did?
(The "Who Stole the Cookie" song comes playing..)
GABRIELLA: (sings) Who signed my name in the SDT form? (points at moon) Was it you?
(The moon doesn't answer.)
GABRIELLA: Yes, you!
(Yet again, doesn't answer.)
GABRIELLA: Then who?
(She walks over to the blonde twins.)
GABRIELLA: Who signed my name in the STD form?
SHARPAY and RYAN: HAHAHAHAHA!
RYAN: Holy crapness!
SHARPAY: You're such a funny girl.
(And they're laughing…. And laughing…. And then they fell down to the floor still laughing with tears in their eyes.)
GABRIELLA: Why are you laughing at me?
SHARPAY: 'Cause you said STD! Holy crap!
TAYLOR: Wow… I mean… that's like… funny.
(TAYLOR starts laughing.)
GABRIELLA: Omigosh… This is worse than saying "DUTY."
(By now, everybody started laughing except for some selected people.)
EVERYBODY: Hahahahahaha! Duty!
RANDOM: Pooper scooper!
RANDOM (again): DUTY!
GABRIELLA: Gosh… and I thought I was immature… gosh…
TAYLOR: But it's really funny!
RYAN: Hahahahahhaa… duty… funny butt poop…
GABRIELLA: Well… was it you?
SHARPAY: We ain't tellin' you!
GABRIELLA: And you ain't ghetto.
RYAN: White people can be ghetto!
GABRIELLA: And you're ghetto with those outfits?
(SHARPAY and RYAN look at their outfits, and then each others.)
SHARPAY: Hellyes.
TAYLOR: Right.
DARBUS: (sneaks into their conversation) I like talking, too, you know. But I'd only talk if it were me.
GABRIELLA: You talk to yourself?
DARBUS: I don't know.
TAYLOR: Uh….
GABRIELLA: We're going to go back to, uhm…. Yeah.. What we were doing before….
DARBUS: It's so nice to see such lovely pretty ugly faces!
SHARPAY: You're pretty.
DARBUS: (flattered) Why, thank you!
SHARPAY: Pretty ugly!
DARBUS: (disgusted) Get out of my face.
CHAD and TROY in the tree: Raargh! We're going to eat you! (waves branches in the air)
--------------------------
The gym…. Where sweaty people sweat?
--------------------------
JACK: (in a cheery mood) Alright guys! Tournament is in two weeks! We are going to win this!
TEAM: (shouts with gusto) Yeah!
JACK: And we will bring the cup home!
TEAM: (almost hesitant) Yeah!
JOCK#1: (whispers) I thought the tournament was held here.
JOCK#2: (whispers….) That's what I thought, too.
JACK: (still in a cheery mood) And where is Troy and Chad?
TEAM: Yeah!
JACK: Where's Troy and Chad?
TEAM: (shouts since they're in a cheery mood because JACK is) In detention! Whoo!
JOCK #1: Wait….
(TEAM looks to where the coach was, only to see air. They heard a door slam.)
JOCK #2: Great job guys! Let's play some ball!
-----------------------
You know where we are?
-----------------------
(DARBUS is talking nonsense, TROY and CHAD are running around the tree, GABRIELLA is admiring the moon, SHARPAY and RYAN are talking to COMMERCIAL GIRL, TAYLOR is MIA. If you don't know what that means, then you're lost. It means MISSING IN ACTION. RAINING BLOSSOMS is pretty sure you know it's meaning.)
DARBUS: And I love the arts! The trees are blue, the sky is green, and I feel like swimming in a field of chestnuts! I feel like dancing! And singing!
SHARPAY: Oh hell no.
DARBUS: (sings) LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, ON BROADWAY!
RYAN: She doesn't know the darn song!
SHARPAY: I hate her singing. What made her like the arts anyways?
RYAN: Does she even know which arts we're doing?
SHARPAY: Ugh…
JACK: (calls out) DARBUS! Where's my team? (sees TROY and CHAD being retarded and being cows jumping over the moon) And why are they singing nursery rhymes!
DARBUS: (sings even harder) LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, ON BROADWAY!
JACK: That's it. (yells) Troy! Chad! Get over here you stupid little piece of butt!
(TROY and CHAD stop being Arabian knights that tried to ride the camel onstage and speed across the stage, through the seats, and out the door.)
JACK: (to the singing one) I want to talk to you! NOW!
-----------------------
I'm stopping it thurr… because… it's too long?